The Locker Room
By: Sheltie
I don't own Naruto at all
A/N: I have no clue where this has come from really. This is just a bit of randomness that I wrote. No real plot or anything, but just plain nonsense really. A lot of the characters in this aren't like they are in canon. There is foul language used in this. Hope you like it.
"Come on brats, move it!" Anko shouted.
Before her was a group of students lagging behind as they ran laps.
"Move it, or you'll be doing more laps!" Anko shouted with a dango stick in her mouth.
"The woman is insane" one of the students running said.
"Yeah, who in hell made her in charge of this class?" another student asked.
"I heard that, and just for that you two will get four more extra laps" Anko said.
There was groans from the two students that had talked.
/Scene Break/
After the class Naruto was getting cleaned up. He was in the boy's locker room with the other guys. The normal talk was going on. Guys talking about certain girls and their assets.
"Man, did you check out the rack on our teacher, shit, what I wouldn't do to touch that" Kiba said with a lecherous grin.
"Dude, she made you run six more laps, why would you want to even get with her?" Neji asked.
"She just needs an alpha male to dominate her, and that's me" Kiba said as he struck what was supposed to be a manly pose.
"Aren't you afraid of your mother and sister?" Sasuke asked with a smirk.
"Of course not. I am top dog" Kiba boasted.
"Hi Hana" Sasuke said loudly.
"What, where, Hana I'm being good I swear I am" Kiba said as he looked around quickly trying to find his older sister.
There was loud laughter at this.
"Not cool man" Kiba grumbled.
"Come on Kiba, that was funny" Sasuke snickered.
"Fuck you man" Kiba barked.
"Sorry, but I like girls, besides even if I were that way you wouldn't be my type" Sasuke said.
"What are you saying? That I'm not good enough?" Kiba asked.
"That's precisely what he's saying" Neji said with a roll of his eyes.
Kiba just huffed and folded his arms across his chest.
"Though speaking of Hana, now there's a fine piece of ass" Sasuke said with a grin.
"HEY! Stay away from my sister" Kiba said.
"How can he stay away when it's Hana dragging Sasuke away whenever she has an itch that needs to be scratched?" Naruto asked.
"WHAT!?" Kiba shouted.
"Um, you saw that?" Sasuke asked sheepishly.
"Yeah, I had to stay after school one day and saw Hana exiting a janitor's closet and she had this very satisfied look on her face as she was fixing herself up to look like hadn't spent some time in a janitor's closet. Then I saw you coming out with the biggest grin I've ever seen on you. It was pretty obvious to me what you two have been up to" Naruto said with a shrug.
Kiba was foaming at the mouth wanting to attack Sasuke, but being held back by Shino and Rock Lee.
"This all too damn fucking troublesome" Shikamaru grumbled.
"Dude, you just need to get laid" Sasuke said turning to the laziest boy in the group.
"Girls, women are too troublesome" Shikamaru said as he sat on the bench looking like he was trying to stay awake, but that's how he usually was.
"Eh, what about you Chouji, you think girls are too troublesome?" Naruto asked turning to Shikamaru's best friend.
Chouji pondered this.
"No, not really" the overly large boy said shaking his head.
"Yeah, you think Ino is hot and want to bone her" Neji snorted.
Chouji went red in the face.
"So you're not the only one to notice Chouji's interest in the Yamanaka?" Shino asked.
"Of course not, my eyes see all" Neji said in an arrogant manner.
"If your eyes can see all, then how come you never see Tenten's punches coming at you?" Naruto joked.
Neji looked down and mumbled something about being fate's bitch or something related to fate.
"I guess Neji can't see everything" Sasuke chuckled.
There were snickers and laughter from the other guys hearing this.
"Speaking of Tenten, what's she doing hanging around you?" Sasuke asked turning to Naruto.
"Eh, why else?" Naruto asked with a foxy grin.
"Dude, she is so not doing that with you" Kiba said.
"And how'd you know kibble bits?" Naruto asked.
"I don't have kibble bits?" Kiba barked.
"Though I am not into guys, you are the smallest of us here Kiba" Shino pointed out.
"It's because it's cold in here, yeah, it's just cold in here" Kiba argued.
