True Love:
(Okay not exactly true but for a minute it felt like it...)
Author's note: This is my first real attempt at a Hogwarts comedy, and I think I did all right. Opinions are very much welcome. (I.e., how did I do for my first comedy???)
She stared at him emphatically; 'Ahh,' she thought, her eyes glazing slightly, 'such an intelligent, perfect man there was never seen before at Hogwarts...' Her best friend Veronica nudged her, "What're you staring at?" she asked, stirring her cauldron quietly and trying not to attract Snape's attention. "Oh...nothing," said Crysta; 'If you call perfection nothing,' she added silently with satisfaction. She was so glazed over with happy love that she didn't realize her object of affection had spotted her staring at him. "What, pray tell, is so fascinating that you have to stare at me all hour?" said Professor Snape, looking at her angrily. "Er...nothing, sorry Professor..." she said, turning back to their cauldron.
Veronica picked up on what was going through Crysta's head and glared at her disapprovingly, mostly because she'd already had Snape on her mind for two weeks now. "You were staring at him because you like him, weren't you?" hissed Veronica over their cauldron. "So what if I do?" whispered back Crysta. "So what? I liked him first! He's mine!" snarled Veronica quietly. "Oh really? I don't think so considering you look more like a hag!" snapped Crysta. "Oh. Fine," said Veronica, "then how about this? Whoever doesn't get him has to scrub the winner's bathroom floor for a week!" "Fine by me because I'll win," said Crysta, "he's going to be mine!"
Snape, in the meantime, was completely unaware of this conversation and only noticed that the two of them were more engrossed in their conversation than their cauldron stirring. "Would Miss Harper and Miss Ballantine kindly pay more attention to their cauldrons and less to themselves!" he snapped irritably, "Or perhaps you feel like sharing your conversation with the class?" "Er, no sir," said Veronica, stirring vigorously. Snape only rolled his eyes; she was stirring it too fast and it would surely be a dud within five minutes.
* * *
Crysta looked over her poem one last time; it was perfect! All she had to do was leave it in class and surely Snape would find it.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
There's no denying,
That I love you,
From your dark eyes,
To your black hair,
And your pale skin,
So white and fair,
There's so much more to admire there,
From your sharp wit,
To your mysterious soul and perfect shape,
I love you so much,
Heart-stopping Professor Snape
She giggled with glee as she hid the poem in her Potions book, then went down to breakfast to see Veronica sitting there, looking very glum indeed. "Something the matter? Afraid of losing?" asked Crysta emphatically. Veronica simply gave her a look of loathing, "Bugger off." Crysta laughed again, "Suit yourself!" She bolted down her breakfast and went to her first class, wishing it would move faster so she could get to her last class; Potions.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Potions was next. Crysta wanted to laugh and shout with happiness as the end of the hour approached, and then she began formulating her plan. 'I'll leave it here on the table and run out of the class; then he'll pick it up and read it and he'll never know who it's from! Hee hee!'
The class began putting away their things and Crysta waited and waited for the bell to ring. Finally it came and she dropped her poem on her desk "accidentally" and sprinted out of the room, waiting around the corner. Veronica, however, noticed what Crysta had left behind and read it over; 'Outdo me will you? Well we'll see about that!' she thought as she picked it up and headed toward Snape's desk.
Crysta was waiting outside the door, hoping to hear something from Snape, but then she heard Veronica's voice and her blood turned to ice. "Sir, I think Crysta left this behind in class. Normally I'd go give it to her but I don't know when I'll see her next." Veronica suddenly came out of the room and noticed Crysta, standing there in shock. "Oh, there you are," said Veronica flatly, "better go in there and try to get your poem back before he reads it and realizes it's you." Crysta didn't know what to do; on the one hand, she could run in there and try to get it back, but if he was already reading it and she ran in there...oh she'd die of embarrassment! 'But maybe he likes me too!' she thought gleefully, 'Maybe this is the opportunity he's been waiting for to sweep me into his arms!' She ran into the class brainlessly to see Snape standing there at his desk, the poem clutched in his hand and the word "SHOCK!" written across his face. Her heart dropped into her stomach as he turned to look at her.
After a moment he seemed to regain movement of his jaw and he put down the poem, "Miss Harper," he said slowly. "Y-Y-Yes?" she said in a tiny voice, not sure what to expect, although she had a bad feeling that whatever it was, wasn't good. "I'm glad you gave me this poem," he said finally. "Really?" she said slowly. "Yes," he said, walking around the desk to face her, "because I like to be made aware of my students true...erm...feelings." "Oh," she said, hoping this was a good thing. "And especially because it's you," he added. "Um...why would you say that?" she asked.
Suddenly he was holding her firmly against him, preventing her from moving, "Oh Crysta!" he cried, "I've been waiting for this day my whole life! I've been in love with you since the moment you walked into this school!" "W-What?!" she said, trying to put some space between her and this madman. "I'm in love with you and I always have been!" he shouted, "Marry me and make me the happiest man on Earth!" In a split second she had her decision made; this wasn't what she had dreamed of. "LET GO OF ME!" she shouted, "LET ME GO! EW! GROSS!" She squirmed angrily and he finally let her go and she ran screaming from the classroom, her "true love" completely forgotten.
For at least ten minutes, Snape was left to laugh himself silly.
* * *
Dumbledore knocked on the door, "Come in," said Snape, a highly unusual grin on his face. "What can be so amusing to you Severus?" asked Dumbledore. He shrugged, "Nothing." "Mmm, well, I've just been on my way down here when Miss Harper was seen running and screaming all the way to her dormitory. Any idea why?" Snape smiled mischievously, "I have no idea."
