Disclaimer: Oda-sensei owns One Piece and all the lovely characters.
A big thanks goes to my friend Martina. She was the first person to read my story and helped me to make corrections. After all English is not my first language and the spell check was needed. This is my first time writing fanfiction.
He was trying to find a quiet place. From time to time even the Great Captain Usopp needed a rest from the turmoil on Sunny, after all he was trying to finish one of his greatest works. Naturally every work of his was a masterpiece; even the most famous artists were jealous of his brilliance and talent and begged him for advice. He had to refuse their pleas and proceed on his way to become the Great Warrior of Sea.
On deck it was never quiet; with their captain's unending energy you could never find a better companion for pranks and mischief, but it would be the worst choice for quiet and fine work, which his masterpiece required. The only person unaffected by all this was Zoro, but that one could sleep through anything. Literally.
He had his own factory, but you never knew when something was going to blow up. Even when Usopp wasn't tinkering with new combinations for his ammunition, Franky was there trying to upgrade their weapon system on Sunny. All in all it was quite a wonder when something didn`t explode at least once a day, and of course there were marines always ready to help with their own canons, if it was too quiet.
Maybe he could try the library... but maybe he wasn`t ready to pay any charges Nami required, just because he wanted to use some quiet place. The kitchen was out of question too. If Sanji saw him there, he would wrongly - and it was always wrongly, after all, Sanji simply couldn`t understand his genius - accuse Usopp of stealing food and let`s face the truth: no one liked to be kicked by their cook. Well, maybe Zoro did, since he was always ready to show his maniac grin when fighting with Sanji, but Zoro could defend himself just fine.
Usopp was running out of options and at that very moment he spotted Chopper outside on lawn playing with Luffy. It seemed to be that sort of hilarious game that Usopp enjoyed the most, but he was determined to complete his masterpiece and decided to grasp the given chance. If Chopper was on the deck, then the infirmary should be empty. Even if Chopper found him there, he wouldn`t get kicked, charged for or scorched from an explosion. No one healthy, except Chopper, spend time in infirmary. Up to now, it was his best choice.
He made his way to infirmary with all the supplies needed to finish the masterpiece. The sketchpad and pencils didn`t require much space, so Choppper's desk would suffice. Finally, after all searching for the right place, he was able to proceed with his masterpiece and started drawing again. However his peace and quiet lasted only a couple of seconds. After the first few strokes, he suddenly heard a thud in the kitchen.
He was trying to find a quiet place. On Sunny something almost impossible, be it day or night. You could always find some idiots trying to destroy his cooking or ruin his peace of mind. Of course, Sanji wasn't talking about his beautiful ladies; goddesses like them could only bring enlightenment to one's life. Kitchen, for most of the time, was his refuge, but moments of peace were sparse and short. He had a crew to feed, ladies to adore, idiots to kick out of his kitchen and a ship to defend.
With such a stressful environment he was smoking more than before. Nicotine could do wonders to him. Sometimes, the relief brought to him by cigarettes wasn`t enough, and he had to find other ways to release his stress.
In such situations Zoro seemed to be the best choice. It didn`t require much of provocation on his part. After all, marimo was always eager to fight. Both of them knew what sort of joy brought fighting to them, they just never said it aloud. For Sanji, it was a chance to stretch himself after hours of cooking, a stress relief and a fighting practice all in one. The adrenaline rush, that came with it, wasn`t bad, almost better than nicotine.
However a few weeks ago, both of them have found some other ways to relieve Sanji`s stress. Oh, and what pleasant and enjoyable ways they were… Sanji knew -maybe didn`t say it aloud but he knew- that Zoro had excellent skills with swords. He has never thought that he would be able to explore Zoro's other fine skills. Zoro had become like nicotine to him: addictive, delightful, and harmful in larger quantities at once.
But there was one big difference between his addiction to Zoro and cigarettes. At any time and at any place he could smoke, but there were just a few occasions when he could have alone time with Zoro. In some ways he was greedy. He didn't want any part of their crew to know about other skills that Zoro possessed. Sanji wanted to be only one to exploit them. And so his moments with Zoro became more precious to him than finest cigar, more precious than presence of ladies. Greedy as he was, on the last island he couldn't resist buying massage oil to make their next time together more enjoyable.
And now, with massage oil in his pocket and nerves on edge, he was seeking Zoro's presence more than ever. He had waited for a chance to take Zoro away from their crew's sight and put the oil to use. Thirty minutes ago, they had had supper with a generous amount of meat; even their glutton of a captain was sated (at least for now). Robin was reading on the deck, Nami was drawing maps in the library, Brook had his watch in crow's nest, Luffy was playing with Chopper, Franky was in the development room. He had seen Usopp with drawing supplies; he should be somewhere on the deck or in his factory. Usopp wouldn't be foolish enough to enter kitchen without his permission after the last encounter of Usopp`s face with Sanji`s heel.
The next step was Zoro joining him in kitchen. Sanji came to the railing and lit one of his cigarettes. From here he could see Zoro taking a nap near main mast. Sanji walked over to Zoro and with a powerful kick to his side, Zoro was awake.
"What the hell do you want cook?" said Zoro frowning.
