A/N: Hello Readers! O.O *Ducks incoming spear* Whoa, calm down. I know, I haven't updated the previous story in a LONG time. But I'm going to try to focus on humor than romance and comedy because to me it's hard at the same time so without further ado (which rhymes with moo and zoo) here's the rewrite. And the disclaimer
Disclaimer: I don't own Sonic Boom or Zeena. All rights to Sega and other producers of the show.
The Lost Hex, a world unknown (until Sonic, Tails, and Eggman stumbled on it (and I didn't forget Orbot and Cubot, heh, funny characters)) to most species, while it's main was the Zeti. Their unique characteristics include striped horns, five finger claws, two toed feet with claws, black hips and legs, and purple scalera.
We start off at the Windy Hill Zone where a white Zeti (Spoiler: He's the twin brother of Zeena) named Zak, was roaming and watching the animals.
*Camera points to a fat Zeti.* No, no, no, didn't you see the spoiler above? I said white zeti, who is the brother of Zeena.
*Camera points to Zazz* No, not him either. He's a metaphor, Zak's related by blood.
*Camera turns to vampire* NOT THAT KIND OF BLOOD! *Clears Throat* Sorry, people, good camera people are so hard to find these days.
*Camera points to Zak, white and black striped just like Zeena, slightly taller height, and spiky hair too* Yeah, that's guy. He's way more handsome than the green, boy freak. (Zeena: HEY! A/N: *Zak whispers correction* Wait, Zeena's a girl?)
Anyway, Zak was watching the animals hopping, walking, or whatever they were doing to mobilize freely. Unlike his counterparts, the Deadly Six, Zak was a heroic, savior type, not the evil 'try to destroy someone else's world to become powerful and rule your own world with iron fist' kind of guy. Nope, just like Sonic, he treasured life and freedom for living things. As he was sitting under the shade of a tree, admiring the shine of the sun, a giant rumble forced him to become alert.
"What the hex?" The zeti asked in confusion. He turned toward the direction and noticed stampede of tiny animals running towards him. At the last second, he jumped toward the branch of the tree, avoiding the chance to become dead grass on the ground. He turned toward the direction of a giant snowball rolling toward him at fast speed. Again, he dodged out of the way at the last second, before he became a zeti sandwich.
Mmm. Sandwich. Oh right, back to story.
When the snowball melted he saw none other than his evil twin sister, Zeena, her hair and parts of her body covered in whip cream. Yup, whip cream.
"Oh, it's you..." Zak said in a bored tone.
"Just me?!" Zeena growled at him, "I know what you did to me! You put a whip cream bomb while out in public and humiliated me!"
"Bomb? Me? Now, where in the world would you get the idea that I..." Zak proclaimed innocence until he saw a note the Zeena held in front of him, written in clear and neat font that he actually did it. "That could be a different Zak."
"It has 'zeti' on it."
"That could be a different Zak Zeti."
"I KNOW IT WAS YOU!"
"Wow, you really need a new hobby. You know like knitting, playing sports, or even dressing up as a teddy bear. But putting blame on other people that's just-" He was stopped until Zeen lunged at him and ducked in time to avoid an attack. Laughing, he ran away from her, as she got back up again and chased him across the hill zone.
Meanwhile...
In the middle of desert, was a chase between a blue hedgehog, who ran faster than the speed of sound, and tall man a flying vehicle. The two characters were Sonic the Hedgehog and the evil, mischievous, Dr. Eggman.
"You can't lost me Egghead!" Sonic shouted to him.
"It's Eggman!" He yelled back in anger, slamming his fist on Egg Mobile. "You know my is Dr. Eggman! You do that on purpose!"
"Do what Egghead?" He asked with a grin still on his face. The chase continued, until Sonic nearly fell off the edge of a cliff. He sighed in relief as he regained his balance.
"It ends here old friend," Eggman declared, "Prepare to be destroyed by Burn-Bot!" He gestured toward a red and black robot with two giant claw-like hands. As the writer of this story, might I add there's a lot of claw reference to this so far.
Sonic gave his nemesis a grin, "So what, is he going burn me with flamethrowers or something?"
"Flamethrowers? Uh, no," Muttered a confused Eggman.
"Acid! Incendiary grenades?" This time he was try to annoy him.
"No, no, no, no... claws! He has claws! Very painful claws!" Frustrated, Eggman answered, while Burnbot showed his claws. (A/N: So let me get this straight, he names his robot Burn-bot, but he just has claws? I'm questioning his I.Q.)
