I AM NEVER WRITING SMUTTISH STUFF AGAIN.

Fixed

By the Moldy

"Mr. Ukki."

Sakura let out a huff of exasperation and shut the door. Crossing over the shoddy rug that needed to be destroyed (in everyone's opinion but Kakashi's), Sakura finally reached the aforementioned plant. The poor thing was obviously dead, and it was clear to Sakura that it needed to go. Kakashi harshly jerked away as she reached for it. The medic-nin clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes while placing a sympathetic hand upon Kakashi's shoulder – he was always so overly dramatic about these things. "There, there." She supplied drolly, not really caring if he was actually soothed by her half-heartedly mentioned words.

Mr. Ukki was dead: to begin with - as dead as a doornail, or as dead as a plant could possibly be. How does one kill a cactus? Sakura mused over the possibilities as she carefully snatched up the little forsaken plant from its perch near the one of the only three windows that Kakashi had in his apartment, and abruptly tossed it out another window (this one was conveniently away from Kakashi's prying eyes, but not from his ears) and into the street. The villagers were met with the sound of an almost obnoxiously colored pot smashing into the dirt, and spreading fertilizer and dead plant parts everywhere.

Sakura could have sworn that he just whimpered. Then, Sakura scoffed at his behavior, to which he just inclined his head to glare at her and then turn away. Oh, for the love of – it was just a plant! "It's just a plant, Kakashi – we can always get a new one."

"Oh?" he repeated, "We don't have to – you can, since you decided to kill him. Today."

Sakura shook her head and folded her arms across her chest. She didn't understand why he was so distraught over a dead plant. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kakashi stared at her for a while. Sakura's eyebrow gave a twitch before the rest of her body took a step forward. Kakashi raised an eyebrow and glared. Sakura smacked his chest. Kakashi pushed her shoulder roughly. Her mouth dropped open. Out of reflex, the pinkette's hand flashed toward his ear, which he dodged easily and somehow managed to trip her onto her ass in the process. "You washed my dogs." He remarked slowly, knees bent and his upper body bent towards her in a taunting manner. Ah, so the real reason why he was mad came out. The pinkette really didn't see what the big deal was – it was just a bath, and the dogs liked it. It wasn't like she was torturing them for vital information to sell off to another city. Really, he was acting like she was committing treason.

Sakura shot him an incredulous look. "What? They were filthy!"

Kakashi's eye narrowed at her. "You used strawberry scented shampoo."

"They smelled bad!"

Kakashi stood up straight and held out a hand for Sakura to take. "You painted their nails."

"I was bored!" Sakura was about to supply more reasons why he was being a ridiculous ass when knuckles connecting on wood stopped her. Kakashi moved to go toward the door, but obviously Sakura wasn't having any of that. She quickly grabbed the nearest object weighing about ten pounds and shoved it into Kakashi's hands; it was her grandmother's vase. So help her God, if he dropped it on purpose, Sakura was going to maim him. She didn't care if she gave it to him in the first place – it shouldn't drop it, damnit. Finger pointing at his nose and shooting a 'bitch-I-will-cut-you' look in his direction, Sakura answered the door.

It was Tenzou. Apparently, he had witnessed the plant falling from the sky. Sakura didn't get it. Honestly, she didn't. Kakashi's plant died and all of Konoha would be in a frantic array, but when Sakura broke her leg, no one knew for weeks. Weeks.

"How is he doing?"

Sakura barely managed an eye-roll before huffing out, "Ridiculously," and walking back into the living room. There, Kakashi was busy moping about his dead plant on the couch. The woman in the room had to resist the urge to sneer at his melodramatic display of male ridiculousness.

Tenzou walked across the room and sat next to Kakashi. "I could always-"

"No."

Yamato looked mildly offended. "Why…" he trailed off after seeing Sakura's murderous face; someone was obviously not in a good mood, "… don't we go get a new plant?"

Sakura sighed to herself. Were they seriously going to buy another plant for Kakashi? The medic-nin took one look at his face and resigned. Yes, yes they were.

