Title: Only for the Night
Author: Nesma
Author Notes: A random idea. Went with it. Hope you enjoy it. Feel free to review and PM me if you want a new tumblr buddy.
It felt like a normal night in the Gryffindor common room. It was after a match in which Gryffindor obviously won and the common room was absolutely packed with all the upperclassmen (those who could handle their firewhiskey that is).
There rounds of butterbeer pong and some exploding snaps drinking game were going on. There were couples falling over one another to find a place of privacy while others were slurring their words trying to insult one another. There were swears of a missed cup and the falling over of drinks. There was more than enough roaring laughter and the ones who were crying over a broken heart had already shuffled away into their rooms or lavatories with some friends. It was a good night. It was what usually happened after every quidditch match.
The night had started off as always, with Lily keeping a close eye on the younger students and telling off the older students the second she saw a flask or a bottle (James sometimes swore that she had eyes on the back of her head). But then, the younger ones would shuffle upstairs and the older ones started producing all sorts of drinks from under their robes and Lily's shoulders would relax and she'd even take a swing here or there. Never too many drinks though in case something went out of hand. But James would always persuade her to take a shot and then Lily would always come back to him challenging him for another. It was their usual banter and even though they both knew that Lily would drink and James would take an additional shot afterwards with her (she loved challenges, crazy competitive), it was always a half an hour affair.
Therefore, it was a bit strange when James was approached by Lily to take a shot. And three more after that in the course of two hours. But James was willing and feeling in a good mood and didn't bother to question until he saw Lily take fifth and sixth shot while he was losing terribly to Padfoot and Wormtail with some pong (Wormtail had too good of an arm and Padfoot could barely throw the ball in the right direction).
During the next ten minutes, while James and Moony were dying in the epic battle of pong, James tried to keep an eye on Lily.
She looked fine. Her cheeks were flushed, and she often pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle a laugh and her eyes would crinkle and dimples would form and even though her hair was frizzing out (she had this stupid habit of playing with it) she still looked good. She was sitting with the rest of the girls in that year (Marlene, Emmeline, and Alice) and they seemed to be telling some sort of story (Marlene was using too many hand gestures and nearly hitting everyone around her to explain this elaborate story). She seemed fine.
And when the game ended, James hesitated for a moment before agreeing to another game. After all, it wasn't as if Lily was new to drinking.
Lily, for the most part, was fine. In fact, she was even having some fun. Marlene was telling some horrid story about some awful boy in Ravenclaw and how he thought it was appropriate to snog as if he was the giant squid. And even though Lily has heard this story countless times, she still found it funny. And then Emmeline tried to top the story but hers felt short and there was the passing around of a flask.
"Ah, Head Girl drinks! Huzzah for a night of endless rule breaking!" Marlene half shouted, half slurred as she seemed to sway (even though she was sitting down cross legged).
Lily frowned a bit. She was of legal age. She was perfectly entitled to get a bit drunk with her friends. "Hey. Just because I'm not on duty, doesn't mean you get to break the rules."
Marlene rolled her brown eyes and bit her bottom lip. "Oh Lily." She said before resting her head on Lily's shoulder. Lily could tell by her very breath that it was time to cut her off soon. "You know we love you and respect you. Best Head Girl ever." Marlene mumbled, eyes closing and a slight smile on her face.
Lily looked to Emmeline and Alice who both had looks of quiet happiness on their faces (those smiles that required no laughter for the eyes said it all).
"Time to go to bed Marlene?" Lily asked, nudging her friend who slowly lifted her head off of Lily, her eyes had a hard time focusing.
"No, no, no." She muttered, pushing her bangs out of her face. "I just need some water. I'll grab a bottle from upstairs." Marlene pushed off the floor and wobbled a bit before bounding towards the staircase for the Girls dormitories.
"I'm going to check to make sure she doesn't pass out in the bathroom. Again." Emmeline said, getting off the floor and going after her.
Lily very much appreciated it since she was absolutely drunk. Not that it was a new experience, but she was certainly more drunk than usual. She may be sitting but the world still seemed to tilt a bit and she could tell that she was a bit delayed with her responses. She was not looking forward to tomorrow morning.