"Then you should have called him 'Clawbot' or 'The Lacerator' or 'Pinch-a-tron 9000.' But 'Burn-Bot'? I mean, that's just false advertising," Sonic was claiming, making Eggman very angry.
"I name the robots, Sonic! Burnbot, ATTACK!" Eggman commanded.
Burn-Bot jumps off the edge and starts using his boosters to speed towards Sonic. The hedgehog gave a smile, until he ran in the same direction across the chasm. Overhead in the skies, a yellow fox named Tails, was flying his blue plane.
"Blue Leader, this is Yellow Sky. I have eyes on Burnbot. He's on the move, over," He communicated to his friend.
"Thanks, Tails. Initiate 'Speeding Swing Surprise'," Sonic replied in his communicator. Tails dives nearly hitting Eggman (who was sent in a little spin) and activated an enerbeam (it's like a an electric rope made out of pure energy). Sonic and Burn-Bot were speeding toward each other, jumped off the rocks, and just before they could hit each other, Tail lashes out his beam and Sonic catches, swinging around the robot and nailing the robot across the chasm, smashing it into the wall of the canyon, and leaving Sonic to land across from him.
Eggman flew over to the robot, "Get up, get up, get up!" Burn-Bot climbs back on his feet and notices Tails in his plane. Seeing him as a threat, he uses his claws to damage a wing, sending the fox into a dangerous spiral to the ground.
"Bail, Tails! Bail!" Sonic shouted. Tails pulls the lever, only for it to break, and turns his head to audience in confusion. Just as the hedgehog was going to rush to his friend's help Burnbot lands in front of him. Thinking fast, he spin dashes off a boulder, which falls and smashes Burnbot, and lands on top of the cliff.
"Tails, no!" Sonic yelled as the plane crashed leaving an explosion, leaving him in shock. He speeds over the crash site to check on the damage.
"We'll be back, Sonic!" Eggman announced to his nemesis, using a magnet to lift off the boulder, and pick up Burn-Bot, "Oof, you are heavy. Seriously, Burnbot, you could stand to burn a few calories." The evil scientist flies back to his base.
While Sonic was checking on Tails' pulse, and to his relief hears his heart beating. "Keep resting, pal. I'll get you home," He picked him up, "I promise I'll never let anything like this happen to you again," He then walked off, back to his friend's house.
Back on the Hex...
The twin Zeti were still chasing each other, and were in their path was destruction everywhere they went. Using his ability, Zak creates spikes in his arms and throws them to Zeena, who barely misses it. An explosion from them, was a burnt tree. She creates a giant snowball and launches it toward him, while he jumps very high up into the air.
"You stink at hitting targets!" Zak taunted.
"So do you!" Zeena retorts.
"Yeah, well at least mine almost hit you!"
"So?"
"That makes me better than you!"
"No it doesn't it!"
"Yes it does!"
"No it doesn't!"
"Does so!"
"Does not!"
"I know you are, but what am I?"
"That doesn't make any sense!"
Zak jumped into the air to land on a tree branch and end the chase. He lands, but Zeena catches him off guard and tackles him off, and that's the moment they weren't on solid ground.
"Wait, what?" Zak questions, breaking the fourth wall. They both looked down and realized they weren't on the grass, but saw only clouds.
"Uh-oh," Both synced together. They both fell off their world into another world, screaming, where they would meet an old 'friend' off Zeena's.
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Yeah, this is a pretty long fall...
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Yup, still falling...
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Oh, finally they land on something! Or, at least somewhere. In hospital beds. Better than the thorns right behind. Now that would have hurt.
"Nurse, we go more patients!" A doctor said.
At Tails's House...
The fox woke up and realized he was in his house, on the couch. He touched his head and found out it was bandaged up, "Sonic?" Tails said.
Sonic appeared in front of him, "Hey, buddy! How ya feelin'?"
"I'm great! Ready to get back in action," Tails spoke, getting off the couch.
"Yeah, uh... about that, um... I've got some great news! You, my friend, are taking early retirement," Sonic told him, trying to be as happy as possible.
"Early Retirement?" Tails repeated in confusion.
"Yeah, you're gonna be able to play lots of golf and spend time with the grandkids."
"I don't have grandkids."
"Well, now's your chance to get some! Trust me, it's for the best," Sonic hugged his friend, "I'll see ya around, pal," He speed off, exiting his house.
"Wait, what just happened?"
