PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU READ THE STORY:
First off, this is a fan fiction parody. It is not based on the story line of any Final Fantasy game. It is a mix of the characters of Final Fantasy in one story.
There may be a few typos, but I won't read the whole thing just to fix them because it's pretty long already. I started writing this a while go, with no intention to put it on here. Again, this was written, especially the beginning, awhile ago just for fun. I'm not publishing it or doing anything important with it, it's just here and on other web sites for my friends to read and for others who enjoy a good laugh to read. I seriously tried to edit it to the best of my ability. (You try editing 184 pages...) Though I'm not publishing anything don't copy any of the ideas used in this story. You might find some great, some super funny, but that doesn't mean you can take it. Capiche? However, if for some odd reason, sequels or other fan fictions that are based off of this appear, make sure its ok with me and that I get credit. I have no problem with people adding side stories or using this as an idea helper kinda thing, as long as everyone knows I was the original creator. This has happened before, I have many dedicated fans to this parody (sweat drop).
So if you're looking for something serious and well...serious, I suggest you find something else because this fan fiction is somewhat random, but not stupid, and funny. There are certain parts that display certain things, such as a serious part, then a random part to maybe break the tension and make you laugh. Trust me. Even though it may not look like it at first, there really IS a main plot line to this whole thing...hehe.
There might even be some other extra characters in it, like InuYasha and Himura Kenshin come in for no apparent reason...and yeah, it's just for fun. Also I'm mostly known online as Princess, so I refer to myself at times as Princess on here.
Um...let's see...what else...oh, and if you're an uptight Final Fantasy fan, for safety reasons you shouldn't read this either. Keep in mind also that not all Final Fantasy characters are in it, actually it's mostly 7, 8, 10, 10-2 characters. Also if there's something 'wrong' about a character, it's most likely done on purpose, because I assure you that they will not act the way they're 'supposed' to act. They are merely exagerated. There's a reason for that but I won't bore you with the story, and also to make it simpler, it's funny. If you don't get something just skip over it. Anything in ( ) is probably comments by me...indicating a part I think funny or weird...stuff like that. I'm not saying I don't accept criticism, it's just most of what people will write bad about are most likely things that are intentional. Also, if you really don't like this story, why read it? Just...don't read it. This is only here for my friends, but then again...they did say I should put it on here...eh, who knows.
Here comes the part where some people get confused. Please don't ask me and nag about how "Hey, wait a minute! Aeris is dead! Sephiroth too! Auron also! Tidus isn't real! What the heck you crazy lady!" Um, hello? I know that! Duh. In this story every dead character is brought back to life, those some of us like, some...we don't really like. Hehe. And this isn't taking part in a Final Fantasy world either. All the characters are people, just like us. They're still Cloud, still Tidus, they have their super powers, swords, everything. They just know they're video game characters. In fact, in the world of this story, being a video game character is the same thing as being an actor or actress. All the characters are actually known celebrities, and some didn't just stop at video games. Take Yuna for example. She's loved by millions of fans, and has released quite a few CD's. Wanna leave already? It's really not that confusing. You know what? I shouldn't be writing this on the first place. I should've left you to fend for yourself! But NO. I'm too nice. You better read my story now.
Another subject I get nagged on about a little too much sometimes. Yes. There are a lot of Final Fantasy cross over pairings. You know what? I don't give a cheese cake as to what you think about it. I chose these specific couples for a reason. (Ok not really but its still funny right?) This story has grown and developed between me and my friends for a long time now, and its no use changing it now. Even if I wanted too. Which I don't. I like these Final Fantasy pairings just fine thank you! And don't even THINK about coming on over to me and nagging this and that about age difference. Love is love, no matter how many years apart you are from someone. Oh yeah, no there's no Yaoi on here...sorry fans of Yaoi, hehe. When I started this I actually had no idea what Yaoi was. And there's no Yuri here either (sorry Cloud) and don't think I'm some kind of homophobe either its just that it never crossed my mind really...
Alright...I guess you can read it now. Once again, this is for fun, FUN! And is in no means important or created to make anyone's life easier. It's just...here. Here to make you laugh. And sing along. Yeah you guessed it...this is a musical too. Have fun!
Chapter 1: The Announcement / The Trip.
Auron burst through the wall.
"I'm getting married," He announced. Everyone ignored him, you know, because everyone ignores old people. Auron sighed. "I'm getting married," He repeated. Again, everyone continued what they were doing and paid no mind to him. Quistis came calmly through the hole Auron made through the wall, and stood next to him.
"Hey everyone! I'm getting married!" She announced. Instantly, all the girls ran to her and started talking in fast and loud girl talk mixed with giggles and high pitched exclamations. The guys just muttered their congratulations meekly and returned to what they were doing.
