Title: Sincere Intentions
Rated: M
Pairing: SS/RL
Warning(s): Slash, of course. Language, some possible OOC
Author's notes: This fic is actually complete. Please bear with me while I thoroughly read through each chapter-this is unbetaed because I haven't found a reliable one. If you are interested, or know someone, please let me know.
Summary: Severus Snape expects many things in life-pain, murder, manipulation. What he does not expect is Remus...
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
The signs were subtle at first. A long glance here, an accidental brush in the corridor there, and no one was the wiser. The days were long and strenuous and everyone's mind was bogged down with thoughts of peril and or survival.
The Order met more routinely, each meeting ending the way it began; with no new information, no plan of action, and no hope. Still, the signs were there, though everyone seemed unaware of them.
Severus Snape was no fool. He had too much experience with stealth and subtlety. At first, he dismissed the actions truly for what they were- accidental. The house was, after all, constantly full of people and it was far too easy to bump into any and everybody. But after the crowds had departed, after the hostile and depressing place that was Grimmauld Place was evacuated by all but a few, it was harder to ignore the truth.
Remus Lupin was up to something. That much was clear. It was entirely Dumbledore's fault, of course. It was he that asked- no, demanded- that Severus occupy Grimmauld Place during the summertime. Some nonsense about safety and convenience.
"After all, we are meeting there so often, it would make perfect sense. Don't you agree, Severus?" His eyes had twinkled.
"No. Forgive me, Albus, but I see no need. I can just as easily apparate there from Hogwarts. I have no desire to dwell in that...place." If he was acting childish, he would never admit it. But he had no wish to set foot in that old house any more than absolutely necessary.
"You will continue to have privacy, Severus. There is even ample room in the cellar for a potions lab. It would be entirely pleasant."
Snape glared at him. "Then why don't you move there."
Dumbledore actually laughed. Snape's eyes narrowed further.
"Come now, Severus. You would be doing me a favor."
Ah, so the truth comes out.
"Really. And that would be?"
"As you know, Harry must go home to his family for a good part of the summer. There is no way around that, and he is the safest he will ever be, there. Two weeks before classes resume, he will be moved to Grimmauld Place." Snape had glowered pointedly at the mention of the Potter brat.
"It will ease my mind immensely if I knew he had someone there to keep an eye on him. Especially in that place. I'm afraid his state of mind is still rather fragile."
"Lupin will be there. Do you not trust the wolf?" he had sneered, frustrated at Albus's ridiculous suggestion.
"Remus will be a great help to Harry. But one man is not enough. If something were to happen...Remus has been trying to infiltrate the werewolf packs approached by Voldemort. If he needed to be elsewhere, Harry would have no protection."
"Oh, spare me! I'm not so foolish as to think that no one from the Order would be willing to baby-sit Potter for a day or two. I am entirely unqualified and I have more important things to do and worry about this summer! Good day, Albus!" He had slammed the door on his way out.
Two weeks later, he stood outside of Grimmauld Place, a shrunken trunk by his side, and a withered expression on his face. He knocked, for the first and last time. If he was going to be living here, there was absolutely no way he would knock for admittance each time.
The door opened and a shabby, but cheerful looking werewolf appeared.
"Hello, Severus. Albus told me to expect you today. Come in." He stood aside.
Snape said nothing as he levitated his trunk into the house, setting it gently down on the worn hardwoods. He turned in a swirl of robes, facing Remus.
"I presume I may pick whatever room I wish?" He took in Remus's tattered appearance- long loose trousers, a button down shirt and a large wool vest- and sneered in obvious disdain.
"Yes, certainly. There are bedrooms on the second floor as well as the attic. The children usually inhabit those." He laughed slightly at that and Snape's sneer increased.
"Very well. I assume that pathetic house elf is still around?"
"Kreacher? Yes, though I doubt much help would come from him." He chuckled slightly and Snape just levitated his trunk once more, and walked past the other man, up the large and creaking staircase.
Choosing a large bedroom on the second floor, he began the long task of unpacking his trunk, glowering as he worked. He detested being here. He detested relying on someone else's hospitality and he certainly detested Lupin. After he had finished, he was famished.
Deciding against calling the elf, he went downstairs, only to find Remus already in the kitchen.
"What is for dinner?" he asked, perturbed.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Severus. I did prepare something. Do you like pork? I made roasted potatoes as well." Snape visibly grimaced.
"Swine is of the filthiest and most pathetic variety of meat. I will not put that in my mouth under any circumstances."
Lupin merely stared, then shrugged. "Potatoes then?"