Alice scooted closer to Lily as they watched the party around them.
"Hey Lily?"
"Hey Alice." Lily said, smiling slightly and turning her head to Alice.
"Is there any particular reason you're drinking this much? You usually have it planned out." Alice asked, a look of slight concern on her face.
Alice was, unfortunately, right. Lily tended to plan the nights ahead that she would get drunk with her friends. Lily thought it would be inappropriate to get drunk each weekend but knew there were times that she would like to. And so, Lily devised a schedule and the amount of times that she could get drunk in a term. It was silly really, considering how impulsive drinking can be.
Yet, Lily didn't feel like telling Alice why. The letter in her room with her sisters impeccable hand writing and how something that looked so nice and from home could be full of hatred. She didn't want to admit, out loud at least, how she was using alcohol as a way to cope with all the hatred thrown at her.
Lily was close with her friends but had a hard time opening up about Petunia. It was easy to explain why she hated her at a superficial level. It was so much harder to explain why she wanted to still be in Petunia's life. That if Petunia, one day, sent a letter apologizing for being the world's biggest bitch that Lily would rejoice and would go home for the weekend. It was too hard and painful to explain the memories. And the one person that she once would have talked to about now wants to see Lily and every other mudblood dead.
And so, she resorted to alcohol as a cowardly approach to deal with her emotions. Only for the night.
Lily just shrugged. "Just cause. Thought it would be a good thing to celebrate." She said with a smile and avoided Alice's gaze.
When the party ended, which was when everyone scattered from the common room to get some sleep or to throw up in the bathroom, James and Lily started cleaning up.
James thought this was actually the dumbest tradition that they had together. Because he was usually too drunk to do much and Lily ended up doing most of it. And even though James always begged her to do it tomorrow, she always told him no and continued cleaning up. And every time, she offered to do it by herself, James always felt guilty and just stumbled along the spells.
James thought that if something was wrong, and it was clear by the way she was walking that she had one too many, that it would come up during cleaning. But if anything, she was more stubborn than ever to clean up the damn room.
"You alright there Evans?" James said with a smirk when Lily stumbled a bit and mumbled and slurred too many words.
And a look of such hatred and disgust crossed her face, her eyebrows drawn in while her lips pursed together. The happy-go-lucky Lily was clearly gone.
"I'm fine." She snapped at James and continued to clean up.
And it irked James that was willing to lie through her teeth. It, frankly, pissed him off that she was more willing to drink her problems away rather than admit that she was having problems of any sort. For some reason, it really bothered him.
He had thought that they had become friends. He had thought that they were at a level to really talk about everything. They spent so much time together that conversations just naturally started. He talked about his upbringing and how his father was constantly sick with some chronic wizarding illness and Lily cried in the Head's office rooms after a nasty incident regarding the word 'mudblood'. He thought that they were close and he took it personally that she was unwilling to share.
And so, they cleaned in silence and parted ways. He wondered if she would realize that he was furious at her.
She noticed that James was annoyed the next day when she walked into the Head's office.
It was a peaceful Sunday, which made it more infuriating as Lily became best friends with the toilet. Her roommates clamored into the bathroom and observed sleepily from afar as Lily threw up everything in her stomach. Of course they prodded her to get into a safety position when her head lolled but, they had a system down and observations from the door were generally better than by the toilet.
Luckily, by the time afternoon rolled around, Lily had done her best to put presentable clothes and to do her make up carefully before grabbing some lunch. Marlene was still sleeping while Alice and Emmeline had woken up much earlier, so Lily went by herself.
And she was hoping to get some quiet work done in the office space. She carried her book bag that contained her potion books and notes for various classes. She had endless amount of reading to do and essays that had to be written. Yet, in one of the books she had carefully placed the letter from Petunia as one of her bookmarks (she had to respond to the letter today).
She walked into the office to find James hunch over time tables, his jaw locked and his hair a mess. James had an odd habit of becoming so intense and obsessed with the smallest things when he was angry about other things and so it was a dead give away that James was furious about something.
