A Ramp To Nowhere But Trouble
Author's Note: The crap is wrong with me? A Kick Buttowski fanfic after like MONTHS of nothing? Hollow Eyes and This Wasn't In The Training Manual are on fire with anger at me. I don't even-DON'T JUDGE ME! *curls into a ball and hides under sofa* I swear to pasta that every single time I look up…that spider has moved just a centimeter and soon he's gonna land on my head! HARRY I DON LOIKE SPIDAHS! *clings to pineapple tree* Oh good the force of my horrible singing sent it away. That little-
Anyways enjoy this cutesy little thing that I had to write after I grew dissatisfied in the tiny numbers of fanfictions there are for this wonderful cartoon DON'T JUDGE ME *adult got slapped* There are a few spoilers if you haven't watched all the epis but eh whatever. I wanted to expand on the relationships and backstories so there. SPIDER IS COMING BACK! AHHH-*sings again*
Songs of the Mo *random songs as I write*: Diva by After School, Stupid Girl by Cold, In Too Far by Acceptance~~~
What are ramps but the simple machine that allowed our ancestors to roll large rocks attached to logs down a steep dinosaur infested hill? Well…maybe that's not entirely historically accurate BUT I DIGRESS! Ramps were intended to be useful and a positive influence in man's world. But there are times when such an advance does not instill confidence in the homo sapiens.
Mellowbrook was soon to discover this very fact. And one particular boy was about to hurdle straight towards an unforeseen danger that even a daredevil couldn't overcome with bravado. His crash helmet wasn't going to protect him from the truth forever.
"Alright Gunther I'm ready!" From a spectator's viewpoint, there was a bug sitting atop one of the largest skateboarding ramps ever seen. Surely Home Depot must've been cleared out for this one for the sun was partially blocked by its sheer hulk, causing eyes to ache and squint up into the solar glare. The bug continued to converse with someone down below through a walky-talky in a surprisingly deep timbre.
"Right on Kick! I've got the hang-glider you wanted! Everything's all set!" The croc wearing Nordic boy replied in excitement to the flash of white wayyyyy up above in heavens hairline. A flock of birds had to split their 'v' formation to avoid collision with not only the structure but with the falling white and red striped comet hurtling down to the earth below on a battered blue skateboard. His confident grin mixed with gallons of Cheetah Chug and the high of adrenaline made up for his seemingly small stature as his velocity increased and made his way to the valley of the next side of the ramp that would send him flying off Dead Man's Drop.
In the blink of an eye and a quick squeak of his vibrant yellow gloves the blur snatched up the hang-glider already set up in his path. Gunther hastily ran to get a better glimpse of his friend as he soared across open space…only to come face to face with an inconveniently placed clifface…where he slid down to the opening of some sort of cavern.
"Aw biscuits ….ow…" Kick Buttowski rubbed his face as he brushed himself off and took in his surroundings. There was something odd about this place…
"HEY KICK! ARE YOU OKAY!" Gunther's voice echoed from his vast distance away. "I guess our math was wrong again!"
"Yeah! Hang on I'm going to check out this cave!" He scooped up Ol Blue as he replied.
"Okay! Watch out for rabid groundhogs Kick!" Gunther called back and shuddered, his eyes growing wide. "I'm not joking…they will swarm you if you yodel!" A small flashback of Gunther dramatically yodeling out into this morning's sunrise entered his mind's-eye. He shook his head to clear it just as the red eyes in that memory came closer-
By now Kick had made his way into the shallow cave, impressed by the intricate designs the stalactites and stalagmites made like a spider's web mixed with honeycombs, the glittering effect on the surface of a small crystalline pool of water…the cave drawings? "Woah!" Kick dashed closer to the wall, bringing a hand up to his chin in thought as his eyes scanned one small piece of the cave wall. "That looks a little like-"
A sudden noise stole his attention to the cave mouth. "Huff…Huh…WOO!" Gunther collapsed, faceplant style. "I'm not doing that ever again."
"Gunther. How did you get here?" Kick raised a brow.