Sonic re-enters his house and answers, "I fired you," And with that, he left.
"Okay, just checking."
At the beach...
Sonic was walking seeming a little sad, "Don't look at me like that. I did what I had to do," Turns out he's just talking to flyers he created for sidekick tryouts. Kinda creepy if you ask me, "And now we're going to make sure Tails stays retired," He hangs it toward a palm tree and leaves.
Just as he's out of sight, Zak and Zeena were walking across the beach, a little tired from their fight and fall.
"Well, at least we in a world, where hospitals are conveniently placed just in case two zeti fall out of the sky," Zak spoke up, trying to find some optimism.
"Hmph, we're lucky that fall didn't kill us, but it managed it break us," Zeena mumbled angrily. It was true that their horns were broken from the fall, and their wrist, hips, foreheads and feet were bandaged up. Also as an added note, she was wearing a black open vest and he was wearing a black neckerchief, "We wouldn't be here if you hadn't blow whip cream all over me."
"Yeah, well it was your overreaction," Zak argued back, and stopped.
"And your idea to get away from me!"
"And your idea to tackle us over the edge!" And just like that both fought each other, into a rolling ball, hitting a palm tree where the sidekick flyer was, it being caught in the skirmish, moved around the tree, and kept going.
Eggman's Base...
Which was located on a volcano, Eggman was viewing a flyer which indeed, was the information for sidekick tryouts.
"Sidekick tryouts. All qualified candidates welcome. Best candidate gets the job. Resume and references required," He read from the flyer and turn to Orbot and Cubot, "Can you believe this?"
"A resume and references aren't unreasonable, sir," Orbot replied.
"Especially in this job market!" Cubot supported.
Eggman crumbled up the paper and threw it his robots, who moving in circles, "What fool would want to be Sonic's sidekick? Spending everyday with him, enjoying his friendship and respect." He looked at his shaped robots, who were looking at him, "Not me of course!" He turned around thought to himself, "Unless..."
*Dramatic Music, Camera sinks to boots*
Eggman lifts up his camera and insults, "Lousy Security Camera!"
At Sonic's Shack...
Sonic was holding his auditions for sidekick, and outside was a line of people who were wanting to be his sidekick. And no, Zak and Zeena weren't there, they're still fighting. Don't worry they'll show up. Anyway, a pink hedgehog by the name of Amy Rose was up first.
"I'm Amy Rose, and I'll be auditioning for the part of 'sidekick'," She said to Sonic, who was holding a pencil and paper in a clipboard in hand.
"Amy, I know who you are," He told her.
"Great, because I am fine with nepotism. Oh, and under special skills, you can add juggling and singing," Amy took out three balls, juggled them and sung 'When the Saints Go Marching In'... badly.
"Next!" Sonic called, cutting Amy off.
The second person, was a beaver named Fastidious Beaver, "My greatest weakness? Actually, it is my incredible cowardice."
Then, and I don't how, is Amy again.
"Oh, improv? I love improv!" She used an Italian accent, "I'm a crazy pizza man! Who juggles and sings," Then she started juggling and sung the same song again, while Sonic pushed her out.
The actual third audition was Knuckles, the echidna, "I think you'd be a great sidekick for me."
"No, Knuckles, I'm looking for someone to be MY sidekick," Sonic corrected him.
Still, Knuckles never got the point, "We'd have to change your name, though. I'm thinking... 'Knuckles Junior'." Sonic looks to the audience, and once he was done, he grabbed the clipboard from the echidna and crossed his name out.
The final audition was some guy in a hood.
"Okay, last question... What would you do in a no-win situation?" Sonic asked the mysterious stranger.
He answered, "If I'm with you, there's no such thing as a 'no-win situation.'
"Huh, You really get it, new guy."
"I do get it. But I'm not a new guy. In reality, I am none other than..." He tried to pull his hood off, but it gets stuck and the person reveals to be...
"Tails!" Sonic exclaimed, getting off his chair, "You cannot be my sidekick!"
Tails got up and pulled out the flyer, "'All qualified candidates welcome. Best candidate gets the job.' I'm a lock! Unless there's something you're not telling me..." He was suspicious this time.
"Fine! But get ready for the tryout of your life!"
"Hello," A familiar voice rang.
"Eggman!" Sonic and Tails got into fighting positions, "What are you doing here?!"
"My name is Doctor Eggman, and I'm here about the sidekick position," He informed them, and held up his resume.
