Matchbox
Summary: He wishes he was anywhere else but in 6th year Care of Magical Creatures class. Draco Malfoy failed the year before and is now taking 6th year course when he could not be taking it at all. But Hagrid has something else up his sleeve. When he decides that this year is going to be different with groupings, Malfoy prays he gets a sexy Ravenclaw. But God doesn't always answer all prayers. Draco Malfoy may have finally met his match.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the Hutta Bahas, and the plot. All hail queen Rowling.
Rating: PG-13, might change to R.
Chapter 1: A Curtsy for Little Malfoy
A/N: It sounds way to crazy to even think about ever even for a instant of a second to happen but, just read. I kept Luna the same as I thought she be, just a little more random, and you'll find out why later on in the story. Ok, now that that is out, onward!
Draco Malfoy strode down the Hogwarts hallways extremely pleased to be back. His summer had been... one that should never be brought up again, and for that fact, he was glad to be home. He spotted his welcome wagon next to the gigantic oak doors of the great hall and waved half-heartedly at them. Crabbe and Goyle stood smugly with idiotic grins plastered on their faces, and Pansy stood next to them, looking no different than than the year before. When Draco reached them he started up a boring, small-talk conversation.
"Exciting summer Pansy?" Draco asked, pleased to realize his Malfoy drawl was still there.
"I missed you dear..." She smiled and batted her eyelashes. He suddenly wondered why he was ever dating her. It wasn't for the sex, because... well maybe it was solely for the sex, but Draco Malfoy could have any girl he wanted in the entire school, but he was still with Pansy. It troubled him but he kept quiet.
"You did?" He asked in a very uninterested tone. Thinking still about the fact that he could have any girl, his mind was in other places. Pansy didn't seem to care.
"Like the sun misses the flower!" She smiled as it didn't even occur to Draco that his extremely blonde girlfriend had gotten the saying wrong. He was continuing to think about all the women he could have. He started with the basics, ("Oh Draco I can't believe it was that long!") all the Slytherin girls (the majority he had already had). All the Gryffindors, all the Hufflepuffs and all the Ravenclaws. He really could have anyone in the school. Of course there were those that he didn't even give a second glance. The ones who, in Draco's mind, "slipped below the radar". There was of course Hermione Granger who he felt like vomiting about at the sheer thought of getting into bed with. There was Ginny Weasley who he wouldn't touch, because she was a Weasley. Then there was the one whom he thought to be COMPLETELY out of it, Loony Lovegood. He suddenly found himself laughing hysterically at the thought of any sexual relationship with her. She would probably go off on a rant and not even know she was having sex.
"Draco, what in bloody hell is so funny?" Pansy looked at her boyfriend with a confused face, wondering about the inner workings of his mind.
"Oh nothing, just uh... thinking about a joke someone told me." He suddenly realized that he was thinking about sex with "The Loon". Deciding not to explain that to the rest of the crew he stayed silent.
"Oh..." Pansy's expression was very confused but her question was cut off by the arrival of Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville and the woman of the hour, (or second) Luna.
"Potter..." Malfoy smirked maliciously at Harry and the group.
"Oh Malfoy! I'm so happy to see you this year, it's unbelievable!" Harry smiled curtly as Draco only leaned on the wall.
"Oh Potty old boy, do tell, finally get laid over the summer?" Harry turned a shade of bright red as Ginny let go of his hand.
"Laid?" Luna but-in in a faraway voice.
"Yeah Loon, like sex?" Draco stared, wondering what in the world was wrong with her. She was acting quite bizarre this year.
"Thank you Mister Malfoy," She looked very sincere, no sarcasm in her tone what-so-ever. "For clearing that up for me." She smiled, curtsied and walked off into the Great Hall.
"She's a nutter." Draco watched her weave through the Great Hall, his cold laughter echoing after his sentence.
"Oh Malfoy, shut up." Granger's voice was like nails on a chalkboard.
"Oh no!" His tone dripped with sarcasm, "Granger's scolding me! Maybe she'll take off points from the HEAD BOY!" He made sure to enunciate the Head Boy part.
Her voice was caught in her throat.
"Y-Y-Your Head Boy?" Wow, the mudblood finally got it out!
