I'm not the worlds best writer. Expression in any form has always been lost on me, and I always opted for just plain silence. These days, however, silence is a little harder. Its a luxury I can't really afford anymore. I'm not sad over losing it, in fact, I've learned to appreciate it every time I have it. I can appreciate a lot of things. Staying on task, there is a reason I'm writing. You know, normally I don't do this kind of thing but..an enigmatic billionaire told me this morning that I had a story to tell. We were in the kitchen making coffee, and I was just getting around to mixing in the creamer when out of the blue he laid on this crazy idea.
Naturally, I wasn't too hot on the idea at first.
"What story?" I asked him. He nearly choked on his coffee, "What story?! Are you kidding? How about everything you've been through the past, what, three or so years? C'mon, work with me"
I shrugged and said, "Who would wanna read something like that?"
He smirked and said before taking another swig of coffee, "You'd be surprised, my friend"
That is when I decided to leave for the lab, coffee mug in hand, leaving him with a shrug and a "It's a nice thought, but probably not a good idea."
I thought that would be the end of it, then I get into the lab and I sit down and then the weirdest thing happened. I actually considered it. Entertained the idea that maybe...maybe I do have a story, maybe I do have something to say, something to tell the people that think they know me so well. My life is so much more than ripped pants and 'hulk smash', though that will always be a big part of it. I've come some what to terms with that too, that the Other Guy, isn't going away any time soon. Tony, that enigmatic billionaire I told you about, he's made the point that accepting the Other Guy as a part of who I am would make my life so much easier. I would spend less energy fighting it and more energy using it to do good. More energy to maintain control. Is he right? Probably; but at the same time, it's easier said than done. I've won battles but the war seems endless. It's frustrating trying to make people understand, but putting it all under the general umbrella of painful and at times exhausting helps give them somewhat an idea. And that idea is hardly enough. Painful could be in multiple ways as well. Physically, it hurts like hell. Mentally, the pain comes from what you lose. I've lost a lot in my life, but at the same time, every thing I gain is so precious and valuable. I can't take anything for granted. And as for exhaustion, well, the whole thing on its own is exhausting in every way I can think of. Keeping up a steady engine of rage, just to live day to day is extremely exhausting. Forget the times the engine doesn't work. Sorry, I started telling you how all this came about just to get right into it. Is any of this registering? I feel like I'm rambling. I also feel that maybe..it's pointless. Maybe this is just a waste of time, telling you these things. Then again, I've always had a habit of thinking myself unimportant. So, when this whole thing with the hu-the Other Guy started, I just hid behind him. What am I in this world compared to what he is? Humble scientist just along for the ride he never wanted to be on? One half of the rage powered monster. But that's not fair, because he isn't really a monster is he? And maybe I'm more than what I think, and maybe I deserved to survive that accident. Maybe I deserve to be happy too? And maybe I should trck down that girl that used to make me happy. Maybe she deserves at least a phone call. And maybe I could live with the Other Guy, and still do what I love, still save lives and manage to live a good life too?
A lot of maybes. But maybe seems to be my answer to everything.
...don't know who I'm talking to, who will read this ridiculous thing, but..thanks. Talking is good, even if it's to no one in particular. Who knows, maybe I'll do this again?