The Jason Games

by Tabella2

Preparations for the very first annual Hunger Games have been finalized; all that remains is to pick the poor souls who will have to participate. But when something goes wrong in the system, it leaves the tributes with one striking similarity: their first name. Personalities clash as lives are senselessly lost. A Hunger Games PARODY. Rated T for violence just in case.

A/N

Hello friends! Welcome to the Jason Games. Just a quick little introduction here before you can all go ahead and start reading.

First thing: this story is being written by two people. You can refer to us as A and V (this is A writing at the moment lol). Hopefully our writing styles don't clash too much as we've never written together before…if you notice any problems feel free to let us know in the reviews or via PM and we'll try our best to come up with a solution!

Second: you might notice that this story is…kind of absurd. Lol. This story basically came to be because we constantly see strangers out in public that look like our friend Jason, and we started making jokes about "May the best Jason win" etc..so yeah. This is not at all meant to be a serious Hunger Games fanfic. It's a parody. Lots of it might not make sense in terms of the original HG universe. A lot of it might feel out of character for the Capitol or Panem as a whole and some emotions/reactions of characters at times might not seem appropriate. There are some cringey moments in here as well, especially in the beginning! It's all voluntary! There will be *some* serious moments the deeper into the Games we get, but overall that is not the tone of the story. This story is meant to be somewhat "stupid", if you will. It's a parody; it's supposed to be funny. So we hope that you all enjoy the humor! Feel free to share your thoughts honestly, though. I just wanted to make the intentions of this story clear, but we are completely open to criticism and opinion as long as the nature of the story is being taken into account. And also, flames are not exactly cool (no pun intended lmao). Please at least try to be mature in your critique!

Also, keep in mind that these are the very first Hunger Games (as you'll see later). This is why certain things, like training sessions or even reapings for instance, are not included. These are things that were gradually implemented over the years until Katniss's Games came along. Just something to remember!

Alright, I think we're done with introductions. This chapter was written by A. We sincerely hope you enjoy it and please leave a review on your way out! It would be much appreciated :)

~ A

Disclaimer: We do not own anything in this story that can be recognized from the original HG series. We only own the Jasons, Gamemakers and President.

A quiet, rhythmic tapping sound fills the room as the president drums his fingers on the table, deep in thought. Before him lies a hologram, displaying notes with various points highlighted and underlined, like the written draft of a lengthy rulebook. In theory, that is exactly what it is. Floating lightly over the table, the holographic edition of the very first Hunger Games guidelines is displayed before the scrutinous eyes of President Kronin, president of Panem.

"Yes...very good.." Kronin mutters absentmindedly, "tributes must be between the ages of 12 and 18...arena must be closed off from the public...begins with a bloody battle for weapons, food and other goods...countdown of thirty seconds before officially beginning and any Tribute who attempts to cheat blown away by deeply implanted mines...games can go on for an indefinite period of time until only one remains...Gamemaker intervention is encouraged at any time where action is lacking for the Captiol's viewers..."

His voice trails off as he continues to read the rest in his mind rather than out loud. The Gamemakers - writers of the guidelines - stare intently at the man, eagerly and somewhat fearfully awaiting his approval. If he doesn't like it...

President Kronin lifts his eyes from the hologram, fixing them blankly on the Gamemakers before him.

"I love it."

There is a nearly tangible sigh of relief among the Gamemakers, the tense athmosphere of the room immediately fading away in favor of excitement and triumph.

"When would you like the Games to begin, sir?" one man asks.

"As soon as possible. We must choose our Tributes first, shall we?

"Of course, sir."

President Kronin scans the room, in search of the most worthy Gamemaker for the task.

"Tony?"

Tony, a short and slightly scrawny man with thick-framed glasses, jerks his head towards the sound of Kronin's voice at once.

"Yes, President Kronin!"

"Would you please do the honors of selecting our 24 Tributes? Enter the passcode for our citizen database, choose the option of removing all Capitol people and District residents whom are not eligible for the Games, and allow the system to conjure up a list at random."

"Right away, sir."

Tony approaches the database system cautiously, his nerves sending violent tremors down his spine.

I'm the youngest Gamemaker here, why in the world would he choose me? I shouldn't even be here right now, I totally lied on my resume for this job to make some cash! Oh god, oh god, if I mess this up I'm done for oh my god...

He turns the system on, patiently awaiting the passcode options for all the different databases in the system to appear.

You got this, dude. It's easy. Just type in the password, set it up properly and the system will do it all for you. Relax, man...

