The rating is because I don't know how much FanFiction dot NET likes sexual references and lots of foreplay. I want to be safe – to get a story kicked out because I said 'toolbox' a few too many times would be obnoxious. Besides, I figure most people don't pay a whole lot of attention to the ratings anyway. I know I don't. But if you're reading this, and don't know what 'sex' is, leave, right now. Or find out. Ask a math teacher.

I would also like to state here that I am not putting a disclaimer. I have been curious about the point of disclaimers for a while now, and have come to the conclusion that they are pointless. I realize that I am being hypocritical, I put disclaimers on all of my stories, but it is somewhat of a trend I believe. Really: FanFiction dot NET is obviously a place for fanfiction, and if we owned Gilmore Girls, or anything like it, we wouldn't be posting on a website. Besides, I bet they have a large disclaimer to cover all of us.

My third and final notice: This story takes place in my imagination, which, unfortunately, does not coincide with the actual television show. We have Jess, alive and kicking and dating Rory (though I hope not all at once.) We have a Sherry-less, Gigi-less Chris. We also have an excellent, loving couple of Luke and Lorelai. Live with it.

Okay, I lied. We have one more notice: Thanks to my brand-spanking new beta Keyla, who has made her first two corrections, and helped me with the little plot this story actually has. Xiexie (for those Mandarin-speaking, pinjin-reading people.)

Now, for our feature presentation…

Not Prince Charming

Chapter 1: God Almighty

Let me start off by saying that this isn't a story about charming princes, or golden stallions. There are no damsels in distress, no witches, and not a whole lot of magic. This is a story about real live people, and real live issues. (At least, as real as a fandom can make them.)

Let's meet Luke. I wouldn't say his life is extremely enticing, though I wouldn't say it's mundane. But then maybe I'm full of wishy-washy, not-taking-sides adjectives, and you should just think for yourself. Luke is in his forties, runs a diner, and probably has a nice torso if he ever took his shirt off in public. He lives above the diner with his teenage nephew, Jess, and apparently this is the reason he's no good at dating. Personally, I don't believe it.

Now let's meet Lorelai. Some people would say her life is extremely enticing, and most would say it definitely isn't mundane. But then maybe people are full of extreme adjectives, and you should just think for yourself. Lorelai is in her thirties, and while she doesn't run a diner, she manages an Inn, and most would say that's just as good. She lives in a nice little house with her teenage daughter Rory, who is, and probably has been for most of her life, more mature than Lorelai. Not that it's hard to do.

Lorelai and Rory walked into the diner in a deep conversation about God.

"So, if you had to choose someone to be your God, who would it be?"

Lorelai sat down at their usual table and thought hard. "Right now, I'm leaning towards Kevin Bacon. Though I do have a thing for Tom Cruise."

Rory giggled hard. "I can't believe you like Tom Cruise."

"Stop it."

But Rory couldn't help it. "Cruiser."

Before Lorelai had a chance to do any of the hundred things to shut up her daughter, Luke interrupted with the coffee. "Oh! Oh, I got it! My God would be coffee. Mmmm."

This time Rory looked sincere. "That would work. Which means the coffee's God would have to be Luke. And Luke's God would be… Luke? What would your God be?" Luke shot Rory a look of do-you-really-expect-me-to-answer-that, which only resulted Lorelai responding.

"Probably a baseball card."

"Or a toolbox."

"Toolbox. Dirty."

"Hate to interrupt your… conversation." Luke didn't look like he hated it, but it was probably just an expression. "Lorelai, can I talk to you for a minute?"

She leaned into her coffee mug, smelling it deeply, and slightly obsessively. "Okay. Shoot."

"No. I mean alone." He stressed the word 'alone' slightly, so that if he were a banana, he would be saying Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1?

"You know," Replied Lorelai, looking at her daughter seriously, "Our Gods are probably watching us all of the time. Which means we're never really alone."

