when i wait for the wind
- v. gainsborough -
When I stand in the courtyard of the Social Welfare Agency, beneath the clouds and the beautiful blue sky, I can forget what's happened and what will happen in the future. For those small, fleeting moments, my life is perfect.
Sometimes I slip off my sandals and dance. I feel like something is coming back to me — something I'd forgotten for far too long. But then, it's gone, just like those peaceful moments I live for. I come back down to reality, fit my shoes back on my feet, and let go of that euphoria.
Would I kill if I was told to? I don't know. My mind forces the words out of my mouth before my heart has the chance to consider, but I guess cyborgs were never meant to be much more than tools, anyway.
I hate thinking things like that. I hate knowing that it's the truth even more.
Those moments I love the most are when we can pretend to be normal. When I can ask for book reccommendations from Claes, when I can greet Sandro with a smile and a hug and not an affirmation of his commands... Those precious, important things that you hold on to when you have nothing else.
I don't want to think about what might happen. I want to be happy now, because who knows how soon I'll forget?