handbags at ten paces
one, kida masaomi!
Once, Mikado had wanted to take the train. He had gone to the train station without telling anybody else where he was going, and even when he was buying the ticket he had looked around furtively to make sure nobody was watching as he pressed the fare that would take him all the way down the line. He doesn't know why he did this – it wasn't as if somebody was going to stop him and say, 'Young man, why are you going to Ikebukuro?' A lot of people from Saitama go to Ikebukuro, for work and for play, so his going there was nothing unusual.
Nonetheless, as he heard the train approach, his heart was racing, and he wondered over what to do after he got to Ikebukuro. Impulsive was not something that Mikado did well, so even on this spur-of-the-moment trip he had to plan his itinerary. He would have to contact Kida-kun since he didn't really know his way around, and to be honest Kida-kun was the reason he was going to Ikebukuro in the first place. He missed his friend with his devil-may-care attitude. Then, after they met up they would – what would they do? Mikado would probably have to phone his parents and tell them that he wasn't going to be back for dinner, and maybe then Mikado would sleep over at Kida-kun's and they could catch up, except they actually didn't have that much catching up to do, because they chatted quite often online.
This is why it was always Kida-kun who did the spontaneous things, with Mikado getting dragged along for the ride.
The jingle announcing that the doors were closing rang, and Mikado watched as the train doors closed. He watched as the train pulled out of the station, and then he left the station too, but via pavement rather than train tracks. He walked back to his home and then he walked through his front door, and after he took off his trainers he said, 'I'm home!' only to find out that his parents hadn't noticed his departure. Since he had nothing else to do, he walked up the stairs to his room and went online.
Bakyura
What've you been getting up to?
Tanaka Taro
Ah, nothing much.
two, kida masaomi!
Now, Mikado is actually taking the train. His heart is pounding and his palms are sweaty and he is sure that everyone else on the crowded train knows it too, but he doesn't care because this is it. He's moving to Ikebukuro and his life is going to change. His body is completely still, belying the pressure that is building up inside of him. He is a protostar, a dust cloud of so much – so much – shapeless quixotic material that has yet to fully form, has yet to start fusion.
He thinks that in Ikebukuro he will be able to shine, if not bright blue then a long, faint red.
He is going to meet Kida-kun again. That had been the catalyst, talking to Kida-kun in the chat. After Kida-kun left, class had been... not lonely exactly, but different.
Uninteresting.
Motionless.
Grey.
He has up and left everything behind in this single act, and he hears it in the rickety rack of the train on the tracks, a continual promise for more and more and more. In the corner of his eye he can see the world flash by him, splashes of green and red and blue and yellow – it is as if the whole landscape is covered by a photo filter that makes everything more vibrant.
He does not realise that he has been staring in the direction of a girl until he looks – really looks – at what is actually in front of him, and when he does, he sees that she is giving him an odd look. He doesn't know when it entails, but it could be anything from accusatory to fearful to hostile. He immediately flushes – staring hadn't been his intention; he just happened to be looking that way when he got lost in his thoughts – and he starts to open his mouth to apologise reflexively when he spots the corners of the girl's lips turn up in a nonchalant smile.
His face is pink when he looks at the ground, and his gaze does not waver for the rest of his journey. His phone and the promise of new things shift restlessly between the seams of the fabric that clothes him.
and three, kida masaomi!
Later, he will have taken the train, and he will alight at Ikebukuro Station. He will meet with Kida-kun who will tell him a ridiculous joke and Mikado will respond so easily, the words tumbling out of his mouth like they have been waiting there impatiently throughout the three years it took for Kida-kun's joke to come to fruition, even though all along the train ride there he will have been wondering whether he will say the right things at the right time in the right place.
Ikebukuro will be foreign. A strange place that will fit like second-hand clothes; a bit long and a bit raggedy with an unfamiliar scent and an overwhelming sense of someone else's ownership. There will be a whole new palette of people that Mikado will not really know, though there will be the undercurrent of Dollars as he looks around and wonders, wonders. Kida-kun will look like he is shining, completely at ease in this brave new world while Mikado will need to paddle harder to avoid being swept away and under and out. He will meet humanity again for the first time – humans that love humans and humans that love creatures that are not human at all and creatures that are more human than humans themselves. In Ikebukuro he will meet himself, and the shoes will not fit. There will be unease, shyness, melancholy, anger – but that is all in the future.
What is important is that when he sees Kida-kun, really sees him with his casual hoodie and outlandish blond hair and bright cheerful eyes, Mikado will smile, and so it will be that every time he gets to Ikebukuro, he will have the same smile because Kida-kun will be smiling the same smile back. It doesn't matter that there are dark times ahead and that they will not always be together, that there will be trials for them that will tear them apart – what matters is that when Mikado alights and Kida receives him at the station like a Christmas present in July, they will share a smile.
Like that of a man who has found home.
and we will shoot at dawn.
A gift for February, which is in my book another name for August, and an exercise in tenses because they are a delightful part of the English language. First DRRR fic ever so I'm not sure if any of this is all right or chartered waters, but I'd love to have your comments so I can sail better in the tentative future. Also, if anybody could tell me how to justify text on FFnet I will give them a gold star.
- awin