Luke didn't need to say Are you thinking what I'm thinking B1? because the look he shot Lorelai explained it. And Lorelai finally realized what he meant – she may run an Inn, but that doesn't mean she gets subtly all that quickly – so she stood, gave Rory a significant look, and walked towards the door at the back of the diner.

Luke set down the pot of coffee in front of Rory. (And, had anyone been looking, they would have noticed that Rory took the pot and refilled her mug. But Rory doesn't want people knowing that she's a bigger addict than her mother, so she would appreciate it if you kept that quiet.) And he followed Lorelai into the small storage room.

As Luke closed the door, Lorelai turned towards him, and leaning against a wall, said sweetly. "Yes?"

Luke moved towards Lorelai, leaning against the same wall with his hands, so that he pinned Lorelai against it. He flashed a smile before ducking his head slightly so that he could kiss Lorelai.

This was no do-you-like-me-back kiss, or even an I'm-happy-to-see-you kiss. Oh no. This was more of an I-wish-you-were-at-my-place-last-night kiss, and those kinds usually last several long minutes. Or lots short minutes, depending on your view of the world.

A lot of writers, right here, would now crash this beautiful scene with something like: At least, that's what Luke/Lorelai/Jess/troubadour-guy-who-doesn't-want-us-to-know-his-name wanted to happen. What really happened was… But I'm not like a lot writers, because I happen to know that Luke really did kiss Lorelai in a heated kind of way, and they could take it a little far if we don't return to the story. I just thought you might want to know.

By now they've broken away, breathing heavily. Lorelai had her hand up Luke's shirt, and Luke wished he could say the same, but Lorelai had on a shirt that can't really have a hand up it, and Luke prayed to his God that it wasn't worn on purpose.

"I've been wanting to have a quickie in the back of the diner." Nope, thought Luke happily, definitely not worn on purpose. And while he agreed with her comment completely, he knew that neither of them could, because the diner was one third full, and the Inn needed to be managed, and the wall wasn't all that comfortable.

"You know," Luke said, in that deep voice he reserves only for Lorelai in private, "If your God is coffee, and coffee's God is me, then technically, I'm your God."

"And your God is a toolbox." Lorelai grinned. "Very dirty."

Luke settled his head down near Lorelai's neck; placing light kisses along her collarbone. She always did have a thing for necks, but he – and I, I suppose – forgot where and when he learnt it. Perhaps how he learnt it as well, though maybe that is best forgotten. "Are we still on for tonight?"

"Mmmm. Yeah." Luke continued to move across her neck, so that he was nearly under her chin, and her head tilted back against the wall. "I was thinking, maybe we could skip dinner and just go back to my place." She was only half-joking, because she really did have a thing for necks.

"Won't Rory be there?"

"Mmmm. Yeah." As Luke made his way to the other side of her neck, Lorelai wondered briefly where he'd learnt to do this; to make her feel like this. "Rory knows about us. She said she doesn't mind." Lorelai paused, as if contemplating it for a moment. "We can be quiet."

Luke chuckled into her neck, the hot air almost evoking a groan from Lorelai. Almost. "We? I can be quiet. You, on the other hand, never have been good at that."

"What are you talking about? I can control –" At this moment Luke bit down lightly on soft neck of her skin. That got a groan. "- my –" He licked the flesh quickly, then blew on it. This got more than a groan. "- self…" Luke stopped what he was doing for a moment, breathing in Lorelai's scent, and allowing her to continue talking.

"That is definitely –" Luke must have had a change of heart, because he started nibbling on the skin just above the neckline of her shirt. It wasn't a collar shirt. Lorelai moaned long and deep, breathing raggedly for a few moments afterwards. "- Cheating."

Luke laughed, stopped kissing Lorelai, and placed a hand on her hip. "If that's cheating, then what I was I doing last week? You remember, right?"

"That is called –" Luke had no intention of letting Lorelai finish that sentence. And just as he was getting ready to do his finale move on Lorelai – not that I would've told you, because I hear that it's pretty explicit, so I didn't pay much attention – her phone buzzed. A glass was heard smashing in the diner. The wall wasn't very comfortable.