Slowly and carefully, feeling the eyes of his coworkers and the president on his back the entire time, he enters the citizen database and removes the ineligible citizens from the list.

Just one step left. You can -

Click.

All eyes in the room turn away from the database, back at the hologram, which has inexplicably shut down.

"What is the meaning of this?!" the president cries, the angry tone of his voice immediately paling the faces of the Gamemakers surrounding him.

"Perhaps the switch has been damaged?" one woman suggests shakily.

In this moment, Tony decides to take advantage of the diversion, launching himself at the system to complete the task before his audience returns.

It all happens very quickly, then.

A bump of Tony's elbow, Kronin's partly-drunk coffee spilling onto the keys, a slam of his hand in an attempt to wipe away the mess.

And all of a sudden, the screen has changed.

Twenty-four names are listed on the screen, all trace of the thousands of other names completely wiped away. He has done it!

But something is wrong...

A cluster of words in the right-hand corner of the screen catches Tony's attention.

"Option: generate list according to first name - selected"

Every single one of the tributes is named Jason.

Oh no, now I've done it. That's not what the President wanted, oh god oh god..

"I knew it! I always make this mistake..."

Tony jumps at the sound of Kronin's booming voice, just knowing he has been caught, that the President knows he made a mistake in choosing who to assign the task...

"...I need to stop setting a limit on the amount of time this damn holo runs..."

He nearly sinks to his knees in relief, dedicating all of his concentration on not passing out or bursting to tears.

"About done there, Tony?"

Tony immediately turns back toward the President, after swiftly hiding the option message from the screen.

"Yes, sir! All done for you..."

"Let me take a look."

Kronin approaches the system, only glancing at the screen for the shortest of seconds. His lips turn up slightly into a pleased smirk.

"Well done, Tony! Faster than I expected."

It takes Tony a moment to compose himself.

"Yeah...thanks..."

"Very skilled, I must say. I should have you make my lists every year."

The thought makes Tony feel slightly ill, but he mentions nothing.

"Quite peculiar that they all have the same first name..." Kronin states curiously, "A coincidence, indeed. We will have to find a way to differentiate them all."

The Gamemakers in the room simply stare, unsure of how to proceed.

"No mattter...I suppose we should get to preparing the Games immediately," the President declares.

There is no response besides the nods of heads, every Gamemaker too cautious to verbally reply.

"Excellent," Kronin exclaims, a malicious grin spreading across his face, "Now, how shall we divide the tasks?"

Jason POV

Cold. So cold. That's the first thing that registers, the coolness of my bed beneath me. I mean, I know my mom sometimes overdoes it with the AC but...my bed never feels this cold. What the hell?!

And so hard, too. Did we buy new mattresses? This thing's hard as a rock, almost like I'm...

Almost like I'm on the floor.

My eyes immediately fly open, the sudden feeling of panic at the unfamiliar setting sinking in instantly. I was right - I'm laying on the ground. Not in my house, though.

I am laying in an enormous room, everything painted a bright, sterile white. I can feel myself squinting against the light; too bright. Like walking outside on a sunny winter day and being blinded by the sun reflecting off of the snow.

The strangest part? I'm not alone.

There are other boys here, some awake and others still asleep. I can see one just getting up, rubbing his head groggily, eyes still half-shut.

Where the hell am I?

Suddenly, a tapping on my shoulder startles me.

"Oh, um, sorry about that. I just wanted to ask you...do you have any idea what's going on? How did we get here? Cause, uh, I kinda just woke up and this whole thing is creeping me out a little.."

It's another boy, probably close to my age - a year or two younger at most - with curly light brown hair and flitting grey eyes that could never seem to fully make contact with mine.

"I mean, I'm gonna be honest, I have no idea what's happening. I just woke up, too. Do you think we're in some kind of trouble?"

The boy's eyes widen in horror at the thought.

"Oh man, I - I hope not! Do you think they found out about that time I stole Jimmy's cookies?"

"Um...I doubt that. Hey, what's your name, anyway?"

"Um, Jason. How about you?"

No way.

"Holy shit, dude, my name is Jason, too! That's some coincidence, isn't it?"

Before he could respond, a strange crackling sound interrupts our conversation. It sounds almost like it's coming from...the ceiling? A lightbulb dying out, maybe? I've never heard of it making a sound like that, though...

And then, suddenly, an unseen voice addresses us.

"Morning, Tributes. I see you've all made yourselves comfortable, making friends and all that...I like it."

