~Four Years Ago~
"Hello there." I looked up and the first person I saw from this new school was an attractive young man, about my age, with windswept brown hair, perfect features, the most gorgeous blue eyes and a way about him that told everyone that he was made of money.
"Oh…hey." I muttered, my eyes looking him up and down and then suddenly darting away, as they met his cerulean blues. Damn, he was good looking. This was my guide? Were all the students this good looking at Dalton.
"My name's Sebastian Smyth. It's good to meet you. Shall we go?" He had an accent I couldn't place, but it sounded almost European. That explained the good looks, I guess.
Or he could just be gay…
No. I couldn't get my hopes up. Not again. I had fallen in love with too many straight men. I couldn't let that happen again. Not this time. There was no way my parents would let me transfer again…
Sebastian started walking and I followed, cautiously. Looking around, the school was beautiful. The school's walls all seemed to be painted. Maybe by the students? Were they all this gifted? Sebastian must have caught be looking or otherwise he could read minds, as he said. "All the walls are painted by students. The school is really proud of the arts. That means painting, writing, acting…singing."
My interest peaked at this point. Acting and singing were something I could get into. "Does this school have a good glee club?" I asked Sebastian, who stopped abruptly.
He turned suddenly and flashed me a movie star grin. My breath left me and I couldn't breathe. There should be some sort of warning signal, before he gave that look to anyone! "Yes, actually. We do have a glee club. We call ourselves the 'Warblers.'"
The Warblers? Very nice. Catchy too. I liked it. "Why? Do you think you can sing?" Sebastian asked me, a hint of doubt in his voice.
"Um…well. Maybe a little. I mean, I play guitar, I sing a little and I make weird covers of Disney songs…" I trailed off, realising how much of a douchebag I must sound like. But still, Sebastian smiled at me. Making my heart melt.
"Well, maybe you should try out for the Warblers." Sebastian suggested and that ended our tour. Suddenly Sebastian was gone and I was all alone in this odd world, completely isolated, with nothing to do but gaze at gorgeous young men and consider joining a group of singers…Wow.
~Three Years Ago~
"I thought you were interested in singing? What happened?" Sebastian was smiling at me again, making me blush deeply. We were too close, he would hear my heartbeat if this kept up.
"I am. I got involved with another group. The Warblers aren't the only musical group in the world." They might have been the best and most attractive though…
Sebastian laughed. Damnit! "Well okay. That's true enough, but you should really at least see what it's like. I've heard you sing. You're good. You could easily join the Warblers, if you wanted."
"Maybe." I said, shyly. I still hadn't been able to look Sebastian in the eye. It was too hard. He probably thought I was some anti-social ass. God! Why couldn't I be myself around him?
"Come on. Let me show you. The Warblers are amazing. I could tell you but…" Sebastian looked around at the school cafeteria with a look of disdain. I knew from watching him, that he didn't like the food here. It probably didn't agree with his rich taste buds. "Why don't we go someplace else. There's a little coffee place I know. Come with me."
Like he needed to ask a second time.
And so there we were. Sitting at a coffee house. I had gone to the to the cashier and asked for "A medium drip and an extra-dry cappuccino." I said to the silly little girl awaiting to take my command.
Sebastian looked confused and smiled at me, in an odd sort of way. "You know my coffee order?" I suddenly looked down and blushed again. Oh god. How could I be so dense? He's going to think I'm a total stalker.
"Um…it was a guess." I told him quickly. Too quick. He laughed again and a bright light shone in his eyes. Was it…understanding?
We took our coffee and sat at the only available table. We were surrounded by chattering couples. In fact, the whole place was full of couples. Was it a coincidence? The name of this place; Madam Puddifoot's…Oh lord! I blushed an even brighter shade of red and Sebastian laughed harder this time.
