Locked Away – Chapter One
She was lying on the top bunk trying not to move. She didn't want to move because the woman in the bottom bunk had just begun to snore and Dani really didn't want to wake her. The springs in her bunk made squeaking sounds so she lay absolutely and entirely still, focusing on her breathing.
As she did this, an image of Crews popped into her mind. She did want to think about him – she just did.
Her tongue traced the outline of her teeth, each felt sharp and on edge. She probed the raw edge of her split lip and then gently felt the edges of her blossoming black eye with her fingers. Both were evidence of her recent fight in the yard with the woman who shared her cell and wanted to share a whole lot more.
Crews was right, he couldn't protect her.
No one could protect her in here, but herself. She was learning what it meant to be truly alone and missing her partner more each time her breath entered and left her sore ribcage. As she practiced deliberate measured breaths, her mind wandered taking her back to the morning Captain Tidwell proposed this undercover assignment.
The Department wanted to put someone into the woman's wing of the LA County Jail to determine if rumors there of Sheriff's deputies abusing their authority were true. Department leadership looked at all possible candidates and determined Dani was one of the few with enough street savvy to blend in with the criminal element and tough enough to bear the strain of the assignment.
Crews' face got impossibly pale and he blurted out "no" before Tidwell could even get into the operational aspects of the plan. Dani's head swung hard looking at her partner and then back at Tidwell. She begged a minute and questioned Crews with her eyes. His head shook back and forth vigorously and while no speech occurred – a whole lot of talking was being done between the tall red haired man and his partner.
Tidwell straightened his tie, cleared his throat and looked at Dani for permission to continue as the silence in the room stretched uncomfortably. She shook him off and continued to silently interrogate her partner. She watched his hand tremble as he raised it off his thigh, then just as quickly Crews wiped his palms along his thighs and appeared to have developed a nervous twitch. The corners of his mouth twitched and his eyes were wild.
"Are we good?" Tidwell inquired.
Dani nodded curtly and the Captain began again. He only made it three words into his opening sentence, when the word "no" again erupted from Crews' lips forcefully and he sprang from his chair as if shot from it.
The look Dani shot her partner was pure hatred. Mere mortals would have melted under her direct stare, but not Crews. He walked right through the heat of her glare, grasped her hand and tugged her forcefully through the open door and into the squad room. By the time they hit their conjoined desks; he was dragging her.
"Crews," she barked, "stop."
He continued undeterred and she dug in her heels. He paused and seemed to seriously consider hefting her over his shoulder.
She obviously followed his train of thought because her next words were, "don't you dare." She stopped resisting and let him lead her into the stairwell beside the elevator, but there she stopped him.
"Charlie," she spoke quietly. He froze, hand still wrapped around her wrist tightly.
"Talk to me," she coaxed. She could see him take two or three deep breaths before he turned to face her. His face was a mask of calm, but his eyes remained wild and an unnatural greenish blue.
"You can't go in there," he finally explained. "I can't protect you in there."
"I hate to break it to you, but you don't 'protect' me out here," she said patiently. She waited a few moments, holding his eyes. "I can do this; I'll be fine."
"No," he said again strongly, shaking his head and breaking contact with her eyes.
"Crews," she brought him back to her with her tone, "I am doing this." Her attitude said, don't fight me on this – you'll lose.
His eyes held panic and fear, but his face betrayed nothing. He nodded mutely.
"Now, let's go back…" she began.
"No…" he interrupted. "I have to go," he announced and dropped her wrist, pivoted and raced down the stairs. He was gone so fast she thought she'd imagined their exchange but for the ring of heat from his hand around her wrist. She rubbed the spot and slowly returned through the bay to the perplexed Captain's office.
"What's with Crews?" Tidwell asked.
"He's not feeling well," she lied and dared him to challenge her with a direct stare.
"Dani?" he questioned in a low tone brooking no argument. "I'm still your Captain and he's still one of my Detectives."
Part of her was irked at him. He was still her Captain and he was still fucking her on a nightly basis, but pulling rank at work. Part of her understood his concern, she shared it, but another deeper part of her felt protective of Crews. He was "her partner" and that was none of Kevin Tidwell's business.
If Crews were around he would remind her that "people don't belong to each other; people belong to the universe" or some such nonsense, but ownership was what she felt for Crews. He was like a very bad dog you constantly had to apologize for; one you and only you - seemed to see the worth in.
"He's fine. I'm fine. We're all fine – now let's do this," she demanded.
Tidwell knew better than to argue with her.
Now in the dark at night, three weeks later, the man who occupied her thoughts was not her part time lover, full time boss, but instead it was her Zen spouting, fruit munching shadow. That annoyed her to no end, but it was Crews that occupied her brain and who haunted her dreams when they came – which inside was rarely.
