Ranger Pops The Question

I was almost finished flipping through the latest bridal magazine when I had a thought.

"Have you picked your best man, yet?" I asked my gorgeous, tan, dark-haired fiancé.

"Tank," he said, nodding. He lifted a mug of something – probably decaff – to his lips and turned over a page from the file he was reading. It was hard not to stare at those luscious lips clinging so wonderfully to the mug.

"Have you asked him?"

"Babe," Ranger said, not looking up.

"What? You just assume he's magically going to know he's your best man? Ranger, you've got to ask him! You can't put this off to the last minute! I won't have you ruining my wedding because you wouldn't ask Tank to be –"

"STEPHANIE!" Ranger bellowed.

I quickly caught myself, hand to my chest. Oh god, I had been turning into bride-zilla. "Sorry," I muttered.

Ranger smiled at me a reassuring sort of way. "I'll ask him, don't worry."

I grumbled. "Easy for you to say."

Two Days Later

"Ranger, have you asked him yet?"

Ranger kissed me on the forehead.

"I'll do it tonight, relax."

"Don't you dare tell me to relax! Our wedding is in three weeks and –"

Ranger kissed me on the lips and efficiently shut me up.

Late that Night

"So what did Tank say?" Ranger had promised he was going to ask during the surveillance shift he had with Tank.

I heard Ranger flop onto the bed next to me. "I didn't ask."

"Ranger! You promised!"

"Babe, it's not that easy," Ranger said, wrapping his arms around me.

"What are you talking about? All you have to say is 'Dude? Best man?' and then Tank will go 'Dude,' which obviously means yes and then you'll do that manly half-hug thing and talk about football!"

"It's way more complicated than that. Asking a guy to be your best man is just as emotionally draining than asking a woman to be your wife. You've got to wait for the right moment."

"Honestly?"

"Mmmhmm…" Ranger was falling asleep. Either that or he was just shutting up.

"That's ridiculous."

Three More Days Later

Ranger still hadn't asked over the next three days, so I decided to take measures into my own hands. I conned him into letting me drive one day and drove us to Tank's house instead of Pino's.

"Babe," Ranger said, narrowing his eyes at me.

"We're getting this over with now. I need to know how many groomsmen there are going to be!"

He sighed as I hopped out of the car. "Are you coming?"

I never thought I'd see Batman be so reluctant to do anything. I had to practically drag him up the porch to Tank's front door. It was like making a kid come home from the playroom at McDonald's.

I rang the doorbell and Tank answered.

"What's up, love birds?" he asked.

"Tank, Ranger has something he would like to ask you," I said, shoving Ranger forward. He was looking anywhere but at Tank.

Tank raised his eyebrows and waited.

"Uh…well, we've been friends for awhile," Ranger started, rubbing the back of his neck, still not looking at Tank.

"Ten-ish years?" Tank said.

"Yeah," Ranger nodded, "And, uh, anyway, it's an important thing to be, you know, 'cause of the bachelor party, and uh, you know, I don't want some lame-ass stripper with saggy tits or anything 'cause that would just ruin the last night before I get hitched and uh…well…uh…"

Tank's eyebrows furrowed. "You want me to be your stripper?"

"No!" Ranger said, "No, I was just, uh, wondering if, uh…"

Oh dear lord. I shoved Ranger aside. "Tank, Ranger would like to know if you'd be his best man."

Tank's eyes widened. "Oh! Uh…" He looked at the ground and shuffled his feet. "Yeah, okay."

I looked back and forth between the two men. They glanced up at each other at the same time, and quickly looked away. Ranger stuck his hand out. Tank shook it, and they embraced briefly in a man hug, quickly pushing apart.

"See ya," Ranger said, and turned to power-walk towards the car. Tank disappeared back into the house.

I was left on the porch, blinking.

"Are you coming?" Ranger yelled from the car.

I rolled my eyes. "Men!"

the end!