"It seems we've both figured everything out." Sebastian said, continuing to smile at me. This time I was too shocked to try and look away or blush. This can't be happening! "I always wondered why you were so shy. I mean, I've seen you on stage. You don't seem like the shy type. Then I would catch you staring at me almost every day, I always heard that a person's eyes are drawn to the most attractive thing in the room, whether they're attractive to that thing or not. But, you…that's why you can't seem to hold up a conversation…and why you won't join the Warblers. You're embarrassed." He said finally. He was smiling at me. What did that mean? Did I amuse him? Or was he happy?
"Well…now you know. I'm in love with you Sebastian Smyth. You've caught me out. I hope you're happy." I was on the brink of tears, but I kept my voice level. There was no way I was going to end up crying and making a scene in the middle of this love house.
Sebastian got closer to me. "I'm ecstatic." He whispered in my ear, before going on to nimble on it slightly. I moaned in ecstasy. After that Sebastian came away again. He was grinning at me. "Come on." He said, getting his coat and walking out. Again, I followed. At this point, I would follow him to the end of the world.
"Warblers. I present to you our newest recruit!" Sebastian was bold and out there, making sure there wasn't a single eye not on me.
"Can he even sing?" Jeff asked, (I could name all the Warblers) he looked worried, as did the other members of the Warblers. I remembered that all of them were quite cautious when it came to change. I could see their bird fluttering around in its cage.
"I can sing, or so I've been told." I told them all. All of their eyes shifted towards Sebastian, who smiled confidently and went to sit in his favourite chair.
All of the Warblers were tense with anticipation. Oh great. Still, looking at Sebastian gave me courage.
There's a stranger in my bed,
there's a pounding in my head!
Glitter all over the room,
pink flamingos in the pool…
When I had finished, every single Warbler was standing and clapping. Some were shouting out praises. It was slightly overwhelming, but I totally loved it. I loved the Warblers. They weren't just a glee club, they were a family.
"Amazing!"
"Awesome!"
"Sebastian, you've done it again!" Sebastian beamed at me, proudly.
And the day continued. The Warblers welcomed me with open arms. And I fell into their routine, making it my life. And a huge part of that life was Sebastian. He became my everything…
"Guess who's drunk!" Sebastian came into my room at Dalton. I could smell the alcohol off him, as soon as he walked through the door. Sebastian often went to gay bars, getting hammered and returning to me for taking care of.
But this night he wanted more. "Get on the bed. Take off your clothes." He ordered, he was still smiling, but there was some sort of maliciousness about it.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, putting my guitar back in its case. Since joining the Warblers and getting serious with Sebastian, I wasn't as effected by his beauty. I could stand up to him more and look him straight in the eye, without backing down. But this night, he was looking at me with a crazy lust that I had never experienced before.
"I want you. Right here and now! Come on! I've got the condoms. Let's just go wild!" Sebastian came inside my room, slamming the door behind him and forcing himself upon me.
He shoved me against the wall and I cried out in pain. There was a wild look in Sebastian's eyes and I didn't like it. It made me uncomfortable, as I withered under his forceful hands. His mouth was glued to my neck, his teeth sunk into my skin.
His hands moved quickly, stripping me of my clothes. "No! Please! Stop it Sebastian!"
"Try! You know you want this!" He screamed, loud enough for probably the whole school to hear. His nails dug into me and I yelled out, but his lips closed around mine and my scream was drowned inside his throat.
I was helpless against him. He was taking his own clothes off and he spun me on to his bed. After that, I couldn't remember anymore. Since then, I had repressed the memory. I didn't want it to haunt me anymore. But I remember crying that night. I remember the tears falling onto the scratches, which would soon turn into scars. I remember the pain was unbearable. Both physical and emotional. But worst of all, I still loved Sebastian. I called it a drunken mistake. Fool…
~Two Years Ago~
"Hello darling." Sebastian waited by my locker, as he had done every day for the past two years now that we had been dating. In that time, I never expected Sebastian to be so sweet as he acted around me. I had watched him for ages and had gotten a pretty good opinion of him, but Sebastian still seemed to kiss me and make love to me. That counted as dating right?