Her mind recreated the color of his eyes and the smattering of freckles on his brow; the eyelashes so blonde they vanished in the sun and the row of white teeth that smiled at her every day for the past three years. It was him, Crews that came to her in the dark of night. It was his smile, his eyes that buoyed her when things seemed darkest. It was he, who thought of her most, who worried for her – not because he didn't trust her competence, but Crews alone knew the dangers that lurked in prisons. Not Tidwell, not her mother, just Crews.
He'd visited her one-day. She was called to the visitor's room and expected an update on the investigation, contact with another Detective, but not him. Anyone but him, yet here he was sitting rigidly in stainless steel chair in front of a plate of Plexiglas staring straight ahead until she sat opposite him. She realized this had to be incredibly difficult for him. Being back in prison for any reason made him edgy, unnerved him and Crews was generally implacable. She was the more mercurial of the two.
She watched him as she approached, he was concentrating hard to appear unfazed, but she knew better. The forlorn look on his face transformed into a plastic smile and then a tight grimace when he picked up the olive drab phone on the wall. She held the headset to her ear in time to listen to him sigh. It shouldn't have felt the way it did. The feeling it gave her was deep release and comfort.
He slowly placed a hand on the glass and just the fingers of his hand made a heat print on it. The air around it filled with his tenseness and his anguish; steam outlined each of his fingers. She was careful not to touch it or by extension him.
"Why are you here?" she asked when he said nothing, but continued to look at her.
He took his hand away, shrugged and offered, "to see how you are." Then after a beat when she didn't answer, "to let you know you are not alone. We are none of us alone."
Her cheeky reply was, "yeah, tell me about it. I wish I was alone. I got a cellmate that likes me better than my first boyfriend did," her tight smile was meant to convey stability. It didn't.
Crews didn't smile, he didn't joke. His eyes narrowed and he became very earnest in his advice, "use your size," he instructed. "You're small, you're light, you're quick," he spoke softly, "but be vicious, be unmerciful. It's the only way…" he stopped speaking as someone behind him left and walked into their space on their way out.
"Do you need anything?" he changed tacks.
"A beer?" she offered. His smile didn't reach his eyes, nor did hers.
"Say the word and I'll get you out of here," he spoke strongly and held her eyes. "Right now, Reese," he offered.
She believed him. Somehow she knew he'd come right through that sheet of two inch Plexiglas with nothing but his teeth and nails, if she but said the word, but she didn't. "I'm fine," she lied.
The day the woman below came for her. Dani used his advice. She stayed low to the ground and used her size and quickness to stay away. There were blows exchanged, but despite the other woman's size she was unable to bully Dani. It was a draw; both retreated licking their wounds. There would be more pressure later, but for now; she'd forestalled something ominous.
It wasn't the first time she'd lay in her bunk and thought of Crews.
Two days later there was another visitor, she felt anxious and strangely hopeful.
She was disappointed to find Tidwell waiting on the other side of the glass. She picked up the phone and he chatted amiably, checked on her status and told her about another two weeks should do it. He asked about the black eye, but accepted her story and didn't seem overly concerned. He wanted to know if she needed anything and she politely said no.
Telling your boss and lover that what you really needed was to see a certain six foot one inch redhead probably wouldn't go over well. She knew she was crazy when she lay awake that night recreating the sound of Crews' heavy sigh.
The next day another visitor, this time she expected Tidwell. She knew he'd forgotten to tell her something or had some news, but instead what awaited her was the pale, tall vision from her dreams and midnight musings. He was immediately angry and it showed on his usually serene face. He snatched the phone off the wall with enough force she'd thought he was going to break it.
"Who did that to you?" he demanded breathlessly.
"Crews," she gritted. "It's nothing," her tone was low, but the fire behind his eyes excited her. He was ready to hurt someone – over her.
"If one of those guys…" he began, his teeth clenched together.
"Relax," she coached, "it was another girl."
"Oh," he responded. Then words failed him. The "oh" remained on his face as his brain absorbed and appreciated what he'd said. She knew that like most men, his brain probably became stimulated at the thought of two women, so she called him back from his reverie.
"Earth to Crews," she got his attention.
"Are you okay?" he rebounded quickly.
"Yeah," she grinned until her split lip hurt. "Couple bruises, nothing serious."
"Reese," there was an almost whine in his voice. "I want you out of there," he said solidly.
"Tidwell says another couple weeks," she patiently explained.
"I know what he says," Crews lectured, "but him visiting you was a dumb move. Any one in here now knows that you're still on the job."
"Uh - you're visiting me," she pointed out the obvious. There was unmistakeable annoyance in her tone.
"Uh - convicted murderer," he mimicked, pointing to himself.
"So what's that? Clout? Status?" she wondered.
"With these people? In here? Yes…" he replied. He wasn't proud of it, it just was.
His comment was telling. The longer this misadventure continued, the more she learned about Crews and the more he learned about her. She thought back to the conversation they had the day before they took her away in cuffs and locked her away in County. It revealed a lot about them both and linked them in even more meaningful ways than she'd ever have believed possible.