Disclaimer: They aren't mine -trust me- not even close. So please don't sue. They lyrics also do not belong to me, but the amazing Ms. Taylor Swift -though I did buy copies of her two CDs.
A/N 1: This is a post-ep/missing scene/song fic for "Turn, Turn, Turn" in which Taylor appeared as Hayley Jones. And in my mind, what may or may not have happend after the credits rolled. The song is "Tied Together With A Smile" off her first album. Though on that note, I love the remix she did of "You're Not Sorry" for the episode!
Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror, looking back at you
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you
CSICSICSICSICSI
His footsteps seemed to echo, something he found odd, given he could never remember that happening before. But then again Nick reasoned, this was no ordinary trip to the autopsy suite. He paused outside the double doors, inhaling deeply; trying to strengthen his composure. Pushing the doors open he walked inside, a slight chill coming over him.
'Has it always been this cold in here?' Nick wondered silently, his body moving almost robotically over to the wall of drawers.
Quickly, his dark brown eyes scanned the ID cards -finding the one he was searching for near the end. Pausing once again, he opened the drawer and pulled it out. He took in her prone, pale form; the dark black hair a stark contrast to her once creamy complexion. Without the heavy eyeliner and makeup -not that she'd worn a lot- she looked more like the carefree girl he'd met a year ago. Carefully, almost lovingly, Nick placed a hand against her hair line; gently wiping a lock of streaked hair off her eyes.
"I'm sorry . . . I'm sorry I didn't figure it out quick enough." He sighed shakily, feeling a lump forming in his throat and pushed it down. "But you did, didn't you? You knew the truth."
'She had to; why else would she have dyed her hair to match Tanya's?' He mused.
"She's going away Hayley . . . she's going away."
CSICSICSICSICSI
Chorus:
Hold on, baby you're loosing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go . . . and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone
CSICSICSICSICSI
Moonlight drifted through the blinds of his darkened apartment; the tears spilling silently from his eyes. It was rare that Nick allowed himself to cry, he'd been taught from an early age not too, that when things got tough he should just grin and bear it. For once though, was just too tired to care. His emotions were running high, everything over the past year catching up to him . . . Sara's resignation, Warrick's death, Grissom's retirement and of course the most recent –Hayley's death. Before he knew it, he'd drifted off into a fitful sleep on his couch . . . his subconscious going back to the hotel.
CSICSICSICSICSI
I guess it's true that love was all you wanted
Cause you're giving it away like its extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
Oh, cause it's not his price to pay
It's not his price to pay . . .
(Repeat Chorus)
CSICSICSICSICSI
The sun was shining, the hotel oddly quiet, almost peaceful. Nick looked around, the parking lot was empty and he went for his piece; only to find it not there. It was then he realized he was dressed casually –as if he was off duty. "What the hell is going on?" he muttered.
"It's your dream, you tell me."
Nick spun quickly on his heel, his gaze locking with familiar set of blue. Walking out of the manager's office was Hayley . . . her hair was longer, just past her shoulders, once again a light brown; she wore a white sundress and sandals. "Hayley? How . . . you're . . . I saw you." He muttered, watching as she continued to approach him.
Hayley smiled, "Nick, I already told you –you're dreaming. I'm just here to . . . help you sort through it." She extended her hand to him, cocking her head in a 'follow me' gesture. "C'mon," she offered. Nick hesitated a moment, glancing briefly into her eyes and then did as she asked; taking her smaller hand in his. They ended up sitting on the planter in front of the main office, a gentle breeze blowing Hayley's hair back off her face. "You're not responsible for what happened you know," she shrugged her shoulders softly. "Like she told you . . . she never wanted me."
"That doesn't mean you deserved to die." Nick countered quickly, "What happened to Melissa was an accident, Tanya never meant to kill her, what your mother did . . ." Hayley cut him off.
"Was too." Hayley sighed, the pair watching as the sky darkened, the sun disappearing behind dark clouds, a heavy rain beginning to fall; though they were kept dry by the awning overhead. "When she came after me that night, no matter what you may be thinking, her goal really was to scare me . . . to keep me from becoming my 'real mother.'" Hayley paused, her gaze meeting Nick's. "But in that moment, she didn't see me -she saw the messed up girl who'd killed her baby. Not that it excuses what she did; when she snapped out it she panicked . . . I was the only daughter she'd ever known." The teen smiled weakly, sadly. "My whole life I never felt like I fit in, that I was missing something or supposed to be someone else. You were right, when you told me to forget about all that stuff, the person they were criticizing . . . never was me. It was who she wanted me to be. I think the only who ever got me was you -you cared enough to look past the mask."
Nick sighed, digesting her words before speaking. "I don't know what to say, you're right I did see something in you, I just didn't know what to do to help; that's why I kept taking the calls at the hotel." He met her eyes again, an arm going around her shoulders and pulling her into a gentle hug. "I didn't want anything to happen to you." Hayley turned, wrapping her arms around him; burying her face against his neck.
"I know," she whispered, blinking back tears. "And that's why I'm here now, you were there for me, more than anyone else in my life –right till the end." Her nails scraped lightly against the back of his neck, her next words no louder than a whisper. "But I can't let you follow me . . . not this time."
"What do you mean?" Nick asked, though both knew the truth. He watched her pull back, his hand lifting her face to meet his and wiping the brown hair from her eyes. She smiled weakly, a lone tear trailing down her cheek.
"You're there for everyone in your life Nick, even perfect strangers." Hayley swallowed the lump in her throat, continuing. "But when it comes to yourself, you block it out, hiding behind a smile and well intended words of assurance . . . so no one will look deeper." She reached up, wiping a tear away that had fell from his dark brown eyes. "But it's not working anymore . . . being tied together with a smile; you're coming undone." He shook his head, not wanting to believe her, but knowing she was right. "You have to learn to let us go, that it's not your fault . . . or you'll end up here too."
He looked into her blue eyes, betting his own were sparkling with tears. "How?" he asked softly.
"By letting people in," she answered simply. Nick remained quiet, his grip on her tightening as Hayley hugged him again. "Go to my funeral, say your goodbyes, help my Dad see the truth . . . then start living your life." She paused, smiling softly against his neck. "You'll see us again one day –I promise."
CSICSICSICSICSI
You're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone . . .oh
Goodbye, baby (Goodbye, baby)
With a smile baby, baby
CSICSICSICSICSI
The setting sun cast an angelic glow, the rest of the mourners, including Hayley's father had left long ago. Alone, Nick stood before her freshly covered grave, a yellow rose still in his hand; which he only then placed on the ground. The dream he'd had only a few days prior still fresh in his memory. Nick blinked, a lone tear sliding from his eye as he read the headstone:
Hayley Marie Jones
1992-2009
Beloved Daughter & Friend
"I helped your dad . . . so just make sure to keep up your end of the bargain." He smiled through his tears, "I know you'll be looking out for me, bye Hayley."
Fin.
A/N 2: There ya have it -hope ya'll enjoyed it! If so, hit the review button :)