"Oh, Quistis! Whose the lucky guy?" Yuna's voice could be heard louder then the babble of girls.
"Oh, it's Auron!" Quistis replied happily. The babble stopped.
"You're...kidding, right?" Yuna asked disbelieving.
Everyone except Quistis started laughing nervously. "Nice joke Quistis, but this is no laughing matter. Who are you really getting married to?" Tifa asked.
"I'm not joking, I am getting married to Auron," Quistis replied.
Everyone went back a step or two and stared at her.
"Well...if that was the best you could do," Yuna said sadly and patted Quistis on the arm as if something tragic had happened.
"Wait...Auron is getting married to Quistis? Is that what I heard?" Tidus asked coming in the room with a bag of popcorn and stuffing it furiously in his mouth.
"Yeah," Auron replied slapping his fore head. Tidus started choking and Yuna patted his back hard and he spit popcorn on everyone. When he stopped and he motioned for Yuna to stop, he walked over to Auron.
"Look, Auron, buddy... You can't go joking around like this. You're already not popular with the guys, the fans, you know. I mean, why would anyone ever marry you? Auron, it's time I give you the 'talk'. The talk my friend, is about something called 'being attractive'. Look at me, I'm blonde, I'm blue eyed, and I'm tan. I have my own video game, a cute girlfriend, I'm a super star. I have millions of fans, and what do you have Auron? Nothing. Not even money. Not even looks. Your life ended before it even started. I'm sorry I was the one to have to break it to you...but I knew I'd be the one. I knew, oh how I knew! Right when I first met you. So, you have to stop this while you can buddy, the guys are getting suspicious," Tidus said doing a hanging motion with his hand.
"But Tidus, it's not about what is on the outside, it's about what is in the inside," Auron replied.
"Oh Auron, you're always filled with that mumbo-jumbo. Besides, I'm pretty sure your insides are ugly too," Tidus replied patting Auron hard on the back.
Auron pushed him away and turned to the rest of the group. "We're getting married at a resort outside a small town. Of course we want all of you to be there, so you have to travel in the Final Fantasy Lounge bus, while me and Quistis go in my car," Auron announced. Immediately, complaints and groans filled the room.
"I don't wanna go in that stinky rickety old bus!" Rinoa cried.
"Yeah, we haven't be in that thing since our college road trip!" Cloud piped up.
"Which we didn't even get to all the way!" Tifa agreed.
"Whatever!" Squall agreed too.
"You're going and that's it," Auron growled.
"Oh and Rinoa will be my Maid of Honor!" Quistis announced smiling.
"Yay! Oh Quisty, really! Oh this is great! Isn't it great Squally?" Rinoa exclaimed shaking Squall's arm.
"Whatever," Squall muttered.
"Tidus...unfortunately I chose you to be one of my best men," Auron announced in a dull voice. Tidus jumped and looked up in glee, with his face lighting up in complete joy.
"Wait, whose the other one?" Yuna asked.
"Jecht," Auron replied.
Tidus came down and his smiled faded. "What?" Tidus cried.
"Sorry...I had to, I couldn't choose between you two so I chose both," Auron explained.
"That jerk is going to be in the wedding! Oh, I won't be able to face him!" Tidus cried out again. Auron shrugged.
"It's ok Tidy Baby, just don't...talk...to him," Yuna said putting on a supportive smile.
"I'll be standing right next to him Yuna!" Tidus cried. Yuna shrugged.
"Alright you whipper-snappers, let's get em' going!" Auron cried. (Whoa...nice line Auron) And, like in all twisted and random stories, their bags and stuff got MAGICALLY transported to the bus, and Auron and Quistis gave the gang instructions and left.
On the road...
Tidus was sitting in the driver's seat with Yuna on the passenger seat, and everyone else was squished up in the back (Hehe, losers). Suddenly Tidus's face lit up again and he turned the radio up.
"Yuna! It's our song!" He cried. Soon "Born to be Wild" was audible all over the bus.
"Get your motor runnin'!" Tidus sang.
"Head out on the highway!" Yuna sang back.
"Lookin' for adventure!" Tidus sang again.
"And whatever comes our way!" Yuna sang back again.
"Yeah Darlin' go make it happen!
Take the world in a love embrace!
Fire all of your guns at once!
And explode into space!" They sang.
"Booooooooooorn to be Wiiiiiiild!" Tidus and Yuna sang extra loud.
Sephiroth's fist shook with rage. "Would you two can it !" He bellowed. Yuna turned around in her seat and stuck her tongue out.
"You're just mad because you're lonely," She pointed out. Cloud laughed.
"SHUT-UP!" Sephiroth cried.
"Nice one Babe," Tidus complimented.
"Hehe, thankies!" Yuna replied and they did a secret hand-shake.