"How about these? African violets are very lovely this time of year – and you only need to water them once a week! It's very manageable for a shinobi of your caliber, especially since you have very little time to actually take care of foliage." The saleswoman gushed unabashedly, and Sakura almost thought that she was going to stop there – until she put a hand on his (Sakura nearly chopped it off with her chakra scalpels), and blushed. "You know, since you're so busy being famous and all." The woman let out an exasperated sigh. This was the fourth woman that hit on Kakashi today, within the past hour, while they were looking for plants.

Tenzou adopted a deadpan look (Sakura suspected it was because everyone was hitting on Kakashi – well known and taken man, also a well known fact – and not him, a single man) while Kakashi rubbed a hand behind his head, smiling nervously all the while, and gingerly freed his hand. After he returned hers back to respectable space, Kakashi stuffed his head back into his pockets and lean back a bit. "Ah, that is true – I am busy." Kakashi stated, gaze subtly lingering on Sakura's figure.

The woman's eyes flickered toward Sakura, who quickly bothered herself with looking at some lovely ferns, and then back to the Hatake's form. "Right," she replied, leaning forward slightly and accidently showing off some cleavage. Yamato's eyebrow shot up into his hairline as his dark eyes found Sakura clenched fists and stiff posture. That was certainly not good. "Well maybe I could help you with your errands sometime-"

"Oh, well, would you look at the time!" Sakura interrupted whatever innuendo she was going to say loudly, effectively pissing the woman off and giving Tenzou another source of amusement for the time being. "It seems that we have lost track of time."

The woman frowned slightly, but quickly recovered and winked at Kakashi – was she actually serious?

"I appreciate your offer," Kakashi friendly replied, "but I must decline." Because he had a girlfriend, which was something Kakashi should have added.

The woman had the gall to look disappointed. The pink-haired kunoichi's face twisted into a sneer, to which he directed at the woman boldly. "Oh, what a shame." She replied, pouting slightly. The woman then turned towards Sakura and frowned. "And disappointing."

The copy-nin, seemingly oblivious to what was going on, creased his eye upwards and nodded. "Greatly."

And now Yamato was worried for Kakashi's well-being – why wasn't he backing away and leaving like he normally did when women hit on him? Why wasn't he politely steering away the conversation? Tenzou's gaze found its way toward his sempai's girlfriend. Did they break up this morning? This was unusual, even for Kakashi.

"Yes, a shame." Sakura remarked dryly. "And highly disappointing." If they did, it obviously wasn't mutual. "Anyways, we should really get going."

"Quite."

Sakura's face contorted into something that resembled a cross between extremely agitated and oddly contemplative. After spending years and years looking after Sakura and tolerating her special brand of tough love (and "back-talk"), the wood-user knew exactly what that look meant. If he wasn't so worried that Sakura was going to destroy the market place in the next five minutes, he would have praised her on her patience. Or, for that matter, not maiming the civilian who was hitting on her boyfriend and knew that she was.

Yamato knew he had to say something before those African violets got lodged into the woman's face. "Sakura's right, Sempai, we have to get going."

The kunoichi looked up and mouthed a "thank you" to him before abruptly glaring at Kakashi. He certainly wasn't making it any better by being so charming and friendly. Before Kakashi could utter another word, Sakura tugged him away from the plant stand. She knew that they should have gone to Ino's.

Tenzou stopped about hundred feet away from where the couple was – they needed to be alone, and he knew that Kakashi wouldn't say anything unless he was sure that no one was paying attention to them. It was a hard thing to achieve considering the fact that they were currently browsing for a replacement Mr. Ukki in the busiest part of the market place. Once they were about a block away, Sakura stopped suddenly and threw Kakashi's arm back to him.

"What the hell was that?" she snapped.

Despite her anger, Kakashi remained passive. "What was what, Sakura?"

Sakura clenched and unclenched her jaw. "That." She retorted, pointing in the general direction of where she was sure the woman was. She crossed and uncrossed her arms. "You know what I mean."

His eye narrowed at her. "Actually, I don't."