"Well…" Truth was, Gunther had the urge to yodel again…and he had to escape for his life… "Rabid groundhoggssss I tells ya!" His eyes glazed over again as shadows gathered around his face. Only to quickly brighten again. "Woah this place is cool! Nice square footage, enough room for an expanded closet," He held his hands in two 'L' shapes as if imagining the interior of a house. "Ooohhh and a wonderful view with no neighbors in sight!"
"Take a look at these Gunther." They paused in front of the wall again.
"Hmm…" Gunther scratched his chin. "They seem pretty familiarrrrr…I just can't put my finger on it-OH IT'S NACHOS SEE!" he pointed at one particular scene painted on the wall.
"Noooo…I don't think it's nachos…" Kick pondered seriously. "Maybe a pizza? Or a rhinoceros?"
"OR A PIZZA RHINOCEROS!" Gunther's stomach growled loud enough to shake the ground beneath them. He blushed girlishly, striking a 'teehee' pose. "Oopsies."
Kick cracked a grin as his stomach responded. "I guess we should go and eat some grub before we try and figure this out. To the Battle-Snax?"
But it would seem his friend was already halfway down the cliff, screaming as rabid groundhogs stormed their new hideout. "WHY AM I NOT ALLOWED TO EXPRESS MYSELF THROUGH SONNNNGGGGG!"
"Ah…I love this song…" Kendall Perkins sighed contentedly, sinking into a plush white armchair as her radio chortled with Mozart's Symphony #40 in G minor. The ups, the downs, the playful and excitable nature of the music caused the young class president to close her eyes and feel a strange sort of anticipation as the music became more anxious. The suspense as the music rose and fell like her breathing from calm to daring caused her to put her books aside and stand to look out her lacy-curtained window at the wealthy neighborhood of purest green lawns below.
What should I do today? I've done all my homework…for the next two weeks…Ronaldo is away at Physics Camp for the next few days…
"Ah! That's it!" She smiled abruptly and as the music concluded, she quietly snuck past her father's office where she heard him having a 'strong conversation' over the phone with work…only to practically knock over a stout and stern faced older woman carrying a tower of towels. "Sorry Rosamund!"
"And where are you going Miss Perkins? Don't you have studying to do?" The grouchy hag narrowed her eyes, glancing over the blonde girls shoulder as the master of the house's increasingly heated conversation rose in the study.
Kendall crossed her arms and tilted her head up haughtily, closing her eyes. "Of course I've been studying Rosamund. But now I have some research to do out in the garden. So if you'll excuse me." She brushed past her to the French doors, frown increasing as her old nanny called out to her. "You have to uphold the Perkins family name as it's heiress you know! There is no time for frivolous shenanigans!" With her back to the woman, Kendall mouthed along the entire over-used phrase in a smart alec-y attitude complete with an eyeroll.
"Like I don't know that." She grumbled under her breath as she disappeared amongst well kempt hedges and blooming foliage and topiaries in the shape of swans. The gardener tipped his visor to her as she edged past and as the scent of roses sent her honest smile back around. She walked until she reached the edge of the plush oasis and glanced around, and finding no one spying on her, she pushed through a certain spot in bordering hedges and slipped out of her confines.
BURRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPP! Gunther's gaseous belch made Kick's jumpsuit collar flap violently by its force. The other patrons had all either fainted or had taken shelter under the tables, their hair completely mohawked by its power.
"Nice one Gunther!" Kick grinned, pushing the door open as they left the restaurant. "Thanks again guys!"
"Come again Kick." Gunther's mother smiled kindly. "Be back in time for Florgens Time Gunther!"
"Alright mom!" Gunther, noticing his friends baffled expression, explained. "It's a tradition from the old country where we reenact our ancestor Viking's first voyage." They crossed the street. His eyes suddenly lit up in excitement. "THIS YEAR I GET TO BE THE FIRST FISH THEY CATCH! I've been practicing my glub face for weeks now." To prove his point, he abruptly fell to the ground, eyes wonky and unfocused, and gasped as he flopped around like a fish out of water….or just like an idiot.
"Sounds…interesting." Kick grinned, used to his friends randomness.