"I love you," Tidus cooed.
"I love you too!" Yuna replied.
"I hate the both of you!" Sephiroth cried from the back.
"Just, when do we get there?" Vincent asked timidly from the back as well.
"Tidy hun, when do we get there?" Yuna asked. Tidus didn't reply.
"Babe? Tidy Bear? Tidus? Hello?" Yuna cried. Tidus started to hum.
"It's official. Tidus has gone deaf," Cloud commented.
"I haven't gone deaf!" He cried.
"Then why won't you answer?" Yuna wondered.
"Because my name isn't Tidus at this period of time," Tidus explained.
"Then what is it?" Cloud asked. Tidus simply pointed at his dorky driver's hat. It read "Mr. Cool Driver."
"Ok Mr. Cool Driver, when do we get there?" Yuna asked.
"Mr. Auron-not-as-cool-of-a-driver hasn't called yet," Tidus, I mean, Mr. Cool Driver replied.
"Yeah, probably in the back seat with Quistis," Cloud said, making uninvited visuals in everyone's mind. Gee. Thanks Cloud.
"Could you be anymore gross?" Zell complained and looked oddly at Cloud. Cloud shifted his eyes and hid his face behind an upside down newspaper. Suddenly, as if on cue, or perhaps nothing else in the story happens, Tidus's radio buzzed and he picked it up.
"Yo," He said into it in a cool voice.
"Tidus, where the hell are you? We got at the resort thirty minutes ago!" Auron cried. Tidus looked around nervously and everyone glared at him.
"Why did Tidus have to be the driver?" Tifa groaned.
"C'mon people, we're not lost," Tidus reassured them. Auron could be heard groaning on the other line of the radio.
"Tidus, just follow the map and get here before the wedding," Auron said and signed off.
"He didn't say over and out," Tidus noted sadly.
"Here, let me take a look at the map," Yuna said extending her hand to get it.
"No! Don't!" Tidus cried. Yuna's hand came back.
"Why?" She asked suspiciously.
"Women can't read maps. Here, Cloud, you take it," Tidus said and tossed Cloud the map. Yuna crossed her arms and looked out the window.
"Tidus...you had the damn map upside down," Cloud said slapping his forehead.
"Women can't read maps," Yuna muttered under her breath.
"Hey, I either drive, or read, I can't do both!" Tidus snapped. Cloud turned the map the right way and began telling Tidus the right way to go. Soon over an hour, they finally got to the resort. Tidus parked the bus and they all got out and hotel boys got their bags out too.
"I call Tidus as my room mate!" Wakka cried jumping out.
"Fucking no way! I get Tidus, and Squall and Vincent, and Sephy...well, I get everyone except Wakka," Cloud declared.
"I'm not sharing a room with you dumb heads even if somebody paid me. The Best Man, gets his own room," Tidus replied.
"I wanna go in your private room!" Wakka complained. Tidus looked at Wakka oddly.
"No! God Wakka, how gay could you be? Me and Yuna are sharing!" Tidus cried. Wakka looked at Yuna.
"Oh yeah. I forgot she was here," He replied. Tidus slapped his forehead.
"Well, for all the single guys, we'll all share one room," Cloud said. "And make it the coolest bachelor pad ever!" He high fived Zell.
"Aww man. You guys get to do all the fun stuff," Tidus whined sadly.
"That's ok then Tidus, you get my spot. I'll share with Yuna," Cloud replied and slid over next to Yuna. "How about it cream puff?" He asked. Yuna shoved him.
"Get away from me Cloud!" She cried in disgust.
"Ok, ok, just watch the hair," Cloud said with his hands immediately flying up to his head in a smooth like manner.
They walked in to the lobby.
"Hello, welcome to Happy Happy Hotels, how may I make your happy stay here at Happy Happy more happier?" The desk lady asked a little too perky. She's been working here a long time. Tidus looked at her weirdly and told them they were here for a wedding. "Name of the groom please," The lady asked going to the computer.
"Auron," Tidus replied.
"Last name too Sir," She asked.
"I don't know his last name, what am I, People magazine? Geez," Tidus replied. The lady typed something and grinned wider.
"Alright, all of you have been checked in. The rooms are that way and when we have special occasions such as weddings you can rent out the whole hotel! So the place is all yours," Happy Lady said.
"Awesomeness! Who loves Auron and his wedding? I do!" Cloud cried and ran to the room hallway.
"Yunie, though you're sharing with Tidus, you can come to our bachelorette room anytime!" Tifa said.
"Alright," Yuna replied. Everyone walked into the hallway.
"Nooooo...there's three rooms with three beds each and three master bedrooms. What are we going to do?" Cloud grumbled.