"I need your help washing dishes, mosshead." Just a few weeks ago after such conversation and awaking, fighting would surely follow. But not now, not with the look of 'If you know what I mean' that Sanji was giving Zoro.
Zoro returned Sanji's look with one of his own and made his way to the kitchen begrudgingly. Zoro was never happy after having his nap interrupted.
Of course, the Great Captain Usopp wasn't afraid after hearing some little noise. It could be Sanji, making aftersupper snack for ladies or washing dishes. So he continued with his drawing. Some moments later however, Usopp heard something else. It didn't sound like Sanji's cooking or washing. It sounded like a moan. Was Sanji in pain? Then he heard that sound again.
Confused and curious he made his way to the door leading to kitchen. He was going to open it, but after his last encounter with Sanji`s heel he thought better of it. Silently he looked through the porthole and after one look he turned his gaze quickly away.
No adventure could ready him for the sight that he was presented. He could see Sanji's back. Sanji was sitting on a chair with a quite disheveled appearance. Someone was sitting on the floor in front of him. And then Sanji moaned again. Oh my God, was he there with one of their girls? Could it be Nami or Robin? What were they doing to elicit such moans from Sanji? And if it was, what he thought what it was, then shouldn't they be doing it somewhere more private!
Usopp was petrified. He didn't know what to do or how to react. What if they found him here watching? No one would recognize his face after the thorough beating that Sanji would surely give him. And then he heard someone talk. It was not Sanji or any girl. This voice was deeper.
He was just brave enough to take one last glance. The only part of the other person he could see was green hair.
Finally they were alone in the kitchen. No one would interrupt them now. Sanji was sitting on one of kitchen chairs. He had already kicked his shoes and socks off and eased his tie and shirt. With one meaningful look he handed Zoro the massage oil. At first Zoro just looked at the oil in his hand and then applied generous amount to both of his hands.
Zoro's hands could do wonders and left Sanji moaning. His waiting was rewarded. After one loud moan Zoro asked with a smirk on his face: "Do you really like it that much? You were looking quite desperate lately."
Sometimes, Sanji was amazed by Zoro's multitasking: for example when he was able to fight and talk with a sword in his mouth. But If Zoro thought that Sanji was able to show such ability now and answer coherently, he was terribly wrong.
The only thing that could be heard, was Sanji`s moaning and the squishing sounds of Zoro's hand on Sanji's flesh.
"Oh, yes. There!" It seemed that Zoro hit a tender spot and was giving it required attention.
The only thing going through Sanji's mind was that this was the world best …
The only thing going through Usopp's mind was that this was the world's worst situation ever. He was somehow used to dangerous situations, marines trying to get their lives and all the craziness. It was a part of being a Straw Hat. But this! If they found him here, two of the strongest men that he knew, he would be dead. Of course, if it was one on one the Great Sogeking would win, but not when he had to fight against both of them. Not just his face would be unrecognizable. He was walking dead meat.
After the fear of the worst subsided, rational thoughts started to resurface. No one knows that he was there. The infirmary had two doors. One door, leading to hell and the kitchen, the other, to outside and his freedom. Collecting his thoughts he silently began to make his way to desk. He wanted to take all evidence of his presence from this room and escape his hellish fate. In his mission to make a perfect getaway, he made a small miscalculation. He had forgotten to look where he was going and slipped on a pencil, maybe one of his own. With tears in his eyes and a resignation to his fate, he was falling back. Maybe the angels watching over him would be merciful, and Sanji and Zoro wouldn't hear his fall.
Apparently not today. His back connected with the door. The door couldn't hold the impact and opened. With eyes closed and lying on the kitchen floor he made his last attempt to change the inevitable fate.
"I didn't see or hear anything. I won't tell anyone about you. I swear …"
The only thing going through Sanji's mind was that this was the world best foot massage ever. Zoro with his skillful hands just knew where to press; gently relieving aches and muscle soreness. Sanji was in heaven.
Then they both heard a loud thud. Sanji looked over his shoulder and saw Usopp lying on floor with his eyes closed. Sanji, in shock, and Zoro, amused, were looking at him.
"I didn't see or hear anything. I won't tell anyone about you. I swear …"
Sanji's mind was slow to register Usopp's words but then he reacted with shout of his own.
"What were you thinking we were doing? You, you, pervert!"
Really, what did YOU think they were doing?
Usopp was able to open his eyes and asses his new situation. He had misinterpreted Zoro giving Sanji a foot massage as something more, ehm…sexual. Zoro was gently kneading Sanji`s foot. Sheen of massage oil could be seen on Zoro's hands and Sanji's feet and scent of vanilla could be smelled throughout the kitchen.
After Sanji`s first shock, hell broke loose. Zoro was forced to interrupt his massaging as Sanji stood on his own two feet and was trying to kill Usopp. Usopp tried to outrun Sanji, who even barefoot was fast and deadly. Sanji`s complexion had become deep red from embarrassment.
Zoro remained sitting on the floor watching the unfolding scene with bemused expression. Except massaging he wanted to try his other skills on Sanji today. On the last island he had bought a new book with title 'Sexual position on the Grand Line'. Well, maybe next time.
Please, don`t kill me. I didn`t know what sort of rating to give. But be better safe than sorry. Please, don`t kill me.