Okay, this is a songfic I wrote a while ago fo another site. It's a sonfic to "Popular" from the musical Wicked.
Summary: Deidara decides Itachi needs some advice.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Naruto characters. I doubt I'm very high in the race for them either...
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One of the greatest questions in Akatsuki history is: Why is Itachi so vain? Well, after a long period of wondering and people pulling their hair out over it, the secret was finally told:
A few years ago at the Akatsuki hideout…..
Itachi heaved a long sigh as he plopped down on the couch. He finally had some quiet and he wanted to spend it reading a book he had stolen before leaving his little brother to his own devices.
But of course, this was interrupted. By none other than Deidara.
It turns out he had had some coffee and was now caffeine high. And since he had noticed Itachi wasn't looking as good-looking as most of the others so he had decided to do something about it.
"Hey, Itachi-chan! How are you today?" he screamed after sneaking up behind the couch and screaming directly into Itachi's ear. "Deidara, what the hell?!" was all he could muster back.
"Itachi, now that's we're friends, I've decided to make you my new project!" he screamed again. And if you saw Itachi, you would understand why. Right now, he was wearing Akatsuki robes that he had borrowed from Kisame. Thus, he was practically swimming in them. (No real pun intended.) His was shorter than the present. Think more along the lines of what Sasuke's is like. There were lines under his eyes, but he usually tried hiding them with foundation too dark for his skin. And finally, his nails were unpainted.
"You really don't have to do that," Itachi replied.
"I know that's what makes me so nice!" he said as back round music started playing out of nowhere.
"God, you're not gonna sing, are you?" Itachi said and cringed.
But horrifying as it was, Deidara did indeed begin to sing.
"Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I, and let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I? My tender heart tends to start to bleed. And when someone needs a makeover, I simply have to take over! I know, I know exactly what they need!"
Itachi was currently trying to block Deidara out by reading his book. Seeing this, Deidara decided to sing louder.
"And even in your case, though it's the toughest case I've yet to face," "Yeah thanks," Itachi interrupted. Deidara shot him and glare and continued. "Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed! Follow my lead, and yes indeed, you will be..." The music stopped for a second and Itachi was praying he had finally stopped. No such luck. Suddenly, the lights burst ten times brighter.
"POPULAR! You're gonna be popular! I'll teach you the proper ploys, when you talk to boys, little ways to flirt and flounce, ooh!" "I'm not gay!" Itachi screamed. "Yeah, whatever. Anyways, I'll show you what shoes to wear! How to fix your hair! Everything that really counts to be..."
He took out some Itachi sized robes and new shoes. He also brought out a brush and started tugging at Itachi's hair. "Now, you're gonna have to grow that hair out longer if you want to stop being mistaken for you brother. And put these on. Oh! And you're gonna have to wash off all that silly make-up. Those lines look fine. It adds to your whole sadistic image." He handed Itachi the clothes and he went to change and wash off as Deidara continued his song.
"POPULAR! I'll help you be popular! You'll hang with the right cohorts, you'll be good at sports, know the slang you've got to know. So let's start, 'cause you've got an awfully long way to go! Don't be offended by my frank analysis, think of it as personality dialysis, now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister umm, brother and advisor, there's nobody wiser! Not when it comes to..."
Itachi returned and sat back down on the couch. He looked considerably better than before. All the while, Deidara was still singing.
"POPULAR! I know about popular. And with an assist from me, to be who you'll be, instead of dreary who you were...uh, are. There's nothing that can stop you, from becoming popular... lar... La la, la la! We're gonna make you pop-u-lar!"
He whipped out a bottle of purple nail polish and started giving Itachi a manicure. And yes, the singing continued.
"La la, la la! We're gonna make you pop-u-lar! When I see depressing creatures, with unprepossessing features, I remind them on their own behalf to - think - of celebrated heads of state, or specially great communicators! Did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They were POPULAR! Please! It's all about popular. It's not about aptitude; it's the way you're viewed, so it's very shrewd to be, very very popular like ME!"
He gasped and stepped back. "Why, mister Itachi, look at you. You're beautiful!" And he was. He now sported the typical hair-blowing-in-the-wind bishonen look. "I, I have to go..." he stuttered and walked out the door. "You're welcome!" Deidara called after him. And continued to finish his song.
"And though you protest, your disinterest, I know clandestinely, you're gonna' grin and bear it! Your new found popularity! Ah! La la, la la! You'll be popular! Just not quite as popular as ME!"
He finished and bounded out of the room to bother Sasori. Later, Itachi looked in a mirror and saw just how good he really did look. And to this day, he sports the same look that makes fangirls everywhere scream when they see him.
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I know this one wasn't very good, but I was going more for humor with it.
Please Review!