Hermione deals with being tortured.
Hey everyone, this is my first fanfiction.
I'm sorry for my English (I'm German). But if you see a bad mistake, feel free to correct me. My the way, I'm still looking for beta reader...
Enjoy
DISCLAIMER: Nothing belongs to me!
Pain.
Just pain.
I can't escape.
I hear someone screaming,
It's me.
My voice is a high pitched sound of unending agony.
No.
Stop.
I cannot take it anymore.
I want to die.
Kill me.
I'm shaking while I am thinking about that. I touch my right arm, there is it; eight letters, which spell a word, that will ever be carved into my arm.
M U D B L O O D
Well, it would be wrong to say, that they will be there for ever. A few jinxes and it would be invisible, but I don't want to hide that. Somehow I'm proud of it,
of everything I've been trough. 17. 17 times Bellatrix put the curse on me. 17 times unbearable pain.
After a while my memories become a blur.
It can't get more worse.
More pain is not possible.
"CRUCIO".
Oh, God!
It is possible.
It is!
Please let me die.
Stop it, stop it.
STOP.
Am I a coward, because I wanted to die? I would have left Harry and Ron all alone.
But while I was lying twitching on the floor at Malfoy Manor, I almost forgot about them. I forgot about everything, except that pain.
Black curly hair.
It is everywhere.
Bellatrix is kneeing on me.
I cannot move, her weight presses me to the ground.
My arms are outstretched, I don't know where to put them.
Tears are streaming down my cheeks.
While I was still standing, I swore myself, that I wouldn't cry or beg.
That would have been just a pleasure for that fucking bitch.
But know....
I can't help it.
I can't stop it and I hate myself for it.
"It's meant to be at my vault at Gringotts. How did you get it? How did you get into my VAULT?
"We didn't took anything. Nothing. We didn't took anything."
That was everything I could get out between my snobs. Just before she started carving. I suppose the knife was cursed, because otherwise it couldn't have hurt so much.
Well, of cause not more than a cruciatus, but definitely more than normal cutting into your flesh.
There are many questions in my head right now.
Why me, why she'd took me?
As soon as I finished that thought I hate myself even more.
If she hadn't took me, then she would've tortured Ron or Harry. It would've been horrible to hear them screaming, while I could just sit unable to do anything in the cellar.
Ron told me. That expression which was on his face was in an awful way nice. It said, that I mean something to him, the memories of me being tortured actually hurt him.
What do I feel? Satisfaction? Maybe. Love? Yes. Happiness? ...Yes.
It is strange, I was being tortured, Dobby died in a mission to rescue us from that manor and I'm somehow happy?
No. Tears step into my eyes. I'm not. Sadness, overwhelms me. And I start crying silently in my pillow.
What is wrong with me? A minute ago I was happy because Ron showed his feelings trough wards me, but I don't allow myself to be happy and force myself to be sad instead?
I don't understand it, and my thoughts go back living room of Malfoy Manor.
I'm lying on the floor, unable to move. I feel so weak and vulnerable.
My whole body is aching. I look at my arm.
There it is, mudblood! Blood is steaming out of the wound.
My eyes want to close, but I struggle hard against it. If I get unconscious, I probably don't wake up again. I'm crying, she'll kill me, as soon if she is bored with interrogating the goblin.
This is going to be my end...
Oh god! If it has to be here right now, please let it be quick and without any pain. I've suffered enough.
Isn't it amazing what pain can do, even to the strongest persons? Pain can break you, and it is quicker than you think it can be.
It sounds like empty words, but I've faced it. I've faced Bellatrix Leastrange and I've faced the Cruciatus Curse. I know what I am talking about.
Before that incident I didn't know anything about pain. About hot and cold, sharp and hard, long and short, stinging and pulling, excruciating and fucking pain.
She pressed my head to the floor. What is she doing? What is she doing with my arm?
OH GOD! OH GOD! I can't get away. What's going on?
It hurts sooo much. I can't free myself, she is upon me, she is to heavy, I'm to weak.
I'm struggling, but it seems that hasn't even an affect on her. She just keeps on doing something.
I'm screaming and crying, but I perceive nothing more than that fucking pain.
It is all around me, in my arm and there, where Bellatrix is kneeling on me. It hurts so much.
Oh please, let it stop!
I'm scared, to be honest. Now even more than before. I just realize that I'm shaking.
I have to deal with it, that happened and I cannot make it unhappen.
I suppose that is strength, to go on in your life. I'm not allowed to drown into my fear.
I will it change into anger, and when I'll see Bellatrix again, she'll suffer. Like I suffered. I will have my revenge,
and I won't do it just for me, no she'll suffer for everything, that she's ever done. And I swear by the scares on my arm.
She'll regret it. Everything.
I won't go this way alone. Ron and Harry will at my side.
And we'll win this bloody war!