Ha-Jin knows when she jumps in the water that it's not really about the drowning child. As she pushes him into the boat and stretches her hand out to his father, she hopes and wishes that that moment would bring her clarity. She hopes that it would inspire her to want to live, she hopes that it would kill the loneliness and despair that followed her each and every waking moment.

It wasn't about saving the boy. She knows this, yet when her slender hand slips from the grasp of the stranger, she can feel herself sinking deeper like a rock had been placed on her chest and was pressing her down with its weight, she wants to fight. She wants to tell someone later that that moment had changed her life forever.

Ha-Jin had no one to go back to, not even herself. What was the difference between dying there and having lost the will to live a long time ago? What would it mean if she survived? What would it mean if she wanted to live? What would it mean that she had learned how to be patient and resilient, and it had amounted to nothing? What did it mean that she was letting herself give up?

"How?"

She doesn't believe in God. Life had proven that, time and time again. She knew there was no one to catch her when she fell. There was no one to congratulate her after the curtain call. No one to tell her that she had done her absolute best.

"When? You were supposed to be with her at all times; you had clear instructions to keep her within the home grounds. Was that too demanding of a request?

"I-She insisted."

"Girls like you are a dime a dozen here. If it were not for Hae-Soo's ludicrous attachment to you, you would be packing your bags right now."

"Yes. Your highness."

What if there was a God? What if God knew what she had done?

"Call the physician!"

Ha-Jin felt warm hands on her cold face. Patting her forehead and worrying on her cheeks. She knew this was her cue to open her eyes. But she did not want to know where her temporary courage had taken her.

"Hae-Soo?" The voice called her. "Hae Soo?

The voices tire of calling her by a name that was not hers. She lays there in her quiet room and opens her eyes. What else did she have to do after having died but not quite? What had she found out after death? What great lessons had been awaiting her at the bottom of the lake?

She threw her satin pink bed covers from her body. Ha-Jin looked down at her hands and body to see that she had been draped in a white satin Hanbok existing of a sheer but layered skirt and jacket. She put her feet on the wooden floor and walked to the mirror across the room. Ha-Jin still looked like herself, except paler. She still felt like herself, except thinner; she still had her memories, but who was the girl in the mirror and where was she?

There was a time she longed to stay soft, to forgo the hardness of heartbreak, to be left behind whole even after having given the best parts of herself to someone she thought worthy at the time. Ha-Jin had wanted to keep the innocence of forgiveness and understanding. She did not want to be a reflection of her upbringing. Ha-Jin did not want to become like her mother. But what else did she have left other than bitterness?

"You are awake! Good! I thought you were going to die!" She knows her voice. She knows by how the girl walks determinedly forward and puts her hand on her forehead that she should answer in a similar friendly manner. "Why would you go there of all places? I just pray to the heavens that no one saw you! If I have to explain that to the 8th prince, he will surely have my head on a spike!"

The girl stood in front of her clad in modest cotton clothes that consisted of a dark red jacket that was wrapped around her body with a string and a long skirt that was dirty at the bottom. Her hair was tied in two single knots at the top of her head. Her face was open and friendly.

"Please, I know that I am just a lowly servant, but if you get hurt, I could get killed for letting it happen." Ha-Jin looks into her big bright eyes and nods. "And I don't know if I would protest. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright, Honestly." Ha-Jin answers. She didn't know what she was apologizing for, but it made her distraught to witness the girl's spirits sink.

"May I ask you something?"

The girl looked quizzically and nodded. A smile etched at the corners of her mouth like this was a joke that she knew well, and knew she was going to find funny. Her face looked earnest enough to trust with her secret.

"What is my name?"

"Lady Hae-Soo."

"What is your name?"

"Chae-Ryung."

"Where am I? I mean what is this place?"

"Your home."

Ha-Jin looked around the room waiting for something to jog her memory, but she knew nothing would come. She was Gong Ha-Jin, and she had no memories of this place or these people let alone this room. Yet, her body eased to the girl's touch as if it was accustomed to it. Ha-Jin stood firmly and walked around the room, picking things up and placing them down. She had a home back in Seoul, but this was not Seoul, and neither was it her home?

"No. I don't know where or who I am." Please don't think I'm crazy. "That's why I'm asking; Why we are dressed like we are in a period piece?"

Chae-Ryung was quiet for a while, the only sound was her breathing, and it was heavy as if her body wanted to expel any sign of oxygen from her lungs. She seemed to examine her as if Ha-Jin was an intruder, and when Chae-Ryung appeared to find what she was looking for, she yelled loudly for Madame Hae.