Tributes? What's that supposed to mean?

"My name is Tony, and I'll be your guide for the next 24 hours. You guys are in for a hell of a ride." - *had to bring him back lol*

I look around at the other boys in the room, taking in their expressions. Some look frightened; others look angry. Most just look confused as hell.

"Now, in case you haven't figured it out, all of you in here are similar in a very special way..."

I can see one boy in the corner of my eye with a look on his face that cannot be described as anything other than pure disgust. As if being similar in any way to the people around him is a revolting thought.

"You all...are named Jason,"

Tony says that as if he is expecting us all to gasp in terror and surprise, but no one even bats an eyelash. I can clearly see someone yawning in the far left corner of the room.

"Now, obviously this is going to be somewhat of a challenge, especially when trying to make a name for yourselves in the arena. I'll explain all of that later. For now, I want you all to introduce yourselves. Try and find something about you that sets you apart, so I can come up with nicknames for you all and make my life easier."

Arena? Are we gonna be battling someone? Or something?

Before I can get very far with my thoughts, the Jason I spoke to earlier stands up, fiddling nervously with his fingers and avoiding all eye contact.

"Hi, guys. Um, I'm Jason. Wait, you already know that...uh, I like cookies, and my favorite singer is Jessie -"

"Awkward Jason," Tony interrupts, "Right, someone else, next!"

Awkward Jason shrugs and takes his seat beside me once again, looking at the other Jasons expectantly.

Another Jason stands up, this one slightly taller and thinner than Awkward, with dark hair and deep blue eyes.

"Hello. I'm Jason - obviously - and I looooove to SIIIIING!"

His sudden burst into song surprises most of us, and I can can feel myself cringing at the way the loud sound breaks the formerly peaceful and calm athmosphere of the room.

A moment of silence.

"So...Singing Jason?" Tony questions, "Don't answer that. Just stay quiet the rest of the time, okay? Great. NEXT!"

Another boy immediately stands up as Singing Jason sits back down. This one has long, sand-colored hair down to his shoulders and dark brown eyes that look like they can see right into your soul. He is tall, too, like Singing Jason.

"Greetings, fellow Jasons. I guess the most interesting thing I can think of about myself is that I have always been very intrigued by the meaning of life itself. Why are we here? Who gathered us? Who designed this crap? How do we know everything happening right now is real? How -"

"Existential Crisis Jason. We get it. NEXT!" Tony exclaims, already sounding bored to tears of all of us.

"Can I be called just Existential Jason instead? I don't see my questioning personality as a crisis."

"Yeah, yeah, sure thing. Next! We don't have all day!"

Another Jason springs up from the ground, with very fair skin, golden blond hair and green eyes. He is short compared to the others I've seen - my height, maybe an inch shorter. About 5'10.

"Hello! My most interesting trait is that I have a very special relationship with God. He is by my side always and I pray every single night. I will add you all to my list of people I pray for -"

"Okay this one is obvious...Religious Jason. Next!"

A Jason with tanned skin and dark eyes stands up, taking a moment to adjust the cowboy hat on his head before speaking.

"Howdy partners! I like drankin' beer, ridin' my horse Dolly and hangin' out with my Ma and Pa on the -"

"Redneck Jason. 'Nuff said. Next, next!"

Redneck Jason sits down, one hand rising up to his neck curiously, wondering about the strange nickname. I resist the urge to chuckle.

In my little inner monolgue of humor about Redneck Jason, I almost miss the introduction of the next Jason. This one is very short, probably the shortest guy here, with ginger hair and blue eyes on a pale, freckled face.

"This is such a waste of time, like seriously. It's taking fucking forever, can't we just give ourselves numbers and be done with it?"

Everyone in the room simply stares. Even Tony is silent, apparently having trouble coming up with a response.

"Whatever, I guess you guys can just call me Impatient Jason. Let's speed this up a little, jesus."

"Do NOT use the Lord's name in vein!" someone, probably Religious Jason, hisses under his breath.

"Well..he has a point. We're on a tight schedule here," Tony cuts in, "Impatient Jason, it is. Next!"

Another tall and thin boy with unnatural blue hair and hazel eyes steps forward.

"Sassmaster Jason. That's all you need to know."

He sits down without any further comments, ignoring the stares.

"Alright, Sassy Jason, it is." Tony sighs, his tone getting more exasperated with each introduction given.

Not bothering to wait for Tony to proceed, a scrawny-looking Jason with blond hair and warm chocolate brown eyes stands up.