"Morning. And how are we this fine day?" I asked him, walking through the halls of Dalton Academy. Sebastian shrugged, as he always did when something wasn't to his high tastes.
"Same old, same old. Whatever. What are we singing today?" He asked me, his voice drawling, as if he were bored.
"Lady Gaga." He rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out.
"Urg. Fine whatever. Hey, what are you doing tonight?" The question caught me off guard. Sebastian usually just showed up in my room, when he wanted sex…or perhaps this was a date?
"Oh, nothing. I mean, nothing I can't arrange to get out of. Why? What were you planning?" I asked, probably a little too eagerly.
He gave me his signature smile and I knew whatever it was must have been either dangerous, illegal or incredibly expensive. In this case, it was all three.
"I was thinking you and I would shimmy on over to Scandals and have the time of our lives!" He said, it was rare to see Sebastian really excited over anything but money and sex, although I suppose you could relate this to those, but this just seemed wrong to me.
"Sebastian. I'm only sixteen and you're seventeen. We're both underage and we could get arrested. Besides I don't see the fun of going to one of those clubs. They're full of the worst types of gays."
Sebastian seemed surprised at my reaction. "And here I thought we could go out and have a good time. We never go out." And who's fault is that? "Besides, that's just a stereotype of those types of clubs. I've been to a couple myself. I got a friend to supply some fake Ids. With your looks, you could pass for 24, if you wanted!"
I was aghast. "I don't look that old, do I?"
Sebastian laughed. "Sure you do. But that's cute. It matches your mature personality. It's totally hot." He assured me, but I still didn't know about going to this gay bar club thing. Whatever the hell it was.
We stopped in front of my classroom. "I'll see you at practice. We can talk later, okay?"
Sebastian didn't look happy about that. He wore a cute little pout on his face. "Okay, okay. Whatever." He relented and with a roll of his eyes went off to his own classes.
Wes and David were inside my class, waiting for me. "Hey. How's our little rising star?" They asked me, as I sat down. I gave them a little smile. With Wes and David I felt comfortable. They had become my closest friends.
"Fine." I answered, curtly. The pair's eyebrows rose. They looked at each other and then back at me.
"What's up?" They asked, simultaneously. It bugged me how much the three of us were now in sync.
"Nothing." I told them. Like that they would ever believe that. They continued to bore into me with their puppy dog looks, until I cracked.
"Sebastian-" The two groaned. They didn't approve of my relationship with Sebastian and were convinced that he was simply using me for sex. They told me it wouldn't have been the first time apparently, but I couldn't bring myself to believe them, no matter how much evidence they put before me.
"Sebastian." I began again. "Has taken up the idea of the two of us going to a gar bar together. Apparently he can get a couple of fake Ids and we can go tonight."
"Which is illegal." Wes reminded me, as if I actually needed it.
"I know that." I told them, with a strained sigh. "But what can I do?"
"Tell him no."
"Dump him."
"Expose him for being a jerk."
"Tell the police that he raped you and get him arrested."
"Okay! Shut the hell up!" I didn't care that at that moment class was in session and every eye was on me. I was used to it now and I could stand it easily. "You don't know anything about me or Sebastian so just piss off alright!" I grabbed my bag quickly and stormed out of the classroom. It seemed the teacher was too shocked to actually try to stop me. But from behind, I could hear her attempting to quieten her class, as talk and no doubt rumours, erupted from every mouth in that room. And they say girls are the gossipy ones…
I went into town after that. I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. I wanted to be alone for as long as I could and if I had just gone to my room, that would have been the first place people would have began looking for me.
But the thrill of skipping school wore off. And soon I realised what I had done. Possibly losing my best friends. All for Sebastian…
"All for Sebastian…" I said, aloud and heaved deeply, collapsing against a brick wall and digging out my phone. I sent Sebastian a text that I would be going to Scandals and that I would meet him there. I told him to bring the fake Ids.