"Hey." Lily said quietly, setting her book bag next to her chair as she started to make room on the desk.
"Hello." James mumbled, as he hunched even further over the time tables, his glasses sliding a bit to the end of his nose.
Lily immediately began to twirl a strand of hair, a nervous habit. "Did someone ask for a patrol change?"
James shook his head, "Nah." He said quietly, turning a page as he did, "I just want to make sure that it's all aligned and that Moony doesn't have a shift."
Lily smiled slightly, "Needs to make sure that his rabbit is in check or something on a particular evening?"
James made a tight grin, as if he would rather be smiling at a joke. "Something like that."
"Okay." Lily said, understanding that he didn't want to talk about the real reason. She started to unload books, but careful to leave the one with the letter in the bag (she'll bring it out when James isn't here).
"Are we going to talk about last night?" James suddenly asked, with anger and fury laced in his tone.
Lily looked up to see his hands flat on the table, his eyes narrowed. And Lily could only imagine that she looked like a deer caught in headlights.
"What's there to talk about? " Lily responded, clearly confused as her nose wrinkled and head tilted to the side.
James took a deep breath, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose before trusting himself to speak.
"You were really drunk."
"I didn't black out." Lily responded coldly, immediately crossing her arms and going into a defensive mood.
Well, at least not that much. But he didn't need to know that.
"No, but you were stumbling – "
"As every drunk person does…"
"But why were you drunk?"
Lily rolled her eyes, "I'm guessing it's because of all the fire whiskey? What's the big deal James?" Lily asked angrily.
James resisted the urge to roll his eyes back at her, but his hands formed fists unintentially. "The big deal? You schedule the times you get drunk. You're so particular at how people see you and you make sure never to exceed a certain amount. Last night, you had over six drinks-"
"Merlin! Were you stalking me or something?"
"And you never drink that much. Something happened! What aren't you telling?"
Lily took an angry huff and started shoving things in her book bag. Her cheeks were flushed and he could tell by her breathing that she wasn't angry, she was furious. She stood up to leave, the book bag swaying and hitting the chair.
"Why are you angry?" James shouted, standing up in time to catch Lily's eyes as she turned around.
"I am not something you need to look over. I am not one of those pathetic girls that are asking to be saved!" Lily yelled over her shoulder as she left the room in a huff.
James just stared at the doorway, dumbfounded by Lily's reaction. He wasn't trying to save her. He just knew her well enough that something was wrong and the fact that she was stubbornly refusing to say so was driving him mad.
So James bit his lip and sat down to pour over the timetables for the third time. Because, quite honestly, he had no time to deal with girls who cuddled their alcohol rather than confronting people. Weren't they over that stage?
Lily instantly regretted her words and actions the second she stepped out of the office. She contemplated for a second about going in and bursting into tears and just spilling everything to James because she was going to have to tell someone, him really, at some point.
And James seemed like the guy who would tell her that it's okay. It's okay that she still loved a beast that hated her so. Sure, maybe her friends would too and maybe even Remus could do it but she just wanted to share this piece with one person and she had a feeling that James should be the one. Not her friends. Not Remus. Just James.
But Lily had never been great at apologizes or heat of the moment reactions, and so she pivoted herself to go to the Gryffindor Common Room and not the Head's offce.
Lily stomped back to the Gryffindor common room, trying to ignore the obvious fact that James Potter was right. Yes, she was mad at Petunia but no, she did not really want to confront the monsters from her book. And even though she had just came from the Gryffindor common room, it was her pride that got her through the portrait.
"And she livesssss!"
Lily looked up to see Marlene sitting with Sirius and Remus. Sirius laughing hysterically while Remus gave her a look of pity.
Lily rolled her eyes and walked over. "I wasn't that bad." She scowled as Marlene just laughed.
"Oh, I'd beg to differ." Marlene said as she laughed again with Sirius.
