HOW DOES IT FEEL
Title:HOW DOES IT FEEL
Pairing: H/B
Rating: NC17
Disclaimer: WB screwed the Birds of Prey show and we just remember it here. Shame I don't own it.
Content disclaimer: Adult language and sexual situations. F/F H/B
Fandom: Birds of Prey
Summary: Better no, read and discover it.
Comments: Constructive comments and suggestions welcome.
Others: First attempt to write an Salsh fic here, so please, no tomatoes, no eggs; but I accept complains and suggestions. Thanks soooo much to Mel. The help editing was wonderful. And thanks to Captain N. -I can't reveal her identity, but she does too a wonderful editing job!! Waves!
Helena jumped easily to the sidewalk. Putting her hands inside her pockets, she walked toward the Clock Tower. She was in a pretty good mood today. The last few months had been nice; things had returned to normal after Harley Quinn's assault on the Clock Tower. The months directly following that had been difficult for all of them. Barbara was smiling again.
She was off from work and just wanted an excellent night patrolling. She wanted action, adrenaline rushing through her veins. She pressed the security code at the elevator and stepped inside.
After a few seconds, the doors opened and she walked into the Clock Tower. "Hello, everybody!" The Delphi was vacant. Well, now that was weird. She looked around.
"Hellooooo?"
"Here, Helena." She heard Barbara's voice upstairs.
Knowing the redhead hated her to use her meta abilities inside the Clock Tower, she went to the stairs. "Why aren't you at the Delphi? No evil villains today?"
"No, it's not that, come here."
The brunette was up the stairs in a few seconds. She froze when she arrived in the living room. Dick Grayson was there; sitting on the couch next to Barbara, looking very comfortable, as if he lived there.
"Hey, Helena!" he greeted, standing up to meet her.
"Hi, Dick." She tried hide her discomfort; a fake smile plastered to her face.
He didn't seem to notice it and patted her back roughly as her hugged her. "You look great!"
"You too." The brunette looked at Barbara trying to figure out what he was doing there.
The redhead didn't notice her discomfort either; she was used to her bad moods; she put the cup of tea she had in her hand on the table. "He called me and I invited him to come."
"Great…" the young woman growled, "What are you doing here?"
"Well," Dick said, sitting close…very damn close….. to Barbara, who was also on the couch. "I came back to New Gotham and I thought it would be nice to see all my good friends again." He touched the redhead's hand.
Helena wanted to kick him. What was he doing? She fixed her eyes on their hands laced together. He was touching her very familiarly, and she… liked it?
"I think we can take the night off, Helena."
The words jerked the brunette out of her thoughts; she blinked. Did she hear that right? Barbara never cancelled sweeps. "What?"
"I invited her to dinner." He lifted Barbara's hand and kissed her knuckles. "We have a lot of things to talk about."
"Why don't you call Reese?" Barbara asked her, smiling. "We have been busy the last few weeks and you two haven't gone out in a long time for fun."
"Well…" Helena looked at her nails. "We broke up."
"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that."
"Not me." She shrugged her shoulders. "We are still friends, but our interests…" she raised her eyes and looked at her mentor, "…are different."
"Oh…"
"Shall we go?" Dick asked, rubbing his hands, "We can get drinks first."
"Good idea." Barbara began to transfer herself to the wheelchair.
Helena watched them both, incredulously. "But," she mumbled, "Are you serious? No sweeps tonight?"
"No, Helena," Barbara waved her hands "Go have fun. You deserve it. You never have time for yourself."
"It doesn't bother me…"
"Come on, Helena." Dick stood up following the redhead. "Enjoy life."
"Have a good night, Helena," Barbara said.
They passed next to her. The young woman was speechless; she hadn't expected that. When the elevator doors closed behind them, the brunette remained motionless, feeling a great anger inside her. Great, the wonderful night she had been expecting was ruined.
Dammit.
Annoyed, she let herself fall on to the couch, putting her feet on the table. Why was he back? What did he want now? Was he thinking about coming back into Barbara's life again? Did he think she was some kind of toy? He appeared and disappeared from her life as if she were nothing. It was unfair.
It wasn't fair. Barbara was enjoying life; she was smiling again after… Wade's death. It had taken long time for both of them to recover after Harley's invasion of the Clock Tower. What if he hurt her? She didn't need that.
"Hey, Helena! What are you doing? Barbara didn't tell you?" Dinah appeared suddenly.
"Tell me what?"
"We have a free night."
"Yes." The brunette took the remote control and turned on the TV.
"Are you going to stay here?" Dinah crossed her arms and looked at her.
"What's he doing here?" Helena ignored her question and began to surf channels.
"Well, as far as I know," the blonde moved the brunette's feet to the side and sat next to her. Helena returned up her feet to the table, "he has been calling her for the past two weeks."
The brunette turned to look at her in surprise. "What? She didn't tell me anything."
"I dunno why," she shrugged her shoulders and took the remote control from Helena's hand, "they've been talking every day. They went out for coffee last week."
"Coffee? When? Why didn't I know about it?"
"It was the day you had a double shift at the bar. Remember? Leonard punished you."
"Shit!" Helena growled, annoyed. "Why didn't Barbara tell me?"
"You know, she doesn't like to talk about her personal life. Remember the Bahamas trip with Wade? She didn't tell you about that either." Dinah started to change the channels on the TV.
"But she told you!"
"Maybe because I live here and I'm here all day; and you know, with Alfred around, it's impossible to keep a secret."
Helena stood up suddenly and walked toward the elevator.
"Where are you going?" Dinah asked.
