So this is my first Avengers fic, hopefully it won't be the last one!
I would like to give a big thanks to sas93 for being my beta reader, you really helped me in writing it!
I hope you guys enjoy it and leave a review, good or bad, your choice! :)
She had been compromised, that was the word she used, compromised. She had blood on her hands, that was nothing new to her and she thought about it every single day. She thought of every innocent victim she had murdered in cold blood, she would never forget it. But it didn't occupy her mind as much as it used to, it had gotten better since she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. Still she couldn't shake of what Loki had said and that was main reason for her insomnia. Normally after a mission like this she should have been out before her head hit the pillow, but not tonight, after almost an hour she felt more awake then before. These past few days had been though, ever since the call from Agent Coulson. "Barton has been compromised". She couldn't remember the last time she was even remotely close to being that scared. Although the last time she feared for his life was in Budapest, she could remember it like it was yesterday. It had been the first time they really opened up to each other and truly exposing themselves.
He almost died, of course she had saved him, but he had taken quite a beating. That night they lay together in bed, just talking. They talked all through the night, about her past and about his. She was still awake when he finally fell asleep, so she stayed awake just so she could watch him. He looked so calm when he slept, almost as if he were normal. However they were as far from normal you could get, she was a trained assassin and he a master thief for christ sake! They didn't get the big house with white fences and the bunch of kids. But lying beside him looking so normal was something extremely new to her. They had been partners for almost a year before Budapest and yet she had never seen him sleep. That was the way she remembered Budapest.
A knock on her door interrupted her thoughts, without waiting for an answer Clint walked in. He looked almost as bad as she did, if not even worse. His face was near alarmingly pale with dark purple circles beneath his eyes. He just stood in the doorway for a minute without talking before making his way over to her bed. He sat down next to her and simply took her hand, giving it a light squeeze. She glanced at him, studying his features, even though he'd practically been brainwashed by Loki, battled an army of aliens and thrown himself threw a window. Somehow he still managed to look like himself, if you count out the cuts and bruises. But she knew him better than that, deep down he was as far from himself as possible. The grief from all the innocent lives he had taken, not being sure if Loki was still in his head, it was almost too much for him. She took the hand which was free and traced her fingers along his face. She heard a soft sigh while his entire body relaxed. He slowly put his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes, his hand still holding a firm grip on her hand. She moved her free hand to his hair and started to massage his scalp. After some time she could feel his breathing even out and she knew that he was dozing off. She didn't want to disturb him but she knew that his neck would not appreciate it the next morning. So she figured that his body had been through enough for one day.
"Your neck is going to kill you tomorrow if you fall asleep like this you know…" He let out a small chuckle and looked at her.
"It's probably going to kill me anyway but you're probably right" He let go of her hand and stood up, heading straight for the bathroom. Once at the door he looked over his shoulder and immediately stood up and followed him. They took turns to wash each others back then they simply turned it off and stepped out of it. When they had dried of, and put on something to sleep in, they went to bed. She put her head on his shoulder and her arm draped over his chest. He put a soft kiss on her temple and they were both asleep within five minutes.
"I won't barter Barton! Not until I make him kill you. Slowly, intimately, in every way he knows you fear. And then he'll wake just long enough to see his good work, and when he screams I'll split his skull! This is my bargain"
Natasha woke up with a gasp and in the process managed to wake Clint as well and she didn't even realize that she was crying.
"Hey, hey it's okay, you're safe" She looked at him and buried her face in his neck, while he held her. He made circle shaped movements on her back and held her tight to his body. After a few minutes her breathing had returned to normal and she had stopped crying. She pulled away and before she realized what she was doing she kissed him. It was a soft and gentle kiss and it took them both by surprise. When she pulled away the shock on his face was obvious, seconds later there was a small smile on his face. He was about to make a joke when he saw her face, her beautiful face being motionless. He realized that this was no time to make jokes, so he simple put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. After hold her for a few minutes, he lay down and gently drew her to his chest.
"It's going to be okay, I'm not letting anything happen to you" She knew that he was telling the truth, because even if they never told each other how they felt, they always knew. Deep down she loved him and he knew that and she knew that he loved her. Both of them were aware of the risk that came with the job so they never acted on those feelings, but that's why she always trusted his judgement. She guessed that being partners for several years made people grow closer, having so much in common with Clint sort of made it easier to have those feelings. "Love is for children, I owe him a debt." Sometimes she wished she was normal, getting to have a normal life with Clint, with the big house and kids. But she always realized that she wasn't built for that kind of life, she wouldn't be able to handle normal life. This was all she knew and luckily Clint was built the same way as she was.
"I know…" That was the only reply she could give him and for a few minutes he ran his fingers up and down on her back. Eventually his breath evened out and soon he was fast asleep so she seized the chance to watch him sleep. She softly traced her fingers along his face with such light movements as she could, all in hopes of not waking him again. She lightly pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth and then she laid her head down against shoulder. Sleep took over her fairly easy this time, this time without any dreams, at least none with Loki in them.