The Pranking of Severus Snape
Chapter 1: Wizarding Gossip
The war was now over…that much was true
But one other fact still remained…
Severus Snape was still a lonely and miserable bastard.
Yet he shouldn't be.
He was one of the three great heroes of the war. He had taken his place among Dumbledore and Potter and many others.
With special note, of course, because in many respects, his contributions were so much more taxing: double spy, short term headmaster under duress, apparent traitor, and on Lord Voldemort's followers' death list due to his error regarding ownership of the elder wand and treachery to their cause.
Yet, women were fawning over him.
Snape appeared flattered early on, but that soon passed…usually awkward, flummoxed, and in certain cases revolted.
He received several marriage proposals, dates, more offers, and even offers unmentionable.
Mrs. Zabini had offered herself or her daughter in marriage, her daughter, who was the most beautiful girl in their world.
Not to him. That was Vector…or what people whispered or snickered about behind his black, billowing robes
Celestina Warbeck once declared she would break her ongoing publicity relationship with Gilderoy Lockhart for him.
He just wasn't interested.
He was however, still annoyed and irate with the sudden attention, he hadn't asked for it, and deduced that pain relief and his energies should be directed at bothering Septima Vector, though every woman wanted him because he was famous and surely the next chocolate frog card. He even received more letters from secret admirers than he did a few years ago during the admirer debacle…
The only satisfaction he had was that Lockhart could not understand his fame and was green with envy.
I could form a post war dueling club and Lockhart would be my assistant.
Good. He smirked to himself evilly.
If one alluded to this, the reserved and ever aloof Professor Snape would offer what appeared to be a small, devious and sort of smile. For him anyway…
Everyone sort of thought, though unconfirmed , they knew why, though they weren't exactly sure like most 12 year old boys, why he acted thus. And those that did know him and her just threw up their hands and moved on. A shame, but surely a lost cause…
In certain respects, he had less to do and less to live for now that the war was over in their most humble opinion. If he wished to pine over a beautiful woman and most gifted witch, that was almost ten years younger than him , then so be it; Merlin, he had earned it. He had saved them all. Let him deny it to Merlin over and over again and send his usual delivery of blood lollipops to her doorstep as he desired. She was, er, the poor girl…probably quite used to it by now, after several years of deliveries and such. Was it really harming anyone? Er, the Dark Lord was vanquished after all, their children could now safely resume school, life was back to normal, as best as could be expected and furthermore…
Really, in certain respects, his horrendous attitude, arrogance, and odd behavior was worse, and more vomit-inducing than his pre-war antics.
But alas, some colleagues and the few who could call him friend had a plan.
But how does one deceive a deceptor? The most cunning, diabolical man and the greatest liar in a century, as Vector once yelled at him, which most could sort of agree with.
How do you do it?
How do you try to make the most miserable man in the world happy?