"Uh yeah." Draco stared at them still leaning on the wall, "Wait, lemme guess, your Head Girl!"
"Y-y-yes..." Hermione still looked utterly shocked.
"Too bad," He looked sincerely disappointed, "Because as you know Head Boy and Head Girl share a dorm. If only you were hott." He looked her once over as she pulled her robes closer around her.
"Hey buddy..." Luna was back, and with a bizarre Italian accent, "Can you stop undressing her with your eyes? I mean come on, we all know you want her but, in the middle of the hall? Yeah right!"
Draco was at a lose for words. The initial shock of Luna sneaking up on him was beginning to wear off, but her words were slowly starting to settle in. Trying to stay composed he looked at her.
"She wishes I was even thinking about that." He tried to cover up his lack of insult.
"Oh my dear boy..." Luna shoved her hand around his neck, returning to her normal voice, "Little Malfoy tells us all otherwise."
He looked down quickly, placing his hands over his, what-he-thought-to-be-erect penis. It wasn't at all.
Patting the hand which now covered his crotch, she smiled, "Viagra might quicken the process." Curtsying she disappeared once again into the Great Hall.
-
Luna sat in the Ravenclaw common room staring intently into the fire. Thinking about what color underwear Mr. Armstrong was wearing when he landed in the moon, she agreed with herself it was probably an American flag.
"Or, it could be light purple because that would be all the colors mixed together." A few first years gave her a weird look as they made their way to their dorms. "Or it could have been boring, old, stained tightie-whities."
"Luna!" A voice erupted from no where. Luna looked around, wondering where the sound was coming from. It sounded like Ginny but there was no way it was possible.
"Ginny, are you a ghost?" She still looked around, speaking to nothing but air. "Because if your dead I want your-"
"Stop thinking about Armstrong's underwear and unwrap the present I gave you!" Ginny's tone was playful but urgent.
Sure enough, sitting on the table right in front of her was the gift Ginny had given her on the train. Luna had planned on opening it... when she remembered, but Ginny had gotten there first. She tore off the paper and was bombarded by a frustrated yet amused Ginny looking at her through a mirror, or what looked like a mirror.
"Happy first day of school!"Ginny shouted from behind the reflective glass.
"They're purple, not white." Luna told her in a dreamy tone.
"Whatever." Ginny rolled her eyes. "So I found these things in Knockturn Alley by accident." Luna didn't look troubled at all but Ginny still explained herself. "It was an accident, I just wandered."
"Did I look like a cared?" Luna asked in a drawling Malfoy tone.
"Oh that annoying voice reminds me, thanks for saving me and Harry's butts back with Malfoy, and Hermione's." Hermione appeared behind her on the screen.
"Yeah, thanks." She smiled and left the mirror.
"Only did it for the laugh." Luna still sounded faraway and dreamy.
"So anyway," Ginny smiled brightly, "This is your first day of Hogwarts present! Merry... first day of school?"
"Yeah, whatever..." Luna looked into the common room fire, not really remembering that Ginny there.
"Hey ho-bag!" She yelled through the glass after a few minutes of unawkward silence, for Luna anyway.
"What would you like you wench?" She answered still staring at the fire.
"I got these so we could talk, you moron." Luna just looked at her with a smile.
"Ginny, have I ever talked?"
"Yes..."
"No..."
"Yes."
"Nope..."
"YES!"
"No I haven't."
"Yes you have!"
"NINE!!!" Luna screamed throughout the common room and once again the first years stared at her.
"Loon," Mark's voice made her want to rip off her ears and chopping them into little pieces.. "Shut the hell up."
Mark was a seventh year Ravenclaw who was the new head of the Quidditch team, and since being appointed he had been.... a complete arse. He felt the need to tell everyone what to do, but he was the one who was always doing everything wrong. He also needed to shag every girl on the Quidditch team, and in the house. He was the regular Draco Malfoy of Ravenclaw.
"Lei è idiota e lei ha bisogno di fermare...... lo shagging." (You are a moron and you need to stop shagging).
"Parlo l'italiano. Adesso chi è l'idiota?" (I speak Italian. Now who's the moron?) Mark smiled sarcastically. "E Lei è solo geloso." (And you're just jealous).