"To get a drink. See you later."
The blonde shook her head and stopped her channel surfing on an old movie. "Hey, this one is good."
--------------------------------
The next day, the brunette pounded the punching bag. Imagining that it was stupid Dick Grayson was making the exercise routine easier. A violent kick made the chains tremble. Her entire body was drenched in sweat. She'd been working out for almost two hours and she still didn't feel tired. Thinking about Barbara dating him had kept her awake last night. The same questions twirled around her mind over and over: Why had he come back? Why didn't he just leave Barbara alone? He always appeared for a few days and then he'd leave. Barbara didn't need that crap now. She was only just recovering from her last loss.
Wade.
A loss for which she was responsible. Barbara had forgiven her, but she didn't know if she would ever forgive herself. Helena stopped, feeling a presence behind her. She turned. Barbara was there, watching her with those intense green eyes that seemed to penetrate her. The pale light of the sun that crossed through the round windows fell across her red hair, making it shine. It looked like an autumn afternoon. She was wearing her white workout outfit and those pants that hugged her legs like a second skin. Her abs were clearly visible on her exposed belly.
She swallowed.
"Hi," Barbara greeted. "Are you done?"
"Yeah…"
"Good." The redhead wheeled toward her exercise machine.
Helena followed her with her gaze and watched her get in position to hang upside down to do her sit ups. "So…," she tried to sound casual and picked up a big stick, "how was the date with Dick?"
"It was not a date… well… yes. But no."
"Very clear," the brunette mocked her and examined the stick.
Barbara shook her head while she secured the leather bands on her ankles. "I'm trying to say that we, well… we feel comfortable together, we have always felt comfortable together; and it's nice to be together again. He is fun, terribly fun. I don't notice the time when I'm with him."
"What does he want now?" Helena rotated the stick between her fingers.
"Sorry?"
"Well, he always appears after a few months and later disappears." The brunette walked toward her.
"We are not married." Barbara smiled.
"I don't understand, he seems very attentive to you, he spends a few nights here and then he leaves."
"Helena, this does not concern you."
"I don't like that he just uses you. How many weeks is he going to be here? He just wants to get you in bed and when he's finished, he leaves."
"Helena!" the redhead shouted in annoyance, feeling insulted.
"I hate that he uses you."
"My life is my life." She pointed at Helena with her finger. "Don't try to cross the line; if I want to take him or other man to my bed, it's my life! What makes you think that he is using me? Maybe I'm using him. Keep your nose in your business. Understand?"
The brunette nodded her head, she hadn't meant to offend her. "I'm sorry, I…"
"What you do or don't do with Reese is your problem. Fix your personal life first before trying to fix everyone else's." She hung upside down on the exercise machine. "It will take you years. Now, if you'll excuse me."
Helena knew she had screwed up again. Whatever she said now would be useless. She put the stick in its place and, putting the towel around her neck, she walked outside the training room.
Alfred was preparing lunch when she entered the kitchen.
"Hi, Alfred."
"Afternoon, Miss Helena."
She took a milk carton and sat at the dining room table with a leg over a chair. He noticed by her face that something was wrong. Years of working with the 'family' made him an expert at reading all of their gestures and expressions. He had learned to do it after realizing the women were not used to expressing their emotions, not talking about their feelings or fears. For him, now, it was easy to know when they were happy, sad or worried. Her expressions and movements were like an open book to him.
"Something happened?" He gave her a napkin.
Helena took a big swallow from the container, she licked her mouth and put the milk on the table. "No."
"Why is she angry with you now?" Alfred asked.
"How do you know she is angry with me?"
He smiled at her.
Helena knew she was cornered. She surrendered. "I opened my big mouth again."
"Is it about Master Dick?"
"I hate that he toys with her!"
He lifted his brow knowing he had hit the issue. "How do you know he is playing with her? They were a couple years ago."
"Alfred, please!" she said, exasperated. "When she was recovering, I never saw him here taking care of her. She was alone! She spent nights crying alone, she felt useless!"
"He was here sometimes, as I remember, but she didn't feel well. She was afraid of starting a relationship with someone."
"He gave up so easily. He should have kept trying! She needed to be pushed! And he just… just… just left her alone! It never bothered him if she was sick. It's unfair!" The brunette took another gulp of milk.
Alfred watched her curiously; he opened a cabinet and took out a box. "Unfair? May I ask you what is unfair?"
"I'm sure he is going to be with her for just a few days and then he'll leave, as always. That's unfair. Barbara doesn't deserve it."
"Have you considered that maybe she is happy with things this way?" The old butler opened the box of cookies and put some on a plate.
Helena looked at him incredulously. "She cried the last time he was here, before Wade, remember? She cried many nights after he was gone. She shouldn't have to cry again for him or for any one else. She deserves to be happy."
"And," he gave her the plate of cookies "according to you, who would be the perfect man for her?"
The brunette shrugged her shoulders, taking a cookie. "I don't know, anyone else."
"As I remember, you never liked Wade."
"He was dumb. Barbara was smarter than him."
"Oh, I see. So, Miss Barbara is angry with you because you told her this?"
"Yeah." Helena took another cookie.
"But in your 'own' words." Alfred emphasized 'own'.
The brunette sighed and took another sip of milk. "Yeah."
"I understand." He turned and started cutting an onion in slices. "You need to apologize."
"I tried, but she was very angry."
"She never is mad at you for too long, you know that."
"Whatever, I'm going to take a bath." She stood up.
"Pick up your clothes when you're finished. I'm a butler, not a nanny."
The answer was a soft grumble. He smiled.