So they decided that, Auron and Quistis get the far back master room, Yuna and Tidus with the second, and Rinoa and Squall with the third. Aeris and Tifa got one regular room, Sephiroth, Vincent, and Cloud got one, and Zell and Wakka share the other. So two rooms have one bed extra, in case one of the couples fight or something. Just to make that clear, you know...because later on, I don't want people to get confused by all the moving. Right. Ok. Next paragraph.
Yuna and Tidus were in their room putting everything away. "Hey look! We got presents," Yuna announced. A hotel boy guy dropped off two boxes.
"Heh, I love those baggage boys, they wear such funny hats!" Tidus exclaimed. The guy was still standing in the room, and glared at Tidus before leaving.
"Ooh...Tidus, these are from your dad," Yuna said cautiously.
"Yeah right," Tidus retorted. "He wouldn't even give me stuff for Christmas, why the hell would he give me something now?"
Yuna shrugged and picked up one addressed to her. "I hope this isn't what your dad... usually...gives me," Yuna said in a scared voice.
"If it is, I'll kill him," Tidus replied simply. Yuna opened it and took out a short and way too small lingerie dress thing. Night gown thing. Well...really I don't know. I wasn't there.
"What the flip is that!" Tidus cried.
"I think your father misunderstood who was getting married...," Yuna replied meekly. A card fell out of it. "Dear Yuna, I hope you like the gift. I do know it's Auron's wedding, but I just wanted you kids to have a little fun. I hope you've been working on that diet to lose...those...pounds!" Yuna read.
"You're not fat!" Tidus erupted nervously.
"How dare he!" Yuna cried and chucked it out the window.
At that same time Wakka was randomly strolling by, when a super short and way too small night gown thing came flying at him and hit him right in the face. He looked at it in his hands and a slow grin appeared. "Dear Diary: Jack Pot," He said and ran off.
"Let's see what he got you," Yuna said and reached for a square rectangular box.
"I can't believe Auron invited him. He knows we hate each other, he knows he's always sending me weird gifts when he's not sending me gifts, and the nerve of him calling my girlfriend fat, and encouraging bad behavior, what kind of a dad is that! And another thing-," Tidus started.
"Here Tidus just take it and open it, let's get this over with!" Yuna cried cutting him off and tossing the present to him. Tidus decided to read the card first.
"Dear Son, all I can say is...don't get too ahead of yourself," Tidus read.
"I wonder what that means," Yuna said suspiciously. Tidus closed his eyes and ripped the wrapper off.
"Yuna... Tell me what it is," He ordered.
Yuna backed up like, all the way over to the other side of the room before answering. "Are you sure?" She asked in a scared voice.
"Yes," Tidus replied.
"Just, look for yourself," Yuna said strapping an army helmet on. Tidus peeked out one eye, and he started shaking. Steam like totally puffed out of his ears and he was red and he cried out in anger.
"What...the...heck!" He exploded. Hehe. I mean, poor Tidus. "I can't believe he sent me a box of tissues!" Tidus bellowed.
"Tidus, calm down," Yuna said helplessly from under the bed. Then who showed up save the day? I mean make it worse?
"Hey guys!" Cloud cried popping in. Tidus was still slightly hyper ventilating. "Whoa...what happened here? You guys fighting?" Cloud asked.
"No! Tidus just got a really stupid gift from his dad...who purposely sent it...to make fun of him. Yeah, that's it," Yuna replied. Cloud noticed the tissue box in Tidus's hands. His face scrunched up and he put his hand over his mouth. "Cloud! Don't!" Yuna cried. But it was too late. Cloud buckled to the floor and holding his stomach he started laughing really hard. Yuna slapped her forehead. Tidus rubbed his forehead instead.
"Cloud! Please leave," Tidus snapped. Cloud was getting up, still laughing, when he took one look at the tissue box and started laughing all over again. "Yuna, just dispense of this please," Tidus said tossing the tissue box aside. Yuna picked it up and threw it in the trash can, to which finally Tidus let out a big breath and felt relieved.
"Ah man, you guys ruin all the fun," Cloud complained. He then left. Two seconds later he came back. "Oh yeah, and the reason I came was to tell you to get ready," He said.
"For what?" Tidus asked.
"Looks like Auron signed us up for horse back riding, the little bastard," Cloud announced. Tidus groaned but Yuna squealed with delight.
"Oh joy! What a good way to spend a nice sunny day, and we won't have to deal with moving in to a smelly hotel room now!" Yuna said happily. Too bad Yuna doesn't know what's bound to happen...
Intermission. Feel free to grab a snack, make a drink, because things are only going to go downhill from here. Er, I mean, get better from here. Hehe.
Everyone met up in the lobby.