Gunther rolled into a trashcan and stood again. "So what are we gonna do now?"
Kick had forgotten all about the cave from earlier, his mind too focused on conquering the latest stunt. He dropped down Ol Blue and turned to his best bud with a self-assured grin. "Let's try that Super Mega Awesome Hang Glide of Doom again."
"Awright!"
"I just need to go borrow more sheets to fix the holes in the hang-glider!" Kick skated eagerly ahead. Gunther trying to keep up.
But things didn't run so smoothly for the fun-loving duo it would seem. A few 'Yeah Brads' later and Kick and Gunther found themselves cocooned and hanging upside down in the very sheets they'd set to borrow.
"All. The blood. Rushing. TO MY HEAD." Cocoon Gunther's muffled voice yelled desperately as he flailed his body back and forth to free them from the ceiling fan.
"That's it Brad!" Kick's voice determinedly rose from his chrysalis. Brad merely guffawed and wiped a tear from his eye. "You asked for it Dillweed!"
"Gunther let's swing this fan around!" Kick commanded with an air of determination. With rapid wiggles they managed to create a whirlwind of such force, they sucked in Brad…whose knobby legs tangled up the fan and caused the two ensnared to go tumbling out like candy from a piñata.
Just in time to hear a long blast from a Viking horn.
"Biscuits!" Kick rightened himself, ignoring his older brother's whines of pain from his entanglement in the fan and sheets…looking much like a puppet on his strings.
Gunther rubbed his head and shot his friend an apologetic look. "Sorry Kick. Time to go! But I promise to help you out tomorrow!"
Kick grinned good-naturedly. "Yeah it's no problem Gunther. I've got to fix the hang-glider anyways! See ya tomorrow! Have fun being a fish!"
"GLUB GLUB! That means 'Bye Kick'!" Gunther waved, puffing his face in fish-like quality and shot out the door.
Kick shot a finger gun in reply and then brought a hand to his chin. "And I guess it's time for me to go pick up that hang-glider so I can master that stunt!" Brad squirmed from up above, and Kick took pity on his way out of the room with a sheet, turning on the fan…causing Brad to smack his now pug-face into the wall. "T-Thanks…" He moaned, voice reaching a high falsetto when his leg twitched.
So the last place I saw the hang glider was where I crashed at that cave. And then I can just patch it up with this sheet! I've been wanting to do this stunt since Grandpa told me about his adventures in the war!
One long hike later and Kick was at the cliff-face again. He glanced around for rabid groundhogs but was lucky enough not to run across them again. Again he was struck by the hidden beauty of the natural cavern. You know…if I hadn't miscalculated and hit the cliff…I don't think I'd ever have found this cave in a million years. You can't even notice it from far away. And it's kinda blocked from view by that bolder. "I think this would make a great hideout!" Kick grinned, previous task paused as he journeyed even further into the small cave. "Wow this place is deeper than I thought!"
Then he noticed something. "Are those…candles?" A small set of matches lay next to a few well used candles on a rock that made a great table. Curious, he lit them up and took a candle with him to explore further. "It seems like someone found this place before me." Those cave drawings don't really look that old. The flame flickered as a gust of wind came through from somewhere.
A fluttering movement caught the corners of his eyes to a place between the most beautiful of the frilly, castle-like stalagmites. In all honesty it looked like a fairy kingdom, the ridges and milky lines making a stunning structure. "A curtain?" Upon further inspection, he found dozens of melted candles upon newer, half used candles, blending into the natural structure. "AH! HOT HOT!" The wax started dripping so he lit the rest of the candles while his eyes widened in disbelief.
A large beanbag chair and several fluffy pillows were thrown about the small circular area, a cozy hiding place. Books and random trinkets, a few fascinating odds and ends, a bit of feather and quartz here, a tattered old Robert Frost there, a dozen pressed flowers and an old bird's nest lay against the natural shelf provided. There were also several posters hung up with nails. "Mia Hamm? Marie Curie? The Palais Garnier? Who likes this stuff? Who's hideout is this?" Kick recoiled in semi-horror of the discovery of soccer player, chemist-physicist and 'World's Famous Opera House'.