"Never did I thought I'd see the day…" Sirius said wistfully, "That Lily 'Head Girl' Evans gets so drunk that she-"
Unfortunately, Lily had no idea what on Earth Sirius was going to say as she had casted a silencing spell on him, rendering him completely useless. He started to do a lot of nasty finger gestures before grabbing his own wand.
"What's that Sirius? Can't hear you…" Lily told him in a sing-song voice as he desperately tried to undo the charm. He gave her a nasty look as Lily just laughed but suddenly stopped as she placed a hand on her stomach. Her abs muscles (those existed apparently) were completely sore from the night before.
Merlin, she was never drinking again.
"Rough night?" Remus asked gently while Lily just nodded.
"I am never drinking that much again, that's for sure." Lily mumbled, as Marlene kept making faces at Sirius as he was desperately waving his wand around for a counter curse.
Remus placed a light hand on Lily's shoulder. "Do you want some orange blossom water? It's suppose to help an upset stomach?" Remus asked rather then assert. Lily just snorted, "Does it work?"
Remus gave a small shrug while pulling his arm away. "Sometimes. It doesn't hurt to try. Come on, I have some upstairs." Remus said, jerking his head towards the doorway and breaking away from the group. Lily shuffled the bag on her shoulder and followed him as Sirius tried to yell at her while Marlene just laughed.
Remus was no stranger to awful nights with alcohol. Or vomiting.
And the truth of the matter? He wasn't even sure that orange blossom water worked. It was just a remedy that his mom used with him when he was home after a rough night of the full moon. When he went way to Hogwarts, it didn't feel like home if there wasn't a bottle in his trunk.
He knew that Lily was kind, but he hoped he wouldn't judge him too much.
Of course Lily thought the whole orange blossom water was ridiculous. I mean, who actually buys such items?
But when she entered the dorm, Remus went straight to his trunk and Lily sat on the closest bed to the door. Which just happened to be James' (she knew this from countless times running up to him for various Head duty things).
Lily was always so surprised to find it well made. The pillows were neatly ducked under the red duvet covers and there was hardly a wrinkle. Lily absentmindedly ran her hand up and down the blanket, staring right at the small gold stitches in the cover as Remus clanked around in his trunk.
"This orange blossom water, does it even work?" Lily asked as she heard Remus dash into the bathroom to turn on the faucet.
"Sometimes!" He shouted cheerfully and Lily snorted. Once she heard the faucet turn off, she looked up to see Remus walk to her with the glass of water.
"It's odd. I know. But my mum swears by that stuff." Remus said kindly as he handed the glass over for her to take timid (sweet) sips out off.
"It's sweet." She murmured and Remus just laughed as he took a seat next to her. "It is. But give it a chance and it may be of some aide. Still nauseous?"
Lily shook her head, "Not really. I mean. The idea of eating a full fledge dinner seems like too much work for my stomach but right now I'm just… embarrassed."
Remus scrunched his eyebrows together. "From last night?"
Lily shook her head side to side. "Kind of. I also got into a fight with James this afternoon." Lily mentioned quietly as she looked into Remus' eyes. "I shouted. A lot. A lot of dumb things." She rambled on as Remus nodded his head slowly.
"Do you want to talk about it? What started it or the fight?" Remus asked gently and Lily was swayed for a second to tell him the truth but all she could think about was how James deserved the truth more than anyone else.
She shook her head slowly. "No, I really think I should talk to James first before anyone else. After all, he's the one who had to deal with my emotional outburst."
"I'm sure he'll get over it."
Lily snorted. "Of course he will. It's James Potter. But for the next few days will be awkward. I'm… ugh." Lily stated before flopping herself onto the bed and burying her face on the sheets.
They didn't smell like him, instead they were freshly washed and that made everything that much worse.
"You can apologize? I've heard that helps speed up the process." Remus said kindly.
Lily pushed herself up from the bed. "I've never been good with apologies."
Remus gave her a small smile. "Most likely because you've hardly had to give them. James is usually the one making a mess out of things…" Remus trailed off and Lily couldn't help and chuckle at his joke.