His reply was almost immediate, despite the fact he should have class on right now. 'That's great! J See you there! Bring condoms, lol' I stared at the text for hours, especially the last line. Maybe he is just using me for sex…
Time passed and the night came about. I hopped in a taxi and told the driver to take me to a street where I could walk to the bar. There was no way I was going to tell him to take me directly there, despite what Sebastian says, I do not look Twenty-Four.
"Hey there." Sebastian had made it to the bar before I had. He had a huge smile on his face, which I didn't, couldn't, reflect. My only reasoning for being here was that I thought the alcohol could give some couple hours of bliss from this seemingly never ending nightmare that was somehow my life.
"Hey. So can we go in?" I said, getting straight to the point. Sebastian seemed to like this for some reason.
"Sure, whatever." He handed me the ID and that was all there was to it. The bouncer barely gave a second look, as he ushered us through. And so I was introduced to a world of sluts, dancers, whores and alcohol. Lots of alcohol. Oh the alcohol!
She doesn't deserve to be in a place like this,
All alone.
She's underage and so very very brave,
A fake ID lent her credibility.
She sits at the bar,
The gents are gonna try so hard.
And the bartender who tends to pretend that he's concerned,
Says "Girlie, girlie, you're at your best when you're sober.
And she slurs "No, no. Just one more."
And one turns into four,
The fourth drink instinct is taking over
And the 'gentleman' is leading her towards the door.
"Get off me!" I screamed, fending off the man, who was leading me out. I had to take a few seconds, as the freak disappeared into the shadows. I wasn't about to have some drunk sex with a guy I didn't even know.
I tried to regain my consciousness and figure out what I was supposed to be doing, but I could feel myself fading away every couple of seconds.
I staggered left and right looking for Sebastian. I needed to get home, but I needed him to get me home safely. Unless he's as drunk as you are…
I tried not to think of that possibility. I looked for my boyfriend, but I couldn't locate him amidst all of the other attractive gay men.
I stumbled through door after door, not even paying attention to where I was going. I suppose it makes sense that a gay bar might have a whole area as a bedroom, possibly being used to house people who couldn't get home or it could have been used for a ton of other reasons.
"Ahhh!" Sebastian moans is what drew me to the bedroom. Inside I saw Sebastian's naked body moving at a speed, I didn't think was humanly possible. He had that same wild, lustful look in his eye, as he had the night we had first had sex. The person under him, I recognised as one of the people that had been dancing in one of the cages, hanging from the ceiling. I presumed that Sebastian had only met him this night as well.
Sebastian turned to see who the onlooker was and his face scrunched up and fell into shock. Quickly he said. "This isn't what it looks like!"
"Goodbye Sebastian." I said, for one quick moment being completely solemn and sober. The shock and experience completely taking the alcohol out of my system. And that was that for my time in Dalton.
~One year Ago~
After Sebastian, I didn't go back to school. I went back to my parents. Dalton kicked me out for leaving. My parents were furious, so they decided that there was no point in continuing my education properly. They got me into the cheapest school in the state and left me there. They presumed I would be fine, with my singing and dancing.
The school was called McKinley High School. It would be where I would be spending my senior year. And I guess it would be where I would spend the runt that is not currently my life.
I went through the class schedule without problem. School was school, no matter where it was. Besides, it didn't matter to me anymore. There was nothing in me anymore. I had wasted all of my feelings on a worthless piece of trash.
What interested me the most in this school was the school's Glee club. They called themselves the 'New Directions'. Not nearly as catchy as the Warblers, as from what I could see not as popular nor as well dressed.
Still it couldn't hurt to give it a look. Or you could fall in love again and it could hurt a lot…
I walked into the music room. There was a bunch of different kids sitting on a set of benches. There was some guys playing different instruments. The teacher, Mr Schuster, was sitting looking at the guy standing right in front of the group, singing his heart out. At least I think it was a guy. His voice was extremely high and his body was so subtle and elegant. Gay…and cute to boot…
Oh god no! Not again. I couldn't take this again. I was about to turn on the spot and leave this chapter of my miserable life before it could begin but the song made me stop. Although it was sung in a much higher pitch than I had ever heard it. That I had ever sung it.
