I feel useless .
Running does not help me used to be , the more I run the more I feel the urge to let go.
No one understands how I am, no one understands what I'm going through.
Alberto , he was my best friend, my Tino , my Alber .
How could he leave me alone .
I want to end it.
It all started a three months ago, when everything was perfect.
We laughed , we joked , we were chasing a meadow until it landed me in the meadow and I said the two words that I would regret for life .
"I love you ."
He stood , he stood and walked away from me.
Not spoke to me since that day more than 3 months ago .
I tried in vain to talk to him.
" Alby please answer me ," I whispered to myself when I called him , but nothing.
" Voice mail , leave a message"
Every phone call was going to empty , each message had no answer .
Where are you Alber , I want my friend back .
And each workout was torture , his eyes became cold , his words no longer had that sweet tone than before.
Every day that passed seemed always to be in a bubble , isolated from the world.
What was life without my best friend ?
What was life without his jokes ?
What was life without her good morning and good night ?
It was not was nothing.
Today I decided .
I went to her house , I'm in the rain ringing the bell furiously .
I started to scream.
" ALBY PLEASE OPEN MY "
" PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO ME YOU CAN IGNORE "
Until a door opened.
Alberto finally answer me .
" Please forgive me is an idiot "
" From what ? For how long ? "
" 6 months 6 months .. Alberto "
" I can not look you in the eye "
" You can not leave without you I can not live , can not do that ," I said through tears.
" I can no longer talk to you, I. .. I can not do that , I'm sorry "
He left me in tears in the rain .
He abandoned.
It 's all my fault.
I can not live without you.
Now I'm home , I'm locked in my room.
I've had enough .
I decided to kill myself and save everyone from me.
I want to torture me by cutting my arms.
Without my Alber I can not live .
Without his voice I can not stand .
Without you I can not continue .
I grabbed a razor blade and a ticket.
At first I can not, but when I started and the blood starts to drip on the floor , I felt the power , I felt that I can do it .
I smiled to myself and now I was the freak here, with the powerful blade in my hands.
I would love to see his face when I would see him with blood on his arms and he smelled blood everywhere and then I would find on the ground, dead.
Finally I take drugs scattered everywhere in the cabinet and mix them all together.
I feel burning throat and once again I feel so good .
My arms are weak and now I can not handle the blade as I did before , so I lay on the bed and waiting for my order .
I closed my eyes .
I let out a few tears .
In a few minutes , I was dead.
In the hands clutching a piece of paper .
"No you do not know what it 's like
When nothing feels alright
You do not know what it 's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
When no one 's there to save you save you
No you do not know what it 's like
Welcome to my life "