"Yeah. Keep saying that mutt" Sasuke snorted.
"How do you even, no, I don't want to know" Neji said shaking his head.
"Simple, I charted all the guys in our year in various graphs and charts" Shino said. "I've even done the same to the girls" he added.
"Dude, then tell us" Kiba said. "About the girls, not the guys" he added quickly afterwards.
"Come on kibble bits, don't deny it. The first step is acceptance" Naruto teased.
Kiba flipped Naruto off.
The other guys chuckled at this.
"Shino, the floor is yours" Neji said.
Shino nodded and then pulled out of who knows where a big chart along with an easel for the chart to sit on. He got out a laser pointer and pushed his sunglasses up.
"Right, we'll start from the bottom up" he said.
"Yeah, yeah" Kiba said nodding as he drooled.
"Horn dog" Sasuke said.
"Right, we start off with Hanabi Hyuga, little sister to Hinata Hyuga. Now Hanabi maybe a few years younger than Hinata, but due to her intelligence was able to skip a couple grades to be in our school" Shino said as his laser pointer directed on a picture of a young girl with short dark blue hair, pupil-less eyes and a disgruntled look on her face.
"Dude, get to the good stuff already" Kiba whined.
"Shut it Kiba, some of us are trying to learn" Rock Lee said as he was jotting down notes.
The others looked at Lee with odd looks.
"Where did he get that notebook?" Naruto whispered to Sasuke.
"I have no clue and I rather not think about it" Sasuke responded.
"Next we have Sakura Haruno, or better known as Sasuke's number one fan girl" Shino said as he pointed to a girl with long pink hair and light green eyes and the picture looked to be out of a yearbook or something school-related.
Sasuke groaned.
"That girl is worse than any damn plague ever befallen man" he muttered.
"Haruno is on the low end of the scale given her proportions match that of ten-year-old boys in many aspects physically. She has yet to fully develop a female figure. Barely an A really" Shino said.
"And she's louder that any shrieking banshee" Naruto added.
There was general agreement on that from the other guys.
"Next we have Ino Yamanaka. Now, unlike Haruno she does have a womanly figure. She likes to bare her midriff as much as she can when outside of school given the school's rules on clothing. She also has what's to called a model figure meaning she tall and thin, but still retains curves so she doesn't look like a bean pole and she does have a nice chest. A high A to low B" Shino said as his pointer moved to land on a girl with light blue eyes and long blond hair who was posing to the camera as she blew a kiss.
"She's not so bad, especially when she got passed her crush on me" Sasuke commented.
"She's actually quite nice. I go to her family's flower shop to buy seeds and stuff" Naruto said.
"I still can't believe you garden. You don't look like someone who can do something like that" Kiba said.
"It's peaceful Kiba, you should try it" Naruto said.
"He already rolls around in the dirt and mud. So it should fit him" Sasuke said with a smirk.
"Shut it" Kiba barked.
"Can I continue?" Shino asked.
"Please do" Neji said.
"Right, next is Tenten Kisaragi. She's a year older than most of us. She has developed quite nicely and you can tell given she likes to play volleyball and lacrosse. She has nice legs, which is one of her best features. Her chest range it seems to be a mid-B level" Shino said as his pointer moved to a girl with deep brown eyes and brown hair done up in a hairstyle where it looked like she had two buns on the top of her head. The photo looked to be an action shot as she was in her lacrosse jersey playing.
"Oh yeah, real nice legs" Naruto said with a smirk.
"Of course you'd know first hand" Sasuke said.
"Damn right" Naruto said. "Along with everything else."
"Yosh, most interesting stuff though how youthful is all of this?" Lee asked.
"Lee cut it out with all that crap please" Neji said as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Next we have Hinata Hyuga, Hanabi's older sister" Shino said as he moved his pointer to a girl that looked like Hanabi though a bit older and had more curves. "Now Hinata is the most developed of all the girls it seems in our age range. She is also quite shy and has a stutter whenever she talks. Her figure isn't really known as she likes to wear baggy clothing to hide as much of it as she can. Though it's revealed a bit in gym class."
"Oh yeah is it revealed" Kiba drooled.
