Listening to: Give Me Love – Ed Sheeran. I Should Go – Levi Kreis.

I reach across, to feel you breathing.

Because I just need to know. After today, I just need to know. After that sharp wound to your side, and that fall from grace, I just need to know.

You've been unflagging in your efforts to show me just how Ok you are. And I appreciate that. I appreciate that I mean enough that you would care. But it still hurts. It still hurts that you go home tonight, without me. You go home tonight to your wife and those 5 beautiful children, while I go home to white walls and an empty apartment.

You offer to get a beer with me, because "Tonight's been rough, and you just want to make sure I'm Ok." and hell, I'm pretty sure you would have offered to stay the night with me if I hadn't stopped you.

And I love you for that. I love you even more than I already did for that. Because you're amazing. You are an amazing man Elliot, you are.

And I never thought I would be capable of loving like I love you.

But I turn from you, and I walk away. I leave the cribs behind like dust in my rearview mirror, because I have to go. I have to go because you're looking at me that way that makes me thinks the Catholic and the faithful in you is slipping. And I just can't. I can't have you looking at me with those eyes that seem impossibly bluer and seem to pierce my soul even more tonight.

And my restraint was slowing slipping, especially after tonight. Especially after you hit that cold concrete so hard, and I really thought this was it this time. You just lost so much blood, Elliot. So much.

And all my control of that is slipping. It's all slipping, so fast, like the embers of a fire fading away in the cold night of winter. And I just wish I didn't love you so much.

I hear you whisper after me, but you don't run, and you don't chase, you don't even speak up. Because you know, too, that I have to go. We can't be here, in the cribs, my hand placed on your chest because, damn it, I thought I really lost you. And we can't be here with you breathing my name so heavily, and you trying your damndest to keep your hands from landing on my hips. Because we can't do this, and my heart can't be racing this fast, and neither can yours. So I break this memory, and I can feel those last few embers follow with me, because you can't keep them and I'm always willing to bear the burden for you.

I have to leave Elliot; I have to go this time.

This love burns too deep, and my heart is too beaten, and my eyes can't bear you looking at me, and taking me in that away again, anymore.

I'll have to go somewhere, far from here. Far from you and your love and my weak will, and soon weak heart.

I promise to tell you, I do. I won't disappear on you, but I can't guarantee I'll be able to word why I'm going. But I know you, and you know us, and you know tonight, so you'll know, just fine, on your own.

You always have Elliot, and you always will.

AN: Ok, so really short I know. But this just started as this random little drabble in one of my notebooks, without names or specifics, and it wasn't tailored for Liv and El. But I kind of feel like it was them I had in mind when I randomly jotted it down. So when I suddenly got a little inspiration and still had the notebook sitting open next to me from days prior, this happened. Kind of flowed and worked. I know it jumps around a little, but it's almost like Liv's random and jumpy and slightly disoriented thoughts. Oh, and I'm pretty sure damndest isn't really a word, but I just couldn't find anything else that seemed to fit, or that I liked there, so my bad, just kind of ignore that. I mean people say damndest, right? So why can't I write it? Anyway, back to the other point, I kind of feel like I could almost continue this…. But I don't know. I'm a little torn, what do y'all think? Yes? No? Maybe so?

Just R&R and let me know Lovies. 3