"You know, if you want, you can wait here. I'm sure it'll be a few hours before he comes back but he'll be fine to have you fall asleep on his bed." Remus said knowingly, pushing himself off the bed as Lily looked down at the quilted sheets.
"I could use a nap…" Lily states slowly, pushing off her shoes and curling her legs underneath her.
"Do it then." Remus said gently, and by the time he reached the door frame, she was already asleep on the bed.
James was trying to master the skill of twirling a quill between his fingers, much like with a coin, but with a quill. He had been at it for the past half an hour or so when he heard his name calling from his pocket.
Grimacing as he slammed the quill down on the table and pulled out the small pocket mirror. Instead of Sirius though, it was Remus.
"Remus! Everything alright mate?" James said lazily as he leaned back on the chair, balancing so that he was on the back legs.
"Yeah, just thought that I'd let you know that Lily is upstairs in the room waiting for you." Remus said quietly though James could hear the bustle in the common room.
"Okay." James said evenly.
"Mate, I think she wants to apologize. Give her a break, we've all gone over the edge-"
"Not at this age." James mumbled under his breath as Remus rolled his eyes.
"So what? You said it yourself – she's probably dealing with something right now. She wants to talk to you." Remus said and James just laughed as he let the chair fall on all fours.
"Then why are you talking to me and not her?"
Remus seemed to fidget at this point. "She seemed really tired so I told her to take a nap on your bed. She was passed out by the time I got to the doorway."
And James gritted his teeth a bit. Because even though he was annoyed that Lily couldn't tell him all of this in person, the idea of Lily sleeping in his bed was nice. He also knew that Lily Evans abhorred naps (she thought that they were for lazy people and should only be taken between the hours of 1AM and 5 AM as a 'power booster'). So her taking a nap on his bed was a big deal.
"I'll come on over then." James whispered and Remus just disappeared from the mirror as James started to bag his belongings. Slowly taking his time to put his books and quills in carefully. And he even took the time to clean up around the office, putting spare parchment away and putting the quills in their holders. He even returned the time table on the right shelf.
After closing up from the office, he made sure to take the long winding way to the dorms. He made sure to take one step at a time with each stair case and to keep his head down as he walked over to the Fat Lady.
He wasn't quite sure why but he was nervous. But there was a silent anger that in him that he was worried that would burst if she continued to hide. And though he quickly talked to Sirius about going into the room (Sirius was only able to whisper but he made sure to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively to James). James could only laugh and slap Sirius on the shoulder before making his way up to the room.
When he opened the door, he couldn't help but melt as Lily dozed on. He smiled to himself as he dropped his bag to the floor and sat down next to her curled up body. Her hair was in some messy ponytail, and she wasn't quite successful at removing the mascara and eyeliner from the night before (or were those dark bags due to her lack of sleep).
James had no intention of waking her up, but just as he was pushing himself off the bed, Lily's eyes snapped open and a small smile curled around her lips and James wondered why he was ever mad in the first place.
Lily was a light sleeper, to some extent. The movements of beds always woke her up, so when James tried to discreetly get off the bed (he wasn't counting for the loud springs) Lily woke up to see a petrified James.
He cleared his throat as he stood up quickly, leaning against one of the bed posts. "I didn't want to wake you up."
Lily pushed herself up into a sitting position, letting her legs dangle on the edge of the bed. "It's fine. I shouldn't be taking over your bed."
"You're hardly big enough to take over half of it." James said in a joking matter and they exchanged smiles before the silence settled around them. James quickly crossed his arms and looked away from Lily.
Lily gulped and looked down at her feet that were covered by a pair of grey tights (there was a hole underneath her feet but James didn't need to know that). "I am sorry for shouting at you. That was stupid. And what I said was stupid. I am really sorry." Lily said quickly, staring up at James who nodded along with her words.
Uncrossing his arms, he came over to sit with her on the edge of the bed, his legs long enough to hit the floor. "Want to talk about the drinking then?" James asked.
Lily pursed her lips and nodded a bit. Pulling her bag closer, she pulled out the dreaded book with the awful letter and let it sit on her lap. James merely raised his eyebrows.
