Chapter 1: Bill Engvall-Odd Della Robbia.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Blue-Collar Lyoko tour and our first performance is a very funny man. Mr. Odd Della Robbia!
Odd: Was up! Hello! I don't like introductions so I'll get straight to the point. I just hate stupid people.
They should have to wear signs that just say I'm stupid.
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you?
You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops,
never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California. Yes it's true, Odd Della Robbia is a
one woman man. Her name is Samantha and we have a four year old son named Mark. So anyway
we were getting ready to move and our house was full of boxes and there was a u-Haul truck in our
driveway.
My friend Jeremy Belpois came over and said, "Hey, you guys moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. Just to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?
We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the
modern man.
So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...
Here's your sign.
A couple of months ago I went fishing withmy buddy Ulrich Stern, he's coming on next in this
comedy tour by the way, so we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass
this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, yall catch all them fish?"
Nope.
"Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was out in the front yard with Mark the other day and he was
playing with his little friend Ryan, Ulrich's boy,and Mark hit him and I went up to
him and I said "Hey," I smack him as a punishment and say "We don't hit." He looked up at me
and said, "Here's your sign, dad."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel, there
was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. There's only one way to test that.
"Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want
you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite
you."
"Well allright...hold my sign, I don't wanna loose it"
Last time I was home I was driving around I had a flat tire, I pulled my
truck into one of these side-of-the-road gas stations, the attendant walks out, looks at my truck,
looks at me, I swear to GOD he went, "Tire go flat?"
I couldn't resist.
I said "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago, a guy came over to the
house, drove the car around for about 45 minutes.He gets back to the house, he gets out of the
car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Damn thats hot!"
See...
If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
One day my wife tells me we have to do more things together and I say : Ok.
She says, "Let's go whale watching."
I go," Heck no! That's a sixty foot animal. We're in a six foot rubber boat. We're a bath toy."
She goes, "Odd Della Robbia, we are gonna see the whales!"
And I go, "Well alright."
So we go with our friends from Calafornia, they're nice people, don't get me wrong. It's just that we don't see eye to eye.
So we go down there and me friend goes, "Odd, yo, you know what would totally make my day?"
I go," Umm...a G.E.D?"
He goes,"No dude I don't want a ged. Listen, It would be so righteous if we're out on the waves.
Wo, waves, wo, waves, wo. And it would be so awesome if a whale jumped out right near the
boat."
So we're out in the ocean and surfer boy gets his wish. This huge animal jumps out and sprays us with this disgusting liquid.
The Californians are like, "He sprayed us, he sprayed us!"
I go, "He blew his nose on us!" We paid 200 dollars a piece to have a whale hack a lugee on us.
Then the whale goes, Eek!
The Californians are like, "What he say, what he say?"
I go, "He said Eek! That's what he said! That's whale for I just blew my nose on you now I'm
gonna tell my friends!" You guys have been great. God bless ya.
Get ready for chapter 2. Jeff Foxworthy-Ulrich Stern.