Awake
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Office characters, show plot lines, etc. But, boy, do I wish I did.
Summary: Right after The Kiss, Pam POV; Once awakened, she doesn't know what to do. ONE SHOT. Companion piece to Asleep also by me. Rated T.
Author's Note: I have NEVER EVER written fanfic ever before, but I thought I might try with my favorite television couple. Sorry if it's terrible.
Awake
I am awake; awakened by urgent pressure of his lips, the fingers in my hair, I can not help but to respond. My lips reciprocate, trying their hardest to merge into his. One whispered word escapes between us.
Jim.
Wait, that couldn't be right. I push away, and there he is. Jim. I want to tell him to stop: stop looking at me that way, stop making me feel that this is right. Shouldn't I be ashamed? Be contrite about the fact that I kissed (passionately -- that is a fact that can not be denied or argued away) a man who isn't my fiancé? My brain says yes; my heart says no.
He's still here, peering at me expectantly. No man has ever looked at me like that (caringly, hopefully, tenderly), not even Roy, my so-called fiancé.
Wait, "so-called?" This can't be right.
"Pam?"
A wave of emotion hits. Suddenly, I'm a mess. A sobbing, emotional wreck in Jim's arms. Strange how they feel so right around me. Strange how I feel that this is just where I should be – forever. He holds me tightly, possessively, until the tears subside. I can't remember the last time I was held this close without an ulterior motive. I look up at his face; it is sad, disappointed about something. A single tear glistens in his eye.
"Here, sit down. I'll make you some tea."
As he walks away, I want to call him back and tell him never to leave me again. I want to tell him how much his simple gesture of making a cup of tea makes me weak.
I hold my head in my hands, not quite sure that I have the courage to hold it up to look at him. What am I doing? I look back into the kitchen at a man who I have not been engaged to for three years; Jim is standing with his back to me. I see him rake his sleeve over his eyes not once, but twice. My heart squeezes a little tighter in my chest. I shut my eyes and try to think of Roy and our future together. For a minute there's nothing. But suddenly, a small flicker…
In my mind's cinema, I see a happy version of myself giggling and twirling in a much more lavish wedding gown than the one I've purchased (Roy argued that it was stupid to spend so much on a dress I'll only wear once. He's probably right.) I can see nervous excitement in my eyes and true happiness on my face as my father walks me down the aisle. He kisses my cheek and gives my hand to a – a much more slender, much taller man. Jim's familiar face beams with joy and love. I can feel tears running hot, salty trails down my cheeks now, but I refuse to open my eyes.
A flash to us standing in front of a precious house with – oh! With a terrace! We stand, fingers entwined, beside the "Sold!" sign. I kiss his cheek as he carries me over the threshold, ducking to guide his tall frame through the door.
A quick cut to a glowing me sitting on an off-white sofa, pregnant with our first child. Jim lays his ear on my belly to listen to our baby's heartbeat. I'm crying a little harder now.
Jim plays catch with his son, a miniature version of himself with the same floppy hair and goofy grin, in our front yard. I sit on the front stoop with our small daughter, and we laugh together as Jim misses the ball on purpose.
"Pam?" A light touch on my shoulder and my eyes open.
"Thanks." I take the mug, but instead of taking a sip, I take in Jim's slightly red eyes and mournful look. I decide This is what was meant to be. I set down the mug and look at him one last time. I can't stand to see him look so sad.
"Halpert, c'mere."
And for once in my life, I choose to stay awake.