Not mine.
My heart's grown cold
There's not much left
Edward strode through the empty park. The sky held no light except for that of the moon. It was glowing faintly from behind some clouds. A rustle in the bushes held his attention for a moment. A small rabbit stepped out of the bushes cautiously. It wriggled its nose in the air, smelling for danger. Ignoring Edward, it walked right in front of him and almost stepped on his shoes. He kept still, observing the creature. The rabbit cocked its head to some unaware danger and bounded away.
Edward almost laughed in bitterness. The animal hadn't even seen him. Well, it's not like I'm alive, he thought with a twisted smile.
But, if it was possible, he was even more dead than he had ever been. She had claimed he had a soul. He hadn't believed her at the time, but Edward now thought it possible, even probable. She had taken it with her when she left. That was the only explanation for how he felt now. He didn't have a heart to give her, or anything else that was alive. She had taken his soul, his very essence, his core. He had given himself to her, and when she went away, it went with her.
I've loved one turn
And I can see my breath
He had loved. More specifically, he had loved her. Once in his life had he ever loved, and he knew it would never come again. He knew he only had the capacity to love one singular being. She was gone, she couldn't return to him now even if she wanted to. He had taken a turn around the wheel, and now his turn was up. But that's what its always been like for us. He suddenly felt very weak. She was his other half. Right now, he was functioning without half of who he was. He wasn't sure how he was still around. It felt right that he should just blow away into dust at the next strong wind. He wished it could be that easy to go. To just disappear.
She walks above the angel's rule
Kicks the snow, feels like winter
He wasn't sure where he'd go after he died. He knew where she was. But, since he was technically already dead, he didn't think he would go anywhere. He would simply…cease to be. Like snuffing out a candle. The flame would be gone.
He didn't have enough strength to end it, though. He didn't care enough. Unlike a normal person, it would take a considerable amount of effort to end his...existence. Edward sat down on a bench. The iron was cold, frozen, but he didn't notice. All he wanted to do was sit. And he did, statuesque, frozen in time.
He thought back to her. She was somewhere, above the angels and other heavenly things that flitted around. She was more than that. She belonged somewhere in the cosmos. Perhaps she was among the stars. He glanced up, seeing only clouds. Of course.
I'd do anything to just be with her
Genevieve
But, what he wouldn't give to be with her right now! The familiar pang of misery hit him again. He was glad Jasper wasn't there. He could never feel anything decently with him around.
Edward had nothing and everything at the same time. Most people would kill to be able to live forever, to have the abilities he did. But it all meant nothing without her. He'd trade it, but it seemed worthless. And he wasn't the type to waste time bargaining with some creator who existed for those who were alive. Any God there was probably didn't waste his time making deals with the undead. It was out of his jurisdiction.
Well, the world won't turn
The world won't turn
The air was still, silent around him. It felt like the Earth had stopped moving completely. He gasped, taking in a huge amount of air so he could feel its motion. But, for all he knew, the world could have ended in any number of disasters. Edward didn't think he'd notice. He hadn't noticed much for the last two hundred years.
The frames won't break
And the letters won't burn
But the world wasn't over. No meteor had come, no drought, no tsunami, no plague from heaven to kill the sinners. That was the thing. Nothing had happened. Nothing would happen. He felt like the rest of creation felt like he did about her. She was such a lovely thing, so enrapturing by her beauty, her scent, her very being. She was gone. Mother Nature simply didn't care enough to produce a natural disaster. God didn't want to punish anyone. They were all suffering already. Everyone was mourning her like he was. They would continue to mourn her until the end of time.
The whole thing seems
Like Einstein's dreams
Sometimes it just seemed bizarre. When they were together, the thought of them being apart seemed too painful and too distant for him to even comprehend. The thought alone would shut him down, back then. He wished he were still that weak.
He never would have thought that she would eventually take advantage of his offer. He had given it to her so many times. She always vehemently refused, getting angry at the thought. But one day…
One day, she wanted to take a walk on a sunny day. She wanted kiss passionately. She wanted to have babies. She wanted to grow old, and eventually die. So she walked away.
She had left him a note, saying all this in not so many words. He went to her house, but it was empty. She had left.
Edward tracked her down. He had tasted her blood. They shared a bond that was deep enough to know where she was. She was settling to a new town in the Northeast. She had a new job, and a new life.
He didn't contact her. He just watched her, day by day. He watched her cry every night for the first few months. He watched her make new friends, slowly. But people were drawn to her more than she would believe. After two years, he watched her go on a date. And a few more. He watched her fall in love with someone else. He watched her get married. He watched her have a baby; a boy, then a girl. He watched her struggle between her job and her family. He watched her take family vacations, to the Grand Canyon, to the beach. He watched her kids graduate, and he watched her retire. And then he watched her die.
It was just bizarre, the way things had turned out.
See the smoke, start to shiver
I'd do anything to just forget her
When she died, she requested to be cremated. It was so typical of her. He heard her worrying about space on the Earth. "There's not enough room for everyone to keep getting buried."
He watched that. It was painful, to say the least. When the smoke first started to rise, he cried. Nothing was impossible when it came to her. He could even cry for her.
The tears were strange, alien things. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. His cheeks were salty, his eyes burned, his insides hurt. It was the worst feeling in his life.
That was the first and last time he had ever cried in his second life. He knew it would never happen again.
The memory was so painful. He became physically sick. A wave of nausea rolled over him, though he knew it was purely mental. It wasn't possible for him to throw up. All the same, it was unpleasant.
He wondered why, a few moments ago, he had wanted to be with her so badly. He wanted nothing more than to be able to stop thinking about her. He wanted nothing more than to forget her.
She's my Genevieve
She's my lazy river
She's my only love
She's my favorite sinner
Genevieve, oh-oh Genevieve
He knew it would be impossible to forget her. Everything reminded him of her. No- everything was her. Every branch, every twig, every leaf. From the tops of mountains to the bottom of the ocean. He had tried to escape her, but she was everywhere.
He was being punished by some power stronger than he. Someone found the delight in his torment. Because his sleepless days and night were nothing less than that.
Sometimes I see her
A cold chill of fever
So easy to believe her
And apart from the metaphysical, he saw her three hundred times a day in the faces of strangers. It began with someone who had her hair. Another who had her eyes. Now it was everyone. If he had a mind, he'd think he was going crazy. He saw everyone, but only saw her. And now, people had her scent. Everyone. He wanted to lunge, to kill them all. They were imposters, but he couldn't tell the difference.
He stood up from the bench, and continued to trudge through the snow. He walked the same slow speed that he did everywhere. He had nowhere to be, no one to go to. The moon continued its faint glow on him. He kept moving.
She's my Genevieve
She's my lazy river
She's my only love
She's my favorite sinner
Genevieve, oh-oh Genevieve
I don't even know where this came from. But the song is absolutely beautiful, heartbreaking. It's called "Genevieve" by Sugarland. I've never really heard anything like it.
Thanks for reading.