Asleep
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Office characters, show plot lines, etc. But, boy, do I wish I did.
Summary: Right after The Kiss, Jim POV; In a daze, Jim acts on an impulse. ONE SHOT. Companion piece to Awake also by me. Rated T.
Author's Note: I have NEVER EVER written fanfic ever before, but I thought I might try with my favorite television couple. Sorry if it's terrible.
Asleep
It feels like I'm running on auto-pilot, sleepwalking really. Surely, after being shot down in the parking lot like that, I'm not really pushing through these doors. Through a fog, I can see that she's standing at my desk, talking on the phone.
"Yeah, I think I do."
In my sleep, I walk towards her. I see her see me and hang up the phone. Before either of us can stop me, I kiss her. My sleepwalking has made me a bold man.
She's everything I imagined – sweet, soft, perfect. And strangely, she's pressing back, kissing back. In my waking stupor, I feel her fingers in my hair. This has to be a dream because I've just spent my lifetime supply on courage getting rejected by her tonight.
But this. This gives me hope. The hope that is shattered by the hard, cold reality of her pushing me away. She's stopped. And now she's looking at me. Before I can stammer my rushed apologies, I'm drawn into her eyes. Soft, confused.
"Pam?"
She bursts into tears and clings to me. It's not a good sign. Fuck, I think to myself. As if you hadn't cocked it up enough for one night… When the girl you love cries like you've broken her heart and won't release you, you can't help but to feel responsible.
Angry at myself for making Pam cry and for screwing up the one thing that makes me truly happy, I just hold her close. Not to be forward, but just to be the friend that she needs right now. Just her friend I think bitterly. Once she's stopped, I say, "Here, sit down. I'll make you some tea."
I try to turn away before she can see me start to cry again. Once was enough. I take out her favorite mug and warm the water in the microwave. My back's turned to her as I swipe at the tears that refuse to stay inside. Over the drone of the microwave, I can hear Pam weeping again. The self-hate wells up once more, and I feel like a jerk for ruining her night.
Seriously, why can't I just take "no" for an answer? She's getting married.
Maybe because you know that was a lie.
Pam's tea is finished, and I refuse to linger any longer on that thought. I pick it up, ignoring the heat because nothing can touch the pain inside.
It's worse than I thought. She is crying, eyes shut, head in hands. I think of just leaving her tea and walking out the door, out of her life. But I don't. Not yet. The sound of her tears is too strong. I tap her shoulder.
"Pam."
She lifts her head, but doesn't take the tea. She seems to just study my face. She hates you.
Inwardly I sigh as she takes the mug from me. Time to go. She suddenly says, "Halpert, c'mere."