The title is not mine. I do not own any of the lyrics to the song. They only inspire me. I do not own any of the characters in this story. I do not claim to be J.K. Rowling. I only wish to borrow these characters and tell a story.
"Well I just heard the news today
It seems my life is going to change
I closed my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face"
"With Arms Wide Open"-Creed
Lily pressed her hand to her swollen belly, strumming her fingers gently, urging her baby boy to kick. With a flutter, she felt him move, pushing on her insides, causing the strangest sensation. She had been pregnant for seven months now, but everything still astounded her.
Spring was in full swing. As she looked out the window, Lily could see the birds flying into the blue sky. She wished she could go outside, lounge in the warm sun, but she was to remain indoors. She was in hiding at the moment and could only go out with James's invisibility cloak as a companion. But she yearned for fresh air. Knowing it was against James and Dumbledore's orders, she quickly dressed and apparated a few minutes later.
With a crack, she landed on her old house's back porch. It had changed much. After her mother's passing, her father had started to attend to the yard to keep his mind of things. The garden was filled with budding flowers, petunias and lilies making up the bulk. But the roses in the middle were the most beautiful, in red, pink, white and yellow, they were a gift for her mother she knew. The smell was wonderful and Lily sat down, deciding to wait for her father to return from work.
But with nothing to do, Lily sat, gently grazing her fingertips over her belly and thought of the news Dumbledore had told her and James just last night. She was in danger, he had said, for having a child. You-know-who was after him. Thinking about it in now caused tears to form in the corner of Lily's eyes. She was already scared out of her mind knowing she was going to be a mum at such a young age, but to add the pressure of the war and then the final blow of knowing the most powerful Dark wizard in a century was after her unborn child, it was too much for her frail body.
James had been furious. He had cursed more than she had ever heard. Thrown around careless hexes at objects in the house and even used his beloved broom to smash the sitting room. Lily had been terrified, not just of the news but of how James had reacted. And instead of keeping her company during the night, he had left, claiming he had to plot with Remus, Peter and Sirius.
She had cried herself to sleep, hugging James's pillow to her, taking in his scent, wishing he was home. In the morning, she had found everything to be in order and a note was left on the kitchen explaining their dilemma. They would have to "disappear". They had already been in hiding, mostly to protect her pregnancy but also because they had had too many close encounters with You-know-who, three to be exact. He would notice them, with her flaming red hair and James's noticeable use of glasses, they were bound to be found out. So Dumbledore had suggested laying low, which Lily did willingly. She was never much of a fighter, but James fought hard and he enjoyed being in the action and had turned bitter for having to hide. But he was happy his child and wife were safe, and he gladly helped Lily with the preparations.
Before she could talk herself out of it, she brushed her tears away and started to walk down her old street, making sure to hide her hair with the brim hat she had brought from her house. She was determined to keep her mind off those horrible memories and she made her way past the old park. It was sad now, with the swings broken, litter everywhere and graffiti covering the pavement. It was no longer the haven it was to her as a child. It was also missing that important element, Severus.
She had tried to forget him. Once she had married and he had said goodbye, she was determined to be happy without him. And she was, James was wonderful, his parents had been so welcoming, though unfortunately they had died, leaving their entire estate to them. He was everything she had ever wanted, except he wasn't her best friend. She didn't have a history with him. She had ignored him until sixth year when they had become friends, but even then her mind and heart had still been wrapped up in Severus. Not until they had left Hogwarts, no longer being in Severus's presence, was she able to give into James completely. She loved him, so much, but she still thought of Severus in secret. In the nights James would leave to be with his friends, in the baths she would take to relax and in the small moments of life she wished she could share with him.
As if her feet were telling her what she subconsciously wanted, she ended up on Spinner's End. It was the same as she remembered: bleak, poor and dirty. There were fewer cars in driveways and many houses had boarded up windows. She walked as fast as her belly allowed her, to the end and slowly turned right. The house was worse than she remembered.
Now that she was there, Lily felt sick. Her legs were swollen and her back hurt terribly, but she knew she wasn't nauseous because of her baby, she was a nervous wreck. She didn't even know if he would still live here. His parents were dead and he was old enough to buy another place, somewhere in a nice town, studying Potions, or so she hoped. But she knew he wouldn't be. He had joined him, thinking it would save them, but he was mistaken.
When Dumbledore had come last night, he said his spy had found out the news. She had asked who it was and he had given her a look, a look that clearly said she knew the spy. She had thought of Severus, his tall thin body, his defining nose and scowl, his dark hair and his trademark green and black clothing. As if Dumbledore had read her mind, he had given her the smallest of nods and winked. Severus had not only saved her, but her husband and baby. She owed herself and him this. With that, Lily knocked on the door same as before, three hard knocks, waited a couple seconds, knocked once, waited once more and then gave the final three knocks.
