The curse of the dead

A/N: It wrote this little one shot to explain that maybe Kikyo's not as "evil" as everyone thinks. It's not a fantastic fic, but it shows something about Kikyo that most people might not see.
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Kikyo wandered aimlessly through the forest with a forlorn look on her face. One of her soul-carriers floated next to her face and rubbed by her cheek, almost in an attempt to comfort her, but to no avail. She stroked it gently like a dog and kept walking. This is how she spent all her time now, just walking without a purpose. What else was there to do? Naraku had disappeared without a trace very recently and there was nearly no use in trying to track him down. Like a phantom, he left no trail behind him, like he was never really there. So Kikyo strode slowly and her mind wandered to her only other purpose of staying on earth: Inuyasha, of course. Why was it that he was always on her mind? She had tried and tried as hard as she could but there seemed to be no way to expel him from her thoughts. He was her life, her drug. She needed him for sustenance but knew that inside, it was destroying her even more than it already had. And yet… she would rather die again than forget about what they had. There was no way to heal here at this point. She was on longer in love, she was obsessed. She was no longer just always thinking about him, she was consumed by him. She had been afraid of him when they had first met. Not in a way that made her fear for her life. Instead she feared for her heart and the fragility that was inside her. That was the one thing that separated her from most of the women she knew. She didn't want to fall in love. Being a miko meant being alone forever. She had accepted her fate and was determined to keep it that way. As twisted as it seems, she wanted to wallow in her own loneliness. But she didn't feel sorry for herself. No, she had to be strong, she told herself. She suffered through everything that was thrown at her because of that damn jewel. That accursed thing caused so much pain and suffering that it wasn't worth the power that it supplied. Why was it made? Why did she have it? The one question Kikyo asked herself night after night, as the inevitable "Why me?" that every person who suffers asks. But hers was not one that talked about the Jewel. She meant Inuyasha.

When they met, they were two of a kind. Like a match made in heaven with a fate made in Hell. They had been brought together for reasons unknown and it was like Inuyasha was her quiet savior. He saved her from her solitude and she saved him from his bitterness. They fit so flawlessly. As much as they both denied it, they needed each other. They were finally complete when they were with each other and it was such an unspoken love. Neither of them ever had to say anything because the other just knew. For the first time, they both had someone to accept them for all of who they really were.

Suddenly, her mind backtracked to year and years before...

&

She had left her village for a short walk and sat down by a stream and listened to it, trying to calm herself. That day, she had received a strong scolding from the superior priest in the shrine about Inuyasha.

"He is a demon! A curse among men! To even care for this creature to is accept evil. You cannot do that as a miko," he hollered harshly as Kikyo stood with her head down, eyes closed, and body tensed. As the priest paced around her, she snapped her mouth shut in an attempt to suppress the sobs that fought to escape

"Forgive me, Priest Kenji," she said in a wavering voice. He stopped pacing and came to face her completely.

"Your sin is nearly unforgivable. You know the commandments of being a priestess better than most and you still defied them rebelliously. You're a disgrace, Kikyo," he hissed with anger seeping into every word. He stepped away again and went to a chest near the wall in the shrine. He fished out a bottle with a holy sign on the cork and popped it before literally drenching Kikyo in it's contents. "May this holy water cleanse your soul."

"Priest! I am not possessed!" exclaimed Kikyo.

"Then why did ye not kill this demon when he first appeared?"

"He wasn't going to hurt me or anyone," she argued but knew at once that her boldness would not go unpunished. For a moment, Priest Kenji would do nothing but stare in amazement.

"Kikyo, you must be mad. He's a demon, you're a priestess. And you have certain duties to perform as such. Do not forget that I took you in when you parents were attacked. Don't you understand that demons simply cause destruction?"

"He's only a half demon."

"You swore to defeat evil in all its forms. I shall hear now more of this! You're obligated to kill this demon or stay away so someone else can. Do not disobey again," commanded Priest Kenji. He left in a huff and Kikyo stayed motionless in her same spot with the holy water dripping off of her clothes. Her bangs shaded her downcast eyes.

All of a sudden, she bolted out of the shrine and down the numerous stairs to the woods. The longer she ran the harder she pushed herself to go faster, as if running faster than the speed of light could keep her tears from falling. Then the trees started to thin and there was a stream running swiftly down to a larger lake that could be seen in the distance. She stopped abruptly and sat down by the serene spot with her legs tucked under her. Wet hair clung to her face and she didn't even bother to push them away and smooth back the fly-away hairs. She just covered her eyes with one hand to keep herself from crying. She would not allow herself to think about it too much, she'd rather not think at all right then. That's when Inuyasha came.

"Kikyo?" he called from behind her. She didn't answer him but she tensed in surprise.

"Why are you here? Why now?" she thought and bent her head to hide her face.

"Kikyo, what's wrong?" he asked and came closer.

"Please don't," she said quietly.

"Don't what? What happened?"