"Potions giving you trouble?" And Lily let out a laugh and tried to calm her heart beat as she opened the book to where she placed the letter. She pulled it out and played with the edges.
"I generally run to fire whiskey when I'm upset. Really upset. Usually I read or write or do something useful." Lily said, blushing a bit as she stared at the words on the letter. "But there are things in my life that aren't easy to talk about them. Truthfully that is."
"Like what?" James asked, pulling his legs into a crisscrossed legged position as he leaned back on the bed post. Lily shifted so that her own legs were crisscrossed, the book still open and the letter in her hand.
"My sister. Petunia." Lily mumbled and James looked confused.
"I thought you hated her?" James asked and Lily snorted.
"I wish it was that simple. But… it's never been that easy." Lily said quietly and stared at the small stitching on the quilt.
"When we were little, we were inseparable. We always played together in the playground near by the house and it was my biggest dream to be just like her. I would have my mom buy me the same clothes and Petunia would French braid my hair like hers." Lily gulped, feeling her cheeks get hot.
"And then I met Sev. And things started to change. I was completely blinded by magic. I was so excited to find out that I was a witch and he was more then willing to share. But him and Petunia didn't get along. Not. One. Bit." Lily said, bitterly staring at James face.
"Sev would mock her for trying to be more like us. And she would mock him for his background. And it got vicious. She would hurt him with words, Merlin, she's vicious with her insults and he would lose control over his magic…" And there James eyes flashed dangerously and Lily had to shake her head.
"No, nothing serious. Nothing life threatening, but just little things that would scare her from magic. And there was suddenly a wedge between us that I couldn't fix. Even at 11, it was still my biggest goal to be like her." Lily laughed harshly at herself. "It was stupid really, here I was a witch learning how to do magic and I was dying to be a muggle and read all the same magazines as she did and wear all her clothes. I even had my mum send me some of Petunia's magazines."
"For the first few years, Petunia would write to me. She was still curious and as long as I didn't talk about Sev or too much about magic, her letters were still kind." Lily nodded, looking away again because this was hard. It wasn't easy to fully explain Petunia.
"But over the summers, she would get jealous as Sev and I practiced magic. She would hurl more insults and there were times he'd point his wand at her and I would yell at him to leave the house… and she wouldn't talk to me for days at a time." Lily said quietly, tracing circles and triangles on the bed as James nodded, staying silent for once.
"She didn't like him. I used to vouch for him all the time at home. I guess she saw what Sev truly was and believed that I would be just as vicious with my wand. She thought I showed off too much at home. And during the summer days when we used to hang out, she'd spend her time with her older friends who laughed at my freckles and frizzy red hair."
James frowned at this and was about to open his mouth when Lily shook her head. "No, it wasn't nice. And that's when I started to hate her. On a childish, teenage way where I would pick apart her make up and face and how I hated how she picked on me. She'd hang out with her friends and I'd stay at home with my books and Sev. I thought that it was all a matter of declaring sides of me and Sev against her. And the letters she sent became less frequent and I just let that hatred fester."
Lily let out a deep breath, rattling as she could tell that her eyes were prickling, "And then came the summer after fifth year. And suddenly, there was no Sev, there was me and Petunia but she went out all the time while I stayed at home. Sure, I had friends that I would hang out with and go to the pubs to try beer and such… but I thought that maybe without Sev we could reconnect." Lily laughed, and tried very hard to ignore the tear that leaked out, "If anything that was stupid.
Lily looked to the side as James grabbed her hand, the skin was dry, no doubt from all the flying that he does but his thumb made circles on her skin and it felt like comforting that someone was listening and not rolling their eyes.
"I would try to go to the pub with her and her friends. I mean, I would go with my own group of friends but I would always end up where she was. And she couldn't stand the sight of me. Her friends would say mean things and I would try to talk to her and sometimes, sometimes if she had enough to drink, she would talk to me like a sister and it was nice. And her friends would tolerate it."