She waited impatiently. She was aware that she looked very much pregnant and she suddenly became self-conscious, what would he think? That she was a stupid bint that couldn't even protect herself, that needed him to save her from her fate? She pulled on her shirt, hoping to make it looser, wrapping her cardigan around her body tightly, hoping to hide her belly. But it was useless.
She heard shuffling on the other side of the door and her heart seemed to stop. She wanted to apparate away but she was rooted to the ground. She could feel the thump of not only her heart but her baby's. They were both beating quite fast and she tried to take deep breaths but her back hurt very much and she felt sick. Why was she torturing herself in this way? They had not seen each other in a year and now she was going to pop up, expecting a happy visit with a Death Eater turned Order spy, while pregnant with his arch enemy's child. She had really thought that one out, she was an idiot.
Before she could think another thought, the door opened and she found herself face to face with Severus's long black wand. She gasped a little, scrambling in her pocket for hers but it slipped from her fingers, landing at a clatter on the floor. She swooped down to retrieve it but she had moved so fast, she had hurt her back. Crying out in pain, she grabbed at her back, trying to straighten out, but ended up hitting Severus in the face with her head. It hurt her worse than her back and she emptied her stomach onto his front porch, trying to pull back pieces of her hair that had gotten stuck to her sweating face.
She closed her eyes and tried to grab onto something steady, which turned out to be a shirtless Severus. He hastily put his arm around her, cleaned up the mess from the floor, led her inside, sat her down on his old couch and brought her a glass of water. She still had her eyes closed, not daring to open them, both because she could not face him but also because everything seemed to be spinning at the moment. She took her hat off and fanned herself with it, relishing the small breeze it caused, gulping in the air.
She felt the weight of Severus as he sat on the couch next to her. She could hear him breathing, very hard. She decided it was time to face her fear and she opened her eyes. Before her stood her best friend, seeing him person made her miss him more. His hair was longer than before, z few inches past his shoulders, his face the same as ever. The only new part of him was the black tattoo on his forearm, it seemed to glow in the light, bright as a beacon, calling in her attention. His hands, pale with many knicks and burns were clenched tightly in his lap. She could see every muscle in his arms. He seemed to have gotten bulkier, muscle noticeable under his skin, which was pulled taut over them. Some bones stuck out but not as badly as she remembered. He looked better, though he had dark circles under his eyes and those were bloodshot. Now that she noticed, his hair was a little disheveled. She had probably woken him.
She was playing with the hat, twisting it. She didn't know what to say. So she grabbed the glass on the table, and drained it. But halfway through, it was too much and she began to cough, sputtering the water all over Severus. He got up quickly, patted her back and took the glass away from her.
"I would appreciate it if you did not die in my home, Lily," he whispered very close to her ear as he rubbed her back, his hand warm even through her cardigan.
She nodded, not knowing what to say. He continued to rub her back, which felt nice. She was sore everywhere. She wanted to take her shoes off, but felt it would be rude. He stopped suddenly and it made her look up, catching his eye. She could see his pupil. She had always loved when she was younger when she could see the difference between his iris and pupil, knowing he was not dark hearted as he claimed. At the moment his eyes were guarded though there was a ghost of a tug at his lips. His lips looked so nice, the upper one plumper than the bottom. Before Lily could make sense of anything except his lips, she was kissing him.
He was frozen, he had clamped up as soon as she had pressed her lips to his. She remembered James at the last moment and jumped away from him, once more hurting her back. Severus grabbed her arms and sat her down again, but decided to stand rather than sit.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to do that, I was just….sorry Severus, please!" she started to plead as she saw him pace before her. His muscles were all coiled, as if he were a spring. He continued to pace.
He suddenly stopped and faced her, stating the obvious, "you are pregnant." She took in his emotionless face, but she could see the vein in his neck that always gave him away. He was feeling a strong emotion, but she did not know which. She mustered all the legendary Gryffindor bravery in her and began to speak.
"Yes, I am but that is not why I am here. I was here to thank you. To thank you for my baby's life. I wanted to see you before I went into more permanent hiding. I came because I needed an escape. I needed someone to listen to me prattle on about non-important and important things, like if naming my baby after my dad is cliché. I just wanted to see my best friend, even if you don't see me as such anymore…and…and…and…," she confessed. She had lost it in the end and tears had fallen thick and unwanted from her eyes. Severus had stopped pacing to look at her. She could not read his expression but he was not angry, if anything he seemed to be taking pity on her. But she was not like him, she took whatever he would give her, and pity was not as bad as hatred or anger.
