A/N: this story is somehow a challenge for me, I'm testing my boundaries and I hope I won't disappoint you.
I owe Nix1978 a huge thank you for betareading, providing emotional support and being the amazing friend she is :)
Please R&R!
Chapter 1
The room is silent and dark; a lamp on the bedside table sheds a faint halo of light, that has the only effect of increasing Emily's nervous feeling. She's sitting on the edge of a king sized bed, her hands cringing at the blanket, her foot tapping on the carpet.
She raises her gaze as the door in front of her opens and a dark skinned, athletic man comes out of the steaming bathroom, naked and well aware of her eyes traveling all over his body.
She stares at him expectantly, in silence, without moving. Eventually she gives up the hope that he will start the conversation first and spills out her words, despondently, "At least you could have warned me you knew each other, Marcus."
The man finally turns to meet her eyes as he lazily brushes his chest with a towel, conscious of how much she usually enjoys the show. A smirk appears on his face as he feigns stupor at her comment "How could I know you and Derek Morgan are actually colleagues? All I knew is that he works at the FBI. As far as I'm concerned it's the equivalent of saying you two are both accountants. What would be the chance of you working on the same team?"
In response she arches an eyebrow and cocks her head to the side, displaying her reluctance to second his playing dumb.
"So is that why you're so incensed?" he carelessly chuckles, wrapping a towel around his waist and walking toward the bed.
Emily gapes at him, uncertain whether she's more pissed for the stunt he just pulled at her or for his nonchalance about the whole situation, "Yes, Marcus. That's why I'm so incensed."
He sits down beside her, his face serious now, "Honestly, Em. What did you expect me to do?"
"Tell me that one of my colleagues is a friend of yours to begin with!" she almost screams and starts pacing around the room.
He extends his arms to his sides and lazily stretches his legs, as he looks amused at her walking up and down his bedroom. Then they stare at each other for a long moment. Marcus, half naked, calmly seated on the bed, and Emily fully dressed and standing across from him.
"And how would it have that changed things between us?" At his question her demanding gaze falters and she crosses her arms on her chest defensively.
"Ohhh, that's it. Now I get it…" Marcus doesn't lose his smile, even though Emily doesn't fail to detect the bitterness in his eyes.
"What?" all the annoyance gone, her voice a choke of uncertainty.
"This isn't just about one of your colleagues knowing me. This is about you, fearing he could know the nature of our relationship…"
"Oh please, you know it's not about that…"
"Do you think it's so immoral to be in an open relationship that you have to hide it? Your colleagues didn't seem such puritans to me and I don't see how the way you spend your free time is any of their business" the calmer he is the more the frustration builds up in Emily.
"Or is it about Derek knowing what we do?" He goes on probing.
"No!" the way Marcus said his name is like a slap to her face, and she regrets being exposed so easily as her cheeks flush.
"Because if so, I assure you, Derek Morgan is the last person who has any right to judge the morality of your sexual habits…" He proceeds calmly, aware of how his words are exacerbating the tension.
Emily looks at him, seething, her chest raising and falling faster and faster, "you're an ass," she growls as she moves toward him and kisses him angrily and demanding.
Marcus deftly turns her and pins her body on the bed; he matches her eagerness as he gets rid of her clothes. He plays rough and fills her possessively, the way he knows she likes, the way she wants him tonight. He drives her to the edge, repeatedly, selflessly, taking care of not leaving any of her desires unsatisfied, providing her pleasure many, many times.
Later as they lay in bed, content and recovering, he looks at Emily with a satisfied grin. Her face, her whole body are now relaxed; the tension and the angst washed away. The way her hair falls on her cheek, her lively glance, her provocative grin; he's very proud of how his lovemaking always succeeds in rescuing her from the darkest places.
"You know, our reasons to be in an open relationship are very different," he speaks, his voice deep and raucous.
Emily looks at him with curiosity, so he explains further, "I'm a single man. I don't want to settle down nor can I accept the idea of giving pleasure to just one woman at a time. And I do not have the illusion to find all I want in just one woman either."
Emily chuckles at the easiness of his narcissistic admission, then she looks at him intently, silently inviting him to proceed.
"Many other women would find this… solution, humiliating and alienating. For you, instead, it's a matter of efficiency. I don't expect anything from you, because I can find in other women what you cannot give me. I don't try to change you or to solve the rebus you are. And when you don't want company, I'm not short of alternatives and I won't cry on your doormat like a lost puppy..."
