The assassin ran, as fast as his feet could carry him, into the Candy Kingdom. He'd heard rumors of this place - that it had been a nuclear test site before the Great Mushroom War, but that didn't matter to him. He was here for one reason - to find Finn the Human and finger him. He wore a brown trench coat accompanied by black military boots. He never went out without his Guy Fawkes mask - a sort of family heirloom - so as to conceal his identity. The mask was fitted with night vision, heat vision, gamma-ray vision and a voice changer. The mask itself was made of titanium lined with kevlar. "Don't wanna die today," he would tell himself. "If there's only one Human left in the world, I'm fucking him before anyone else can." An assassin, of course, never leaves home without his weapons, and this assassin's weapon of choice was an electrified iron dildo with spikes all over it. The perfect buttfucking weapon. Even the greatest of warriors tremble at its power.

It was now getting dark, and Finn had been fighting yet another creature. The Booty King towered above the puny hero, his large muscles rippling through his robes. "Foolish mortal," he bellowed. "You think you can defeat the Booty King?"

"Yeah."

The king was furious. "Why, you little shit!" He flung his fists at Finn - which made booming fart sounds when they hit the rocks of the cave. Finn effortlessly dodged each punch. "Hey, Booty Boy! Think you can fight any faster? My favourite hentai will be on any minute now! I haven't got time for this kind of shit!"

Almost instantaneously, the King's mood changed. "My nigga, you like hentai too?" Finn was shocked. "How did you calm down so quickly?"

"The power of hentai, my dear friend."

Finn was disappointed that the fight had to end so soon, although he was glad that he hadn't been killed by a monster as laughable as the Booty King. 'I mean, the Booty King?' He thought. 'Who comes up with this shit?'

"Crap," the Assassin ran as fast as he could, "it's darker than Eminem's asshole out here, and I can't see a thing." He remembered that his mask had night vision, and switched it on.

"Ah, that's much better."

It was winter in the Grasslands, and his entire surroundings were covered in a thick blanket of snow. Directly in front of him he could see a blob. A giant sperm, perhaps? No. He turned up the intensity and it became crystal clear - he had stumbled upon Finn's Brothe- sorry, Finn's Tree House.

"LET THE BUTTFUCKING BEGIN!"

(END OF PART 1)