"Hey look, Auron left us a note. So kind of him, eh?" Cloud said taking a taped piece of paper from the door knob leading outside. "Dear kind wedding guests...yeah right...uh, blah blah, we won't see him 'till the wedding, yadda yadda," Cloud read.
"That's fine with me, I'm here to enjoy the hotel, then the wedding later," Tifa confirmed placing her hands on her hips. I don't even think Tifa likes Auron all that much.
"Hear, hear!" Tidus agreed and did an imaginary cheers.
"When do we get to ride the blasted horses?" Sephiroth growled.
"Sephy wants a cute little white pony! Doesn't he?" Zell cooed in a baby voice. He and Wakka laughed. Sephiroth's eye brow twitched and he gave them a murderous glare. Wakka and Zell shut up and shrunk. Cloud went up to Sephiroth.
"You know buddy, you gotta teach me how you do that," He said placing his arm around Sephiroth's shoulders.
"Don't...touch...me," Sephiroth replied. Cloud immediately pulled his arm back and backed away a little.
"Alright! Talk to ya later Sephy! Right...," Cloud said loudly and walked back to where he was.
"Let's just go outside already," Tidus complained. The gang (Heh...the gang...) made their way outside and followed some arrows reading "Stables." Once they got there, a man with a straw hat and chewing on a wheat...thing...looked up at them. He gave them a tooth less grin.
"Ew...," Yuna muttered walking closer to Tidus.
"Yo Johnny! We got em' city kids here early!" The man shouted out.
"City kids?" Cloud repeated. The man, whose badge read Buck, nodded at them. Johnny came out then carrying some saddles. He was around their age and wearing a cute cowboy outfit. He smiled at them; well, mainly Yuna, Tifa, and Rinoa, and walked by.
"Country boys are sooo cute!" Yuna, Tifa, and Rinoa chorused.
Tidus and Cloud grumbled and Squall simply grumbled "Whatever."
"Johnny will assign all yer' horses," Buck said. Johnny came out leading two horses.
"Alrighty," He agreed. He faced them and everyone stared at him back. "You...and uh...you," Johnny said pointing at Wakka and Squall. They walked forward. "You get Jacko here," Johnny said to Squall.
"Whatever?" Squall asked coming near the horse.
"What?" Johnny asked.
"Whatever?"
"What?"
"Whatever?"
"What?"
"Whatever?"
"What?"
"Whatever?"
"What?"
"Whatever?"
"What?"
"Whatever?"
"What?"
"Whatever?"
"What?"
"Whatever?"
"What?"
"What...Ever...?" Squall cried. Johnny was about to say "What?" when Rinoa cut him off.
"Wait! So sorry," She apologized. She took a transmitter kinda thing out of nowhere and put head phones on.
"Whatever?" Squall repeated. Rinoa furrowed her brows in concentration and spun the dial around until she got it tuned. "Whatever?" Squall repeated tiredly.
"He's asking, if this is the right way to get on the horse," Rinoa confirmed putting the transmitter away.
"Where the heck did you get that?" Cloud asked. Rinoa shifted her eyes.
"Ebay...," Rinoa replied nervously.
"Figures," Cloud muttered scratching his chin.
"Oh...yeah, you get on the left side of the horse," Johnny said looking at Squall oddly.
"Whatever," Squall replied and got on. I've actually researched Squall language a little for the parody, and as hard as it may be to learn, I know a few words. Squall definitely said "Thank you" just now.
"You. With the funny orange hair," Johnny said. Wakka came forward. "You get Mrs. Puffycream," Johnny assigned. Cloud laughed out loud and pointed at Wakka, who reluctantly climbed upon Mrs. Puffycream, who wheezed when Wakka sat. Cloud was completely enjoying this and laughed and pointed some more.
"Right, now I need Dracula the Second, Spikes, and Miss Transmitter," Johnny called. Vincent, Cloud, and Rinoa went forward. They each got a horse.
"Hey Vincent, my horse is called Champion," Cloud proclaimed proudly.
"What is my horses's name?" Vincent asked raising a hand.
"I figured you were a tough boy...I got ya Thunder," Johnny replied to Vincent's black horse. Vincent smirked at Cloud who looked away.
"Not...too tough, eh Dracula Jr.?" Buck asked.
"No worries, I'm a professional horse rider," Vincent replied.
"Hey Vincent! They have real horses here, no demon ones, sorry!" Tidus called out and snickered.
"Shut up Tidus! If Vincent says he's pro, then he's pro," Yuna added.
Vincent just maneuvered his horse to go forward and he turned his back on everybody. He was a professional horse rider. He was. He shall be a professional horse rider.
"Now...how about Cowboy Barbie, and Ken," Johnny called. Yuna and Tidus came forward. "Here ya go Barbie, you get Dolly, she's mild," Johnny said. Yuna re-settled her Gucci sunglasses, sprayed bug spray around her one last time, and got on Dolly. "Now for Ken...you can get Lightning," Johnny said and lead over another black horse. "This 'eres Thunder's brother."