"Te odio." (I hate you). Luna returned to her mirror to find Ginny staring at her very confused.
"You want him don't you?" She smiled evilly, folding her hands together.
"Yo tambien te odio." (I hate you too) Luna placed the mirror on the table and ignored her friends pleas to pick it back up. She packed up her books and headed towards the girls dorms. Stopping next to Mark she planted a kiss on his lips and then went on her way.
-
Draco hated the fact he had failed Care of Magical Creatures in sixth year. Seventh years didn't have to take it, but of course since his father couldn't get him out of it, he was taking sixth year Care of Magical Creatures with the sixth year Slytherins and Ravenclaws. It was torture.
"Welcome! All yer' are sixth years, I presume?" Hagrid stepped out of his hut as Draco hid his face in his hands.
"Professor Hagrid?" He recognized the voice in an instant and knew he was doomed. "Draco Malfoy felt the need to grace us with his presence." She did not smile at all, and she sounded as though she weren't trying to humiliate him, but just inform her dear professor of the truth. Draco hated her for it.
"Thank ye' Luna." Hagrid grinned knowing that Malfoy was there but feeling the need to humiliate him.
"An' Mr. Malfoy why are y'here?" He folded his arms over his chest, looking very proud for finally getting his revenge.
"I uh..." He mumbled something inaudible, even to him.
"Wha' Malfoy? Didn' seem t' catch tha'..." The class held back their laughter but it came out in waves.
"I failed last year, Professor." Malfoy looked directly into Hagrid's eyes as if encouraging him to dare to go farther.
"Thank ya Mr. Malfoy." His cheeks tinged slightly pink as he mumbled something under his breath.
"Righ'. Now class t'day we are gonna be lookin' at Hutta Bahas." The class once again giggled immaturely. "Yeah, yeah, get it ou' now...." The class silenced after a few minutes of laughter. "Hutta Bahas," some immature few still laughed, "Are exotic creatures tha' have come all the way from Egypt. They were put int' th' tombs o' ancient wizards and pharaoh t' keep away grave robbers an' evil spirits. But, o' course when the time came fer them t'work, they didn'. Th' Hutta Baha's got some special pow'rs tha' y'can check ou' if y'like. Nothin' t'harm no one. Read page 23 in yur book fer a test on 'em tomorrow. Alrigh' then, off ya go."
The students quickly split into groups when Hagrid suddenly spoke.
"Ah! I fergot somethin'! I decided fer a new pairin' system this year. I'll assign ya a partner fer ya t'use all year. Alrigh' then." He pulled a folded up piece of paper out of his back pocket. It was old looking, tattered and ripped. All the students groaned.
"Now." Hagrid began, reading off the list, "I got 'ere. April Mathers an' Peter York." A Ravenclaw girl shook her head and placed it in her hands as a young Slytherin looked very happy about the arrangement. April was a good looking girl and Peter, as Draco knew was the "Draco" (or as close to a "Draco" as he could get) in the sixth years. He almost felt bad for the hott Ravenclaw. Almost. "Hannah Fort an' Rachel Baxter." A Ravenclaw girl shot a cold look at a Slytherin. Those two would get along nicely.
"Kyle Frederick an' Alex Gritt." Kyle looked up at the professor in shock. His eyes darted to Hannah Fort who looked just as nervous. A Slytherin girl eyed Kyle in disgusting hunger, she must have been Alex.
"But Professor." Hannah shouted, nervousness in her tone, "Kyle can't work with her... I mean... he can't work with... uh..." She quickly tried to think of some reason other than Alex would hit on her boyfriend. "He's... allergic to Slytherin!" It was the best she could come up with. Draco snorted, trying to hold back his laughter. Luna looked at him, as he shut up quickly. He found it incredibly creepy when she looked at him.
"Alrig' Miss Fort, no need t' panic. I'll jus' change it. Righ'." He looked down at his list, taking out a quill and rearranging some of the names. "So... now we got Hannah Fort an' Kyle Frederick an' then Rachel Baxter an' Alex Gritt."
"But Professor!" Rachel shouted as Hannah and Kyle linked hands. "I can't work with-"
"Tha's enough. I'm not makin' anymore changes." He looked down at his list as Rachel mumbled something under her breath, inaudible to everyone but her.