"And the days afterwards would be nice, she'd be nice and we'd go out together for a meal and she'd tell me how her school was and she'd ask small things about the magical world. It was like we were sisters again, back when we were kids. But of course, I'd always do some magic or she'll say something nasty about me and we'll each retaliate and then it festers into a huge fight." Lily pursed her lips and sniffled a bit. She took her free hand and used the back of it to wipe the tears that were escaping.
"You see, we still have this ability to be kind to one another. Making this relationship tricky. We can be so nice to each other, I can count on her to save my life if anything but I know she could very easily rip it apart if she feels like it. And she did just that the other day with this letter." Lily said, picking up the letter and unfolding it, letting her eyes scan across the page while James stared at the back of it, trying to decipher the words.
"She's getting married and doesn't want me in the wedding. She's worried that I'll blow up the flower arrangements or something. I mean, my mum sent up a follow up letter saying that she's forced Petunia to let me in the wedding, so I'm a bridesmaid. But it hurts that she never wanted me to be part of that day and that my mom had to bargain with her to let me in."
Lily stared down at her entwined hand with James. "But she's also smart my sister. My parents know little of the war but my sister predicted the blood spill long before I learned about you-know-who. She could tell by how Sev treated me and her that there was a war brewing. She's scared I'll bring bad luck. She's scared that I'll get them all killed." At this point, Lily looked up at James to find his eyes downcasted. "I can't even begin to tell you how awful it is to acknowledge she has a point. But it's far more painful knowing that I belong neither in the wizarding world nor in the muggle world where danger follows me around."
James shook his head and shifted his eyes to Lily. "Don't be silly. You're one of the best witches in this castle-"
"Doesn't matter-"
James shut his eyes and breathed deeply through his nose which was clue enough that Lily should be quiet. "Lily, it does. Sure, there are a dozen or so people who'd rather see you injured or dead but they won't go near you. Everyone knows about your charms and hexes. No one would dare mess with you."
Lily smiled as James continued on, "As far as your sister… I have nothing to really offer. An only child, well I guess Sirius counts, but it sounds like she's a down right bitch."
And Lily felt like a weight dropped in her stomach, because that's what everyone says. And she knows that's the truth.
"But," James said, cutting her thoughts off as Lily jerked her head up to his face. "It sounds like she's just as confused as you are. Give it time. Continue trying if you want. Grab a meal with her and her fiancé, make sure to surround the wedding with defense spells and protect herself and friends. Once the war is over, go on over with a meatloaf or something and get to know one another again. Time is usually the answer to complicated situations with lots of emotions." James said gently and Lily couldn't help but smile because it felt like someone got it and it was James.
"Thank you." Lily whispered and James tilted his head with a look of confusion on his face.
"For what?"
Lily smiled again, "For listening. For putting up with my antics and my drunken state and just everything." And this time, James smiled back, his smile reaching his eyes.
"No problem. Come here." He said as he pulled his hand away and spread his arms out for Lily and she could only throw her head back and laugh. She quickly lunged forward and wrapped her arms around his waist while his snuggled around her. The position was awkward, James rested his head on top of hers.
"Let me know next time. Yeah? I'll personally provide you the good fire whiskey if you need a drink." James said quietly as Lily just laughed in his chest.
Because the thing with a James Potter hug, is that it feels like being wrapped in security blanket. There is a type of reassurance that only James can bring with his arms and steady breaths. Sometimes when he's showered, he smells of his body wash that has hints of mint in it and it's nice to breathe it in. Or he's just come off the pitch and has managed to attract every mud particle and smells awful but even that feels nice as he laughs as his dirty state and brags about his natural scent. Which was gross but Lily only rolled her eyes when she got a muddy hug and liked his quidditch robes felt and how she'd wear the smudge of mud across her cheek as a badge of honor. She liked his laugh felt when her face was on his chest and how she can feel his heartbeats.
Being with James felt like being home and happiness all at once. She didn't know how he made his entire body and his crooked glasses feel like home. But she knew his jokes made her laugh for hours and his very presence made her smile because he was there and that's when the true fun or challenge would began. And she can't help but wonders if she's the only fool in the room or if James feels the same way.
He does.