Tidus got on Lightning proudly. "Don't worry. I know how to ride horses," Tidus replied loud enough for Vincent to hear. Johnny just shrugged.
"Now...whose left?" He asked and looked back at the group. "Military Barbie, Dracula Returns, Flower Barbie..." Tifa, Sephiroth, and Aeris came forward. "And...let me guess...your name is Zell," Johnny determined in a matter of fact bored voice.
Zell shifted his eyes. "How did you know?" He asked in a scared voice. Johnny snickered.
"I know a Zell when I see one."
"I didn't know it was a common name!" Zell muttered suspiciously. The rest all got horses and Buck walked up to Vincent.
"Yo Fangs, listen here," Buck called. Vincent reluctantly turned around.
"Yes?" He asked.
"I wanna hear too!" Tidus cried and trotted over to them.
"You two listen up. Here is the map to the trail...I mean, I would go with ya, but seeing as how you're a professional horse rider and all, you can take it, right?" Buck asked.
"Yeah I can take it," Vincent and Tidus replied in unison. They glared at each other then turned back to Buck. They should have said no. They should have agreed to have a guide. But no. No!
After getting instructions, Vincent lead the group and everyone followed.
"I can't believe I'm going to be stuck riding a filthy mammal around for two hours," Sephiroth growled.
"Just enjoy something for once, will ya Sephiroth?" Tifa complained.
"I will not enjoy something!" Sephiroth cried.
"Resistance to have fun, denial on leisure," Aeris muttered jotting it down.
"Aeris...what are you doing?" Wakka asked.
"Oh. Well, I've been majoring in Psychology and decided to have a project using Auron's wedding. It was perfect, seeing as how we all would be together for the whole of Auron's wedding and beyond, which is quite a long time to spend with around ten people. You see, I'm basically just going to survey up who needs therapy, and see if I can help them," Aeris concluded. Wakka nodded.
"Wait...what's your Aunt Marge doing in New York?" Wakka asked. Aeris anime sweat dropped and just told him to never mind.
"Might as well add everyone Aeris. We all need therapy," Tidus said.
"Yeah, especially after this," Cloud added. Aeris shrugged and continued taking notes.
"I don't need therapy," Yuna protested.
"More than you think Sweetheart," Sephiroth sneered. Cloud laughed. Yuna just groaned and moved up ahead.
"Something bothering you Lady Yuna?" Vincent asked.
"Damn jerks. I just wanna enjoy a peaceful horse ride, is that so much to ask?" Yuna wondered. Vincent shrugged.
"Maybe it is. Maybe not. Depends if you deserve it," Vincent replied. Yuna looked at him oddly.
"Whatever. I just want them to leave me alone," Yuna said.
"Where is your partner, Tidus?" Vincent asked plucking a shrub and inspecting it. Yuna turned around. Tidus was riding next to all the other guys laughing and joking around.
"He's hanging out with his friends. Why aren't you?" Yuna asked.
"Because I need to make sure we don't get lost," Vincent grumbled. "And besides, I am conversing with you," He added. Yuna shrugged.
"I can just go ride by the girls," She said. Vincent shrugged back.
"If you wish," He replied.
"Or...I can keep talking to you. They're busy anyway," Yuna noted turning around and watching what the girls were doing.
"If you wish that too," Vincent replied. Yuna couldn't read his mind so she just rode closely behind him. They rode in silence for awhile when suddenly Vincent slowed down until he was right next to her. "Here," He said and extended a plant to Yuna. It was a weird plant that resembled a skinny bulb, with four wide leaves covering it.
"Hehe...nice," Yuna replied nervously.
"No, see, pull that leaf," Vincent instructed. Yuna pulled it and gasped in surprise. The leaves then flowed out by themselves, revealing a beautiful pink flower, freshly bloomed.
"There you go. I hope it makes you feel better," Vincent said handing it to her. Yuna took it and held it gently.
"Thanks Vincent," She replied and smiled at him. Vincent nodded and took the map out, and looked around. Yuna then backed up and rode next to Tifa and Rinoa instead.
"Hey guys," She greeted.
"Hey Yuna. What were you talking to Vincent about? We getting close?" Tifa asked.
"Um, yeah, sure," Yuna replied. She hid the flower in her purse.
"I wish the guys would stop fooling around and actually ride with us or something...this is really boring...," Rinoa sighed.
"The world doesn't revolve around men, Rinoa," Tifa snapped.
"Yes it does!" Rinoa pouted.
They looked back at the end of the group, where all the guys were attempting to shove each other off their horses. Hehe. Losers.