But that's when he heard footsteps at the mouth of the cave, echoing ominously. That sounds too big to be a rabid groundhog. Kick gulped, wide eyed he looked around and dove for cover in the pile of pillows.
"Candles…" He blinked when a familiar voice mumbled on the other side of the curtain. "Alright, who's in here!" The voice held a hint of caution in its authoritative timbre. "I'm warning you! I'll give you till three or I'll-"
"Kendall?" Kick gaped, head emerging from the curtained off area, it hanging amusingly around his small frame.
"CLARENCE!" Kendall actually looked shocked, mouth in equal gape. "W-Wha! How did you-!" Then she peeked towards the cave entrance where the mass of twisted sheets and metal sat. "Okay maybe that should've been a giveaway…"
"What is this place?" Kick peered up at her curiously. "This cave can't honestly be your hideout!"
"Well it is! I found it first!" Kendall crossed her arms and knit her brows together. "And why not!"
Kick didn't get ruffled often…but the tall bossy blonde had an uncanny ability to get on his nerves. He met her glare, anger beginning to randomly churn in his chest. "Because it's way too awesome!" He raised an eyebrow towards the curtain. "Though your decorating skills are something to be desired."
"That's none of your business Buttowski!" She seethed, actually saying his last name with venom. "Now get out of here!" She let her pointer finger do the work as it attempted to escort the small daredevil out of the cave.
"Sure thing!" Kick growled, bending down to pick up his skateboard and mangled hang-glider. "I don't care about your stupid hideout anyways!" Then he blurted out something he hadn't intended. "Besides, the last time I was in a cave with you I ended up stuck to you and your stupid ECK boyfriend."
He had conveniently forgotten-ergo desperately- buried those memories in the farthest corners of his mind so he wouldn't remember his moments with the girl.
"Leave my darling Ronaldo out of this! And anyways that was all your stupid fault to begin with!" Her eyes glinted as a part of her chest panged at the sudden dismissal of their actually pleasant memories that now seemed to disgust him.
"Gag me." Kick bit back the bile at the words 'darling' and 'Ronaldo'. "Where is he anyways? Aren't you two always together?"
Kendall took a step towards him, challenging him. "Why do you care?" Then she stuck her nose in the air, using her height to her advantage. "He's away at Physics camp. And for your information we are not always together. I have a life you know."
The boy gave snort of incredulity. "That's hard to believe. You probably spend most of your time studying and in the library."
It was Kendall's turn to display fake indifference. "Well there are a lot of things you don't know about me Clarence."
A sudden thought struck him. "Wait a minute how did you even find this place! It's Dead Mans Drop! I mean-"
SCRREEEEEEEE! The two spun about face to see…the rabid groundhogs were back. Kick took a slow step backwards, eyes wide. "Aw biscuits. Kendall...I'm going to try and create a diversion and-" His jaw dropped. The girl strode fearlessly towards the foaming at the mouth beasts. "W-Wha!"
"I thought I told you guys…TO LEAVE ME ALONE!" In an instant, the innocent seeming girl's face morphed to a predators knife-filled maw, eyes terrifying and red, form tall, dark and intimidating. The rabid beasts whimpered and shrunk in fear, turning tail to jump off the cliff.
"Hmph!" Kendall did her signature pose with nose in the air. Turning, she raised an eyebrow at Kick's stunned expression and drooping corners of his mouth/pointing finger. "What?"
"How'd you-!" Kick shook his crash helmet. "That was…awesome! Though kind of scary…" His fingers flailed and his eyes reflected admiration. "But you sent rabid animals packing like that?"
A tinge lined her cheeks and she blinked. "Ah well…" Then she turned her back and crossed her arms again, embarrassed from his sort of praise. "I told you there were things you don't know about me."
"Hmm…you're kind of scary." Kick scratched the back of his helmet.
She aimed a disapproving eye towards him. "Huh?"
