Invader Zim FanFic for the WIN!

"Ah, just another typical day in your local high school." Dib said, leaning back in his chair. "Even Zim isn't here to-"

"You were saying, filthy earth creature?"

"Zim!" Dib gasped. He fell backwards out of his chair. He pulled himself up from behind the lunch table. "I... uh... I didn't know you were here today. I thought you left back to your urchin planet."

"Irken. Well, seeing as how I've been here for FIVE EARTH YEARS I figured I might as well stay for a while longer and continue the quest for WORLD DOMINATION!" Zim smiled. "Now, Dib, are you prepared to BOW DOWN TO ME!"

Dib raised an eyebrow. "Actually I was thinking about pretending you never came to this planet and, you know, living my life as a normal teenager."

Zim looked at him skeptically and then busted out in maniacal laughter. "As if you could do something so insane!"

Dib blinked. "No, I'm being totally serious. I'm really just not going to bother with you and your stupid plans that never even work anyway."

"Never work? NEVER WORK?" Zim exclaimed. "MARK MY WORDS, DIB BEAST! I WILL HAVE REVENGE!"

"Yeah, yeah." Dib rolled his eyes. He went back to his mutant pizza. "Whatever you say, Zim."

Zim frowned at him. "YOU'RE LYING!" When Dib didn't respond, Zim raised his fist in a threatening gesture. "REVENGE!"

Then he walked away. Dib sighed. "Glad he's gone. Aren't you, Gaz?"

Gaz was leaning back in her chair into her newest video game, as always. "Whatever." She looked up. "Did you really mean what you said? Are you really gonna be... normal?"

"Well of course." Dib said. "I'm seventeen now! I can't waste my whole life chasing after Zim."

"That's not what mom told you." Gaz commented nonchalantly.

Dib made a face. "Thank you, Gaz. What I really needed today was a snide comment about our dead mother."

Gaz stayed intent on the game, not even listening anymore. Dib shook his head. "Well, I guess I better get going to my next class. Which is...?"

"You're doing it again." Gaz said.

"What?" Dib looked up from his schedule. "Oh, the talking to myself thing. I'm working on it, Gaz. Why don't you try to stop playing those stupid video games?"

Gaz looked up; giving Dib the dirtiest look mankind had ever seen. "What... did you say?"

"Nothing!" Dib raised his hands in surrender. "I swear."

"That's what I thought." Gaz walked away.

"Phew... close one." Dib sighed.

"FILTHY EARTH SCUM!" Dib heard Zim shout from across the cafeteria. "GET YOUR VILE 'HAMBURGER' AWAY FROM ME!" Zim looked around. Dib was walking away. "Hmm... The Dib is not falling for my trap..."

"I told you." Dib said. "I don't care."

And Dib was gone before any further comment could be made.

-After school-

"I don't understand, Gir!" Zim protested. "The Dib Beast seems to be unphazed by the usual ALIEN things I do..." Zim looked in the mirror. "Could it be because of... me?" Zim frowned. "Gir!"

Gir looked up from his slurpee. "I'm gonna make waffles!"

He skipped off. Zim smiled. "If he won't pay attention to me... then maybe... he will to you Gir. GIR! Join me in the lab! We have to turn you..." (dramatic pause) "Human."

-The next day at school-

"Ah. Life is so much sweeter now that I don't have to worry about Zim every five seconds." Dib said.

"Hello, Dib." Zim said. "I would like to introduce you to our new student, Gir. He's a freshman this year."

"Wait..." Dib paused. "Gir? You're robot is a...?"

"HI!" The new Gir said, waving.

"Note Gir is not in a human suit. I have created an actual human body for Gir and downloaded his hardware into a prositronic brain." Zim said triumphantly. "Gir is... HUMAN!"

"You turned your robot human?" Dib asked.

"Yes." Zim said. "I will allow you to bask in my glory."

"Now that's just stupid." Dib said. And he walked away.

"Damnit, Gir!' Zim said. "He didn't cooperate! And I have picked up some of this UGLY earth profanity."

Gir sat barefoot in the dirt. "I can wiggle my toes! I like it when I can do stuff!"

Zim grabbed Gir's collar. "Come Gir! Into the dreaded high school..."

"But I wanna taco!" Gir protested. His slight figure was no match against Zim.

-At lunch-

"I can't believe he brought his robot to school!" Dib exclaimed. "That's the dumbest move he could've made. It's sure to blow his cover!"

"I thought you didn't care." Gaz said.

"I don't." Dib was quick to say. "But if I did, I would have him in a heartbeat."

