Disclaimer: My goal in life is to be so rich, I can and WILL buy Lord Of the Rings.
A/N: This fic is a product of pure, unadulterated, boredom and seeing FotR 5 times. That and a lot of coke.
CLANG CLANG CLANG Samwise Gamgee tapped his knife against his mug, calling everyone present to attention. He looked over the faces of Gandalf, Frodo, and Pippin, who he had invited to his small cottage for dinner, and then began to speak.
"As all of you know, I have been dating Rosie for some time now, and we have made a decision concerning our relationship."
'Finally.' All three listeners thought. 'he's coming on out.'
"We're getting married." Sam said proudly. Three jaws consecutively dropped, making three large dents on the floor.
"MY PERGO!" Sam yelled, by no one was listening to him.
"Uh...Sam...my man," Pippin was the first to speak, "Rosie's a GIRL!" With that he started to run around the house screaming indecipherable comments about how worried he had been that this day would never come.
Sam looked at Gandalf who was just sitting there, seemingly calm but for the fact that he was puffing rather forcefully on his pipe.
PUFF
"I'm not gay." He said. "Just ask Frodo."
"Your not?"
"No."
"But you followed me all the way into Mordor."
"You were paying me."
Frodo looked hurt.
"But what about that time we watched the Trading Spaces marathon together?"
"I was redecorating my hole, do you like it?"
"It's quite lovely, Sam." Said Gandalf.
"Why thank you, I was going for the contemporary look but somehow this whole county vibe came up and...."
Now Frodo was getting upset. "But what about all those times we went shopping together, or when you gave Legolas a manicure, you have all three Pure Moods CDs for God sakes."
"Frodo, there's no need to get angry......"
"Don't you play dumb with ME Gamgee. I GAVE YOU MY HEART AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME! I've spend the best years of my life waiting for you and what do you do, you run off with the first pretty girl who flashes you a smile! Well, FINE. I don't need you! I'm better off alone!
Sam fainted.
Frodo laid down in the fetal position and began sobbing.
Pippin added another dent to Sam's abused pergo before running out of the house screaming.
Gandalf continued smoking his pipe-weed. "And the drapes are exquisite!"
**********************************************************
What can I say that will justify writing that?
A/N: This fic is a product of pure, unadulterated, boredom and seeing FotR 5 times. That and a lot of coke.
CLANG CLANG CLANG Samwise Gamgee tapped his knife against his mug, calling everyone present to attention. He looked over the faces of Gandalf, Frodo, and Pippin, who he had invited to his small cottage for dinner, and then began to speak.
"As all of you know, I have been dating Rosie for some time now, and we have made a decision concerning our relationship."
'Finally.' All three listeners thought. 'he's coming on out.'
"We're getting married." Sam said proudly. Three jaws consecutively dropped, making three large dents on the floor.
"MY PERGO!" Sam yelled, by no one was listening to him.
"Uh...Sam...my man," Pippin was the first to speak, "Rosie's a GIRL!" With that he started to run around the house screaming indecipherable comments about how worried he had been that this day would never come.
Sam looked at Gandalf who was just sitting there, seemingly calm but for the fact that he was puffing rather forcefully on his pipe.
PUFF
"I'm not gay." He said. "Just ask Frodo."
"Your not?"
"No."
"But you followed me all the way into Mordor."
"You were paying me."
Frodo looked hurt.
"But what about that time we watched the Trading Spaces marathon together?"
"I was redecorating my hole, do you like it?"
"It's quite lovely, Sam." Said Gandalf.
"Why thank you, I was going for the contemporary look but somehow this whole county vibe came up and...."
Now Frodo was getting upset. "But what about all those times we went shopping together, or when you gave Legolas a manicure, you have all three Pure Moods CDs for God sakes."
"Frodo, there's no need to get angry......"
"Don't you play dumb with ME Gamgee. I GAVE YOU MY HEART AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME! I've spend the best years of my life waiting for you and what do you do, you run off with the first pretty girl who flashes you a smile! Well, FINE. I don't need you! I'm better off alone!
Sam fainted.
Frodo laid down in the fetal position and began sobbing.
Pippin added another dent to Sam's abused pergo before running out of the house screaming.
Gandalf continued smoking his pipe-weed. "And the drapes are exquisite!"
**********************************************************
What can I say that will justify writing that?