Emily smiles bitterly and turns on her side, "Wow, you sound like a professional…" she mocks, her voice as velvet, indulging the allusion.
Marcus pauses, then he gets serious and spills what's been bothering him since the previous night, "I like you Emily, a lot. We have fun together and you are a hell of a woman. We don't care about our other partners, and that's the agreement. But if you intend to bring Derek Morgan into the game, I'm afraid I will have to back off."
Emily arches her eyebrows and is about to say something, but Marcus stops her, "I know Derek well enough. He's not the sharing type when it comes to relationships and I don't intend to start a fight with him over a woman. It would be just ugly. For all of us."
"Marcus," Emily eventually has her say, "why on earth would I want to be with Morgan?" she stutters defensively.
"Because I saw the way you two look at each other, Emily. It's blatantly obvious, and at some point you will have to give this steam a way out."
Emily stares back at him, loss at words and dumbfounded; she silently thanks the timing of her phone ringing, "It's a case. I've gotta go…" she mutters confusedly.
Marcus shrugs and looks at her with a faint smile as she walks out of the door.
Emily has spent years either looking for a decent relationship, or for a way out of a decent relationship. She can't explain why sometimes she feels so hollow and lonely that she's afraid she will disappear; as much as she can't explain why other times she wants to be hollow and lonely so that she can disappear. It just happens. Last thing she wants is to justify it to an expectant, dull faced, clueless partner, who looks at her as if she was an alien. She doesn't want to justify her dwindling between moments of lovely and sparkling companionship and others of evasive darkness. She doesn't want to explain that after chasing a serial rapist and being in his mind for a week, she's not up for naughty sex. She doesn't want to explain all this because if she did, they would be horrified or worse, they would feel compelled to provide her with some fathering. And god forbid it, this is the last thing she needs.
Marcus is the perfect solution to the problem. He's caring, funny, intelligent, and he's not 100% invested on her. But most importantly, he doesn't ask questions. If she wants him, she knows he will be there, to listen, to spend the night, or just to fuck her so hard that she would forget what year it is. But if she doesn't, he won't start freaking out, he won't worry and he won't try to figure her out.
They both know there's nobody else in Emily's life; not because she's short of available candidates, but because if Marcus seeks constant attention, Emily wants to be freed from it.
To cut it short, they fit perfectly. At least she thought so until the previous night, when Derek Morgan showed up in the same bar where Emily and Marcus were having their date.
oooOOOooo
As the jet of water starts flowing, Emily lets the water run down her naked body, hoping the shower is going to shed some clarity on her thoughts. If she's honest, she has to admit that her relationship with Marcus runs over a thin, dangerous line. It's mainly sex, but not just yet. There's something about the way he touches her, the way he dives into her, that transcends the mere physical act. It's their secret code of communication. Marcus always knows how to make love to her, if it has to be rough and hard or slow and sweet, if he can stay through the night or if he he'd better leave her alone. There something in her expression, in her gestures that somehow cues him, without the need of a spoken word. She doesn't know what prompted this special channel of communication between them and where he learned to be so perceptive with women. She doesn't even know if he pulls this trick with every woman or just with her. What she knows is that by now she has come to rely on Marcus as an assumed and undeniable need, and if he wasn't there when she wanted him, she would go crazy. She doesn't know what to call this thing they have, but she definitely knows it's dangerous.
Emily wraps her towel around her body and walks in her bedroom, picking the clothes to throw in her bag. She can't stop thinking about what Marcus said about Derek. Deep down, she can't deny that there is a certain number of traits shared by the two men; both dark skinned, athletic, sturdy physicality, a magnetic gaze and a certain way around women.
On one hand Derek knows her much better than Marcus. Compartmentalizing skills or not, there's a lot about a person that leaks out in such an up-close perspective, especially given their job; and Derek is an extremely observant person that rarely misses a hit. How he can sometimes read her in depth, despite her camouflaging attempts, is unsettling.
The way Marcus knows her though, transcends the need of words; exposing herself with him comes easily, because it doesn't bear consequences or backfiring.
There are some frailties she can't afford to bare with the man who has her back on the job daily, and whose life she feels responsible for. She drew that line a while ago, after learning the lesson the hard way.
She has managed to keep this two parts of her life apart from each other, but since Derek came into play as a common acquaintance, painful memories came back into her life and now she feels trapped in a precarious castle of cards. The worse part is that she fears this is just the beginning.