It hurt. Everyday he had to see Arthur and Gwen exchange secret smiles, both thinking no one was looking.
He saw, though, and was reminded each time that he couldn't have Arthur. It was a blow every instance Arthur enlisted him to cover for them or any task to help the two meet with each other.
Once in awhile he would guiltily think of tipping Uther off, but he knew he couldn't. What would it solve anyway?
Uther would order Gwen's death and Arthur would break apart. He couldn't do that to him – strip him of the one he loved.
He knew how it felt but at least he could be friends with Arthur and not just another visitor to a grave.
It was a bit ironic, really, he had been so hopeful when Arthur was telling him about his love for a servant and his difficulties expressing it. He had foolishly thought he had had a chance.
Well he was wrong. Besides, as mush as he hated to admit it, Gwen was perfect for Arthur. She was kind, fair, caring, yet stubborn and stood up for what she believed in.
And she believed in Arthur. She would support him as king more then a friend and adviser ever could. They loved each other and he couldn't tear that apart.
So he would watch from a distance and wish he was Arthur's. And just maybe, someone else would come along who'd love him like he loved Arthur.
Then Merlin could try and love him back. He'd be no Arthur, but he could live with that – he had never really had a chance.
Yes, he could try and love another. Until that man came, he'd make do with his own secret glances.
A/N: Review plz! My first slash fic! This is a big day for me =D