Snape had stormed out of the house.
***
Two weeks later, Snape thundered into the library, where Remus sat reading, and thrust a small goblet in his face.
Remus took it, thanking him pleasantly.
"Listen to me, Lupin. I am aware of the fact that you live here, and theoretically speaking, this is your home. However, if I even see a glimpse of your fur within the next twenty-four hours, you will be very sorry that I came to live here. Do I make myself clear?" His voice brooked no arguments and Lupin nodded in understanding.
That night, Severus heard the locks and wards go up on the wolf's room. No sound was heard from the room that night, but Severus didn't sleep a wink.
Dumbledore annoyingly paid them a visit the morning after. Severus was already in the kitchen, drinking his coffee when the headmaster entered, wearing his most glaring and ridiculous of robes. The vomit of color was entirely too cheerful for the residence, Snape thought.
"Good morning, Severus! I trust everything is going well?"
"Albus, you asked me this two days ago, surely you have more important matters to deal with then spending time here."
"Ah, but my boys are important to me." He turned as Remus walked into the room, looking tired, but with that perpetual cheerfulness in tact.
"Good morning, Albus, Severus."
"How are you, my dear boy?" asked Dumbledore sincerely.
"Same old, Albus. Though, I sensed something different with the Wolfsbane." His eyes glanced over to Severus who was pointedly ignoring the both of them.
It was Dumbledore that broke the silence as he stared from one face to another. "Remus, I believe Severus had mentioned to me experimenting with a more potent version of the Wolfsbane. I trust everything went well?"
Remus looked sheepish as he ran a hand through his silver specked hair.
"Actually, it went very well. I do feel less tired than usual. Perhaps it's a coincidence though. Severus?"
Severus continued to sip from his cup, reading the Daily Prophet. Without looking up, he said, "Lupin, if you cannot sense the difference in your own body, then how am I supposed to?" His voice was perfectly disdainful, but Remus smiled nonetheless.
"Forgive me, Severus. I didn't mean to doubt your brewing skills. Yes, I suppose I feel differently. Better."
"Well!" exclaimed Dumbledore a little too loudly. "That is great news indeed. I'm so glad to hear you are both doing so well. I just wanted to tell you I will be calling a meeting tomorrow night. Around six, just in time for dinner. Molly will be cooking, of course."
He left soon after, and Severus had gone to his lab. It was the only place he didn't feel so suffocated. The house had four floors, including the cellar, about twenty rooms, and yet Severus couldn't help but feel trapped. And Remus milling about wasn't helping matters. He didn't trust the wolf.
He picked up a plate full of toad's eyes, and immediately dropped it with a hiss. Ignoring the spoiled eyes, he jumped over the mess and ran up the narrow cellar steps, through the kitchen, and then leapt three steps at a time to his own bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
His forearm was burning and he needed to find his robes. He tore into his closet, locating a small box hidden in the very back. He pulled it out, stifling a moan of pain. He carefully took the robe and mask out of the box, as well as two tiny potion vials. Pain potion. He never left for a meeting without them. Cursing the timing, he donned his robe and grabbed the mask, running out of the room.
"Lupin!" The house was too large to physically search for him. At the moment, he didn't care how crazed he sounded. He needed to leave.
A concerned-looking Remus exited the parlor, eyes dawning in immediate realization as he took in Snape's appearance. Snape walked up to Remus, barely refraining from grimacing from the intense pain.
"I have to go. Alert Dumbledore." He said no more as turned in a whirl of black robes, donning his mask and storming outdoors. He never saw the worried expression Remus wore throughout the evening.
***
He returned very late. It was well past three in the morning. Time held no significance for Severus though. The pain was all he felt. He couldn't remember how he was able to apparate, but apparently, he did so and without splinching anything. He had stumbled through the front door, closing it behind him. He leaned against the doorframe, hand still on the knob, taking deep calming breaths.
A light went on in the nearby library and Severus cursed his rotten luck.
Remus came out, completely dressed as if he had never gone to bed. Immediately, he approached Severus.
"My god. Are you all right?" Severus instantly sneered at his concern. He stormed by Remus, walking stiffly to the library. Lupin followed steps behind.
Severus took the floo powder that was near the fireplace and called out for Dumbledore.
"Severus, thank goodness you...Severus!" A pause and then: "You need medical attention."
"Nonsense, I am perfectly fine. I only called to alert you of my return. If you don't mind, I will save my brief for the meeting tomorrow. Trust me, there is nothing lucrative to report," he finished disdainfully.
