Never assume.
That was one of the most important things the professor had ever taught him. Or, at least, never assume without planning some way to validate or test it.
That didn't have quite the same ring to it though.
Never assume. Don't assume you'll always be able to return home when you need to. Don't assume you'll be like a hero from a storybook. Never assume you're above infidelity.
He was learning all these things the hard way. Saving the world should have caused some amount of pomp and celebration, right? Not the damnation he and his friends currently faced, hunted like dogs. Nowhere was safe, not even his own home, not even with his own family. It was agonizing, being so barred from those that he loved, and for so long at that.
And maybe that's why he found himself in this situation, cradling his friend and leader under the spread-open sleeping bag he'd come to rely on over the passing months, elated to once again feel a familiar comfort and terrified of the ramifications.
Dammit all, what about Catherine? What about Catherine?!
Even if, through some sort of absurd chance or divine intervention no doubt, Catherine could find it in herself to forgive or even understand what he had done, he himself would never be able to. He could never look her in the eyes again after this, could he? And what about Kaitlyn? How could she ever possibly respect him after this?
Clive, what have you gotten yourself into this time?
He would've continued on his self-inflicted mental torment were it not for the shifting of his bedmate. "Nnhg," she stated eloquently.
His mind completely shifted gears. He certainly never foresaw this particular circumstance, huddled under the covers and the moonlight with Virginia. While he certainly wasn't old enough to be her father, there was still quite an age difference there, not to mention how he used to watch over her like a parent back when they first started their adventures.
Perhaps things changed more than he realized once he finally came to respect her as an equal, as a leader, and as a friend. She was a young girl, sure, but she was a strong, capable, and intelligent young girl at that.
Not unlike Catherine when she was younger, he realized.
"Clive, what's with that look?"
Virginia had apparently awoken, if only slightly, while Clive was once again lost in his thoughts. Whatever face he was making apparently wasn't all that comforting, so he shook it loose and adapted one more typical of his usual demeanor; a kind, calm smile that almost seemed natural at that point. Were she more alert the young woman probably would've caught on and pressed the subject, but with the dark night and her current fuzzy vision to contend with there really wasn't much of a chance.
Still, he felt he should try to cover himself. "Ah, don't worry, I just thought I might have seen something on the horizon."
Closing her eyes again she nuzzled further up against him. "This late at night, huh? You've got...really wonderful eye...sight...."
"Goes with the territory, I suppose."
"Mmm..."
She dropped off again. Clive held his facade for a few more minutes; partly because he wasn't sure if she was really asleep, partly because he himself wanted desperately to believe that he felt anything close to calm or kind at this point.
There was no denying it, though. Regardless of the circumstances he and Virginia had made love that night. He had shattered his vows to Catherine, and would no doubt shatter his family as well. And it's not like Virginia was innocent in any of this either. She knew full well what they were getting into. She'd have to reap what she had sown when her own friendship with Catherine was in ruins because of this.
Yet here she was, sleeping peacefully. Was it just exhaustion? Maybe in the morning all this would dawn on her, and she'd spend just as much time as he had searching his soul and finding nothing but tarnish and poison. Maybe he had manipulated her into this somehow? Clive was, after all, supposed to be the 'smart one' of the group, though he sure as hell didn't feel like it tonight.
No, that's impossible. Maybe she has already justified this somehow. That wouldn't surprise him, really. Virginia was the type of woman who would fight tooth and nail for something that felt right. And she would never let herself be manipulated. As he himself always said, she was their leader. She would never follow, at least, not since rising to the challenge of that role anyway.
And yet, how could he respect her anymore, as well? Just as he had betrayed Catherine, so had Virginia. Were they not both just as evil in this act?
Clive didn't realize it, but he was shedding tears over what he had done, and what he was destroying. "What have we done?" he whispered to the sky.
"Do you love your wife, Clive?" Virginia was staring up at him, clearly wide awake and determined to help him through this somehow. This completely took him by surprise.
That's so typical of her, isn't it? Probably another reason why he fell in love with her and why this happened. However, she was asking him something, wasn't she? "Of course I do. Why else would you think this hurts me so much?"
"Just, bear with me for this, okay? We've already come this far after all. Clive, do you love me?"
He had admitted it to himself just now, hadn't he? "I...yes, I do. But-"
"I said bear with me, alright?" She put a finger to his lips. "Give me a moment. I need to organize my thoughts." She focused her eyes away from Clive's face, contemplation etched upon the features of her own.
He waited. There was no sense starting an argument at this point since, as she had said, they had already come this far. Better to hear her out.
"Clive, I can't sit here and pretend that this wouldn't hurt Catherine. I know it will. But..." She turned her gaze back to his own. "You're not a terrible person. You did not set out to hurt her. You still love her and you would still give anything for her, wouldn't you?"
"Yes, I would."
"Surely that speaks for something, doesn't it? And it's not like you're just out looking for some whore to have fun with or some sort of way to escape her. You love Catherine, but you also love me. It's... a problem, but it's not evil."
He couldn't help but chuckle cynically at that. "I'm finding it rather hard to believe you, you know. Life's not that simple. Surely you've learned that by now."
Virginia turned away to press her back up against his chest. "...maybe it's just what I'm telling myself, then. But I just don't think we should hate ourselves over this."
"Hmm..." he mused, wrapping his arms around her once more and holding her close. He remained silent for a few moments, thinking things over. "There's no correct answer when it comes to these things, is there? But, I at least think you're right about that last bit."
"I'm right about a lot of things, you know."
"Ha ha, yes, this is true. It's amazing how well you can read me, just off a face in the dark and a whisper."
"Clive, I love you. I wouldn't notice these things otherwise. And...I know you love your family. They're always on your mind. It's...inspiring, really. I don't feel half as homesick for Boot Hill as I should, and yet here you are, always thinking about Catherine and Kaitlyn. You're a wonderful man, Clive. Don't forget that."
He smiled at the compliment. "I...suppose so. But I don't know how I'll ever face them again with this guilt on my conscience."
Virginia closed her eyes once more. "I don't know, but...we've got plenty of time to figure this out until then. I'm sorry for getting you cut off from your family, Clive, but until we can fix that you'll still always have me. We'll work things out. It's the one definite thing this team can always accomplish. We always work things out in the end."
"After all, we're heroes chosen by the guardians, aren't we?"
"Because we make our own destiny, guardians be damned, that's why." She couldn't help but giggle at how silly she made it sound. "But you know what I mean. You and me, we'll get through this. And we won't let it destroy your family. I promise."
Clive sighed. That was a hell of a promise to make, a completely impossible promise, but yet...
There were much, much worse decisions to make in this world than to trust a woman you love.
"Goodnight, Virginia."