It was then that Kikyo finally looked up and turned her head to face Inuyasha. He was so startled by her appearance that he almost stepped back. She was a mess. Her clothes were wet, her hair was disheveled, and her eyes screamed an unspoken pain. He didn't know how to react. He had never seen Kikyo in such a state. But despite his confusion, he ventured closer to her and dropped to his knees to be on her level. For a moment, he stared her in the eyes and them grabbed her and held her.

"Don't you dare. Don't you dare try to be strong. Not around me," he whispered and his own voice cracked slightly. Kikyo sucked in a sharp breath and then just cried. Her whole body shook with sobs and she grabbed the red material she around her and held on as if her life depended on it. She didn't care who heard, but doubted that many did since they were so deep in the forest. Inuyasha stayed with her the whole time and not a word was uttered but never did Kikyo feel like Inuyasha understood her better than that moment. This was how it was meant to be. Him and her.

However, fate had other plans.

And now she was here, half living and half dead, stuck in a world that she both couldn't leave and didn't want to leave. She still had to deal with Naraku and Inuyasha. She knew she wanted to kill the former, but the latter was a slightly different story. She wanted to be with him no matter the circumstances. She NEEDED to be with him. But there was that pain in the neck Kagome who was probably the only thing that kept Inuyasha tethered to the living world. Had it not been for that little brat, then everything could go as they were supposed to, with her and Inuyasha together forever. Why did Kagome have to interfere? And what was with this talk about being Kikyo's reincarnation? She denied that Kagome even looked slightly like her, and she didn't have her heart at ALL. The only thing they shared was their miko powers…. and their feelings for Inuyasha. Every time she thought about Kagome, anger boiled inside her. What right did Kagome have to even look at her hanyou? She wasn't fit to say hello to him. And yet he let her come along on their quest to complete the Shikon no Tama. Kikyo couldn't figure out what she had that Kikyo didn't that kept Inuyasha from following her.

"Breath? A heart still tender?" she thought sadly. There was something that just didn't feel right about Kagome though. Kagome knew no hardship or tragedy. She lived a comfortable life with every luxury that many people would never know. She didn't understand how it felt to be rejected and stereotyped. She would NEVER be able to comprehend everything that Inuyasha had been through. Kikyo could and she did. There would always be a rift between the two that could never been filled until Kagome could truly relate with the dog demon's pain. How does one do that when the most painful thing they've ever known is scraped knees or twisted ankles? Kagome could was nothing compared to Kikyo. Kikyo had given Inuyasha a chance to live a normal life. One without bounty hunters or judgmental peers. She had given him the chance to live like a person should- happily and with the person they belong with. What had Kagome done? She had dragged him into more danger than he needed to be in.

"She's not the one for him," she said aloud. "Inuyasha knows that."

Then suddenly, Kikyo heard a voice yell, "SIT," followed by a loud boom.

They were nearby? She ventured nearer to the shouting voices. Making sure to stay out of sight, she peeked out onto a road where 5 figures were standing. Inuyasha's friends, probably looking for a piece of the jewel, were walking down the road while leaving the hanyou in the body-shaped hole in the ground. But he soon got up and growled angrily.

"What was that for!" he demanded. "I didn't do anything!"

"Hmph," said Kagome with her nose in the air. "Picking on little guys like Shippo is pretty low, Inuyasha."

"I wasn't picking on him!" he insisted and followed them down the road. Shippo leaped onto Kagome's shoulder and looked back at Inuyasha.

"Were to. You always hit me," whined Shippo and Inuyasha shook his fist at the little fox but didn't make another attempt to strike him.

"What? What is he doing? He's letting that stuck-up girl control him! Inuyasha would hit that little fox if he wanted to. Why isn't he?" Kikyo thought. She looked closely at the dog demon and realized something different- patience. He looked almost… softer. What was wrong with him? Why did he let the others push him around like that? Something just felt odd about him.

"Inuyasha, keep up or we'll never get to the village in time," commanded Kagome and Inuyasha muttered things under his breath but sped up his pace. After a few minutes, they had ventured out of sight and Kikyo was left baffled.

"What happened to you, Inuyasha?" she whispered. She turned around to went back into the deeper parts of the forest with her head swimming. She and Inuyasha were meant to be together. Right? Of course they were. She died for him! What did Kagome ever do? Nothing! Just ride on his back and complain all the time. She was a spoiled girl who would never be able to know what Inuyasha had been through. She was so the opposite of him. She… she changed him. She had an affect on him that Kikyo never had, and it made him an almost totally different person.

Kikyo stopped in her tracks and she gasped in frightening realization. She understood then, that Kagome didn't understand his pain but she could do something else.

Kagome could heal him.

She couldn't understand, but she could help him. That, Kikyo reasoned, was the one thing that really separated them. They say that misery loves company, but what if you could find someone to make that misery go away? That girl was Inuyasha's one hope for real happiness in this world. And even though it hurt to even think about it, she knew that Kagome was who he needed.

She turned to looked back at the road one last time, and sighed thoughtfully. "Inuyasha," she said. "If only things were working in our favor. I need you, but you need her." Closing her eyes and letting a single tear slip out, it really set in that Inuyasha was gone from her. He belonged to Kagome now.

"I wish you well," she thought sadly.