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I go to Los Noches! See what trouble I get into! Don't own Bleach!... Dammit... note: I'm a little younger in this story, around 16 or 17...

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I watched another episode of bleach while munching on a bag of cheetoes. I was right at the episode where Halibel gets killed by... AIZEN! What the fuck! Oh, I'm gonna kill that BASTARD! Ok... Calm down... I quickly turned off the tv so as not to see a Halibelless Bleach, I couldn't imagine it! I ran to my room and turned on Resident Evil 4 to drown away my sorrows in mindless zombie killing when I saw a twinkling in my window. I looked out to see a...

Ok! Seeing fairies in the front yard was definitely not normal!

I sprinted outside to see a floating, sparkling, and adorable winged girl. In other words, she was everything I hated about the world.

"Hey! What the Hell do you want?! You Tinkerbell reject!" I yelled at her back. She turned around and addressed my like I didn't say anything.

"I believe you are disappointed at something young one?" She asked in a High-and-mighty tone.

"Hell yeah! My favorite character on my favorite show is dead! I'm bummed! But why the hell are you in my front yard you flat-chested bitch!" I really didn't want my neighbors to see a freaking fairy in my yard, it would tarnish my reputation!

She flew towards me and acted like I didn't just insult her chest size, seriously, no boobs at all! And ladies, keep in mind, I'm a guy.

"Young man, what if I said I could give you a chance to change the problem?" Oh, I see what she's playing at!

"Well, I'd say what would I have to do to get you to do it?" I could make a deal.

"Nothing, just have fun, pack some things to take with you, you are going to this 'character's' Television universe." Eh, I got nothing to lose.

I ran inside the house and grabbed my Dad's two Schofield Model 3 revolvers and two gun belts worth of ammo. I didn't even care I was clothed in just baggy shorts and a T-shirt that said, 'Yes ladies, my reproductive organs are free this evening.' with a smiley face on the front. (I actually have this shirt!). I soon stood in front of the weird fairy and waited for what she promised me.

"Remember, what ever you do affects the Tv show as well, so try to keep the damage to a minimum!" She tapped me on the head and everything went back...

I woke up to sand whipping me in the face, I snapped up and looked at the large palace in front of me. Las Noches! Yes, the creepy fairy didn't lie! I immediatly stopped dancing in the sand before anybody saw me and headed for the door. It was easy to get into really in, Ichigo was an idiot...

I wondered around the corridors for a while before hearing a commotion in the hall next to the one I had been walking in. I looked around the corner to see a large arrancar staring down at a younger arrancar with blonde hair and a mask fragment in the shape of an eye covering. Wait, blonde hair, eye covering. Melon...mellow... Melony! That's her name! Oh shit... I know that look in his eye! He was looking at her like meat, and he was about to chow down! I readjusted my gun-belts to cris-cross my torso and flipped one Schofield into the loading position. I inserted each bullet into the cylinder, counting six in all. After flipping the weapon into the loaded position and slowly pulling back the hammer. I turned the corner and shot the offending Arrancar's arm off.

"Ah! Fuck! Ah!" Wow, what a bitch, he was still screaming when I helped Meloni off the ground and instucted her to run. She looked apprehensive, but ran anyway. I turned to face the one-armed asshole with a threatening twirl of the gun before returning it back to it's holster.

"Ah! You shot my arm off!" He yelled. What a wuss.

"No shit, Dick Tracy!" I laughed.

"I'LL KILL YOU!!!" He swung a gigantic fist at me.

I jerked my upper body to the left, dodging the sloppy punch, and drew my other Schofield at his shoulder before shooting it off as well. He screamed again before yelling for his... friends!

"Ah, brothers, help me!" About five other arrancar of similar appearance sonidoed into the room and attacked. I felt a gust of air beside me and jumped to avoid being sliced in two and wheeled around to shot another large idiot in the eye, killing him. A second one managed to achieve a fist to my gut, propelling me down the hall. I felt doors hit my back and felt more pain as I busted through them. I fanned the hammer on my revolver and shot another two in the heart before hitting a piece of furniture, a table or something. I grunted as I stood up and fired my last bullet into the original asshole before flipping the barrel down to reveal the cylinder and loaded three bullets into the weapon and placed it back at my waist.

I spat the blood that had gathered in my mouth on the floor.

"I need a laser sight or something, I'm using more bullets than I have to. Now what ungodly hard thing in Lilith's panties did I slam into?" I turned to see a small blood splatter on a large table, a large meeting table. A large meeting table that had a lot of Espadas sitting around it.

"Damn, anybody get the licence of that truck?" I grinned and looked around.

I spotted her. Halibel.

She was even more gorgeous than the show. I noticed the large plushy breasts and the dark-toned skin and beautiful eyes. I could just barely see the wide, womanly hips before they disappeared under the table, but I had already seen all I had to. This might very well have been the best day of my life, too bad I blacked out from blood loss.

LATER

I woke up to see a solid white ceiling and felt a soft mattress beneath me. I rose up slowly to take in my surroundings with a dazed look. I was in a traditional hospital bed with bandages around my face and back. I looked down and took into account that I was only in my boxers, I hope a girl undressed me. Someone had set my belt and guns on the small table beside my bed along with my clothes. I shuffled through them to make sure everything was in order, and sighed when I saw my shirt in tatters form the fatal punch that fucker gave me and threw it away. I looked at the mirror behind my to see my first tattoo; An African woman with her arms chained above her head, a line of the chains trailing up to end at my neck, making the entire thing cover up my upper back.(I have this tattoo!) I got it when my first girlfriend in highschool was a native of Africa. She was deported back to her country a while later for unknown reasons, I still miss her. I put on my shorts and looped both guns around my waist on my way out the door. You should of seen the looks I got strolling down the hall with no shirt on, I wasn't Brad Pitt, but I could hold my own.

"Hey you!" I turned around to the voice to see the second Espada, Barragan wave me over.

I approached the old warrior with my hands in my pockets and asked as politely as I could.

"Can I help you?" He gruffly addressed me. "That was quite the show you put on in the Espada's meeting room boy."

I smiled. "I kill to thrill!" I hadn't said that in a while.

He laughed heartily at my answer. "Well, you did good at it!" He slapped me on the back, nearly making me fall over.

"Anyway, you should get back to the meeting room, Aizen wishes to speak with you." I sagged my shoulders, hopefully he wasn't going to kill me.

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Ah, what terrors await me on my quest in Las Noches!

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