A/N: I HAVE DONE IT!!! I have posted the beginning of aMary-Sue parody! Once again, I know it's been done a million times, but everyone knows how much fun Mary-Sue parodies are! My little sisters get lots of credit for this, as they came up with lots of, if not most of, the material. I pretty much just wrote it down. Ah, well. Hope you like! WE'RE INSANE!!!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing pertaining to "Lord of the Rings". It is property of the Tolkien Estate and New Line Productions, respectively. I just like to mess with them!
The Balrog roared and cracked his whip against the ground, advancing across the Bridge of Khazad-Dum, coming ever closer to the Fellowship.
"You shall not pass!" Gandalf cried. He was about to slam his staff down against the Bridge, when a beautiful, clear voice called, "Stop! I shall save you all!"
The Fellowship of the Ring turned to see their savior. She had gorgeous blonde/red/brown/black/white/silver/pink-with-bright-green-streaks hair that blew in the suddenly existent winds, and striking eyes that changed color every few seconds. Her cloak flared along with her hair in the wind that wasn't technically possible, as there were no openings to allow wind to enter Moria. "My name is Mary-Sue!" she shouted in her musical voice, running past Aragorn and grabbing Gandalf. She slung him over her shoulder and held out her sword. "Die, evil monster!" she cried, stabbing the stone at her feet with the sword. The stone instantly cracked and the Balrog fell through.
There was silence as the Fellowship realized she'd blocked their way out of the Mines of Moria.
"Great job!" Aragorn yelled. "You've trapped us!"
"Yeah!" Sam supplied.
"Why'd you come back here, anyway?" Frodo asked. "I thought Aragorn kicked you out ages ago."
"But you need me!" Mary-Sue argued.
"Can you put me down?" Gandalf asked sheepishly.
"Don't worry!" Mary-Sue replied. "I know a secret way out of the Mines of Moria that no one else in all of Middle-Earth knows!"
"Then how do you know about it?" Boromir asked.
"Wow, you know, I never thought about that," she answered.
And so Mary-Sue led the Fellowship out of Moria.
Once outside, Pippin struck up a friendly conversation. "So, Mary-Sue, Where are you from?"
"Well, I'm an orphan who fended for myself since birth, but was found by the Elves and raised by them for a while. When I turned fifteen, I left to make my way in the world, not feeling worthy of the Elves' kindness. Then, I was known as Mary-Sue the orphan, though my secret heritage is actually long-lost sister of Aragorn, and the true heir of Isildur. I, however, don't know about that."
"If you don't know, then how did you tell us?" Legolas asked.
Mary-Sue giggled. "Oh, you're just supposed to pretend I don't."
"You look really familiar," Legolas mused. "Hey! Aren't you that annoying mortal brat we chucked out of Mirkwood a while back?"
"Yes," Mary-Sue said. "But you didn't chuck me out because I was annoying. I was kicked out by the horrible, selfish Elves of Mirkwood because they didn't want to care for me like Elves should take care of mortal orphans."
"I thought you said you left because you weren't worthy," Merry said.
"That, too."
"You're confusing me," Pippin said.
"By nightfall these hills will be swarming with orcs. We must go to Lothlorien," Aragorn said.
"Oh! I know a secret way to Lothlorien that no one else knows about!" Mary-Sue said.
The Fellowship groaned.
A/N: And there's chapter one! I intend to rewrite LotR while including Mary-Sue. This is just for fun, because they're running rampant in every fandom. I myself, I admit, have written evil Mary-Sues when I started writing. Please don't hurt me!