Hagrid continued. "Righ' then we got Adax Leon an' Chase Notting." A Slytherin boy (Chase) shot a Ravenclaw girl (Adax) an evil look. "Fred Took and Mikel (Micheal) Darwin." A Slytherin and a Ravenclaw. "Grace Kut an' Amber Just." Slytherin and a Ravenclaw. Draco began to see a pattern in the pairings. A Ravenclaw with a Slytherin was what always came out. He suddenly hoped he'd get lucky and get a hott Ravenclaw he could get into bed with. That would break the ice rather quickly. "George Wheat an' Xavier Delam." George: Ravenclaw, Xavier: Slytherin. Hagrid continued down the list until he (finally) got to Draco.
"The' we got, las' but not least, Draco Malfoy an' Luna Lovegood." (A/N: isn't it always ironic that Draco gets the one he least expects? Oh well, let the shagging begin...) Draco stared at Hagrid, the annoying, gigantic, idiotic teacher he had for Care of Magical Creatures. Well so much for the hott Ravenclaw.
"But!" Draco shouted as the entire class was now watching him. He felt his face grow very pale and his heart rate increase. This couldn't be happening. There was no was he was going to be stuck with the ugly Loon for the ENTIRE year. There was no way, his father would have to do something, call the ministry , call the ambulance, anything, there was no WAY he was going to work with her.
"Malfoy, I ain' changin' I alrea'y tol' ya this." Draco could detect the twinkle in his eyes, almost like Dumbledore's, as if he had planned this entire thing since the day he was born. It was like he knew of some ancient prophecy.
"But Professor, there is NO WAY I can work with her! We'll never get anything done, I mean, do you want me to fail again?" The class chuckled slightly as he shot them a deadly look. "I can't work with her!"
"I ain' changin' again Malfoy, ya either take Luna as yur partner, or take the fail." Draco stared dumbfounded at what Hagrid had just said. He tried to make a better sense of it, but it only meant one thing. He had to work with the Loon.
When Draco didn't respond Hagrid smiled and told them to get into their assigned pairs. Malfoy only shook his head, mumbling curses and anything terrible he could muster up under his breath. Luna walked toward him looking not upset, but not amused either. She looked at though she wasn't in her head at all.
"Alright Loon." She looked up at him, for she was staring at her shoes, not nervous like most girls, but just curious as to what her shoes looked like, it was quite, peculiar to say the least. "Go get a Hubba thingy, or whatever they're called." She looked at him for a moment as though staring deep into his soul (that freaked him out) and then turned and went to get a Hutta Baha.
Draco took his short time alone to examine the other groups. His eyes fell upon April Mathers and Peter York. He was inching his way towards her, slipping his hand closer and closer to her bare thigh. It was quite sad in Draco's mind. As said before Peter was the "Draco" of sixth year but he was rather annoying. He most certainly wasn't good looking for he had horrific teeth and short black hair, and terrible breath. Something about the fact that he was putting the moves on a Ravenclaw didn't seem right. If he truly was a Draco, the women would be coming to him. It was, to say the least, disturbing. April moved away as Draco smirked, looking at the two in-
"¿Estás allí?" (You there?) Luna asked him as he practically jumped out of his skin. She had snuck up on him.
"What in bloody hell are you rambling about? And don't do that, you creep me out enough." He straightened his robes as he saw the thing she was holding. It was a small leopard-like animal that fit into the palm of her hand. It had large round eyes, but not like a house elf, about the size of a knut (like the size of an American dime) each. Instead of normal ears it had two funnel like tubes sticking out of it's head (like Shreks). It's nose was pink and it's fur was entirely black. It's tail stuck out behind it as it's pale pink tongue licked Luna's hand. It was, in a bizarre sort of way, though he would never ever admit it, cute.
"Lo siento. Yo pensé que tu hablaste español. Pero ahora yo sé tu eres un idiota. Muchas gracias para su tiempo." (I'm sorry. I thought you spoke Spanish. But now I know you're an idiot. Thank you for your time.)
Draco stared at her wondering what in the WORLD she was saying. She stood there for a moment holding the Hutta Baha. Placing it on her shoulder she smiled at him and bowed like a Japanese woman. Straightening herself she walked to the nearest tree and sat down. Draco reluctantly followed to the one across from her and took a seat.