Sakura's mouth resembled a fish. "You don't." She reiterated for him, "You honestly have no idea what I'm talking about." Kakashi nodded and pulled Icha Icha out of his pocket to resume the fight scene on page ninety-seven. After that enlightening conversation, the couple remained quiet for a moment. Clearly thinking, Sakura realized that she was missing something. "Are you mad at me for killing Mr. Ukki?" she asked, "It's just a plant, Kakashi – we can get a new one right now-"

The copy-nin tilted his head to the side. "If you think that is why, then I don't see any more reason to stay here."

And without another word, Kakashi left the market place without so much of a wave to signal his goodbye.

The pinkette sighed to herself, dejected and disappointed. Whether she was disappointed in herself, the situation or Kakashi's behavior, Sakura was unsure. All she knew was that Kakashi was clearly upset about something that didn't involve any plants or dogs; there was obviously something else that she was missing. But what? The kunoichi glumly plopped herself on a nearby bench, hands cradling her head gently. "What did I-"

"Today's his birthday." Tenzou interjected from behind her. Her former team leader was in a peculiar position: his foot was perched on very top of the bench with his knee bent at an almost ninety-degree angle, his forearm resting on his mid-thigh while the rest of his body remained almost prostrate. Her taichou always confused her – whether it was his personality, or just the way he relaxed his body, Tenzou always managed to raise some sort of curiosity out of her.

Sakura's eye widened in realization and smacked a hand to her forehead. Great. Just great. First, she gets angry at him for being nice, and now she forgets his birthday and yells at him for it. "Shit." Sakura cursed, "Now he's going to hate me forever." At least everything made sense now.

"Sempai doesn't hate you." Tenzou sympathized, suddenly catapulting over the head of the bench and right next to Sakura, left arm resting along the back of it.

The young woman shrugged in what Tenzou would call disagreement. Knowing that he really wouldn't care, Sakura leaned into him, pink strands tickling his biceps and the very tops of his pectorals. "Well, he sure acted like it today when he was talking to that woman."

Yamato tilted his head and drew his arm around her, pulling her closer. "Sempai is a very complicated man, as you know." He paused, mowing over choices of words to comfort Sakura before drawing in a breath and talking again. "For one thing, I know that if it was anyone else besides me holding you like this – he would not be happy."

"Do you have any suggestions to get him to forgive me?"

Tenzou smirked. "I do." He replied with his tone drenched in amusement.

Sakura pulled away and playfully punched his arm. "Taichou!"

"He is a man, Sakura."

If it weren't for her sense of propriety, Sakura would have thrown him into the Hokage tower ten minutes ago. "Not all men are perverts." She defended, for whom, she did not know, but Sakura knew that someone out there was appreciating it. Not like that.

"All men like sex."

"Shut up." Sakura's face was now a bright pink. "Any other suggestions?"

"Bondage – Hey!" Yamato inched away from the violent woman, afraid that she would attempt to crack another rib again.

The medic-nin frowned. "Seriously. Make-up sex can't be the only thing Kakashi will want for his birthday."

Tenzou grinned. "Oh, you'd be surprised." He grunted in pain. "Maybe not, but if you added some tassels-" an elbow was promptly stuffed into his ribcage, "-or, you know, you could always wear your uniform for him." That earned him a swift smack to the back of the head. Sometimes, whenever Sakura had her doubts about Yamato ever being Kakashi's friend, he did things like this and she didn't have to even question it anymore. "It was a suggestion!" he held up his arms as defense.

Sakura's eyes widened in realization. "You mean he actually wants to-"

"Trust me, he does."

The pink-haired kunoichi adopted a smile. "Thanks, taichou!"

Sakura smoothed down the smock that came with her uniform nervously and adjusted the little hat with marked with a red cross. She folded her arms across her chest in an attempt to preserve her modesty since her chest wasn't exactly covered. There was only a ribbon wrapped around her upper torso a few times, tied together neatly with a big, pretty bow. Tenzou thought it was cute – Sakura thought that he could go shove it somewhere after that suggestion.

He left shortly after that (and thank goodness, because Sakura was sure that she was going to throw him out the window) without any convictions about her situation. Oh, and her skirt: it was short, really short. Sakura almost slumped in shear embarrassment. Maybe taichou was wrong and just pulling her leg. But why would he do that? Sakura glanced at the clock – it was getting late. Perhaps Kakashi wasn't coming home tonight? The pinkette frowned at that thought and tugged on the short skirt.