Realizing that sounded callous, he backtracked with his hands in a 'woah, hang on' gesture. "I mean…there really is a lot more to you than I thought." His voice sounded more thoughtful than usual as he recalled his memories, counting them out on his fingers. "I mean there was that time where you actually ate a moldy sandwich out of a trashcan, and where you rivaled Gunther in gas release and then you were actually…pretty awesome when we had to get that Anti-Sticky from Ronaldo's lab and…" He trailed off remembering a few moments as well…where he actually felt a bit more comfortable with her than he'd like to remember.
"Oh so you do remember all that then…" Kendall's face tinged a little brighter red. "I thought maybe you forgot."
Kick blinked. "Huh?"
"Even if you think I'm 'not so bad' as you put it…you still hate me." Kendall rubbed her arm, looking downcast. "So I thought you forgot that it was possible for us to get along."
"Hate you?" Kick had to think about the word for a moment. Do I hate Kendall? "No…I always thought you hated me. Sure you can get on my nerves because you can be kind of a killjoy and bossy…but I don't hate you. I just don't know what it is that makes me irritated when I'm near you. It's like we can't be in the same area without us at each other's throat...well 99% of the time."
"Well ignoring that killjoy and bossy comment." The blonde shook her head, sighing. "I don't hate you either…nor can I understand why we usually fight with each other…I mean you're…you're 'not that bad' yourself."
Kick was at a loss of words. "Uh…" She doesn't hate me? Then why do we fight so much? "But then…"
A light breeze came through the cave, rippling the blonde's hair. She took a breath. "You know…" Kick felt himself fidget. "Maybe we wouldn't fight as much if we got to know each other better."
I'd never thought of that…maybe she has a point… He bit the bottom of his lip, mind awhirl of confusion. I don't like her. But I don't hate her. And same with her…on occasion we have…gotten along. I guess technically it doesn't make sense…I generally get along with most people minus Ms. Chicarelli. Sure we don't' always see eye to eye but…she couldn't be all that bad right? "Ye-"
DOODODOODOOODODOOOOODODODO~! Both kids jumped as Kendall's phone went off. "H-Hello?"
Hello my darling Kendall~
Kick held back a gag again. "Oh hello Ronaldo." Kendall blinked. There was a strange expression on her face.
Oh Kendall I wish you were here right now~ We're making solar powered calculator manufacturing robots right now~ I called my version Kendall 3000~ In your honor my dear~ Tell me now, isn't that romanticccc~ He crooned enough for Kick to fall to his knees and want to retch.
"I'm honored~" Kendall beamed. "I can't wait to see its design~" Kick's face looked very much like he'd swallowed a rotten two year old fish taco with moldy socks and a sprinkle of cat hair…he knew from experience what that tasted like.
Where are you right now darling? Are you home? Can you get to your computer? I can email you a picture right now as we speak~
"O-Oh well I'm home but I…I'm studying right now so I'll have to see it later." She bit her lip. The daredevil looked up at her in surprise. She's lying about where she is and what she's doing?
Aw well alright dear~ I understand how important it is, BELLLLIEVE ME~ We have a reputation to uphold you know~ Ahaha~ At this something unreadable clouded Kendall's eyes, though only for a brief second and Kick saw it. Ah! Well I must leave you now Kendall dearest~ Me and the guyyyss here are about to grab a quick rich in iron and carbon bit to eat now~ Parting is suchhhhh sweet sorrow~ Chao mon cheri~
"Bye Ronaldo~" CLICK! A smirking Kick caused her to frown. "What?" Her tone demanded.
The boy looked away smugly. "Oh nothing. Just never thought I'd hear Kendall Perkins lying to her ECK boyfriend." Though now that I think about it…A brief awkward pause was shared between them they remembered the time they had to hide from Ronaldo in front of that Hardware Store and ki-, how she had lied in that moment in Ronaldo's garage where they admitted the other was pretty awesome, faces tinged, and said Kick merely was there in the garage because he walked Kendall over like a gentleman…even though it was because their hands had been stuck together by sap. Though Ronaldo figured out when Kick and his hands got stuck together later on what had happened…no one brought up the reason as to why lying about it was necessary…
For one rare moment, Kick felt his cheeks burn at the memory…at the memory that he had in fact…blushed when they had their hands free. They slowly slid their eyes up to meet the other's gaze, thinking the exact same things…
"Ahhhhh…" Kicks jaw dropped for lack of better words. Then he quickly looked away. "So…why did you lie?"