"Of course, of course, but Severus, I really think I should send Poppy to you-"
"No. I can manage on my own. She will just fill me with potions that I created, which I have here as well. No, thank you. Goodnight Albus." He shut off the floo, and then remembered Remus was still in the room.
His glare may not have been at one hundred percent, but Remus took a step backwards. It however, did not deter him.
"Severus, how long were you under cruciatus? You look inches from death."
"Lupin, when I have need of your opinion, I assure you, I would still never ask it. Your concern is unappreciated. Go. Away." Snape remained on his knees on the floor and Remus hovered where he was.
"Lupin, what part of-" But Remus had already walked over and grabbed Severus's arm, eliciting a slight moan of pain. He pulled Severus to his feet with deceptively affective strength. Severus just glared wide-eyed.
"Release my arm, wolf." His voice was cold and low and Remus slowly acquiesced. He looked at Snape for a moment before shaking his head and stalking out of the room. Severus stared at his retreating form, until he heard the distinctive sound of footsteps up the stairs.
He released a shaky breath, cringing as the pain rippled through his body. Damn it all. He truthfully couldn't remember how many times Voldemort had performed his most favorite curse on him. Only that he had finally screamed at number six. It may have been a record. The pain would remain for at least a couple more days. He needed to get to his lab in the cellar to acquire more pain potion. At the moment though, he could barely breathe let alone walk.
He collapsed in the nearest chair and immediately blacked out.
When he awoke, Remus was sitting practically next to him, intently watching him. Snape flinched from the close proximity and his body spasmed, remembering the prior night. He clenched his jaw, refusing to make a sound in front of Lupin.
"Severus, you are the most stubborn man I've ever known." He stood and held out a familiar looking vial in his hands.
Snape glared first at the bottle, then at Remus. "Did you go into my lab, Lupin? I thought I made it clear that under no circumstances were you, or anyone allowed to go there."
Remus actually rolled his eyes at him. "I know you couldn't do it yourself last night, Severus. And I can see by the look on your face that today is no better. Now, please drink this and just shut up for once.
Severus glared but grabbed the vial. Remus did not stay though; he barged out a second later. Severus uncorked the vial and downed it in an instant, grimacing at the awful taste. He did feel better though, the pain numbing slightly after a few moments.
He attempted to stand but he felt inexplicably tired all of a sudden, collapsing back on the soft cushions. The last coherent thought he had was that he was going to kill Lupin for slipping a sleeping potion into his vial.
***
He felt a slight tugging on his conscience, an annoying, unpleasant motion, like being jostled. And he was. He cracked an eye open only to see Remus standing over him, shaking him gently by the shoulder.
"Severus. Severus, wake up. The Order will be here in an hour."
Order. Meeting. Oh! Wide-eyed and fully awake, he threw a glare at Remus as he attempted to stand. He batted away Remus's offered hand and proudly got on his own two feet without any assistance. He straightened out his robe, only to realize it was his Death Eater robe.
"Where is my-"
"I placed it on your bed. You must have dropped it coming in last night."
A relived sigh escaped Snape's lips before he remembered that Remus tricked him last night. He threw a venomous look at Remus.
"If you ever give me a sleeping potion again against my will, I will personally put something into your Wolfsbane next month. And I assure you, it will not be pleasant."
"Come, Severus. You could barely move. You know as well as I do that you needed that rest."
"What I don't need is a nurse maid. There is already an annoying woman who works at Hogwarts. She is nuisance enough. Stop interfering with my activities." He walked past Remus.
"...As useless as Black..." he murmured, storming out the room. He had made it upstairs, albeit a little slowly, and to his rooms, before succumbing to weakness. His breathing was ragged and his legs felt weak.
He slowly inched his way over to the bed, noticing the porcelain disfigured mask lying on top of the coverlet. He frowned and stuffed it under his pillow. He had no energy to properly put it away. He unhooked his death eater robes and stuffed them under as well. He had no time to shower or clean up and had no stamina to do so anyway.
He stayed, attempting to relax on his bed, until he heard the tell-tale signs of life in the house. Doors opening and closing. The smell of delicious food. His stomach churched. He was starved, but didn't think he could handle putting anything into his stomach.
He sighed and stood. He attempted to make himself presentable, smoothing out his clothing and hair. He left his room and made the long trek down the stairs.
He heard voices from the parlor and library, but he ignored them and went straight to the dining room. The enormous rectangular table was empty so he happily took a seat towards the end of the table. His entire body ached and he would have loved nothing better than to rest his head on the table. Unfortunately, people were starting to enter, and he had no choice but to sit rod-straight and to remain completely impassive.