Of course he was coming home. Where else would he go?

Fifteen minutes later and Sakura was just about to throw apologizing out the window when Kakashi opened the door from the outside and step through the threshold. His eyes immediately landed on her. "What – uh..."

"I'm sorry I forgot your birthday." Sakura blurted.

Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly, obviously too focused on Sakura's chest to really care about anything else. "It's really not your fault – I'm not really one to make a show of occasions that involve happiness, cake and hoards of people." He paused, gaze lingering on her chest. "Now, I wouldn't be entirely opposed to presents."

Sakura smiled uneasily. "So you like it? Are you sure you don't want me to change?"

Good god, was she an idiot? The man pulled down his mask. "Please don't."

Sakura could barely contain the smirk that flitted across her face. This hardly counted as a birthday present Sakura would deem acceptable, but Sakura obviously didn't understand how much he enjoyed mapping out her body with his tongue. "So, a certain kouhai of yours mentioned what you have neglected to – I didn't know that you had a fetish of that kind." Kakashi smirked beneath his mask and began to close the distance between them.

"I really don't," Kakashi explained, "but, then again, I have fetishes of all kinds when it comes to you." Sakura playfully glared at him and his approaching figure. "I'm sorry I neglected to tell you. If I had known that it would have ignited this type of reaction, I would have told you years ago."

The pinkette stifled a laugh behind her hand. "Anything else that's feeling neglected? Perhaps I could fix it?"

Kakashi's eyebrows rose to his hairline. "Well, I know that there is something that has been heavily neglected."

Sakura quirked an eyebrow at that. "Really." And without another moment's hesitation, Sakura's nimble fingers began to undo the tie of his pants. As soon as the damned tie was unfastened, Sakura reached for the waistbands of his pants and tugged them down harshly, just enough to reach what she was looking for.

Her head tilted to the side as soon as she realized that Kakashi was rapidly hardening, and fast. The medic-nin sent him a devious grin, fingers tracing random patterns along his chest and shoulder, before she abruptly got down on her knees and pulled down his boxers. It wasn't as nearly as erect as Sakura wanted it to be, so she sent her hands to do the task of bring his member to full mast. Her fingers curled around the base of his dick, which elicited a cross been a hiss and a groan from him, before slowly squeezing and bringing it up and down, up and down.

The pink-haired kunoichi licked her lips as her hands squeezed and massaged his member. Her other hand found his balls and began to massage them gently, earning her another moan from the man above her.

She examined the head of his cock before licking the tip boldly. That earned her a groan. Interesting. Sakura gave him another lick and another and another. Before she knew it, she was unabashedly licking the dick like a lollipop. Then, Sakura took the tip into her mouth, lips caressing as her other lips would later on throughout the night.

The copy-nin weaved a hand through her hair and almost forced her to repeat what she had done before, this time with her lips. Kakashi could barely contain himself; her lips were so soft, and her mouth was so moist and wet. When Sakura began to bob her head away and to his groin, Kakashi couldn't control the way the hand tangled in her locks pushed her towards him – it was just too good.

"Sakura," he moaned, "I'm-" he was abruptly cut off by his own grunt, but Sakura knew what that meant, and she continued to bob her head toward his pelvis in hopes of tasting him and his seed. Kakashi cursed to himself as the tell-tale feeling of his balls drawing up.

"Go ahead." She mumbled in between strokes, which really just caused vibrations and Kakashi to harshly cry out. He was definitely close, and just when Kakashi thought Sakura was going to pull away, she took him into her mouth full and sucked. It was only a matter of time now, Sakura was sure –

Kakashi's grip tightened as the feeling of ecstasy took over, and he spurted his seed into her mouth, to which she swallowed whole-heartedly, every last drop. Sakura released his member with a soft pop and stood, grinning deviously all the while. "Did I fix it?"

His hooded gaze met her viridian eye drenched in deviousness. "Not even close." He growled slightly.

Sakura raised an eyebrow and licked her lips, "I could help."

Kakashi's hand reached for the bow of her ribbon.

Prompt: Playing Doctor - and now you know why.