"Geeze. It's just a robot. What's the big deal?" Gaz looked up for a moment. Her eyes, once back on her game screen, shot back up to a kid across the cafeteria. A small silver-haired boy with bright aqua eyes. She asked softly, "Who's that?"

"That would be the human robot." Dib said. "Focus, Gaz! Have you not been hearing a word I've said?"

"No." Gaz couldn't take her eyes off him. "Maybe we should go say hi. I mean, it wouldn't hurt right?"

"Are you CRAZY?" Dib asked. "He's a psychotic robot-boy!"

Gaz was already over at his table. "Hi. I'm Gaz."

Zim looked between Gaz and Gir. When Gir didn't answer, he said, "Say hello to the simple-minded Earth creature, Gir."

Gir looked up at Gaz with a bright smile. "Hi! I brought my taquitos to school!"

"He's so cute!" A girl from another table squealed. She ran over to him. "OH!"

"Back off," Gaz growled. "I saw him first!"

"Like hell you did!" The blonde said in her high-pitched voice. "I call dibs!"

"Did someone say my name?" Dib wondered, appearing drinking a soda.

"As if, freak show." The girl said.

"Ooh... Soda..." Gir said.

"Oh, you want some?" Dib asked, offering it to him.

"Woohoo!" Gir exclaimed, grabbing the soda from his hand. He flipped off the top and dumped its contents into his mouth.

"Gir!" Zim shouted sharply. "What did I tell you about sugar?"

"Umm..." Gir tilted his head and used one hand to get a knot out of his hair. "I dooon't know..."

Zim brought his hand to his forehead with a smack. "Gir! PAY MORE ATTENTION!"

"Hey, don't be mean to the little cutie!" The blonde said.

"Yeah, don't be mean to your little brother, Zim." Dib said with a smirk playing at his lips.

"How could you ever be mean to this cute little-"

"I swear..." Gaz picked up the girl by the front of her shirt. "If I have to tell you to back off one more time, you will be in such a world of hurt that you will rue the day your mom and your dad ever set eyes on each other."

The school bell rang. Dib smiled. "Well, Zim, I suppose we should walk to class together as good school acquaintances would."

Zim looked around. "NEVER! Zim walks with NO ONE!"

"But Zim, you said yous is gonna walk me to my classroom." Gir said.

"Wow. Even from a guy's perspective that's pretty adorable." Dib commented.

"Shut up VILE PIG-SMELLING DEMON!" Zim said. "No, GIR. I will not walk you to your class."

"I'll do it!" Twenty girls offered at once, immediately crowding around him.

"Back up! He's mine!" Gaz said. "I saw him first!"

"Like hell!"

There was a quiet beeping and then all the girls got simultaneously blown away, leaving Gir for Gaz. "Thank you Dib and your obsessive inventing."

Gir smiled. "I likes you."

"I... like... you too." Gaz said a little painfully.

"We're gonna be beeeest frieeends!" Gir said and he skipped off.

"Right... friends." Gaz looked ready to kill.

"So, Gaz." Dib wondered. "You still think this was a good idea?"

"Shut UP, Dib!" Gaz said. She was about to punch Dib when the cute Gir with his long silver hair dropped his torso down from the ceiling.

"Ya coming?" Gir asked, his little tongue sticking out slightly.

"Yeah..." Gaz said. "Just give me a minute with my brother..."

Gir dropped down from the ceiling and grabbed her hand. "Nooo! Now!"

"Ok, ok." Gaz sighed. "Let's go already."

Dib sighed as they were walking away. "Gaz has her first boyfriend, Zim is still an idiot, and the world is at peace."

"I'm right here you know..." Zim said.

"Oh, I know." Dib said. "It's just my outer inner monologue again."

"Oh..."

"So..." They were now all alone in the deserted cafeteria. "You wanna walk to class together now?"

Zim looked around. "Sure. Why the hell not?"

"Horrible children," Ms. Wormwood announced. "These are your knew foreign exchange students. Don't touch them they're cleaner than you."

"Exchange students, eh?" Zim muttered. "More pitiful humans for me to DESTROY!"

"Now, if you have anything you wish to say, speak now." Ms. Wormwood said.

It was a boy and a girl. Both were shorter than average and loosely Asian with slightly yellow skin, black hair, and black slightly slanted eyes. The girl had pigtails and was dressed in a short pink skirt and a white tank-top. She carried nothing more than a notebook and a stuffed bear. The male had slightly shaggy hair and wore mostly black. He carried a small back pack with him and had a pair of sunglasses on top of his head.