Hardly anyone spoke to him during the meetings, and that was fine by him. He usually left as soon as it was adjourned, almost everyone staying for dinner, but him. Now, living here, he had no choice but to put up with everyone.
People filed in, some nodding in his direction, a few completely ignoring him. Molly and Author bustled in, looking slightly harassed.
"Oh, hello Severus. Didn't see you there. How are you?"
"Fine. And you, Arthur?" He hated these pleasantries. It was entirely nauseating to be in a room full of people who had nothing but contempt for him. He supposed he could stand Arthur.
"Oh, you know how it is, Severus," he said almost sadly. Severus just nodded, not saying anything.
"Hullo, Professor!" Snape mentally cringed. Tonks, the walking disaster had acknowledged him, quite loudly. Almost every eye was on him.
"Miss Tonks," he curtly replied. She smiled, oblivious, and sat two seats away from him. Dumbledore finally entered, smiling and greeting absolutely everybody. Predictably, he sat at the head of the table, not far from Severus.
"Is everyone assembled?"
"Sorry! I'm here, sorry." Remus trailed in, looking slightly out of breath. Snape would have ignored him, except for the fact that the seat to his right was the only available seat. Remus nudged his way through the crowd and plopped down next to Snape.
"Hi, Remus." Tonks predictably engaged Lupin in small talk. Snape rolled his eyes at her pathetic and obvious display to lure Remus in.
Finally, Dumbledore began to speak. "Thank you all for coming. I have a few matters to discuss, but first, Severus has something to say."
Predictably, all eyes turned towards the black-clad wizard, sitting with his arms crossed at his chest. He didn't bother to stand. He didn't think he'd be able to.
"I was summoned last night." The room was deathly quiet. "I assure you, I have nothing new to divulge, except the obvious displeasure of the Dark Lord. He is especially unhappy with the fact that Potter has slipped from his grasp once more. The Death Eaters took the brunt of the displeasure.
I assure you, his numbers are rapidly increasing. More and more fools are lining at his gates, practically begging for admittance. His army is larger and more psychotic than ours. They will stoop to whatever level they need to in order to achieve their goal." He stopped speaking. His head was killing him and he would have loved nothing more than to go upstairs to bed.
"That's it, eh? That's all you found out from your little meeting, Snape? Hmph, that isn't much of any help to any of us here!" Snape turned a level glare to Moody, the annoying and perpetual thorn in Snape's side. At least when he's out of the school.
"I cannot give you what the Dark Lord does not wish to divulge. I assure you, even Malfoy is not privy to more than I."
Moody glared at Snape with his misshapen head. "There's something fishy Dumbledore! No news, for weeks, and now this! What use is this information to us?"
"Alastor," Dumbledore chided gently. "Severus is invaluable to the Order. Remember, he is our only link to Voldemort and his dealings. Severus is right. We cannot tear the information from him. When he is ready and has a plan, he will certainly include his most inner circle with the information. Then we shall know all."
"By then, it'll be too late! What good is Snape then! He'll have no choice but to obey or be killed." Snape thought he didn't sound entirely worried about that.
"Albus is right," chimed in Arthur. Everyone is doing all they can. We can't do anymore if we tried. Thank you for the information, Severus."
Snape just nodded, completely bored with the conversation. He leaned forward in his chair and folded his hands in front of him on the table- and almost ended up copying Remus's exact position. He quickly removed his hands from the table, placing them in his lap instead.
Dumbledore had started discussing something else, but Snape was oblivious. He stared down at the table, unblinking. Finally, people started to rise. Realizing the meeting was over, he purposely waited until almost everyone had left the room. Only Dumbledore, Arthur, Remus and Tonks remained.
Snape braced his hands on the edge of the table and used every last bit of strength to stand up.
"Severus," whispered Dumbledore. "Are you alright?"
"Perfectly," Snape ground out.
Unfortunately, Remus and his unnatural hearing had to butt in. "Albus, the man is more stubborn than a mule."
"Remus, you are entirely out of line. I thought I warned you last night to stay out of my affairs!" His voice was low but harsh and he couldn't help but be pleased at Remus's abashed expression.
"Severus, take my arm." Snape looked at Dumbledore, frowning.
"What for?"
Dumbledore gave him a look worthy of Voldemort. Snape grudgingly grabbed his arm and before he knew it, they were both standing in Snape's bedroom.
The sudden apparation made Snape dizzy, but Dumbledore was immediately at his side, easing him to the bed.
"Rest now, Severus. I'm sure no one would miss you at dinner." He departed right after and Severus was left wondering about Dumbledore's frosty attitude.