"Wha-" Sonic was dumbfounded, "But you're my arch-nemesis."
"That's true. But I could be a valuable asset to your organization. For example, I'm a doctor. Not a real doctor, a Ph.D, but still..." He was trying to convince.
"You can't be my sidekick."
Eggman held out the flyer and pointed out, "'All qualified candidates welcome'?"
Sonic had really wished he wrote something else on the poster, "Okay, fine, you both can move on to Round Two, but neither one of you is going to be my sidekick," He walked over to the door.
"Who else is there?" Tail questioned.
And then...
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Any moment, now..
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The surprise will be here, I assure you...
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Oh, there they are! Just a few moments after Tails asked the question, a dust cloud rolled into the tree of Sonic's shack were the two zeti twins fighting each other. Upon, seeing that everyone was looking at them (Note: There was only just Sonic, Tails, and Eggman), they looked back at them.
"Snowcone?" Sonic realized, recognizing Zeena.
"Blue boy?" Zeena remembered at the same time.
"Whoa, wait a second," Zak intervened, both of them getting up and dusting each other off, "You know my sister?" He asked to Sonic.
"Sister?" Tails and Eggman questioned.
"Potato!" Cubot came out of nowhere, and everyone looked at him, "My work's here done," And then he left.
"So, let me guess," Zak was thinking, "Long story-short, giant fight on the hex, major calamity, blue and yellow guys win, and make peace?"
"Yeah, pretty much..." They answered.
In the Jungle...
Everyone, including Fastidious Beaver, were on hoverboards, each other their color (except Sonic), were on top on of a very steep cliff. Somehow, the twins were able to be tested for sidekick postions
"All right," Sonic started, "Being my sidekick is no easy task. This competition will test your strength, stamina, speed, improvisation, and endurance. The winner will be whoever makes it-"
Fastidious corrects him, "Actually, it's 'whomever'."
Sonic continued, annoyed at the beaver's correction, "The winner will be whomever makes it through all the unimaginable hardships, and brings me the red flag I planted atop the incredibly dangerous, but inaccurately named, Mount Safety," He explained, pointing toward a mountain.
"Actually-" Before Fastidious could continue, Zeena pushed him off the cliff. Everyone looks to her, while Zak shook his head and facepalm.
"What? He was annoying me," She shrugged. And with that the race started. Sonic took off the track the progress. Zak went down toward his own path and tried to get ahead of the three ahead of him. Seeing an opportunity, he speeds up and jumps over them. While Eggman activates four blade seekers to try to stop Tails, Zak, and Zeena. Tails had jumped down, Zeena had flipped back to avoid them, while they were chasing after Zak, who was speeding up again.
Tails, seeing Fastidious, tries to slow down, but crashes into them. The beaver was trying to hold on, but lost his grip and fell into the forest.
"Actually, I'm okay!" He called out.
Meanwhile, the seekers were still hunting Zak. Taking a risky move, he moves in between them, and at the last second, jumps ahead, making them crash into each other and disabling them. Giving himself props to that, he sped ahead, before he lost more precious seconds. At the checkpoint, Tails, as Sonic looked toward him.
"What's going on here?" He asked.
"Nothing I can't handle!" The fox answered. He ran toward his plane, and dropped his other Enerbeam (3.0), he was planning on testing. Without any second thoughts, Tails took off. As they arrived, Eggman got in his Egg Mobile, with Zeena flying and taking off.
Zak, just arriving, noticed that Tail dropped his device without even checking his pockets (if he even has any), "Wait!" He called out, "You forgot your..." The zeti sighed to himself. He picked up the device, and activated it. Once it was active, he saw that it had the same color as him, and before he got too far, he threw toward Tails' plane wing, and followed high in the air. Sonic, took note of it, and took off.
On the ground, Fastidious was by himself and declared, "Actually, I'm just gonna lie down in the fetal position and weep," He does so.
Back up in the air, the four opponents were competively racing in the air, well Zak was using the Tails' other Enerbeam, but still they flying through the clouds.
"Give up, you two! This job is rightfully mine!" Tails exclaimed.
"I'm not here to be Sonic's sidekick, you nincompoop!" Eggman answered, "I'm here to get rid of you both once and for all!" Secondly, he used an electromagnet to pick up Claw- er... Burn-Bot from the ground. Seeing this, Sonic increased his speed.