"Let's get something straight Loon, I don't want to work with you, I despise you with a very strong passion and if you make me fail again I will be on you faster than the Dark Mark on a DeathEater." Luna stared at him blankly. Not knowing what to do she opened up her book and began to read, petting the soft Hutta Baha slowly as it sat next to her in enjoyment, it's tail swinging from side to side.
"Yeah..." Draco was slightly confused because Luna didn't even respond, there was no fear at all in her her eyes, only blankness. To say the least it was quite weird. "We'll just read and then work on something else..." He let his sentence hang off as Luna only nodded not paying any attention.
Draco opened his book and turned to page 23.
"Okay..." He told himself taking in a deep breath and then exhaling. Draco then began to read.
The Hutta Baha is a leopard like animal and can come in spotted (like an leopard) or straight black. Straight black Hutta Bahas are very rare and are very strong. All Hutta Bahas can be found in Egypt.
Draco looked around and noticed that everyone else had the spotted Hutta Bahas. Good for Luna for getting the black one. He rolled his eyes at himself and went back to reading.
Hutta Bahas have been around since....
Draco's eyes darted to Luna as she steadily pet the little critter, her eyes glued to the book in front of her, wand thrown carelessly behind her ear. There was something very strange about the Loon that he couldn't place. He couldn't take his eyes of her, but it wasn't because she was drop-dead gorgeous (because Draco still had enough sense to know that), it was something else. It might have been that she was so weird and he was trying to figure out what she was thinking, or what she would do next. Draco mentally slapped himself for even looking at her and then he returned to his book.
Hutta Bahas have been around since B.C. 3...
His eyes wandered up to Luna again, as he stared quizzically at her. She was twisting her bottle-cap necklace with her finger and biting her lip in concentration. He looked over to the Hutta Baha which blinked its large eyes twice and he snapped back to reality. He quickly buried his head in the book.
Hutta Bahas have been around since B.C. 3047. They were mainly used for....
He looked up at Luna and slammed the book shut. He couldn't read if she was going to continue doing... whatever she was doing, and he was going to fail again.
Luna's head snapped up at the loud noise. She looked amused.
"What?" He snapped his cold steely eyes quite angry.
"Nothing." She said in an airy tone. "What would you like Mr. Malfoy?"
"I am going to fail if all I do is read." He lied smoothly. "I think we should check out this stupid little fluffy thing and find out what it does. Then I can read later, or you can read and tell me what all this is about."
Luna picked up the Hutta Baha and carried it over to the tree Draco was sitting against. She sat down next to him and waited. After a few awkward moments and the Hutta Baha doing nothing, Luna spoke.
"What, pray tell, should we do now Mr. Malfoy?"
"Stop calling me Mr. Malfoy! It's pissing me off." Draco nudged the Hutta Baha as it shot him an evil look.
"Fine then Dr. Banana Hammock, what do you propose we do?" Luna patted Draco on the thigh and smiled warmly.
He picked up her hand as though it was diseased and dropped it on the ground. "I think, Loon, that we could pretend that one of us is robbing something from the other and then see what the little ugly fluff ball does."
"Fine Doctor, rob me." Draco stared at her.
"What the hell am I supposed to rob?" He asked crossing his arms.
"How am I supposed to know. Take my mirror out of my bag or something." She pointed to her backpack and smiled again.
Malfoy laughed. "Didn't think you had one of those, cause you sure don't look like you use one." She looked blankly at him as though she didn't understand the joke, either that or she was incredibly thick.
"Right then." He said after a few minutes. "Okay, lets try this out." He stood up and motioned for her to do the same. She sat for a few seconds and then decided to stand.
"I'm a leader not a follower." She informed him in an emotionless tone.
"Fascinating." He responded rolling his eyes. "Now at least pretend like I'm robbing you. Like scream or cry out or something. Just don't be like 'oh no... I'm being robbed'. I told you Loon I'm not getting a bad grade because of you and your antics."
"Fine Doctor. You know best." She threw he bag over her shoulder and walked away from him.
A/N: So that was the first chapter, hope it was enjoyed, read review, give me feed back... blah blah blah. Thanks!
M