"Hi, guys. I really like taking care of others and am hoping to become a doctor someday in the Capitol. If you ever need help with anything, feel free to -"

"Motherly Jason," Tony states with a yawn, "Next."

Another boy with black hair and dark eyes with a seemingly permanent look of annoyance on his face stands up lazily.

"I'm honestly just done with all of this, to be honest. Can I go home?"

Tony does not even hesitate.

"Done With Everything Jason. Sounds good. Next!"

And so it continues, for what feels like hours. Introduction after introduction.

The slightly feminine-looking Jason is called Drag-Queen Jason. The one with the floppy, blond "surfer boy" haircut who claims he can find a way to smoke any plant is called Good Vibez Jason. The huge monster of a Jason who towers over the rest of us is almost immediately deemed Sadistic Jason. The shy boy with ashy blond hair and pale blue eyes - Sweet Jason. The one with dark circles under his eyes and the slightest beginning of a beer gut hidden beneath his jacket - Alcoholic Jason.

"Hallo, ik neuken haat jullie allemaal."

This Jason's introduction is met with complete silence. The first one to respond is Done With Everything Jason.

"...what?"

"Foreign Jason. We don't have time to get creative," Tony, who's boredom has slowly seemed to turn into anxiety, exclaims, "Next! Go!"

"I'm the most badass person you'll ever meet in your life. See this scar? I won't even bother telling you where it's from...it'll probably scare you," the Jason who is inexplicably wearing sunglasses indoors sneers.

"Badass Jason, someone else go!"

"Ugh, this room is filthy, can we not sit on the floor? I'm literally starving right now, can someone get me a-"

"Prissy Jason, someone!"

"I have over 60 best friends, the president formally sent me a letter saying he would love to adopt me as his son, and I have -"

"Liar Jason, next!"

"I set fires for fun -"

"Pyro Jason, next!"

The one with the flame-red hair is called Slutty Jason after describing his...love life...in very explicit terms. Religious Jason nearly has a heart attack just listening to it, poor guy. The one with the shaggy blond hair and probably the deepest dimples i've ever seen when he smiled is named Actor Jason after he - you guessed it - reveals he is an aspiring actor. The scrawny one with the glasses and nasal voice is deemed Nerdy Jason - Tony seems to be nicer to him than the rest of us. Another shy one, trembling with nerves and stuttering with every word barely gets to finish his sentence before being labelled Scaredy-Cat Jason.

Suddenly, a new voice is heard where Tony's normally comes from.

"Tony, have you finished preparing the Tributes?"

"One more!" Tony replies, his voice sounding more panicked than it ever did before, "Whoever's left, go!"

I look around impatiently, waiting for the last person to stand up. No one does.

It takes several long seconds before I realize.

"Oh."

I stand up, facing the twenty-three other Jasons before me. Some are glaring; others are smiling encouragingly. A few are just staring blankly. Done With Everything is asleep in the corner.

"Hi, there. Umm...I'm...normal...I guess?"

"Okay, Normal Jason, we don't have time! All done, President Kronin!"

Wait, the President is involved in this? No way...

"Excellent," the president's voice declares approvingly, "now explain the nature of the Games to them. Do not leave out a single detail."

"Right away, sir!"

The other Jasons around me begin muttering to each other.

"Games? What does he mean by that?"

"Probably something stupid."

"Can we go home now?"

"Everybody quiet!" Tony snaps from the ceiling.

The room is immediately immersed in silence, the tone of Tony's voice clearly meaning business.

"Alright," Tony begins with a sigh, "I'm not gonna sugar-coat things here. You all...are about to enter a fight to the death. With each other."

Several reactions immediately catch my eye. Sadistic Jason's face stretches into a bloodthirsty grin as wide as his face can handle, Sweet Jason's face goes white with terror, and Scaredy-Cat Jason passes out cold.

Me? I try not to show any emotion. I cast my eyes downward to the floor, looking away from every other eye in the room.

On the inside, though? Absolutely goddamn terrified.

"There are a lot of rules, so you better listen up," I can almost hear the smile in Tony's voice that I'm hoping is my imagination, "After all, it's a matter of life or death."

A/N

Hope you all liked it! One more thing: We do not mean any harm in the nicknames of all the Jasons (drag queen, redneck etc.). It's all in good fun and they are meant to be exagerrations of stereotypes and personality types. If anyone is offended by one of the character types or names don't be shy to let us know and we will contact you to address this concern!

Please leave a review and we will try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible!

~ A