Toys 'R Us Fails at Hiring Managers
Okay, first, find the songs Her Eyes by Pat Monahan, and Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf, and have them playing in the background.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Seriously, do I look like I do?
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"I am not letting you drive in your semi-moronic state!" I shout. Alice jumps up, angry, her face red.
"Semi-moronic? How am I being semi-moronic? You're the one who let me buy half the supermarket!" She retaliates. I sigh.
"Alice, you tried to eat bleach, you just got out of a mental ward, and you bought $100 worth of ramen. Why would I let you drive?" It's already a losing argument. Geez…
"Because…" she puts her hands behind her back and rocks back and forth on her heels, managing to look like a preschooler asking for candy. "I'm your wife and you love me and I asked you." Which makes sense, but that's what she says to get me to go shopping.
"Ugh…fine!" I groan. She smiles. What did I do?
"Yay! Where are my credit cards?" We're going to Toys 'R Us!" she shouts. Help…
"Sorry. You got yourself into this." Edward says. I glare as Alice attempts to drag me outside and to her Porsche. Unwillingly, I leave, cursing under my breath the entire time.
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"Alice, why?" I ask as she shoves a pink fairy princess dress into my arms.
"Because! Now put it on." She says. I sigh and she immediately climbs onto the shelf, forcing the pink, sparkly fairy princess dress over my head. Please don't let Emmett see, please don't let Emmett see…
"Now put on the shoes. I need to make sure they fit." Alice hands me a pair of plastic stilettos. Good God… I take off my Converse, nice, normal shoes, and force the stilettos on. Oh great, now some fat dude's coming over. He better not think of hitting on Alice. She's my sociopath.
"Erm, ma'am…" Geez! This guy's like 40 and there are waves of lust coming from him. Creepy, fat pedophile! "We're getting some, erm, complaints about your friend's outfit. Please make him change." Go away, Mr. Pedophile! Aw, great, Alice looks mad. Brace yourself, greasy pedophile with some Harold dude's nametag.
"Well, listen here…Harold, if that is your real name! This is a free country! I am allowed to dress my husband up like a fairy princess if I want to! Do you have a problem with me forcing my husband to be a crossdresser? Because if you do that is unconstitutional! My husband is allowed to be a crossdresser if I want him to be one! Now shut up and leave or so help me! You have not faced the wrath of Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock Cullen!"
Mr. Creepy Pedophile, a.k.a. Harold, looks madder than he should. In fact, he is beet red. I have a bad feeling about this. Can it get worse?
I hear snickering and turn. Great. Standing there, having seen the whole thing, is my entire family and the wolves. Damn it! That's when I notice Emmett has a video camera. I glare at him.
"I don't like you…" I growl at Emmett. He laughs.
I could look a lot more menacing if I wasn't in pink stilettos. Angrily, I spin around and grab Alice's wrist, dragging us to the exit.
"But we haven't bought your awesomely sexy fairy princess outfit!" Alice complains. I stop and stare at her. That has to be the strangest thing she has ever said. Does turning into a human make you lose I.Q. points? Ugh! Stop laughing, Edward. It's annoying.
Just another reason that guy is going to die a mysterious, painful death.
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A/N: A deleted scene from Project: Antivenom, that would have been Chapter 8, had it fit into the story. It's name would also have been Briefly Immature, but since Project: Antivenom is a suspense story I can't have too much humor. So I put this as it's own story.