"Cloud! Damn it, leave me and Lightning alone!" Tidus could be heard shouting.
"No way Ken!" Cloud replied and snickered.
"Whatever!" Squall laughed. Whoa, wait. Squall laughed?
"Hey, shut up Squall!" Cloud growled.
"How do you know what he said?" Wakka wondered.
"I don't, but I could tell he was making fun of me in some way!" Cloud replied. Squall anime sweat dropped.
"God, they are so dumb," Tifa finally said after watching them.
"Let's go through our own trail...see if we can find any pretty water falls!" Rinoa suggested.
"I don't know...that seems like a bad idea," Aeris replied.
"Shut the fuck up Aeris and for once in your life stop being so cautious!" Tifa snapped. She and Rinoa headed to their right. Yuna looked nervously up at Aeris, past her to Vincent all the way up ahead, and back to the guys.
"Grr...I'm sure Tidus can survive ten minutes without me," Yuna finally said and followed Tifa and Rinoa. Aeris followed awhile later grumbling. They rode awhile and looked at the pretty plants and stuff.
"Guys...let's go back now...the others might be worrying," Aeris said worriedly.
"Ha! They probably haven't even noticed yet," Tifa replied.
"Hey look! A pretty flower," Rinoa said to herself. She got off her horse and walked towards it. Tifa and Aeris were still arguing when a yelp cut them off. "Owww! Heeelp!" Rinoa wailed. Yuna, Aeris, and Tifa got off their horses and ran to where Rinoa was.
"Rinoa, what happened?" Yuna asked.
"Gah...I saw a flower and went to go see it...and I tripped over a stupid tree root," Rinoa replied. Tifa and Yuna tried to help her up, while Aeris drummed her fingers together nervously.
"See? I knew something bad would happen!" She said frantically.
"Shut-up Aeris!" Tifa growled. Suddenly Rinoa gave off a yelp of pain.
"Argh...it's my ankle. I think I twisted it," She announced. Yuna blew away a strand of hair from her face irritably.
"This is just great," She said sarcastically. Tifa helped Rinoa sit down and extend her leg.
"Somebody go back to the guys, tell them we're here and we need help," Tifa ordered. Yuna and Aeris looked at each other. "What?" Tifa asked.
"Where exactly ARE the guys?" Yuna wondered. An owl hooted as they all looked around.
"Um...and where are our horses?" Aeris asked. The horses were gone.
"The horse guy is soooo gonna sue us!" Rinoa cried in despair. Yuna started pacing back and forth.
"Think happy, think happy, think happy, think happy, think happy," She muttered over and over again biting her thumb nail. Aeris and Tifa looked at each other then back at Yuna. "We're doomed!" Yuna suddenly cried and fell to her knees.
"Oh gee we are!" Aeris cried and her hands flew up to her face in horror.
"Alright, alright, just everyone shut up and calm down!" Tifa ordered angrily. They all looked at her. "Aeris will stay here with Rinoa, Yuna and I will try and find our way back. Understood?" Tifa asked. Everyone nodded and Yuna and Tifa headed out.
Meanwhile...
"Hey guys...haven't you noticed its gotten kinda...silent?" Zell asked. They stopped and looked around.
"Nah!" Tidus and Cloud replied in unison. Suddenly they saw Vincent trotting over to them.
"Argh! You guys are such idiots!" He cried.
"Hey, what for?" Tidus wondered.
"Can't you see? The girls got lost! I was up there finding our trail and you guys couldn't even look after the girls?" Vincent snapped. Everyone finally noticed the girls were gone.
"Heh...it's their own dumb fault...they shouldn't have run away!" Sephiroth growled.
"Well...it's not really their fault...they don't know any better," Cloud added. Everyone nodded solemnly.
"Look, we just gotta go find them," Vincent ordered and got off his horse.
"Why? They were useless anyway," Sephiroth grumbled.
"Hey man! That means Yuna is lost! I have to go find her," Tidus said and got off his horse too. Everyone else reluctantly got off.
"Where do we tie the fucking horses?" Sephiroth demanded.
"Just leave them, they're not important right now," Vincent replied and headed off.
"Hey, how do you know where they are?" Cloud asked following Vincent.
"I don't," Vincent replied bluntly. Everyone kinda spread out and started calling out for the girls. After awhile or so, they didn't have any luck.
"Oh God! We're doomed! Without the women I can't survive!" Cloud cried out in despair and fell on his knees. Everyone shifted their eyes and looked at each other, then back at Cloud on the ground.
"Get back up you sissy," Sephiroth growled. "We'll find them, not if I can help it!" Sephiroth then cut a tree clean in half. For...no...apparent...reason. Tidus started whistling.
"What are you doing now?" Vincent asked plugging his ears.