Also getting a sight from the action, Zak grappled from the wing to the line of Eggman's electromagnet. As Burn-Bot was shooting his claws toward Zeena and Tails, he used the enerbeam to retract his claw and tie it around. Eggman caught sight of this, and moved in Egg Mobile wildly around to try and shake him off, but with all his will and grip, Zak held on for dear life, and the evil scientist hits Tails' wing and Zeena (who lands in the other seat) at the same time both were sent spiraling out of control again.
Sonic, witnessing again, sped up even faster. As he neared the crash site, his speed was cut short as he was sliding on the ice of a frozen pond, where the rest of everyone was (and somehow Zak, had caught up to it)
"Tails!" The blue hedgehog had ran to them.
"Sonic, I'm stuck!" Tails yelled. As the plane sunk further down, the ice cracked. As a claw from Burn-Bot came down, Zak grappled at Eggman's vehicle and threw it away giving the group time to pull Tails out, and land away from the water.
"Thanks, Sonic, you too Zeena, and um..." Tails tried to thank the last one.
"Zak, without the 'c'," The white zeti answered.
"Thanks, Zak."
"Tails," Sonic was going to confess, "I didn't really wanna fire you. I was just trying to protect you."
"How? By putting me in more danger?" Tails asked him.
"The plan had holes!" Sonic gave him a hand up as they smiled.
"Oh Sonic!" Eggman had called surprising them, " I have one last surprise for you. I took your advice! Burnbot can burn things!"
"Oh, smooth," Zeena directing to Sonic, "You gave him ideas to make his robot even more dangerous."
"In his defense, the robot probably only shot claws," Zak told her.
Burn-Bot then shot two fireballs around the four of them, and cracked the ice. Tails and Zeena fly up, Zak slides out of the way, but Sonic falls into the pond, drowning.
"I can't swim!" Tails and Zeena, tried to pull him out, but was stuck.
"You're waterlogged! We can't lift you!" The fox told him.
"Don't worry about me!" Sonic let go of his right hand, "Get out of here!"
A white electro-line grabbed his right hand, "Not in this lifetime!" Zak said to him.
They all tried to pulled him out, but they all were pulled down under him. Zak swam down toward him, grabbed his hand, and with his sister's and new friend's help they were rose above the the water.
"Anyone up for Grappling Snow-Spin?" Zak suggested, getting looks from his friends, "Basically, my sister makes a giant snowball, he gets into it, makes a spin attack, and I grapple him into that robot."
"Oh," Sonic, Tails, and Zeena replied.
And so Zak's plan is executed with Zeena making the snowball, Sonic being inserted into it, Tails throwing Zak into the air for momentum, the white zeti using the enerbeam and launching it towards Burn-Bot hitting him successfully. Sonic is launched back in to the air, with Tails carrying him away along with Zak and Zeena, leaving Burnbot to sink in snow and the cold river.
"I'll be back! With a new robot! Who has an accurate name! And super laser eyes! And he'll feed me ham! Evil ham," Eggman screamed at them while flew away in his Egg Mobile.
Back at the beach...
It was sunset, and the four of them were sitting on the sand.
"About this job... What're the hours like?" Tails asked.
"Well, it's seven days a week, but you get your own plane," Sonic answered, making him smile.
"About the audition," Zak asked, "Who won?"
"Well, it's a tie, and since you guys did help us your part of the team."
"YES!" Zak cheered, "And by process of action and elimination Zeena, that makes me better than you,"
"No, it doesn't," She looked toward him
"Yes, it does. I used strength."
"I used stamina!"
"I used speed!"
"I have endurance!"
"I have improvisation!"
"You used Tails' electric rope!"
"So? It counts, besides he gave it to me."
"He asked you to test it."
"Which is technically giving it to me."
"No, it's not!
"Yes, it is!"
The twins fought once again in a rolling ball, while Sonic and Tail laughed at them.
Back the shack...
Amy was trying to re-audition by ringing the bell in anger, "Let me in! I demand a call-back!" She noticed Knuckles walking by in sadness, "Knuckles! What's wrong?"
Knuckles sighed, "Knuckles Jr. isn't working out." He walked off.
"Oh, so you're saying you need a..." Amy was(?) catching onto what was implying and followed him" *Italian accent* I'm a crazy pizza man! Who juggles and sings!" She started singing 'When the Saints Go Marching In'.
"Knuckalina!"
A/N: And that's the first chapter of the rewrite! Now onto the others. *Insert Looney Tunes Ending Credits* And 'That's all Folks!' Plus, I don't own that quote.