Once upon a time in a kingdom far far away {well far far away from ME at least}, the kingdom of France to be exact. Everyone was happy and roses were everywhere and love juice spurted out of people's ears, I'm not spending too much time on description, they're just a bunch of happy French people. Everyone was like this because their king, Frances Bonnefoy was soon to wed the beautiful princess Seychelles-she didn't really want to but what girl could complain about queenship?
Things went on like that and for a while, life was sweet... until one day when the evil King Arthur descended his knights upon the land. The king fought bravely but was out matched by England. The last time France and Seychelles saw each other, she was tied up and being dragged away on horseback
and our story begins...
(The scene: The plaza in the kingdom of France. The king evidently has an announcement.)
France: Bonjour citizens!
Subjects:*stop to listen, they haven't seen him this happy in a while* Bonjour!
France: today is a special day that nobody knows about yet!
Person 1: is it your birthday?
France: Ignoring you. Today is the day we get revenge on England! *the crowd bursts
Into applause* Today, we get back our princess! *more deafening cheers* that's right I-and a few of you-will take our revenge, secret agent style!*applause stops dead*
Person 1: can't you take the knights instead?
France (whining): But knights are noisy and not good for spying. I need commoners to help. *France stares out into the now empty square* Maybe, I shouldn't have called them commoners…? FOR PETE'S SAKE! THE BRITISH ARMY IS MADE OF ELVES AND UNICORNS!
(The square is empty, except for one incredibly brave and unaware individual)
France: America! What a Wonderful person*France rushes to hug him* I knew I could count on you!
America?: um…C-Canada daiyo
France: did you say something? Whatever *starts dragging him by the collar* Onward! To England!
Canada: *to himself* there goes my vacation.
Scene two
(They travel for about 2 hours. They are now in a forest.)
Canada: *unfolds map*I think we're lost, we haven't reached the English Channel yet* Turns map in all sorts of angles*
France: We're not lost. We're simply taking the land route to England, since we don't have a boat and all.
(Canada stops dead)
Canada: *slowly*F-Frances, you know there is no land route to England right?
France: Um, yeah there is. I'm European I know this kinda stuff.
Canada (totally unconvinced): alright, I hope you know what you're doing.
(They walk for another ten minutes, and pass a line of red and white patched grass)
Canada: France did you see that? I don't think we're in French territory anymore.
France: See what? What gives you that idea?
(Two big burly guards come and grab them)
Canada: I think this is proof enough.
Scene Three
(The twosome are escorted into the basement dungeon of the yet to be determined enemy, they are stuck in a jail cell)
Guard 1: Stay here until the countess figures out what to do to you trespassers.
Guard 2:*whispers* Um-I thought it was the Count?
Guard*also whispers* you think I know?
(They shut the door, leaving our heroes to contemplate their demise…and so soon into the story)
France: Who do you think the countess is?
Canada: hmmmm…It's not Seychelles… and it's not England-
France: *oozing sarcasm* REALLY? I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
Canada:*Happily* Your Welcome Lieutenant Sarcasm
F: At least we know it's a girl for sure.
C: Well, Hungary's a Knight.
F: And it certainly isn't Ukraine
C: *annoyed* you know, just because she looks like …that… doesn't mean she's nice.
F: I know.
C:* still annoyed* or that she likes you.
F:*skips subject* so that leaves Belgium
C: hmm, Countess Belgium. Do you think she'd be nice?
F: don't think so.
(Guards 1 and 2 appear, take them out of the cell and take them to the throne room, C goes pale.)
F: what's wrong?
C: What if it's…Belarus
F: We're gonna die.
(They're thrown on the floor-again)
F: Gently!
C: 'LLNEVER TRESSPASSHEREAGAIN!
Belarus (?): OMG like, hi guys!
F and C:*in unison* WHAT?*They stare up at their captor. It's Countess Feliks (or count, he doesn't seem to care), He's wearing a loud red suit and high heels of the same color.*
F: There are so many things wrong with this. I'm not even going to say it.
C:*looks at map* namely, how come we just walked through all of Germany and didn't get caught but take three steps into Poland and get thrown in jail.
Poland: Yeah, well Germany's not important in the story yet. Now why are you, like-
Canada: You broke the 4th wall
France: eh?
Canada: the imaginary wall that separates fiction from the real world-
Poland: Um, hey, can you like listen for a sec? Why are you here?
Canada: *sarcastically* we're looking for the "land route" to England
France: We are not looking for it. I know the way and you're holding us up! And why the high heels?
Poland:*Stomps foot* they make me taller and more imposing! And why are you, like, going to England anyway? Doesn't he, like, hate you?
France: yeah he does, that's the point. Arthur raided my house and stole a very dear person-
Poland: OMG it's, like, totally Liet! England totally captured Liet Didn't he! *leaves room*
Canada: Eh? Liet? We're saving Liechtenstein?
Poland: Nooooo Lithuania, dummy! *comes back with axe and shield*
France: WHO SAID LITHUANIA? WE'RE SAVING SEYCHELLES!
(Silence)
Poland: Oh, her? I, like, totally don't care. But if I just have to come.*shrugs*
F: When did I say "you're coming with us Feliks"?
P: just now. Hold on, don't leave without me, I gotta put on my traveling outfit. *leaves again*
(F and C look at each other and facepalm)
(Poland comes back basically wearing his Hetalia Gakuen outfit, with sneakers, this causes France and Canada to face palm once more)