If you recognise it, it's not mine.

"Ok, class," the teacher said.

"Hands up if you already know what the alphabet is."

Brittany put her hand up, one of a few first-graders to do so. One tiny girl with brown hair was almost jumping out of her seat, hand waving in the air. The teacher looked round the room.

"Brittany?"

Brittany put a big smile on her face.

"It's the magical soup Mommy makes sometimes with squiggly pasta in," she said cheerfully. The teacher blinked.

"No, sweetie, I think that's alphabet soup. Who else has an idea? Rachel?"

The girl stopped bouncing and stood up.

"The alphabet is all the letters you need to make words, and I know the alphabet song, my daddies taught me. A, B, C, D, E, F, G-" she started in a loud voice. The teacher interrupted her.

"Well done Rachel. That's right, the alphabet is all the letters you spell with. Look up there, on the wall above the door. That's the alphabet."

Brittany frowned. They didn't look much like the soup her mommy made.

"Now then, we're going to start with the first bit today. Like Rachel said, there is a special song we will learn. It goes like this..."

The class copied her, Rachel singing out very loudly. Everything was going fine and Brittany was enjoying herself until it got to 'L, M, N, O, P'.

She tried to sing it nicely like everyone else, but she tripped over the sounds.

"Aitch, aie, jay, kay, ell, eminenem..."

Brittany tried again. And again.

"ellememem... enemen... ellemelon..."

The teacher stopped.

"Brittany, what are you doing?"

"It won't work!" the girl said, crossing her arms and glaring at the desk.

"What won't?"

"The ellemennomies! They keep on being mean and sound the same!"

"Ok... Try again, a bit slower. Ell, emm, enn, oh."

"Ell, emm, emmen..."

Brittany knocked her new pink pencil case onto the floor.

"Brittany, calm down. Try again."

"No! I don't like the alphabet. It's mean."

"Brittany, go wait outside. I'll speak to you in a minute."

Brittany picked up her pencil case and put it on the table again, before walking in a small circle round the room.

"I forgot where the door was..."

Mr Schuester walked into Glee club and waited for everyone to stop chatting.

"Ok, guys, I have a new warmup for today. You all know the alphabet song, right?"

"Erm, Mr Schue, you know everyone did that in like, first grade?"

"Oh, I remember that! I got to sing it to the whole class, it was one of the very first songs I ever learnt!"

"I don't know the alphabet."

Mr Schue broke off from explaining about different sounds warming up the vocal cords to send her a puzzled look.

"What did you say, Brittany?"

"I don't know the alphabet."

The Glee club bombarded her with funny looks and questions.

"Seriously?"

"Why not?"

"You don't know the alphabet?"

"How... What?"

Mr Schuester laughed lightly.

"Well, Brittany. Were you sick that day?"

"No, I just got frustrated. Emmeenen... No, emmanemm... No-"

Santana stopped her.

"M and N?"

"Yeah, they were too similar, so I couldn't say them."

Mr Schue smiled.

"Tell you what, Brittany. Are you free tomorrow lunchtime?"

"I think so..."

"Great. Come to my classroom then, and I'll give you a bit of a crash course."

"Isn't that a bad thing? Like a road accident?"

Brittany sat in front of Mr Schue's desk nervously.

"Will it hurt?"

"What?"

"The crash, will it hurt?"

"There isn't a crash, I meant that I'd teach you it quickly."

"So I can take my bike helmet off then?"

"Yes, Brittany..."

After a short discussion on crashes, bike helmets and cats, Mr Schue handed Brittany two sheets of paper. She looked at it in confusion.

"This one here is an M, Brittany. And the other one is the letter N."

"Emm, and this is enn," Brittany repeated, pointing to the paper.

"No, other way round."

"Oh. What if I turn them upside down?"

"Then the M is a W. That doesn't help, really, does it?"

Brittany turned the letters round a few more times.

"Ok. Got it."

Mr Schue blinked.

"Really? Can you do the song then?"

Brittany beamed, beginning the familiar tune.

"H, I, J, K, L, M, N... I don't know the rest."

The teacher's smile faded as he realised that he had a lot more work to do.

"Ok, Brittany. After N it's O, P, Q..."

"Ohpeeku..."

"Separate sounds, O, P, Q, R, S"

"Ohpeekuaress, no, O, P, kuaress..."

After a full hour, Mr Schuester had chased away a student looking for help, giving them a note for Brittany's teacher.

"Ok, got it!"

This was the sixth time she'd said that, only to discover there were more letters to come. This time, however, Brittany had just finished saying 'dubbleyouexeeded...no, dubbleyouexwhyed... W, X, Y, Z!"

With a triumphant grin, she recited the full song. Mr Schue applauded gently when she'd finished.

"Ok, that's it!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, why don't you go along to class now?"

"Ok! Thanks Mr Schue!"

Brittany skipped happily to the door, humming the song under her breath.

Mr Schuester leant back in his chair with a relieved sigh. After today, if he never heard that song again it would be way too soon...

This was why he taught at high school, Will Schuester decided, standing at the front of the class. He was only there because the only other teacher they could spare to fill in was Sue, and he wouldn't traumatize a bunch of little kids. It was just for today, one day. He looked at the instructions written on the whiteboard.

'Start them off on the alphabet, just the basics.'

Will sighed. Of all the subjects...

"Ok kids. We're going to start the alphabet today, your teacher tell you that?"

Twenty-three little faces nodded eagerly.

"Right. Well, there's a special song which goes like this..."

When the bell rang for break, most of the kids ran outside, but one little girl stayed behind. Tugging at his sleeve, a nervous voice piped up.

"Mister?"

"Yes?"

"I got stuck. Miss Merrin always says to ask if we get stuck, so I'm asking."

"Where did you get stuck?"

"At the emmenemmiewots."

"M and N?"

The little girl nodded.

"Can you help a bit please?"

Will smiled, leaning back in his chair. Then he laughed.

Here we go again.