I've been alone,
Surrounded by darkness.
I've seen how heartless,
The World can be.
I've seen you crying,
You felt like it's hopeless.
I'll always do my best,
To make you see…
The kids and the teacher all began to clap vigorously after the boy, Kurt Hummel, was finished. It had been awhile since I had heard my own song and actually listened to it. I had made it before I had even met Sebastian and yet, it seemed to affect me most right at this moment.
"Wow Kurt." Mr Schuster told him. "Did you come up with that on your own?"
Kurt quickly shook his head. "No, no. I found it online. This guy our age made his own album and this was my favourite song on it."
"What was his name?" Somebody from the crowd. "The song sounds familiar."
The showman's side of me couldn't resist making my entrance right there and then. "That would be Blaine Anderson." I said, coming into the music room.
Kurt's mouth dropped open and he coaxed me. "Oh. My. God."
Gay! Officially gay! Officially gay! Gay! Gay! Gay!
I ignored the voice in my head and continued to introduce myself. "Hi everyone. Despite what you might be thinking I didn't plan this. I happened to transfer recently and I thought I would check out the 'New Directions.'" I told them.
"And we would love to have you!" Kurt and another girl, named Rachel, were quick to decide. The other members rolled their eyes, as if they were used to these two taking control over the whole club.
I gave them an embarrassed smile. "Well I wasn't sure about actually joining." I told them. Kurt was quick to react.
"After school, how about we go get coffee and I can try to convince you?"
"No." I told him, steely. "Sorry, but I have to go." I could hear the New Directions muttering around me and I was even sure I could see, just before I left, the moment when I was sure I had broken his little heart. You're a bit of an asshole…
But I couldn't do this. I couldn't go for coffee in that exact same situation. It was just too familiar.
Despite that, I still somehow ended at a coffee house, oddly enough. And somehow the world was cruel enough that Kurt Hummel had to be walking through the door as well. He caught my eye and dashed towards me.
"Hey!" He cried, latching himself onto my arm, so I couldn't run away again, I guess.
"So, are you going through this total bad boy rock star phase or are you just an asshole in real life?" He asked me straight out of the water.
"Option C. My boyfriend slept with another guy and now I'm all alone. You singing that song just made me realise that how pathetic I am."
Kurt's mouth formed a little 'o' and he followed me to the cashier, saying nothing until he ordered.
"A grande latte mocha and a medium drip for this guy." He said. I blinked, completely shocked.
"You know my coffee order?" I asked him.
Kurt blushed a little. "Oh well, it was on wikipedia." Yeah right.
"Stalker." I said with a chuckle, before happily accepting my drink and sitting down with the little…he reminded me of something. Maybe a pixie, with his elegant features.
Kurt rolled his eyes at me. Then he seemed to frown, in concentration. "So…boyfriend?"
"Oh yeah. I'm 100% gay, don't worry about that." I chuckled again, already going through the whole experience with trying with women. Not an experience I would repeat any time soon.
Kurt looked at me with a shy little grin, which is weird, because he seemed like the type to be really out there. "So, would you be looking to get over your old boyfriend…?"
"Uh…"
The sweet caress of twilight,
There's magic everywhere.
And with all this romantic atmosphere,
Disaster's in the air…
~Present Day~
Kurt and I did eventually start to go out. He even became student president and I got the lead in the school's production of 'West Side Story'.
Because of that, Kurt was able to get a place at The New York Academy of Dramatic Arts. As for me, the idea of more school was a complete nightmare, so I turned my attention to Broadway and got the lead role in 'How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying.' Life seemed good, until that day.
Until the day that after one of my performances I was told that a certain fan wanted to see me. The request was common enough that I didn't think much of it, but then I saw him. The windswept hair, the blue eyes, the perfect features. Sebastian Smyth was back!
"Hello Darling." He said, casually, as if he just came back from work or something.
For a few moments, I was still in shock. For Sebastian to even approach me was one thing, but for him to just act like he hadn't done anything wrong, that everything was okay!