"Like a girl like Hinata would go for you" Naruto said.
"And why not?" Kiba asked.
"Well I'm pretty sure there's laws against that kind of thing" Sasuke said with a smirk.
"Huh, what thing, what the hell are you talking about?" Kiba asked.
"Oh laws about dating dogs or mutts like you" Sasuke said.
"That's it you're dead!?" Kiba cried as he launched himself at Sasuke.
"Shit, I haven't had my rabies shot yet" Sasuke joked as he evaded Kiba's wild advance.
The other boys got a handle on Kiba and got him to calm down. Shino waited patiently as this all went on.
"Continuing on. Hinata also has a massive crush on Naruto" Shino said.
"That I know" Naruto said.
"And you're not going to do a thing about it?" Neji asked.
"No, I like her, but she needs to get some confidence in herself before I make a move. It would feel like I'm taking advantage of her with the way she is" Naruto said.
Neji nodded. Hinata is his cousin after all.
"Hinata's chest is top D" Shino said.
"Hell yeah, grade A D" Kiba said.
"Does that make sense?" Naruto asked.
He got no answer.
"We now have Kin Tsuchi, not too much is known about her since she just transferred to our school, but her chest is said to be a mice modest B" Shino said as his laser pointer was aimed at a girl with long brown hair and black eyes. She was smirking in her photo.
"Eh Kin's nice. She and I get along just fine" Naruto said.
"And Tenten is okay with this?" Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, they're both on the volleyball team" Naruto said.
"Next we have Temari. Again I don't have too much intel on her since she also transferred to our school like the previously mentioned Kin. But when I have gathered that her attraction is her exotic nature she had. Given her green eyes and seemingly ever-present tan she has. Her chest size is said to be in the mid to upper B range" Shino said as a photo of Temari was up no the screen with her green eyes showing off a cool nature and her dirty blond hair in four pigtails.
"She's quite troublesome" Shikamaru muttered.
"You only say that because she's beaten your ass because of your lazy ass nature" Naruto said.
"Doesn't matter, she's still troublesome" Shikamaru said firmly.
"She's damn hot though" Kiba said.
"And out of your league mutt" Sasuke said.
"Hey, I can get any girl I want. I AM TOP DOG!" Kiba proclaimed.
"Of the junkyard, which isn't saying much" Sasuke added on.
"DIE!" Kiba shouted as he once again went after Sasuke only to be held back by the other boys.
"Temari isn't too bad. I get along with her brother Gaara" Naruto said.
"That's because she's sweet on you for being a friend to Gaara" Sasuke said.
"Eh" Naruto said confused.
"Never mind" Sasuke sighed.
"This brings us to the next girl, Haku. Now Haku though she doesn't have a very developed figure it's still grades above Haruno's. She does have a very beautiful face and a caring personality. She cares and works part time at the animal shelter. Haku is also just a year older than us" Shino said as he directed his laser pointer to a picture a very beautiful dark hair girl.
"I like Haku" Sasuke said.
"You do, what about Hana?" Naruto asked.
"We have an agreement. I'm her itch scratcher, but we're not together or anything" Sasuke said.
"You playin around with my sister" Kiba growled.
"More like the other way around to me" Neji said.
"Go for it man. Haku would be good for you" Naruto said.
"You think?" Sasuke asked.
"Sure man" Naruto said trying to encourage his friend.
"Hm, maybe" Sasuke muttered as he thought it over.
"And this concludes all the girls in our year and above that I have intel on" Shino said.
"You're kidding me" Kiba said surprised.
"Yes, I need to do more research and gather more info" Shino said as he adjusted his glasses and put his presentation away. Again none of the boys had a clue where he put it nor did they really wanted to know.
"Well that was enlightening" Sasuke said.
"Yosh, I will memorize all I've learned here today" Lee said as he put away his own notebook.
"Yea, but we better head to class before we're all late" Naruto said.
With that the boys all finished dressing and left the locker room to their next classes.
End
A/N: right, I know I missed some girls in this, but I felt I had more than enough in this really and didn't want to drag it on any more. I do hope you all liked this little oddity. Thanks for reading and please review.