Author's Notes: I've found Angela's actions over the past few seasons somewhat out of character. This is me responding to that. This ended up taking a lot of elements (and its title) from KT Tunstall's "Other Side of the World," which I didn't plan on at first but really like now. It's not an exact reiteration; the song is more about a long distance relationship, but I borrowed some lyrics. Also, I think the song's telling of drifting away from a partner can be applied to Angela's drifting away from her past values and relationships. Methinks listening to "Other Side of the World" while reading this will enhance the experience. It's on YouTube. Please be aware of the spoilers for "Fun Run," "Money" and "Goodbye Toby."
Disclaimer: None of this stuff is mine, but we both already knew that.
Over the Sea and Far Away
Angela would never admit this to the cameras, but she feels as if she's drifting away from the church. She reflects on this as she drives home from Dunder Mifflin one evening. Her attendance at Sunday mass has dwindled, and she doesn't say a rosary daily anymore. She tries to recall the last time she went to confession. Maybe it was after a particularly bad fight with Dwight a few years ago. She'd said things she didn't mean. Or maybe it was after…and that's when she realizes. She honestly cannot remember the last time she's been to confession.
Well. Perhaps it's fine. She's a pretty decent human being. She probably doesn't have much to be sorry for, anyway.
She tries to put the whole matter out of her mind. She tries to make the fire of the issue fade away. She reaches her apartment and begins to feed her cats. They each require a distinct diet. Theodora is older and enjoys wet food. She always adds a supplement to help with her digestion. Ezekiel isn't a finicky eater; she usually feeds him kibble. Her kitten Bandit loves tuna, and she sometimes gives it to him as a special treat.
She pets her cats affectionately. Then she glances over into the living room and sees the bible on the center of the table, and it all comes rushing back to her.
She used to be such a good Christian. She went to mass, read the bible, and tried will all of her might to avoid anything sinful. Pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth – these were once so foreign to her. Her actions were once filled with chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility. She used to be virtuous rather than sinful, but those virtues that once guided her life are the other side of the world to her now.
She reflects on her actions as of late. The break-up with Dwight (which wasn't really sinful in itself. He was the one who had euthanized her beloved Sprinkles). Dating and being engaged to Andy (she messed up there, she has to admit. She's made a mockery of the beloved sacrament of marriage). Cheating on Andy with Dwight (she went wrong there, too. Very wrong.)
She's so ashamed of her actions.
She's become a fallen woman. Good grief, she's practically no better than Eve, who tempted Adam with the forbidden fruit. Or Jezebel, the wickedest of the wicked. Angela shudders. She used to look down on them; now she's become one of them. She has become the serpent, only to realize that the only person she's made fall from grace is herself.
Who is she, and what has she become? She's so far from herself. This isn't her. None of it is – drifting away from the church, dating Andy, clandestinely seeing Dwight rather than having a true, honest relationship with him. None of that is truly Angela Martin.
What happened to who she was? What happened to the real Angela Martin? It was as if she was over the sea and far, far away.
Angela feels so cold inside. She's lost herself. Most days recently have been filled with tired excuses for her behavior – excuses that if she had really been paying attention to herself, she never would have accepted. Where are the high standards that she once held herself to so vigilantly?
She's tried not to think about what she's been doing; she's tried to make the fire of these thoughts fade away, but everything is clear to her now. What she had been doing, ignoring this and putting it out of her mind, that was an enormous mistake. She needs that fire; that fire is her. That fire is being an honest human being. It's being a good Christian. It's loving Dwight. That fire, it's what drives her. It's what defines her. It's what makes her strive to be better. And she needs it in her life.
The time has come to move along. She needs to stop this. She knows the honest thing to do is choose Andy or Dwight and not secretly have both of them. That's wrong, she knows. She's sinned, but she's going to correct it.
She wishes it were simple. If she's truly going to own up to her behavior and really change, it would not be easy. She's going to have to make several apologies, and she's never been good at that. She hates admitting that she's been wrong (she rarely is, but during the rare occasions that it happens, admitting it is so hard for her). She'll have to do it this time, though. She misses her old self. Her true self is over the sea, far away, and Angela doesn't like that.
Maybe someday, she and the real Angela could be the same person again. She's close enough to see that the real Angela is the other side of the world to her. They're not one in the same. Her soul has been buried from grace, but she will find it. She'll go over the sea if she has to, but she will find herself.
So, that's what you get when you have a slightly disappointed fangirl who has a music obsession and twelve years of Catholic education. Hope you liked it. I wanted to share a thought I had: I don't consider Angela to be a completely reliable narrator. She says she used to be virtuous and a staunch avoider of the seven deadly sins, but I think she's always had a lot of pride.
Anyway, I think reviewing would fall under the heavenly virtue of kindness. Yes? =)