"Well, you don't have to yell-"

Lady Hae walked at a leisure pace towards Chae-Ryung who was holding Ha-Jin's hand like a prisoner who would soon escape. Her long skirt; which seemed a recurring theme in this place, was lilac and embroidered with red and purple flowers that started from the hem to the waist where the trail was covered with a matching overcoat which was just as long if not longer than her skirt. Her hair was as dark as the night sky and braided on her head like a crown. She wore subtle but present jewelry made of bright gold and ruby stones in her hair like little badges of honor. Her face was pale, soft and timid looking. She stood tall and steady in front of Ha-Jin.

Ha-Jin felt slightly overwhelmed by her elegance. The Lady opened her lips as if to speak but then closed them, and looked at Chae-Ryung.

"What is the matter?" She asked. Her voice a soft sound in the quiet room.

"The Lady does not remember her name nor who she is!" Chae-Ryung exclaimed. Her face was as dramatic as her voice. Lady Hae looked at Ha-Jin, Sizing her up from head to toe and back again. She then frowned and sat down.

"What happened when you two went out yesterday?"

"Well-" Chae-Ryung looked at Ha-Jin as if to ask for permission to tell their supposed secret. Ha-Jin was as curious as the Lady, she wanted to know how she got here.

"We went to the river to bathe like we always do when Lady Hae-Soo fell on the rocks and bumped her head. She fell in the water, and that's why she was all wet when we came back." Chae-Ryung said so in one breath. She did not pause to look around nor looked nervous when she said it. She spoke matter of factly like this was a well-rehearsed sentence that she had recited several times and had grown bored of the subject. Ha-Jin felt unnerved and was convinced that none of this was true. Chae-Ryung seemed too honest a girl to lie so quickly and easily.

"I don't know why you insist on bathing with commoners, Hae-Soo. You are a lady- your brother in law is a prince for heaven's sake. Please think of the position you put us in as a family when you go on your little adventures." The Lady was as calm as a millpond. Her voice never wavered nor took unnecessary heights to match the emotion that it conveyed in Ha-Jin. Still, Ha-Jin felt as if she was being scolded and bent her head down in mock shame. Chae-Ryung shifted from one leg to the other.

"I think it wise not to mention any of this to your brother in law." She said after a long stretch of silence. "Also, please get dressed; I would loathe for anyone to find you so scantily dressed. I shall see you this evening at dinner." She walked towards Ha-Jin whose head was still bent in shame and squeezed her hand. "Be on time." The Lady said.

As soon as the lady left Ha-jin grabbed Chae-Ryung by the arm.

"Why did you lie?"

"I did not lie, I merely told one-half of the truth and besides you commanded me to not speak of what happened, not even to myself!" Chae-Ryung answered. Her cheeks were as red as a beetroot. She yanked her arm from Ha-jin and stepped away from her scrutiny.

"Well, cancel what I said. I want to know!" Ha-Jin was desperate. She felt sorry that she had to yell at Chae-Ryung. She had only met the girl but felt that they could be friends and that she could trust her. But finding her way home was a too urgent matter to be polite about it.

"Well, you can't just cancel your commands." Chae-Ryung muttered quietly to herself.

"Now!"

"You asked me to accompany you."

"Why?"

"To meet the prince."

They both fell silent, and only their heavy breathing could be heard. Chae-Ryung looked uneasy, but Ha-Jin needed to know how she could get back home.

"Who is the prince? Why would I want to meet him?" Chae-Ryung looked around as if she was going to be caught doing a heinous act and quickly closed the door.

"You went to tell the Prince that you love him but he rejected you and so you jumped in the water and almost drowned."

"What prince?"

"Your brother in law. The 8th prince."

"Me?" Ha-jin asked to no one in particular. She felt sick in the pit of her stomach but mostly pity. Tears welled up from her eyes, and she started crying. How could both herself and Hae-Soo want to end their lives because of men? Because of love? She felt silly, though she knew that she had never felt as desperate to disappear as that moment at the harbor of the lake. How easy would it have been for everyone if she just stopped existing?

Ha-Jin sat at the edge of her bed, her white skirt forming a cocoon around her. She let herself mourn herself and Hae-Soo. She wished she could take it back and go back home.

"Why would I do something so foolish!" Chae-Ryung walked to her side and sat with her. Her eyes a sea of pity and self-loathing; maybe she should not have told Ha-Jin the truth she seemed to think, but it was too late. Nothing could change the fact that one of them was dead and another was far from home.

"I am so stupid Chae-Ryung! I am so stupid!"Ha-Jin could not stop the tears. She was afraid. She was lost and sad, and now she was forced to pretend to be someone who was dead.

"You are right Chae-Ryung. It was wrong of me to tell you to keep this a secret then demand to know what happened. We should never speak of this again." Chae-Ryung quickly nodded and hugged Ha-Jin.

"It's going to be okay. I am going to be with you every step of the way." Chae-Ryung assured her.