Ever since it happened, I don't know how I've felt. It's like I'm feeling every emotion at once, and nothing at all at the same time. It probably sounds old and tired, but I really don't care -- it's true. I feel empty. Alone. Even with all the other Titans still around, nothing can really ever replace her.

And nobody really knows I'm masking it, either. When all I do in public is play video games and listen to music, I'm not really surprised that nobody's noticed yet. Heck, even the last time it came up, when I was fighting my other half when Trigon was trying to destroy the world, I was alone. Nobody heard it or saw how it still hurts. You'd think time would dull it, even if it's still pretty recent, but... it's almost like it happened yesterday.

She didn't scream when it happened. I didn't, either. Not immediately, at least. She was just... there. Then there was a flash. Then... she wasn't. I think that's what I liked best about her at times. Even when she was absolutely petrified she didn't show any signs of fear. Complete bravery. She really was the bravest person I have ever known.

Of course I still miss her. There's a hole in me that nobody's ever going to be able to replace -- not even the other Titans. I've been trying, yeah, but nothing really works. Not video games, not music, not food... I've even been spending more time in the gym. And... nothing. At all. I can't replace her -- not that I would if I could, because I never want to forget her. Not like I could do that, either.

I'm starting to sound like a broken record.

I don't care. I want her. I miss her. I need her, and I'm not afraid of anyone knowing it. People might call that a weakness, not caring who knows. I might be one of them, if I thought it made me weak. Wanting and missing someone doesn't make someone weak. Giving up does. That's why I'll never give up. I have to keep going on, keep fighting, keep being there for everyone else so I can be there for her.

You can put a broken record back together again, but it never plays the same way.

That's also old and tired. I guess that's the closest to how I actually feel: just old and tired. Worn out. I feel twenty years older and about ready to die. Death at mid-thirty? It happens. Weirder things have happened, and worse things, too. I know it happens. Losing her just made me realize how short life can be. There one minute, then a flash, then nothing.

Am I repeating myself? I'm not surprised. I didn't have much to say on the whole subject. I didn't think much of it through.

Put all the latest technology into mending that broken record. As shiny and new as it looks, it will still skip.