She grabbed his hands from his side, noticing how cold they had gotten since he had rubbed her back. The Death Mark was near the side of her face, she could see the outline in her peripheral. She knew this was bad, a horrible mistake, but as she looked into his eyes, filled with something she could not read, everything was peaceful within her. The troubles from before seemed to disappear. The constant worry and fear melted, replaced with gratitude and calm. She had never felt this way in James' presence and she felt cheated. This was what her husband was supposed to do, not Severus. James, always James. But even thoughts of James went out the window when Severus squeezed her hands and sat down next to her.
"I cannot lie by saying I am glad you are, because I am not. But I'm glad you came to see me once more," he paused, looking away. He tried to take his hands out of her grasp but she held on tighter, leaning towards him until her belly was on his thighs, pressed up against his skin. He looked down, and a look of disgust and anger quickly played on his features, but he schooled them back. Only in his eyes, there remained a small amount of anger and hurt, to Lily's surprise. He didn't seem to be able to look at her, his surroundings much more interesting than the pregnant woman pressed up against him, crying her eyes out. "I knew you would figure out who had relayed the news to Dumbledore. A fool he is for being so easy to read. So kind to give you the answers you seeked."
"I would have figured it out regardless," she stated, desperate to change his feelings. She held on to his hands desperately, putting the four over her heart. She bent her head and kissed the tops of his. His hands so cold and pale, she half expected her kiss to brand his skin. As she pulled her head up to look at him, she was surprised when they were ripped from hers and he stood up quickly.
"And you are pregnant Lily. FUCKING PREGNANT! Did no one ever teach you that a war is an awfully fucking stupid time to bring a child into the world? Or did Potter," he spat his name out, halting her attempts to pick herself up from the couch, "put you up to this. Good for nothing but baring his heir."
His words were venomous and they caused her to continue her silent tears. She knew she could leave, disappear. Go back to her home and wait for her husband, drink some tea and discuss their lives in whispered voices. But she couldn't leave Severus yet, she had to explain. Explain the reason she was here.
"Severus," she whispered so softly, not wanting to take him from his anger. He was pacing back and forth again, murmuring darkly under his breath. Every time he passed the lamp, his skin would glow. She slowly got up and made her way to him. She put her hands on his back, marked by not only his father but her own husband and her anger spiked. She slowly spanned his back with her hands, watching as goose bumps erupted on his skin. She cried in anger. She cried for his future, for her future, her child's future, knowing they would never be together. She would always be one step before him, her baby never getting to meet the man before her. She slowly wound her hands around him, pushing her belly into the small of his back and feeling his heart beat at a faster pace than hers.
He turned around slowly, as if it was painful. She still had her arms around him, keeping his arms to his side. But she loosened her grip and he was able to take them out and put them on her shoulders. He tried to push her but she shook her head, digging her nails into his back, watching her tears fall on her shirt. And then what she had been waiting for all night happened. He took her in his arms. Pushing into her slightly, she felt his breath in her ear as he bent down to hug her properly.
At that moment, her baby gave a kick and she felt overfilled with emotion. With James she felt whole, alive and well. But with Severus, life took on a different meaning; everything was above them, within reach but away from them. It was only them. It had always been just them.
As if he could read her mind, he whispered into her ear, "Always Lily, Always."
That was the last time she ever saw him.
A/N: Ok so this is going to be a lengthy one, so bear with me. I started with this moment but I will be trying to retell the story of what I find to be one of the greatest pairing in the HP Universe.
I will be the first to say that I never liked Professor Snape. I hated him in the first three books, but in the fourth it changed for me. He was working for Dumbledore and though his attitude was harsh, by reading the final book, it made sense to me.
Harry Potter is filled with stories of love, unconditional love. Whether it was Lily's sacrifice, Narcissa's unbreakable vow, Sirius's recklessness or Dumbledore's secrets, they are all stories of love so strong it transcends. But the story I find the most heartbreaking and wonderful is of the Half-Blood Prince. He loved Lily passionately, and yes it was love not obsession because his Patronus changed to hers, and it led him to be as Harry says, one of the bravest men he had ever known.
I am not blind to Snape's defaults. He is not nice, handsome, or funny but he is intriguing. This is the reason for this story. I want to tell my idea of this pairing. It is slightly AU and young Severus is a tad OOC but not drastically. I hope it does a bit of justice to Lily and Sev.