Author: Miluielwen
Timeframe: post-RotS
Genre: general, drama
Characters: Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan
Summary: Qui-Gon reflects on his Padawan.
Disclaimer: One can only hope… ain't mine.
Disclaimer2: This is one of my drabbles-turned-story, and the first one I ever posted. Don't expect too much. ;-)
Dedication: Charmisjess – for being an awesome writer and for encouraging me to post this
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It was always your eyes, my Obi-Wan, that revealed your true feelings.
No matter how composed you would seem to strangers, face a mask of Jedi calm, your eyes would always betray you. You could never hide the emotion in them.
Over the years I learned to read this ever changing feature of yours.
Somber grey when you were sad.
Sparkling blue when you were happy.
Shocking green when you were upset or angry.
Your eyes that were always so full of life, of love, are now dull and bereft of hope.
You may not be the Chosen One, but you are special in your own way.
You are the sole survivor of a terrible tragedy, left alone to carry the burden of the Universe on your weary shoulders. Many others would drown in their despair had they been in your position, yet you continue on, knowing you must pass on the knowledge of an Order that stood for over a thousand years… an Order you devoted your life to, and that has now been destroyed.
It breaks my heart to see you reach out on Mustafar, only to recoil when you realise it is too late… that your brother will not take your hand anymore.
Force, it hurts! It hurts to see an old man, wise with the tragic wisdom of one who has seen too much, where there should be a vibrant young Jedi in the prime of his life.
And if it is hurting me so much already, how are you ever able to live with the pain you must be in?
You are so strong, young one. You took on an apprentice even before you were no longer one yourself. You pushed your grief aside to train a child, a child you thought dangerous from the moment you met him. You raised a little boy when you were barely a grown up yourself.
I knew this. I entrusted Anakin's training to you because of it. Even in my last moments, when my waking mind was filled with pain and the heartbroken, weeping boy that held me as I lay dying, I followed the will of the Force, knowing you would endure.
Anakin is fulfilling his destiny. The Prophecy will be fulfilled.
And yet, though I know that this was meant to be, and though I know it is the will of the Force that I have always followed, I wish I could spare you this pain.
It was always your eyes, my Obi-Wan, that revealed your true feelings.
They are an empty grey now as you enter your new home for the first time. I watch you as you step inside your hovel and heave a sigh, putting away what few items you have. I look on as you as you observe yourself in the cracked mirror the previous owner left behind, even though you cannot see me. There are so many lines on your forehead now, lines of worry, lines of grief; lines that should not be present in one so young.
But it is not those lines that attract your attention as you gingerly lower the collar of your dark under tunic. Rather, it is the bruising on your neck that is revealed when you do so… the bruising that is shaped all too distintively like a hand.
And when your strength finally fails, when tears finally escape from the eyes I cherish so much, I stand besides you as I always have... but you do not know.
Oh, how I wish I could hold you, my precious Padawan, my son in all but blood. How I wish I could cradle you against me like I used to when you were a child, scared after an all too vivid nightmare.
But this isn't a nightmare, and I cannot hold you. I am helpless as you fall to your knees, a hand clamped over your mouth, your eyes squeezed shut as if to block out the world that hurt you so much.
But you are strong, Obi-Wan. Minutes pass by, but you compose yourself, wiping away your tears as your eyes, swirling with emotion seconds before, return to their empty, glazed over state.
You will endure, as you always have, but I cannot help but wonder if your eyes will ever sparkle again.
Maybe, if you join those who became one with the Force before you, they will regain their twinkle.
Until then, I will watch over you.
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Thanx for reading! Reviews are much appreciated, constructive criticism even more so!