"Get out!" I said, simply, this time keeping my voice level, despite my anger.
"Aren't you happy to see me? It's been almost two years now, since we last saw each other."
"What do you think Sebastian? In fact, better question, what are you doing here?" I wasn't going to take any of his shit. Not this time around.
Sebastian actually had nerve to look upset by my reactions. Could he be that selfish and cruel? Of course he could…
Sebastian followed me home. I mean, he actually followed me to the apartment that I was sharing with Kurt and that wasn't all. He had started singing to me, from the street below! Should I call the police…?
Kurt got home that night to Sebastian singing his apparent love for me and how he wanted me back. "Please tell me that man down there is singing for another Blaine Anderson."
My expression answered him better than my words ever could. He gazed out the window at Sebastian and then closed the curtains. Kurt's expression was curt. He wasn't pleased with me.
"Who is he?" Kurt asked, his eyes narrow like slits.
"Sebastian…my ex."
"The big ex?"
"…Yeah."
Kurt put his arms around me. "It'll be okay." He whispered to me, comforting me, making me relive falling in love with him. Unlike with Sebastian, I felt safe with Kurt.
"I need to do something about him though." I told Kurt and together we began to plot a way to tell Sebastian it was completely over with us.
"Hello Sebastian." He was actually sleeping out on the street, like he couldn't just rent an apartment in the building without a second thought.
"Finally coming to your senses?" He asked, arrogantly.
"Sebastian. I have a boyfriend." I told him, not bothering with trying to let him down easy.
"Doesn't bother me, if it doesn't bother you." He smiled and my blood boiled in turn. How could I ever be attracted to this guy?
"No." I strained to keep my voice level in the middle of a public area. "I mean, I love him. More than I ever did with you."
Sebastian's eyes widened in confusion and shock. "What? Are you serious?"
"Deadly." He stopped, which was fine, because I had already led him to where I wanted him to be. A huge stage had been set up by Kurt and his friends at school.
I got up on stage and went straight up to my boyfriend, kissing him on the cheek. "Thank you. This is wonderful."
"Just make sure he gets the message." Kurt replied.
"Oh he will." I promised him that. It was time I finally took Wes and David's advice and expose Sebastian for who he really was. And to do that, I took my place behind the mic and began to sing.
I stand here face to face,
With someone that I used to know.
He used to look at me and laugh,
But now he claims.
That he's known me for so very long,
But I remember being no one!
I wanted to be just like you,
So perfect, so untouchable!
Now you want me to be with you,
Someone who used to have it all.
Do you remember now?
You acted like you never noticed me,
Forget it!
Cause the gone has come around,
And you're not allowed to be a part of me.
Did you know me?
Or were you too preoccupied,
With playing king in your small kingdom.
And now in the real world,
Has stripped you of your royalty.
And from your kingdom you're evicted!
I wanted to be just like you!
So perfect, so untouchable.
Now you want me to be with you,
Someone who used to have it all.
Do you remember now?
You acted like you never noticed me,
Forget it!
Cause the gone has come around,
And you're not allowed to be a part of me!
Apparently Sebastian hadn't stuck around until the end. I couldn't find him after the song and he wasn't anywhere near mine and Kurt's apartment. I took this meaning I had won. I was victorious. And I wanted to share my victory, with one person only.
Kurt and I were snuggling in bed, keeping each other warm.
"Kurt, Happy Birthday."
"What?"
"Oh, slip of the tongue. I meant, I love you."
You complete me.
A/N- This was a birthday present to Stroppy Poppy which I originally put on DeviantArt and I thought I would put it on here too because I haven't done much recently. I based this off the preview of the 'First time' episode, so Sebastian is a bit out of character. Sorry.
The songs used are;
Last Friday Night- Katy Perry.
Fourth Drink Instinct- Cute Is What We Aim For.
Not Alone- Darren Criss.
Can you feel the love tonight?- Lion King.
Remember Me- Hoobastank.