"Yuna and I have this thing where if we get lost we whistle. Don't worry, we'll find them in no time!" Tidus cried happily and continued whistling. Sephiroth got annoyed by the noise.
"Hey Blondie, why don't you just buy her a freakin' dog whistle? She'll come much faster," Sephiroth sneered. Cloud laughed and pointed at Tidus.
"Hey! Shut-up man!" Tidus snapped. Everyone else chuckled sneeringly. Hehe.
"Yeah! Or maybe get her a tracking collar...you two will never get separated again!" Cloud cried and laughed harder.
"This is really getting old...," Tidus muttered.
"Or, like, implant a tracking system in her brain while she sleeps!" Zell suggested and he and Cloud laughed more.
"Alright the joke's over!" Sephiroth snapped and they stopped laughing. Tidus whistled one last time before giving up.
"Ah...hope is lost...," He said and hung his head.
"Wait...what was that?" Inuyasha wondered. Everyone turned towards him.
"What is it Inuyasha? Did you hear something?" Vincent asked. Inuyasha barked happily and nodded.
"Did ya pick up a scent dog boy!" Sephiroth bellowed. Inuyasha whimpered and trotted over to Vincent.
"Sephiroth! Don't yell at poor Inuyasha like that! Aww...come here boy," Vincent said gently and petted Inuyasha. Sephiroth's fist shook with impatience. "Well boy? Did ya hear something?" Vincent asked kneeling down next to Inuyasha. Suddenly Inuyasha's ears perked up and his hand went up too and pointed towards the woods.
"He heard something! Alright! We can still maintain the world population, woohoo!" Cloud cried. Everyone looked oddly at Cloud who was punching his fist in the air, then turned to the woods. Inuyasha ran away.
"Bye Inuyasha...Goodbye!" Vincent called and waved. He flicked off a tear drop and turned boldly to the others. "Alright, let's move," He said and they walked forward. Tidus whistled again and then, they heard another whistle respond! Everyone cheered and ran that way.
"Tifa! I think I hear Tidus's whistle! We're saved!" Yuna cried happily and started running in that direction. Tifa let out a breath of relief. Yuna whistled, heard one back louder, and clapped in joy. Tifa looked at her weirdly and shook her head. They ran until they got to a clearing. Yuna whistled again and Tidus whistled a few yards away. "This is so exciting!" She cried.
Tidus broke through the bushes with everyone else following him a moment later.
"Tidy!" Yuna yelled.
"Babe!" He cried back. They ran into each other and hugged. "I can't believe you got lost babe, what was with that?" Tidus asked.
"Long story...," Yuna grumbled. Tifa gave off a sigh of relief as she saw everyone come through to the clearing.
"I never thought I'd be this happy to see all you guys," She said.
"World population, saved!" Cloud cried and nudged Wakka. Wakka shifted his eyes and stepped sideways, away from Cloud.
Sephiroth watched Yuna and Tidus, disgusted. "It's only been a freakin' 20 minutes!" He snapped.
"Heh, no matter how long, we all saw Sephy get a little desperate there," Cloud replied. Everyone laughed. Sephiroth snarled and turned his back on everyone.
"Whatever...," Squall said in a scared voice.
"Huh?" Tifa asked.
"Oh! Tifa! He must mean Rinoa! Oh gosh, we forgot. C'mon guys, we need to show you where they are," Yuna said and untangled herself from Tidus.
They walked down to where Tifa and Yuna had come from. They came to Rinoa and Aeris and they could be seen holding leaves like cards.
"Go fish," Rinoa said in a bored voice. Aeris picked up a leaf from a small pile near her knee.
"Guys! We're back!" Tifa exclaimed. Aeris looked up and wiped her forehead.
"Oh, what a relief!" She said and got up.
"Squally!" Rinoa cried out and threw her arms up like a two year old asking to be picked up.
"Whatever, whatever, ever?" Squall asked. He helped Rinoa get up and she leaned on him while standing on one leg.
"Oh, yeah, I twisted my ankle tripping on a damn tree root," Rinoa grumbled.
"Oh my gosh! What if you can't be maid of honor anymore?" Yuna exclaimed.
"Oh no!" Rinoa wailed.
Then I can be maid of honor..., Yuna thought evilly. Squall patted Rinoa's hand.
"Guys, let's go find our way back now...it's getting dark out," Cloud said looking up and rubbing his arms from the cold.
Will they be able to find their way back? Will Rinoa's ankle get magically healed and is she still in the running for Maid of Honor...if they ever get back?... To make it to the wedding? Where did those horses disappear to anyway? Will Sephiroth just end up killing them all?
Music Credit : "Born to be Wild" - Steppenwolf
Characters: Square Enix
My Message to You: Tune in for the next chapter to find out what happens!
End of Chapter 1