Everything is just so confusing right now.
I wake up some mornings in hopes of seeing her on my couch, legs stretched to the table, flipping through channels on the TV until she finds her favourite channel. She knew I didn't like it when she places her feet on the table, but she did anyway. I didn't mind eventually though, I got used to it. And it was her, so it was difficult to resist.
But other mornings I find myself relieved to see she isn't here, because I can make myself believe that I made the right decision, that it was better for her to leave. It was getting more difficult for me, and I can tell it was for her, too. It was against my will, and I thought about it for days and months until I finally made my decision. It hurt, but it was the best for both of us. I couldn't keep hurting her. I've already dug myself a deep hole, I didn't want to dig a hole for her, too. Although I think I may have already began doing so.
The tears in her eyes as she was leaving paled in comparison to mine. It wasn't just my eyes that were drowning, but my whole body too. I felt myself being reduced into a puddle of everything: tears, regret, anger, disappointment, and longing. A part of me wanted to grab her hand and take her back, but majority of me said to let go of her. Because if you love someone, you will be willing to let them go.
I understand, she deserves better.
I've been hearing news about her from people around the district. They said she moved to 2 and that she is with her best friend, becoming some sort of a powerhouse celebrity couple there. It seems like they already forgot about the boy she went to the Games with. The star-crossed lovers era has died, along with the former president, with snake-like eyes and a head of hair as white as snow. A new era has come, along with a new president. I now believe that people are very fickle, and when they see something shiny and desirable, they go for it.
I guess I already lost my shine.
And it's a good thing, because people won't notice if I leave and never come back.
It's a good thing, because the world needs one less person to carry.
It's a good thing, because the demons laughing and talking in my head will finally stop.
It is a good thing because I, Peeta Mellark, am no longer scared of the darkness.
I will walk into the light.
And I will no longer be confused.
A/N: Surprise! :) I know I said I wasn't gonna write anymore but this little piece right here is just begging to be written. I don't know how or why it came to be but it is loosely based off The Difference Between Swimming and Drowningby FlyingMockingjay56 here on ff. It's an amazing read (if you're into angsty and dramatic stories like myself, lol). So yeah, this piece is just some sort of a warm-up for me. I won't be making promises on going back permanently, however. School is still my priority. Hope you guys had a wonderful Christmas or whatever it is you celebrate and I hope you have a wonderful New Year! :)