I walk into the choir room and sit down at the piano, closing my eyes tightly as I feel tears threatening to spill down my cheeks. I take a shaky breath before touching the keys lightly. I sigh before pressing down and starting to play before starting to sing
"Sometimes is never quite enough.
If you're flawless, then you'll win our love.
Don't forget to win first place.
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face."
Tears are now streaming down my face so I open my eyes and continue to play and sing.
"Be a good girl.
Try a little harder.
You've got to measure up
And make us prouder"
I have to be a good girl. I have to be perfect, flawless. I have to keep smiling so I painfully force a smile even though it hurts, even though I'm forcing myself not to break down into sobs. 'Fabray's don't cry.' My father's voice echoes around my head but I force myself to keep playing and singing.
"How long before I screw it up?
How many times do they have to tell me to hurry up?
With everything I do for them,
The least they can do is keep quiet."
No, that's impossible. They have to keep talking; telling me what to do and how to do it, to push myself harder, to never stop. I have to be perfect.
Be a good girl.
You've gotta try a little harder.
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud."
I'll never make them proud, no matter how hard I try; I'm always going to disappoint them. I'm going to disappoint everyone because nothing I ever do is good enough.
"I'll live through you.
I'll make you what I never was.
If you're the best, then maybe so am I.
Compared to him, compared to her…
I'm doing this for your own damn good.
You'll make up for what they blew.
What's the problem...why are you crying?"
'Fabray's don't cry. Fabray's don't cry.'
Then why am I crying? Why? Because I'm not worthy of being their daughter? Because I can't fight anymore? I've run out of energy.
"Be a good girl.
Push a little farther now.
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy"
Nothing makes them happy; nothing except my sister and her perfectness. Nothing but her and everything she does right. If only they knew…
"We love you just the way you are.
If you're perfect."
If you love me the way I am, then why am I so alone? Then why do I feel like I'm drowning. Why do I feel like I can't breathe or think? Why can't I stop my heart racing?
"Fabray's don't cry. Fabray's can't… I can't." I sob wrapping my arms around myself, sobbing so hard my whole body is violently shaking.
After what seems like hours, I finally run out of energy and I slump forward onto the piano, closing my eyes, taking deep breaths even though with each breath it feels like my chest is going to explode.
After about twenty minutes I can move my hands enough so I can lift up my shirt slightly and look down at the bruises all along my stomach. My ribs are sticking out through my stomach making the injuries looking even more horrible then if I was a normal weight. But it's not like I get any say in how much I eat or not. It depends whether or not Mum and Dad want me to eat.
I moan, closing my eyes before falling back of the piano chair and onto the ground, gasping in air even though I want to give up and lie here and die. Gosh, that seems too good to be true.
I reach into my pocket of my cheerleading jumper and pull out the razor blade that I managed to keep hidden all day. I hold it to my left wrist lightly before piercing through the skin and I let out a strangled sob as I watch my blood spill out from the cut but yet I push the knife in deeper and drag it back through my skin.
I take deep breaths as I cut myself again and again watching my blood spill. Everything around me seems to be getting darker and a small smile plays on my lips as I see Mr. Shue and Coach Sylvester crouching over me, their eyes wide and panicked and their mouths moving.
"I'm not perfect." I gasp out before everything goes black.
A/N: So what do you think? Should I continue? Please review!