Cody Andrews was not an ordinary American teenager.
Well, he was, really. He liked to jerk off by looking at badly photoshopped pictures of blonde women with unnaturally large breasts. He was a virgin who was too nervous to insult or flirt with girls, and spent most of his time wallowing in the cesspools of the internet, where the anonymity made him confident enough to say mildly insulting things on the internet about people.
His father, who worked in a higher branch of the government, didn't know where he had went wrong.
All those lessons about staying clean and keeping his room tidy enough to not severely injure people just flew over the boys head.
Cody's room was a pigsty, and that was being generous. A wide screen plasma TV that had long streaks of pizza grease and unmentionable bodily fluids was mounted on the wall across from the pile of filth that dared to call itself a bed. A brand new Xbox One was connected to the TV. The console was still shiny, but there were some fingerprints and streaks of grease smeared across the other wise flawless surface. A few other high end gaming systems were thrown aside. They might have been in the sock pile.
Also, there was an odd, white oily substance leaking out of the vents.
Surprisingly, only a small portion of the substance was originally from Cody's body.
Although the gaming console was probably a biohazard, the rest of the room made it look like it had been washed in thrice blessed waters, dried with the pope's holiest robes and then blessed by the highest order of Seraphim.
There was a pile of socks with a few absurdly expensive gaming consoles underneath it. However, no robber would dare touch it, as it stunk to the high heavens and were stained with a suspicious white liquid.
Next to it was a bed, covered in crumbs, soda stains, and oils. It was a miracle that anyone could bear to be resting on the monstrosity like Cody was at the moment.
He was using a fresh white sock and staring at a picture of a badly doctored photo on his touch screen laptop that had cost almost $2,000.
The next day, his father died in an abrupt car accident that, strangely enough, no one else seemed to have been involved in, The car was promptly destroyed by a reliable and fast company that was known for getting the job done quickly and cleanly.
Three days later, there was a funeral. It was closed casket, which was fine by everybody. Walter Andrews was an obese man who often made very bad decisions for someone so high up in the government.
Cody locked himself in his room for a day. Everyone thought that he was grieving.
The reality of the situation wasn't so pleasant.
He partied for the entire time, drinking alcohol and watching explicit videos filmed by amateurs.
He passed out after a few hours from trying to drink an entire bottle of beer when it was the first time he'd tried to drink anything.
When his mother discovered traces of vomit in the toilet, she nearly cried. The poor boy must have been hit so hard by the sudden death of his father!
The next day, two men in black suits approached Cody on his way to a fast food restaurant. They passed by him several times before finally coming to the revelation that this was the boy that they were supposed to collect.
They were sitting in a nondescript black car. The model was so generic that the only people who could identify it were people who were obsessed with the models of cars that the government used. Those people tended to be the ones that the government didn't actually care about.
"Are you sure this kid is the right one? I mean, he looks like a typical American teenager with unlimited access to credit card."
"Yes, I'm sure! I mean, I've checked the photos, I've checked the videos, I've checked the files, I've even checked the goddamned bedroom recordings! I am absolutely sure that this is the kid we're looking for."
"I don't know... Maybe we should-"
"Look, just get the kid! I've seen him jerk off enough times to recognize him, and I don't want to see it one more time!"
Cody didn't put up a fight. In fact, he came with them after they spouted out some bullshit about his father. Cody thought that they were lawyers who were giving him a lot of money from his deceased father or something.
Cody was hiding behind a wooden crate, eyes wide with fright. This was nothing like a video game, and if he died, there wouldn't be any respawns or revenge kills.
This was real life.
He risked a peek at the alleyway and nearly yelped in fear, but managed to keep his mouth shut at the last moment when he remembered that they could probably kill him in an instant.
A blonde woman was walking over the filthy cement. She was wearing a provocative leather outfit and was holding a black whip.
She smirked when she saw the boy's gaping mouth, daring red lipstick outlining the perfect lips. With a perfectly manicured, glossy red nail, she made a 'come hither' movement.
Letting his other head take control, Cody moved out into the open.
The woman cracked her whip, and it was obvious that Cody was now very, very, turned on.
There was a another crack from the whip, but it wasn't the sound of a whip being cracked.
Cody died from a bullet through the brain.
Later that night, a woman peeled off her fake nails and carefully packed away a blond wig, revealing cropped brown hair underneath. She washed off the makeup and hung up the gun disguised as a whip The leather outfit was tossed aside in favour of blue cotton pajamas that were much more modest.
The woman hated dressing up in the outfit. It was cold outside, and the leather was uncomfortably tight, but at least she got to screw with the mind of a defenseless person.
She would never wear it if her mark was armed. Every killer worth their salt knew to never wear the fetish fuel clothing if there was any risk.
After all, life wasn't like a video game, where a fourteen year old could be a spy or something.
A government employee threw a file to the floor, ignoring the fact that he was in front of his superior.
"Look, I'm sick of this! We'll never have an American Alex Rider. We might as well leave the whole teen spy business behind and train cats instead."
The government official sucked on a butterscotch thoughtfully.
The idea had some merit...
A/N: Well, that was fun. This might have another chapter about other countries attempting to train spies, or the American government trying to trains wild cats to report to them. Depends on whether or not there's enough interest to motivate me.
v Those things are the times when I started writing and finished writing a fanfic chapter. They're just for personal reference.
Started: 5:27 PM, December 28, 2013
Ended: 7:50 PM, December 28, 2013