Kendall laughed nervously, but then recomposed herself, smile evaporating and eyes hardening. "Well it's not really your business now is it."
"What?" Now Kick was very confused. "But I thought you said-" He raised his hands in bewilderment. "Didn't you just say we should understand each other better so we don't fight as much?"
In the blink of an eye, Kendall snapped. "I think you'd better leave Clarence." Kick's eyes widened and he felt anger bile up again… I just don't get her. And why am I even bothering with her anyways? It's Kendall for crying out loud! I must be going crazy! Why did I ever think we would be anything but enemies?
A squeaking sound indicated the daredevil's hand opening and closing his fist as he clenched his teeth. "Who am I kidding? Why am I even bothering?" He grumbled. "You're Kendall. The bossy, fun police. I'm Kick. The daredevil that lives and breathes for fun and danger."
Kendall finished the train of thought aloud for them. "You're right! We're never supposed to get along. Anytime we do get along is a fluke! It must be! It's impossible for us!" A crack began to creak in her heart, the sound of its breaking caused her voice to crack at the very last word. "So just LEAVE!"
"Fine! I will." Kick felt a strange feeling in his gut, like an intense stomachache. As he reached the mouth of the cave he paused, back to her, collar swaying with the breeze, and pointed to the wall with the drawings. "Those pictures…they are of you aren't they?"
She didn't respond.
"I couldn't tell what it was at first…but I think I get it." He hesitated. "They are all of your happiest moments. And for someone who is as 'perfect' and all-knowing as you…that's not very many."
"What do you know!" Kendall could feel the crack in her chest groan under the pressure building up, her eyes blinked rapidly to combat the water in her eyes. "Just go away already!"
Kick complied, horribly confused and angry. I was right! She does hate me! There is no way we could get along! What was I even thinking? Mind awhirl, he made his way home, passed through the taunts from Brad in the living room, the loving greetings from his Mom and Dad telling him lunch was almost ready and their concern as to why he was home so early 'didn't you have a stunt today?', opened his bedroom door, pulled off his jumpsuit, and crashed belly down on his bed. What was I thinking…? I had tried to forget that moment in front of the hardware store and in Ronaldo's garage…only focusing on maybe not beings so mean to Kendall all of the time because she actually had an awesome side…but I must be wrong…it must all be a 'fluke'…
Meanwhile…
Kendall bit her lip and stared at the wall, that big stupid, mostly empty wall, silent tears running down her cheeks. He's right. How did he know? And he didn't even notice that most of those stupid childish drawings had to do with him…I wish I hadn't decided to come here today…I just wanted to get away from everything….
She took the curtain from the small alcove and hung it up over the wall. I can't be associated with him. I just can't. I have better things to worry about! All this time I've just been foolish! I have class president and straight A responsibilities, an heiresses reputation to uphold, a boyfriend! I've just been…up to frivolous shenanigans thinking I could maybe understand and get closer to that stupid boy! Someone who is so much different than me! Someone who always causes some sort of trouble for me! Someone who risks so much for nothing but…happiness…
And that was what caused her outburst, complete 360 on the daredevil…that idea of happiness. She couldn't have that luxury when so much was expected of her… The wind grew stronger as it ripped through the cave, blowing out all the candles and leaving her there alone, as she had wanted…alone and in the dark with all her ideas of happiness in what she had thought was a sanctuary…covered up by a flimsy curtain that got swept up by the wind.
The ramp by that cave led to nowhere. But trouble.
TO BE CONTINUED…
Haha there are no pineapple trees! Check out my DeviantArt page to see the lulz pic of what Clarence would look like without his helmet. Seriously what does his hair look like under that helmet? Anyways I never intended this to be so sad and long. OH WELLL~~~~ Guess I'll have to keep you posted! *gets punched* ~