~The End~
(Okay not exactly true but for a minute it felt like it...)
Author's note: This is my first real attempt at a Hogwarts comedy, and I think I did all right. Opinions are very much welcome. (I.e., how did I do for my first comedy???)
She stared at him emphatically; 'Ahh,' she thought, her eyes glazing slightly, 'such an intelligent, perfect man there was never seen before at Hogwarts...' Her best friend Veronica nudged her, "What're you staring at?" she asked, stirring her cauldron quietly and trying not to attract Snape's attention. "Oh...nothing," said Crysta; 'If you call perfection nothing,' she added silently with satisfaction. She was so glazed over with happy love that she didn't realize her object of affection had spotted her staring at him. "What, pray tell, is so fascinating that you have to stare at me all hour?" said Professor Snape, looking at her angrily. "Er...nothing, sorry Professor..." she said, turning back to their cauldron.
Veronica picked up on what was going through Crysta's head and glared at her disapprovingly, mostly because she'd already had Snape on her mind for two weeks now. "You were staring at him because you like him, weren't you?" hissed Veronica over their cauldron. "So what if I do?" whispered back Crysta. "So what? I liked him first! He's mine!" snarled Veronica quietly. "Oh really? I don't think so considering you look more like a hag!" snapped Crysta. "Oh. Fine," said Veronica, "then how about this? Whoever doesn't get him has to scrub the winner's bathroom floor for a week!" "Fine by me because I'll win," said Crysta, "he's going to be mine!"
Snape, in the meantime, was completely unaware of this conversation and only noticed that the two of them were more engrossed in their conversation than their cauldron stirring. "Would Miss Harper and Miss Ballantine kindly pay more attention to their cauldrons and less to themselves!" he snapped irritably, "Or perhaps you feel like sharing your conversation with the class?" "Er, no sir," said Veronica, stirring vigorously. Snape only rolled his eyes; she was stirring it too fast and it would surely be a dud within five minutes.
* * *
Crysta looked over her poem one last time; it was perfect! All she had to do was leave it in class and surely Snape would find it.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
There's no denying,
That I love you,
From your dark eyes,
To your black hair,
And your pale skin,
So white and fair,
There's so much more to admire there,
From your sharp wit,
To your mysterious soul and perfect shape,
I love you so much,
Heart-stopping Professor Snape
She giggled with glee as she hid the poem in her Potions book, then went down to breakfast to see Veronica sitting there, looking very glum indeed. "Something the matter? Afraid of losing?" asked Crysta emphatically. Veronica simply gave her a look of loathing, "Bugger off." Crysta laughed again, "Suit yourself!" She bolted down her breakfast and went to her first class, wishing it would move faster so she could get to her last class; Potions.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Potions was next. Crysta wanted to laugh and shout with happiness as the end of the hour approached, and then she began formulating her plan. 'I'll leave it here on the table and run out of the class; then he'll pick it up and read it and he'll never know who it's from! Hee hee!'
The class began putting away their things and Crysta waited and waited for the bell to ring. Finally it came and she dropped her poem on her desk "accidentally" and sprinted out of the room, waiting around the corner. Veronica, however, noticed what Crysta had left behind and read it over; 'Outdo me will you? Well we'll see about that!' she thought as she picked it up and headed toward Snape's desk.
Crysta was waiting outside the door, hoping to hear something from Snape, but then she heard Veronica's voice and her blood turned to ice. "Sir, I think Crysta left this behind in class. Normally I'd go give it to her but I don't know when I'll see her next." Veronica suddenly came out of the room and noticed Crysta, standing there in shock. "Oh, there you are," said Veronica flatly, "better go in there and try to get your poem back before he reads it and realizes it's you." Crysta didn't know what to do; on the one hand, she could run in there and try to get it back, but if he was already reading it and she ran in there...oh she'd die of embarrassment! 'But maybe he likes me too!' she thought gleefully, 'Maybe this is the opportunity he's been waiting for to sweep me into his arms!' She ran into the class brainlessly to see Snape standing there at his desk, the poem clutched in his hand and the word "SHOCK!" written across his face. Her heart dropped into her stomach as he turned to look at her.
After a moment he seemed to regain movement of his jaw and he put down the poem, "Miss Harper," he said slowly. "Y-Y-Yes?" she said in a tiny voice, not sure what to expect, although she had a bad feeling that whatever it was, wasn't good. "I'm glad you gave me this poem," he said finally. "Really?" she said slowly. "Yes," he said, walking around the desk to face her, "because I like to be made aware of my students true...erm...feelings." "Oh," she said, hoping this was a good thing. "And especially because it's you," he added. "Um...why would you say that?" she asked.
Suddenly he was holding her firmly against him, preventing her from moving, "Oh Crysta!" he cried, "I've been waiting for this day my whole life! I've been in love with you since the moment you walked into this school!" "W-What?!" she said, trying to put some space between her and this madman. "I'm in love with you and I always have been!" he shouted, "Marry me and make me the happiest man on Earth!" In a split second she had her decision made; this wasn't what she had dreamed of. "LET GO OF ME!" she shouted, "LET ME GO! EW! GROSS!" She squirmed angrily and he finally let her go and she ran screaming from the classroom, her "true love" completely forgotten.
For at least ten minutes, Snape was left to laugh himself silly.
* * *
Dumbledore knocked on the door, "Come in," said Snape, a highly unusual grin on his face. "What can be so amusing to you Severus?" asked Dumbledore. He shrugged, "Nothing." "Mmm, well, I've just been on my way down here when Miss Harper was seen running and screaming all the way to her dormitory. Any idea why?" Snape smiled mischievously, "I have no idea."
~The End~