"I am Aki and this is my sister." The male said. "We come from Japan with our mother. My sister's dream is to make her living by creating yaoi anime and manga. My dream is to be the greatest paranormal investigator this world has ever seen."

"Hey, that's my thing." Dib protested.

"Now, my fellow students," Aki began. "Do not be alarmed, but there is an alien among you. It is my duty as paranormal investigator to point him out to you."

"Yeah, yeah. Save it." Ms. Wormwood said. "Dib has made it quite clear what you all think of our Zim and we assure you, he is quite normal."

"Yes." Zim said. "I am a very normal human Earthling. Nothing strange about me at all! YOU WILL BOW DOWN!"

Dib rolled his eyes. "A paranormal investigator... hmm..."

"Go... Sit by Dib." Ms. Wormwood said, gesturing to the two open seats behind him.

Aki and his sister sat in their designated seats. Dib turned around. "Hello. My name's Dib and I'm the paranormal investigator around here."

"Pleasure." Aki said curtly. "Zim... the green boy... You are aware that he's-?"

"An alien?" Dib shook his head. "After six years of no one believing me, I'm just not that interested in it anymore."

"Well perhaps I shall do what you cannot."

"Excuse me?"

"Perhaps I will unveil this Zim and therefore, prove myself the real nemesis of all paranormal creatures!"

"Good luck." Dib scoffed.

"Hey! Hey Dib!" Zim called across the classroom. "My wig is loose! Don't you want to unmask me in front of all of your fellow humans?"

"Not interested." Dib said.

"DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL!" Zim jumped on the table. "I swear I shall provoke you, SOMEHOW!"

"... He's that desperate to be caught and you still haven't exposed him?" Aki wondered.

"He just started doing that when I stopped paying attention to him." Dib said, waving it off. "Besides, I have bigger things to worry about. Like getting Mysterious Mysteries off the air for fraudulent content."

Aki appeared to be in thought. "... I hate that show."

"Yeah." Dib smiled sheepishly. "Same here..."

"You know, uhm, Dib..." Aki's sister said. "It sounds like Zim really misses you. That could only mean one thing..."

"Please... do not say it." Aki begged.

"He must want your penis! ^-^" She smiled brightly.

"Wait... What?" Dib's eyes were as wide as saucers. "How could you even...? H-he's an alien!"

"Ooh, I wonder if he has tentacles." She giggled. "Everyone loves tentacle rape!"

"Foolish earth girl! I care nothing for the Dib Beast!" Zim exclaimed. "It is simply too easy to conquer the world without someone trying to stop me."

"Then I'll do it." Aki said. "I'll be your nemesis."

"But... But that's Dib's job!" Zim said.

Aki's sister still had her bright smile in place. "When you two make up and everything, can I tape your love-making for inspirational purposes?"

"Bleh!" Dib and Zim both exclaimed at the same time.

Aki's sister giggled again. "^-^ 3"

Dib frowned. "How the hell?"

"What?" She asked.

"Your speech... was all emoticons... How do you say and emoticon?" Dib exclaimed.

"I'm Japanese, silly." She giggled again. "We all can!"

"This... it is GENUIS!" Zim exclaimed. "I must master these emoticons, therefore enabling universal understanding of my commands through faces..."

Dib shook his head. "Zim, your ideas only keep getting dumber."

"I know, I know." Zim said. "Which is why now would be the opportune time to catch me!"

"I told you, I'm not interested!" Dib growled. "How many times do I have to say it?"

"Don't be scared, Dib." Aki's sister said. "It's just the first step to your relationship is all! And don't worry," She said with a wink. "It only really hurts the first time."

"That's disgusting!" Dib said. "Why? Why this class? Why this year? Why now? Why Zim?"

The bell rang and Dib jumped out of his seat. He dashed out of the room. Zim shook his head. "Pathetic Earth WORM! It is clear who the dominant species is."

"Oh, so you do like to be dominant." Aki's sister said. "I was just guessing. Oh, don't you love how I can do that? ^-^"

"Emoticon Girl!" Zim exclaimed. "Give up your powers and I may spare your life!"

"Silly, Zim! It just doesn't work that way! ;)" She skipped off.

"So..." Aki said, sliding over to Zim smoothly. "If you want to get a new nemesis, we should get together. Maybe... at that ice cream parlor on the corner after school?"

Zim looked at his slightly blushing face. "Please! I have no time for you! The world will soon belong to ZIM!"

Zim walked off and Aki looked down. "Damn."