"That was a showstopper if I every saw one."

I could continue on about how they both felt pretty sexually frustrated during the day, but I won't. I could tell you about their daydreams that day, but I definitely won't. I could tell you how Lorelai complained to Sookie that they hadn't been able to 'hook up' (which is a subtle way of saying 'have sex.' At least, it was subtle,) but I won't.

I could tell you about that lusty kiss right before they had dinner, but I won't. I could tell you how they joked and bickered and flirted over the meal, but I won't. I could tell you what Luke's hand was doing under the table when Lorelai shot him 'that look,' but once again, I definitely won't.

I could tell you about how Lorelai giggled like a teenager as she 'snuck' Luke past Rory, or how Rory heard them easily, and simply upped the sound on her headphones, or how Lorelai tripped on a stair and fell into Luke's arms, or how Luke didn't mind that her room was a mess, but I don't think I will.

I couldn't tell you about that comment that Lorelai made about 'Gods' that was so dirty, because I only heard about it third hand. Or exactly what happened that night after Lorelai closed the door, because I wasn't trying to look, and you shouldn't be either.

I will tell you, however, that when Lorelai woke up next to Luke in the morning (it helped that Luke was naked, but it wasn't necessary) she felt completely and undeniably happy about the situation. And I'll tell you that Luke agreed whole-heartily.

Now, I may or may not have mentioned before that I am an honest writer. I won't add or omit anything just for the sake of the story. I'm simply recalling events, and if those events aren't to your – or my – likings, then we'll just have to deal. So I'm just warning you: you may have to deal.

Just as Luke and Lorelai started to get into a morning-after-night-of-great-sex conversation, ("Isn't it ironic that all my life I've turned to my God for what is morally best, and it turns out all he ever wanted was to get into my pants?") There was a knock at the door.

At first it was ignored, as most odd happenings are by contented people. But the second time it could be argued that it shouldn't be called knocking, but pounding, so Lorelai decided she had to get up.

Luke teasingly peeked under the blanket. I needn't tell you what he saw, which wasn't a whole lot. "I hope you're not going like that."

Lorelai smiled back. "Of course not. I'll wear your baseball cap." She then proceeded to slip into some pyjamas, kiss Luke quickly, and walk down the stairs. The knocking/pounding continued.

As Lorelai opened the door, "Oh God" escaped her mouth. Had Luke been there, he might've made some snide comment, but he wasn't, so he couldn't. It was a good thing too, because if Luke had seen who was at the door before being warned, but might've been a little more than snide.

The man at the door grinned lopsidedly at Lorelai. He had an overly large duffel bag over one shoulder, and several coins and notes in the other. Perhaps the reason that the money was in his hand and not his bag was that it was change from a bus fare, or perhaps because it was change from a taxi fare. But the reason was probably because his bag was so full that if he put in the money it would either pop back out, or never be found again.

Lorelai didn't find this quite as interesting.

"God?" He replied, smirking, "I think he's a relative." The reference to God, like the money in his hand that looked sweaty, and the size of the duffel, went unnoticed by Lorelai.

"What are you doing here Chris?" There could've been worse times for him to show up, but her mind was blank. His grinned disappeared. He re-adjusted his duffel bag (it looked pretty heavy.)

"I'm really sorry Lorelai, but can I crash here for a few days?" He had a pained expression on his face. Lorelai – despite her disapproving conscience – thought it was kind of cute.

However, Luke, who was still in her bedroom, lying on her bed (naked,) was a whole lot cuter. "Chris, this isn't the best time."

"Look," he said seriously, "I'm in a bit of trouble. I'll make it up to you, I promise. And I really want to see Rory again." Lorelai could never refuse Chris, and this didn't seem to be any time to break the habit. She let him in. She told him she had to go upstairs for a moment. Get changed, you know.

As she walked up the stairs she thought about God again. Luke can't be my God; she thought sullenly, if he were my God, this would have never happened.

God almighty.